1st post. My cheating story and deciding where to go from here.

[Untouchable_Fire]

OK, this really got to me. Because it is 100000% a FALSE assumption.

And here's where you perhaps see that H did play a role. I started telling him YEARS ago that I was bored. Not feeling the desire or attraction. I did things here and there, suggesting he try wearing this or that, try kissing me when he got home from work, calling me a pet name, touching my face. He did NONE of these types of things. I told him I needed more communication. I told him these things so many countless times.

 

If he is doing this stuff now... it means you failed to communicate how vitally important these things are to you. At that point separating would have got his attention in a much more healthy way than cheating. However, what is done is done.

 

Moving forward you need to make sure that he doesn't just hear you... but that he listens. You have put yourself in a bad position because at some point the anger phase is going to kick in for him and then changing things is going to be tough.

 

I told him I felt he valued football more than myself and that on our wedding day he said I looked "nice" but that he found plays "amazing" and "beautiful" and that it hurt that he could talk that way about a sport but never me. He said he does not enjoy kissing or see a point to touching my face. And he is not a talker. I told him I missed long talks and needed it. When our friends got divorced a couple of years ago I said I could see how it happens because I was feeling so bored and unfulfilled and if it wasn't for the kids and vows I don't know that I would want to stay.

 

Any chance during this point you built up a huge emotional wall of resentment and anger over his lack of attention and affection?

 

Very shortly before the A, I asked him how he really, really felt about me. I even said how would you feel if you were on your deathbed and had never truly expressed how you felt about me and I never knew? He said he shouldn't have to tell me. That it should be obvious in the things he does. Now in retrospect, that's all about the Love Languages and I see it now. But I was needing these things and I told him over, and over and over. I tried spicing up the bedroom. I tried A LOT. I did not just say "eh, let's go find another guy."

 

Not just love languages. He may feel very uncomfortable expressing these emotions... and that has nothing to do with you.

 

Have you considered counseling for him?

 

And when i did start spending time with OM, I shared all of it. And said how much I loved just talking and talking.

So point is, you are wrong. And while an affair was so not the solution to this, he did play a part in the downfall of the relationship. And while he is a wonderful, wonderful person who did not deserve to be cheated on, he is not every woman's dream and has his own work to do. But he has claimed that this entire thing was a wake up call for him. He said it was the first time he realized how serious I was about those things I said over and over and over and that he took it all for granted. And now he is trying to do all of those things. The problem is we are entirely out of sync now so we need help.

 

He has to make this change and keep it up long enough to chip away at that emotional wall you have built up. I think you don't believe it... I think it's going to take time and effort for him to really fix it.

 

I also think that this kind of emotional display is outside his comfort zone. If you don't take some serious steps to positively reinforce his changes... he may get frustrated and VERY angry over the affair.

 

When this happened to me I blamed myself for nearly a full month before the anger set it. Now it has been 3 years and I'm still pissed as hell.

 

And just to reiterate, I don't claim his failure to try anything I asked for for an entire decade means he deserved any of this. I do take accountability for the affair and how it was so entirely the wrong thing to do. But as I mentioned earlier, maybe something good can come out of it with us both working on ourselves.

 

Focusing too much on the past will not help you. Don't let other people get you dragged into the blame game. The focus should be on how to move forward and in what direction you need to go.

 

Something you need to really ask yourself is whether you can truly love your husband. If it's not possible... I think you are doing him and yourself a great disservice by trying to stick it out. It might seem like a great idea to stick it out for the kids... but you will eventually wind up teaching them nothing about having a good relationship.

[alexandria35]

To be fair I don't think the OP is holding her husband hostage in the marriage. I think she feels a lot of guilt and that her husband has put a lot of pressure on her to stay. Add the kids to that mix and I can see why she just hasn't pulled the plug and called it quits.

 

Unfortunately her husband doesn't know what he's saying and he's doing all of the wrong things. He, the betrayed spouse, is sucking up to her. He is taking the blame for her affair and he is the one trying to make amends. This is all upside down and backwards. Furthermore it isn't doing anything to turn on his wife. In reading the infidelity boards here and elsewhere it is shown time and time again that reconcilliation doesn't work as long as the BS is being a sappy pushover. Hopefully he will find his pride and his anger. He has to stop taking responsibility for the affair and put it squarely back on her shoulders where it belongs. Of course he isn't perfect and he contributed to the problems within the marriage but he had absolutely nothing to do with the OPs choice to cheat on him. She's not perfect either and she contributed to the problems and he didn't cheat on her. It's ridiculous for him to be accepting any responsibiity for the cheating.

