Should I want to know, can we just get a phone number and it not mean anything more??

[t866]

Recently my boyfriend and I broke up under bad circumstances, but we still maintain a relationship and have sex every so often. Recently we had made plans for him to come over and hang out. We established a time when he would come over. When that time rolled around he never showed up or called. I decided to call him to see where he was at, he picked up the phone and was out with his guy friends at a bar. I got real upset not that he went out with his friends but that he lied and never came over. So we go into a big argument and I threw out the phrase "what you don't know won't hurt you", which made him real upset we both hung up and didn't talk to each-other for two days. Last night I called him, mind you we were living together for 4 years. I called him to see what's been going on and what he has been up to the last few days.

 

He told me that last night him and a few friends went over to a buddy's house where he was having a little party. I asked if there were any girls there he said yeah just a few. He said that the guy had a hot-tub and that him and his friends went into the hot-tub. I asked if any of the girls, got into the hot-tub he said no that they were inside talking to other people. I then asked him if he got any of the girls' phone number, he said YEAH!!. What!!. I got really upset and asked if he did anything with this girl, kissed, hugged, just flirted what??? I couldn't believe what I was hearing, he said that they didn't do anything that he was real drunk. I asked him how did he get her number? He said that him and his friends were talking and this girl jumped into the conversation. I asked again did you do anything with this woman? He said no, "it's not like that". I just can't believe that after a few days of being broke up that he could do this to me. He said that he was real upset about the comment I said "what you don't know won't hurt you". Help, what do I believe and how do I make myself not think about him and another girl? Should I trust/believe that he didn't do anything with this girl? Can people just go out, while drunk and just get a phone number and not do anything else? Should I really want to know the truth? Or is it what I don't know won't hurt? Please let me know what you think, I can use all the advice I can get.

[uriel]

Look -- technically you have no right to be jealous or keep tabs on this guy. He's your ex. You're sleeping together without a commment: friends with benefits. If you want the right to grill a guy and make him stop sniffing around the other kitties, get a commitment from him.

 

All you do have the right to be angry about here is that he treated you disrespectfully in not showing up and not calling to cancel his plans with you. That's low behavior, and he knows it. If you've any sense, you'll take this as a sign that he thinks his good time (drinking with buddies, chatting up other girls) is more important to him than you are. No one who believes that is worth your time.

 

This relationship is over. Now, you're being used and abused in the aftermath. Time to let go completely and get on with a relationship that has more potential.

 

Sorry -- this sucks, but that's the straight story.

 

-- uriel

[Olivia_19742004]

Should I trust/believe that he didn't do anything with this girl? Can people just go out, while drunk and just get a phone number and not do anything else? Should I really want to know the truth? Or is it what I don't know won't hurt? Please let me know what you think, I can use all the advice I can get.

 

It's none of your business. You're not his girlfriend. Stay out of his affairs. And stop screwing your ex-boyfriend..

[t866]

Why do I want to know if he hooked-up with this girl? I know it's only going to hurt me. This heartache hurts so much. I feel like how can he find someone else so quick, something so meaningless. Does he still love me? I want to call him every second of the day and know why he's doing this. How do guys handle break-ups? Is it normal for guys to hook up with the first girl that shows him attention or interest(if he did)? Right now I feel that I can't imagine myself with anyone else, let a lone someone I just met. I feel like my pride is hurt, and how can he get with someone else so quick. It also goes both ways, if I go out. He always asks me did I hook up with any guys? Did I get any phone nu mbers? If he is out flirting with other girls, why does he care what I'm doing and vice-versa. Please, help!!!

[Olivia_19742004]

You both might as well just be boyfriend and girlfriend. You're still acting like you are. Either you get back together or you make a firm break. I don't see you to being able to do this "we're not together but we're still friends and sleeping together" type relationship. It' s not going to work at this time.

[t866]

Thank-you so much for your in-sight Olivia. I know that I need to be with someone that treats me just as good as I treat them or better. This is my first long-term relationship, so I don't know how to act when it comes to break-ups or even being in a relationship. But I know that he is not what I want in a man. Relationships are all about trust and at this point I do not trust him when he is with his friends (who do not respect that he was in a relationship). If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing will make him stay!!!!

[Olivia_19742004]

You broke up for a reason and it's a safe bet that you should keep it that way for now. If he's not the type of man you want then you should end it completely. I'm not sure I'd even remain friends at this time because I think that would be too hard on you. Let yourself move on and don't worry about him getting telephone numbers. You've already tried the relationship and you know it's not what you want so you're not missing out on anything

[t866]

It's really hard to go through. For some reason I look back on all the good things we shared together and it makes me depressed. I never look back on the bad things that happened to us. How do you get through a break-up? This pain hurts so much. Now that were not together he's only nice to me when it's just us, but when he's with his friends or out somewhere it's a different story. He's real rude and dis-respectful. He used to place me so high on a pedastal and was so proud to have me as his woman. When he's sober he's the best man in the world but as soon as he has a little alcohol in him it's a different story, its like Dr.Jekill and Mr.Hyde and that's very scary.

 

I did so much for this man. It is a hard break-up, cause I thought eveything was going so perfect in our life. He is an alcoholic and was sober for almost two years, then one night he decided not to call me and went out and got real drunk. I couldn't deal with that so I broke it off. Now everyday he is drinking. I worry that he'll end up doing something to hurt himself or someone else. His family couldn't care less, if he drinks and acts stupid. Some people just don't mix with alcohol and he is one of them. He cannot control is drinking. I always thought that I could change him into this awesome man, cause he definetaly has the potenial a diamond in the rough I would say. It's either really good or really bad nothing in the middle. It's hard knowing now that he is going out and partying all the time, girls, drinking. It's like I never knew who he was for 4 years. I don't know who the real him is. Sorry I just have to get this off my chest. And there's so many things I want to say to him, but he doesn't care. It goes through one ear and out the other.

 

I don't know how things ever got to this point. Any man would be so thankful and proud to have me as their girlfriend. I love doing things for my man and making him happy and vice-versa. Thanks for listening to me go on and on. I don't have anyone out where I live. I met my ex a few weeks after I moved here and have been with him ever since. Hard to cope in this situation. I care for him so much that I don't want him NOT to be in my life. But at this point I don't think he feels the same way, maybe down the line he'll realize what he had. For some reason I wanna call him all the time and ask all these questions I have. But it's no good!!! Any input would help, Thanks!!!!