Am313 Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Help! Ex-girlfriend blowing hot and cold! Hello everyone..... In a nutshell, I'm wondering why my ex-girlfriend is blowing hot and cold? Any opinions on why women do this? Dated nearly a year, had ups and downs. She's dumped me twice, I've dumped her.... She wants me one day, coming to my house apologizing for her in and out, the next she's silent (so am I). She tells me to my face she's questioning herself because people are influencing her thinking. She said her heart and her head want me, but she doesn't know if she's wants a relationship because she feels trapped, or like she's answering to someone. She says I should have to put up with her baggage, it's not fair to me. She got divorced about a year ago, has two kids, etc. But, she loves me, wanted to marry me, etc.* Link to post Share on other sites
Car10e Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 She tells me to my face she's questioning herself because people are influencing her thinking. Thats is right there. People are influencing her. It seems she is very confused with herself. Leave her alone for a little bit. She will probably come begging for you back. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 She got divorced a year ago... the last thing she is telling herself she needs is another marriage. In cases where one person says they need space then the best thing to do is give it to them and give them more than they ask for. By the way.. the chances are is that there is another guy in the wings.. maybe not in BF status but someone who has her attention.. even if she says no there is almost always someone else.. She just got divorced and is looking to have fun, have a relationship but not get married. JMO Link to post Share on other sites
cincinnatikid Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 A word for you..when people show you who they are, believe them! This girl has no idea what she wants. Be proactive and give her what she needs... a **** ton of space and you nowhere to be found for quite some time. Now, on the other hand. Why wait around? She can't make up her mind. Sounds like you could if SHE would. But she can't. So, again, why wait around? Is it your problem she can't figure **** out. Didn't think so. Empty calories. NEXT! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Am313 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 The thing is she already has....twice. She dumped me a month ago and I just walked away. She texted and emailed and called and I ignored her. Finally I gave in and she came over and I pretty much made her talk. She wanted me back, says we belong together, she misses her best friend, etc. That's when the hot and cold started. I ended things Friday morning, and that night she saw me at the bar and another woman (who I have a history with, and she knows) was all over me. I left the bar and she came to my house. I stayed the night with her two nights in a row, had sex for the first time in 5 weeks and spent all day with her yesterday. Sent her a text saying I had fun, I love her, and she responded with "night" (which she knows makes me mad). I can't help but think that she only wants me because I walk away and act like I don't care, and that she only wanted me Friday night because some other girl did....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Am313 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 Also she was divorced two years ago, sorry about that. It was a year when we first met. Link to post Share on other sites
weallfalldown Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 she sounds like my ex.....an over emotional nightmare... Believe me and take it from me.......don't put up with the yo yo **** it's draining and damaging.......i would drop her now..... Save yourself the hassle....or you'll end up with loads more of it later..... Link to post Share on other sites
weallfalldown Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 oh yea, and my ex had been married twice, and divorced once........... i know the score....get rid of her, before you get in too deep, my ex also had kids. Sounds identical!!.........i got in too deep and it ruined everything i had, including my kid!!!..... There's too many messed up lying, rats out there... Link to post Share on other sites
weallfalldown Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 and i ended up resenting her, hating her, and treating her like shyt...... I thought she deserved it in the end............moral of the story if you play games with someone's heart head and emotions early on in a relationship on that level.......you'll pay for it later...... Link to post Share on other sites
Crila16 Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Wow. Ok. If you're sick of the roller coaster ride, then you need to do something about it instead of accepting it, otherwise the situation will stay the same...which is also the definition of insanity. If you want it to stop and you really want it to stop...then you end it with her on the terms that if she blows hot and cold one more time...you're done. I don't care how much you love her...love and respect yourself a little more and you'll see a complete 180 with her. Right now, you're allowing her to get away with this bad behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Am313 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 I don't think she's playing games, I think she's genuinely confused and unsure. I don't really know what to do. I'm sure she's talking/flirting with other guys and it's hard for me to hold that against her because I'm doing the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Crila16 Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Ok. Then you have a choice. You either stay with it and accept the ups and downs...or you put your foot down and end it with her. If you're looking for "the one" then why are you flirting and talking to other girls? Obviously you're not happy with your current girlfriend. Obviously, there is something missing and neither of you are fulfilled. Why are you wasting your time when you both could be meeting someone who you are both more compatible with? It's not worth it. Life's too short. I know. I just wasted 3 years on a man I wasn't in love with. Biggest mistake I made hiding behind that relationship. Constant ups and downs. It didn't lift me up and make me happy at the end of the day...it was just another headache I had to come home to. Link to post Share on other sites
weallfalldown Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 then you deserve each other Link to post Share on other sites
Author Am313 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 (edited) I made a mistake in my original post. She's been divorced for two years, divorced over a year when we started dating. No, she had her rebound a couple months after the divorce, it didn't last long. We met about 8 months after that but we didn't become committed for about 3 months, and weren't serious for about 5 months. Her feelings about me have always been all over the place. She's told me that she wishes she could look at her kids the way she looks at me, she's told me no one has ever made her feel as strongly as she does for me, she tells me she's scared of me because she knows it will be forever with me, she says lots of things...... What she does is a different story. Sometimes I want to cry because I feel bad that she's going though a lot (which she is, and it's not her fault either), other times I want to punch her in the head for being selfish and not understanding the effect she's having on me. She realizes it after the fact, usually when I'm gone. Anyways I don't think I'm a rebound. I mean I guess I could be, but I don't get that feeling. Edited August 21, 2012 by Am313 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Am313 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 We broke up because of big fights, almost always when drinking. I have no confirmation whether or not she's taking to someone else...wouldn't surprise me if she is. I'm talking to other people simply to pass the time. We don't know what our relationship is right now, and we're free to do whatever. I don't care about flirting, she doesn't do it in front of me and I don't either. I flirt at work, always have, so does she. Most women flirt whether in a relationship or not. If you don't believe me, pay closer attention. However, when we were in our relationship there was no one else involved whatsoever. As far as her former marriage goes, she never really loved him anyways. She never had chemistry with him, she just got married really young. She hates him now, and the only reason she hates him is because he puts her through hell! Put a private eye on her during he divorce, had people lie in court, constantly changes plans to get the kids to screw her over for work, and even now he's making her go to court and trying to take the kids away. He doesn't have a leg to stand on, but she's shelling out money she doesn't have for lawyers because she has to have one. He has all the money in the world but everytime he's taken her to court (3 times so far) he's lost, and he's spent close to $50,000 in lawyer fees. Is she rebounding from him? Doubtful. Rebounding from her old life? Sure....I know she misses it. She had her own home on the other side of the country, she was taken care of, she had a family, and now she's living back home with her parents and two kids, working to pay her bills. Her ex husband has screwed her over every chance he gets. That's why I want to cry. Because none of this is her fault, but she has to deal with it. I genuinely feel sorry for her, and I always have. She doesn't deserve what she's going through. As far as treating me like crap....Well, she's doing this now because shes confusing herself. She wants to be with me and loves me, but everything else is messing with her. She treated me like a king for most of our relationship. If I was having a bad day she would send me long texts to motivate me, she'd get me out of the house to have fun with her simply to take my mind off my own problems. I treated her very well. I appreciate your brutal honesty, but I'm not so sure I'm a rebound from her ex-husband. Her divorce, maybe, but not from him. Link to post Share on other sites
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