 

OP your husband sounds like a very introverted man and as an introvert myself I can tell you it's not something one can change. Introverts can have many wonderful qualities but being exciting or the life of the party usually isn't the case. He can improve on some things but he can't change who he is at his core and his core doesn't sound all that bad to me anyways. And there isn't anything he can really do about being short and bald either. If you crave excitement and drama and passion then he will most likely not be able to give you those things and you will eventually cheat on him again because those are the things you want. I know he is asking you to stay but have you been brutally honest with him? Does he know that you never loved him in romantic way? That you don't desire him now and you never did? It sounds heartless to say these things to him but perhaps he would feel differently if he knew the whole truth. It will be very painful for both of you to end the marriage but in your case I think it might be the best thing. If you ever loved him as wife then I might say work on getting those feelings back but I don't see how you're going to create feelings that have never been there. The only way I can see that happening is if your husband stops sucking up to you and starts making his needs and demands known.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Unfortunately her husband doesn't know what he's saying and he's doing all of the wrong things. He, the betrayed spouse, is sucking up to her. He is taking the blame for her affair and he is the one trying to make amends. This is all upside down and backwards.

 

I think it's really common for the betrayed spouse to blame themselves. It is a stage or a phase people go through when this happens.

 

Do you think he is going to keep blaming himself? Or do you think once he has a chance to emotionally process he is going to switch gears on this?

 

I'm betting the countdown to him getting angry about this has already started.

[nofool4u]

Here's the bottom line now. A is over. And I know I was stupid. An idiot. But there has been some good to come out of it.

 

Ok, I'm going to stop you right there. NOTHING good comes from an affair. Even if the marriage "survives", if you can call it that, and the A never comes up again, make no mistake, your husband WILL remember, and he WILL have triggers, and it WILL eat him up inside. He may just choose to bottle it up.

 

 

My husband wants to stay. I have told him everything and told him he should leave me, that I would have left him. But he says he's sticking to his vows, that this is our "worse" part of "better or worse" and that it would also make things too easy on me if he just left.

 

Make things easy on you if he left?? Huh? You mean he wants to to suffer consequences? Ok, I guess I can buy that.

 

I suppose he is wanting to keep you from what you really want to do...other men. He probably wants to keep you from getting what you really want.

 

 

 

He wants us to work at this. And he is doing his part. After finding out all of this, he has stepped it up 100% with poems, flowers, time, affection and attention.

 

And that is his mistake. If he wants to stay in the marriage and "work on it", then work on it he does need to do.

 

But he doesn't need to be the one to bend over backwards if the marriage is to stay intact.

 

 

My problem is that I am not responding to it. I still feel the same as always, awkward with a lack of chemistry. Platonic. And now he feels like he's smothering me. And when he calls me something like sweetheart it feels so fake, after knowing him for 17 years and never having him speak like that.

 

Then why don't you do him the favor of filing for divorce? You'll never respect him or honor your vows to him. So why are you waiting?

 

 

I don't want to be this cheater. This numb, cold wife.

 

Then cease to be a wife. Set your husband free from you. I know he doesn't think it is the best thing for him, but in time he'll realize that there are better women out there for him. He is in a desperation phase, he isn't thinking clearly.

 

 

 

I want to forget OM and I want to feel everything I felt with him with my husband. But I don't know if it's possible or how to get there.

 

 

It won't happen, at least not with someone like you. It just isn't there.

 

 

How to feel a chemistry that hasn't been there. How to fall in love when I don't think I am. How to desire him when I don't. But I want to. i truly do want to. I enjoy being with him, but I need it to feel like love and passion and connection, not just a best friendship. And I want to stop thinking of OM and having any longing for him. I want to not find the NC to be such a daily struggle. What do i do from here?

 

Divorce. Again, set your husband free from you. Its the best thing for him. Do right by him in the divorce and custody.

 

And stay single

[nofool4u]

I have seen many people here say, "once a cheater, not always a cheater...twice a cheater, always a cheater". Be the former, not the latter

 

She already is the latter. She already cheated twice.

[Charlie Harper]

 

But he doesn't need to be the one to bend over backwards if the marriage is to stay intact.

 

 

 

 

Then why don't you do him the favor of filing for divorce? You'll never respect him or honor your vows to him. So why are you waiting?

 

 

And stay single

 

WOW !! its no as simple as that in a relationship BOTH need to work, both need to put effort, but need to be understanding....

