Galstormy Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 I've been dating this guy for a little over 6 months. For the past several months we've talked about getting married and having kids. The thing is, last month he bought a house (he lived in an apartment for 3 years) and didn't ask my opinion on it. I was upset that he didn't ask me to help him look for a house and pick out one together. Last night I brought it up and he got real upset and said that he just didn't think about it. He said "I always screw something up". I really love this guy and I can live with the house. He means more to me than the house and i'm willing to get past this. I told him that, too but he's still upset. I just want to move past this. He said he thought I liked the house. My thinking is that years down the road we could move into an even better house. With that in mind, I could definitely live in this house for now. Any suggestions or thoughts on this? Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
swtbonita Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 my bf did the same thing.. but i think its his money so why should i tell him not to buy a house without my opinion.. i've been with him 2 1/2 years and we have also talked about getting married. Right now the house belongs to him.. but once we get married he says i can do whatever i want.. i can sell the house and move.. i can change anything.. I just don't think its my place to tell him what to do with his money before we get married.. Link to post Share on other sites
rhonda Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 I understand why you would be bothered by being excluded from this decision. However, I would be thrilled if my boyfriend bought a house (it sounds like its a nice enough place). He is building equity and that is always a good idea, but if you would prefer to buy another, possibly nicer home when the two of you are married then you should talk to your boyfriend and make sure he is open to the idea of selling "his" house to buy a house you can consider "our" house. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 You have only been with this guy for just over six months. You are not living together. You are not engaged. IMO, You do NOT have a say on the type of house he buys. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 My thinking is that years down the road we could move into an even better house. With that in mind, I could definitely live in this house for now Then why even bring this up to him? It's his money and his investment. Like Debster said, you aren't engaged or living with him. This isn't his fault, you goofed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Originally posted by Debster You have only been with this guy for just over six months. You are not living together. You are not engaged. IMO, You do NOT have a say on the type of house he buys. I agree. Debster is right. You've got no say...until he asks, it's all just talk. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Hey - at least he bought a house instead of renting you an idy bidy apartment. My H and I started with a shack of a place, old trailer. We now have a house but I would be greatful you get to start off in a house. Look on the bright side Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Well, I see where she's coming from. Even if they are just bf and gf, they do plan to spend the rest of their life together so that makes this their decision. Yes it's his money, yes, it's a great thing that they will start living in a house, but to me, this is important. What's the role of a gf if not to share most important, intimate decisions? Even if indeed it concerns his money? Ultimately, he is planning to spend some years there with you... Let me put it this way: it is a big deal that he decided without asking you. His getting upset over it is the proof that this got to him. And it's only natural that it did. HE's the one that goofed up, not you! Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 ...but is really *his* money, all of it? Galstormy, is he expecting you to contribute in any way to buying the house? By paying a part of the cost of the house, or by doing more than your share of housework -if you are living together in his house- so he can work more hours and gain more money to pay for the house. If not, and expecially if you are not living together yet, surely it would have been nice of him to inform you that he was looking for an house and to ask for your opinions, but it is right that he picked it by himself and that the decision was only his. I would strongly advise anyone NOT to pick up a house you are paying with your money with someone you have been dating for only six months, but to choose an house that suits *your* tastes. It would have been nice to tell you he was looking for a new house and take you to see them with him (even if-again- the decision should have been his alone) but he probably didn't act this way because the whole 'seeing houses and deciding' businness was a nuisance for him and he thought you'd find it boring. Also, perhaps he wanted the new house to be a surprise for you. Link to post Share on other sites
artemis Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 I can see where it might be a bit odd that he didn't even ask you to take a look at them with him if even just for the company. But on the other side your relationship is still quite new. If he chooses to buy something with his money and credit at this point it is completely his decision. Talking about marriage and children 6 months into a relationship and being married with children, they are worlds apart. I don't know what commitments have been made but you haven't mentioned an engagement or living together. So at this point you two are dating. If you went and bought a new car or an expensive outfit would you expect him to have any input on what you buy at this point? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 I'd definitely take me bf with me if I wanted to buy a car. And we'venever talked about our plans in 6 months. You see, it's not just something exclusively for himself. It is one important decision. I think it would have at least be nice of him to have asked her out of being a gentleman. I mean, I'm the type of person who when I bought my appartment, had it visited by my siste, my bf, and my best friend at the time. It's not like a car he'll most likely use alone. It's a house. Like the place he'll live in.where she'll go ad spend some time in too. And then it's about sharing. It's also about consideration (how much he values her opinion, also he is free to do as he pleases). Out of the crazy, but true French stories I heard, one of my friends told me that her boss - a MO was looking to buy a house also. So she did see a couple of them and decided upon one of them. The price was great, the location was incredible, she was tired of looking and looking, so she had the papers signed that evening. Her hubby trusted her completely and went to see the place the day before. What do you know, the house had no bathroom!!!!. It cost them a fortune to modify the house and build one. My point: it's another opinion, it's another person. She might have seen things he overseen.... Link to post Share on other sites
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