Divorce to Dating...how long to wait??

[TreeHugger]

How long should a person wait to date after they divorce??

 

Just curious what your experiences have been. How did you know it would be a good thing?

 

I want to take time and heal my wounds...and do not want to do the rebound thing!

 

Another twist...I have two children...a five year old and a thirteen year old and want to keep them protected as well.

 

Thanks for any input

[uriel]

Just a tip from a child of divorce, now quite grown:

 

Don't introduce your children to the people you date, not until the relationship gets serious enough for engagement or near engagement. It's too painful for children to go through a string of surrogate parents. Even if you don't mean your dates to give that impression, kids can't help feeling that way about them at a deep level.

 

As for how long you should wait, wait until you feel good about yourself again. I've never been divorced, but I saw both of my parents, especially my mom, go out too soon and get stuck with partners who reflected their current emotional states at the time. We tend to attract who we are most like at a developmental level. Get your head and heart together, and then you'll attract someone who's in that same good place.

 

-- uriel

[Yikes]

I am in a similar situation with an 11 yr old and a 14 yr old. I had decided that I'd wait a year before I'd even think about dating again. Well my year is up, and I'm not even remotely interested. I am lonely, but I don't feel like getting screwed over again. When it is just me and the kids, I am in control and it's safe. I am still cleaning up some financial issues as well, so I don't have enough extra cash at the moment for a girlfriend.

 

Having said that, should I happen to meet someone interesting then I'll likely give it a go. I guess I am not ready to go looking just yet.

 

When I do date again, I will try to keep it to the weeks that I don't have my kids for a while, and I won't introduce anyone to them unless I figure this person may be in my life for while. In other words they don't need to meet every woman that I go out with.

 

I don't know if any of this is helpful or not. Good luck.

[computerperson]

I have the same question about dating during a separation where I'm simply waiting for our state's ancient one year wait to divorce law. My wife and I decided to separate about 2 months ago, but I feel like the marriage ended and I've been completely alone since very early in the year...then throw in that we were only married for 1 year and you get the fact that I made a mistake.

 

I don't think there is a "time" you're suppose to wait, I think when you're ready, go for it. I know for me that I don't have anyone in particular in mind at the moment, but I can tell you that life is too short and if I find someone that I would like to get to know better, than I will.

 

Also, I don't have children, but my suggestion would be to keep whoever you're dating separate from your children for a LONG time, until you're sure that you want that person to be a part of your children's lives.

 

I should wrap this up by saying I don't know if I'm right or wrong with my feelings and suggestions...I'm just trying to be happy and have a good life. I think you should too...for you and your children.

 

Good luck.

[Olivia_19742004]

When you're ready date. If you meet someone you're interested in date. No one can put a time table on the heart.

[bizquik]

How long does someone have to wait to LEGALLY date other people after filing for divorce? Does the divorce have to be final before dating someone else won't affect the outcome of the divorce?

 

My wife and I are not legally seperated but I have filed for divorce. It's been a long time coming so it wasn't a rash decision.