 

If your S is simple as a fish and has the emotional depth of a bucket, The mistake was marring him in the first place, but plenty of women make the same mistake, so in my book in this situation the blame game does not apply, people with effort can change not rapidly but can make small changes that make the relationship better.

 

If you want the divorce and he doesn't ask him WHY, why he wants a woman that is not into him, why he wants a woman for whom HE is not emotional or opened up? maybe he thinks he is better married and that is not the case, also ask yourself if you are willing to live who knows how long in this relationship, are you willing to be unhappy and "untapped" the rest of your life?

 

Look everyone makes mistakes, and in my view sometimes when kids grow up in a very cold marriage they become cold themselves and distant, ask yourself also if you want this for your children?

 

I am making broad assumptions here but you can't force yourself to fall in love with someone who doesn't inspire you... simple as that!

[nofool4u]

WOW !! its no as simple as that in a relationship BOTH need to work, both need to put effort, but need to be understanding....

 

I see you didn't include the part where I said:

 

If he wants to stay in the marriage and "work on it", then work on it he does need to do

 

This means I do insinuate that both of them need to work on the M if they are to keep it together. But the greater burden of work needs to be on the WS.

 

But its a moot point. She already said he was a great guy, just that she doesn't think she ever was really attracted to him and the chemistry was never there.

[Charlie Harper]

......she ever was really attracted to him and the chemistry was never there.

 

Famous last words right? but I hear that all the time and its a pitty because life is wonderful to be around someone who does not inspire you... BTW sorry for the misunderstanding !

[GLDheart]

Everybody wants it all!

 

I want the spouse that wows me... romances me... brings me the highs and lows of the wild ride of life... YET

 

Is the stable provider that will care in a soft loving way for my children. A Spouse that will go to work and provide for a comfortable lifestyle. A provider that will build a retirement... because we all know old age is coming someday.

 

But I want that spouse to do all of this!! And while they are willy nilly throwing life to the wind and living carefree... they are secretly diligently building that safe and secure future.... oh and do some chores around the house too while your at it.

 

 

HELLO!!!! Life has sacrifices people. Sometimes the wild side of that spouse needs to grin and bare the BS of getting ahead at work... and put in those long hours and just might be too exhausted to come home and WOW you everyday.

 

It's called life people. Yes it get's in the way of the sparks. AND YES it takes some freaking work on both sides of the relationship. It takes a little understanding that one sometimes comes at the price of the other.

 

 

OR You can just use this common cheater solution. Marry your best friend and screw the Hot other person on the side... The best of both worlds and noone pays the price!!....

 

 

...noone accept EVERYBODY ELSE you a-hole selfish cheaters.

[Spark1111]

I think it's really common for the betrayed spouse to blame themselves. It is a stage or a phase people go through when this happens.

 

Do you think he is going to keep blaming himself? Or do you think once he has a chance to emotionally process he is going to switch gears on this?

 

I'm betting the countdown to him getting angry about this has already started.

 

Blaming yourself is one of the first knee-jerk reactions in any trauma and infidelity certainly qualifiesas trauma.

 

It is to protect your psyche from the pain of possibly losing the one you love. It protects the love.

 

Next, is an unusual transference of anger and rage towards the OW/OM. It is not rational, but once again it protects the love you still hold for your SO.

 

After shock, denial, and self-blame, comes anger; first at the AP, but then the spouse who betrayed you.

 

Often some or all of these emotions overlap. Hence, the 2 to 5 year rollercoaster of reconciliation.

[nofool4u]

Everybody wants it all!

 

I want the spouse that wows me... romances me... brings me the highs and lows of the wild ride of life... YET

 

Is the stable provider that will care in a soft loving way for my children. A Spouse that will go to work and provide for a comfortable lifestyle. A provider that will build a retirement... because we all know old age is coming someday.

 

But I want that spouse to do all of this!! And while they are willy nilly throwing life to the wind and living carefree... they are secretly diligently building that safe and secure future.... oh and do some chores around the house too while your at it.

 

 

HELLO!!!! Life has sacrifices people.

 

Exactly!!

 

I want it all as well. But I'm not delusional enough to think that one person will be able to give me every single little thing I want. If such a person existed, they'd be constantly exhausted trying to keep up with unreasonable expectations.

 

People need to start being satisfied with having "most" of their wants fulfilled and quit going off and cheating when one itsy bitsy characteristic is left out.

 

 

Sometimes the wild side of that spouse needs to grin and bare the BS of getting ahead at work... and put in those long hours and just might be too exhausted to come home and WOW you everyday.

 

Best way I have ever heard that put. Hit the nail on the head!!!

 

 

It's called life people. Yes it get's in the way of the sparks. AND YES it takes some freaking work on both sides of the relationship. It takes a little understanding that one sometimes comes at the price of the other.

 

 

OR You can just use this common cheater solution. Marry your best friend and screw the Hot other person on the side... The best of both worlds and noone pays the price!!....

 

 

...noone accept EVERYBODY ELSE you a-hole selfish cheaters.

 

This has to be one of the best posts on this site. Very well done.

[GLDheart]

There was a moment in time when you decided it was OK to cross the line. What was going through your mind at the exact moment when you knew you were about to cheat, you knew it was wrong, but decided to do it anyway?

 

Awesome question. After it's answered here in the context of this discussion, I think that question right there calls for a thread of it's own.

[StormySky]

She already is the latter. She already cheated twice.

 

The first time I cheated, I was 17, and two weeks into our relationship. The cheating consisted of kissing the boy I had dated for the past year and broken up with the month prior. It was 17 years ago now. In my opinion it is a way different thing than what I did this time. I just don't believe that adding that experience to this writes me off as a lost cause.

[StormySky]

Just wanted to address this part:

 

Look everyone makes mistakes, and in my view sometimes when kids grow up in a very cold marriage they become cold themselves and distant, ask yourself also if you want this for your children?

 

We have serious problems, it's true. But it isn't a cold marriage. We truly are best friends. Even in the midst of all of this we are taking the kids out daily for fun outings and spending a couple of hours together every night as a family and then talking, watching movies, etc. together. Even now there is still daily laughter and affection. Things aren't good right now. Obviously. But I am not worried about the kids viewing us as cold at all. We get along well and there is no arguing going on.

[StormySky]

Blaming yourself is one of the first knee-jerk reactions in any trauma and infidelity certainly qualifiesas trauma.

 

It is to protect your psyche from the pain of possibly losing the one you love. It protects the love.

 

Next, is an unusual transference of anger and rage towards the OW/OM. It is not rational, but once again it protects the love you still hold for your SO.

 

After shock, denial, and self-blame, comes anger; first at the AP, but then the spouse who betrayed you.

 

Often some or all of these emotions overlap. Hence, the 2 to 5 year rollercoaster of reconciliation.

 

I spent a lot of time today talking to him about how this was not his fault. That even though he didn't listen to the things i needed (here he had said "yeah, but you told me, and I just never took you seriously. I won't do that again") NO ONE deserves to be cheated on and that I regret it and it was sooooo not worth it. I do think that I am different than many other cheaters in that I am a very honest person. Yes, I lied during the affair. So I don't have a strong argument. But I can say that now there is nothing he doesn't know and I am openly discussing this thread with him as well. I keep getting feedback asking if he knows how I really feel, etc. And the answer is yes, yes to all of it.

 

Anyway, I talked to him a lot today about how I don't deserve this rewarding treatment. That he should be the one telling me he didn't deserve this. That it's ok to be angry. He is just not an angry person, ever. So I don't believe this will manifest itself typically either. I've told him that the consensus is that now that I've done it twice I'm a serial cheater and he also knows I don't love him to the depth that he loves me so again today I discussed whether I should just leave to avoid being cruel. But that is not what I want.

 

Today's conversation did make some progress for me because I do realize that I do love him. It just isn't romantic. But while I sit here and apologize and cry and say i should just go he tells me he loves me more than anyone ever will and he refuses to give up. That he knows I'm not healthy right now but wants to support me through this and also wants me to give him the chance to become a man I crave in the ways I haven't. And I just think I'd be an absolute fool to give him up in the chances of finding someone who turns me on.

[Artie Lang]

judging from you posts #48- #50, it seems like that "fire" for your husband was NEVER there. You've been "fakin' it till you make it."

 

this OM comes along- the direct antithesis of your husband- and you jump at the chance to experience what you've been lacking.

 

the thing is, you should've divorced or separated long ago. you've "checked-out" on your husband some time ago. he's never gonna let you go... don't you see that. YOU need to take the initiative and end this charade, already.

 

btw, this OM needs to be outed to his wife and his congregation. he has no business speaking the words of the "good book" while being embroiled in an affair with a fellow parishioner.

[Charlie Harper]

Just wanted to address this part:

 

 

 

We have serious problems, it's true. But it isn't a cold marriage. We truly are best friends. Even in the midst of all of this we are taking the kids out daily for fun outings and spending a couple of hours together every night as a family and then talking, watching movies, etc. together. Even now there is still daily laughter and affection. Things aren't good right now. Obviously. But I am not worried about the kids viewing us as cold at all. We get along well and there is no arguing going on.

 

Great ! but remember Kids always have a sixth sense regarding what is going on.... be careful and supportive in ANY ROAD YOU BOTH TAKE.

 

Also my advise now that your H knows, if He and You are going to work this out, ITS OVER and that A was a mistake of the PAST and its gone, there is no point on bringing it back as a weapon or to make matters worse. If the A is not forgiven and done with believe me its a venom that will corrode the relationship on the long run.... if there is a future there it means you and him need to forgive each other...clean slate if you like...

[StormySky]

You wouldn't have married him and stayed with him so long unless he were fulfilling a need or needs for you. What are those needs you have that are so strong, that you would be willing to sacrifice sexual and emotional satisfaction?

 

This isn't about him, it's about you. You need to try to understand your motivations at the deepest level.

 

You need to really ponder this and figure it out. Therapy should help but it will be a long road since you sound very resistant to looking deep into yourself in an honest way.

 

I grew up in an unstable and abusive environment. I'm from a line of drug and alcohol addicts. And we also never stayed in one location long. I had a father who was rarely home and when he was had a volatile temper and was abusive. He did not fill any needs for me other than financial really. My husband offered stability, a constant presence, calm, trust, reliability, support. He took a fatherly roles in many ways and I also filled his motherly role. We took care of each other. We took turns working and putting each other through college, even graduate degrees. We both turned out far more educated than our families and neither of us has ever done a drug, or drank in excess. We have never been violent to each other or sworn at each other. I am the only one in my family who can say any of this.

 

I don't think I'm reluctant to look at myself. I very much want to. I've been reading so much and have started therapy. I have voluntarily gone to therapy multiple times in my past, although it was related to my parents and not my marriage. I know that it is all related. That for as much as I broke the cycle of my family past I still seek out the drama I grew up with and after a while the constant calm eats at me.

 

Another thing you need to really think about is the idea that even though you made a huge mistake in marrying this man, why would that give you the right to cheat on him?

 

I don't think I had a right to cheat on him.

[Artie Lang]

this is where i get annoyed. although I agree that foo issues contribute to a persons behavior, it doesn't justify the actions.

 

the truth of the matter is that you WANTED the OM, and you acted on it- PLAIN AND SIMPLE!!! stop blaming these foo factors for your bad behavior. own it!

[StormySky]

I think you are taking the wrong approach.

 

You are only looking at how to cure the effects, but are not looking at the cause.

 

Sorry. Chopped up your quotes.

 

I don't really think this is the case. My first reaction after he found out and asked me why was to say that something is clearly wrong with me and I need to figure it out.

 

So what made you think it was OK to cheat? There was a moment in time when you decided it was OK to cross the line. What was going through your mind at the exact moment when you knew you were about to cheat, you knew it was wrong, but decided to do it anyway?

 

Well when it became an emotional affair I still wasn't recognizing it as an affair, though I do now. H knew we were chatting all of the time and it was all in the open so I didn't see it was wrong. So what moment would I refer to? When we kissed I had been talking about how awkward kissing H felt to me and I truly wanted to see if OM thought it was me and how it felt with someone else. And yeah, that is ridiculous and shallow and stupid. But there was a part of me that viewed it almost as an experiment. Not that it justifies anything, but I've only really been with two men, and in both cases I was their first. So a huge part of me did think maybe I was the issue. But of course I liked it. And wanted to kiss him more. And you can imagine he was quite agreeable.

 

I basically just wanted to know what I was missing. If I was really missing something. What affection and intimacy felt like being attracted to the person and feeling I had a chemistry with them. And the outcome was yes, it was way better. But I've also seen more and more through this that H is a way better man. So I wonder if some of those things can be learned. And I had discussed "educating" ourselves trying different things in the past, but H wasn't open to it. Now he is. I am hoping that things can improve. It was definitely a situation where finding out the answer was dangerous. Because besides the obvious wrong in finding it out through an A, I did learn that what I suspected was true.

[StormySky]

btw, this OM needs to be outed to his wife and his congregation. he has no business speaking the words of the "good book" while being embroiled in an affair with a fellow parishioner.

 

I don't disagree with you here. And we've thought about it. But we don't see what good could come to our situation out of it. It pisses me off. And H of course. No doubt. But the phone calls or face-to-face or chance of confrontation or violence isn't worth it. Plus we have handled this very maturely in front of our children. But I can't guarantee they would be spared if a raging H or W was on my front lawn.

 

fyi, not that it makes anything better, but I was not his parishioner.

[Mme. Chaucer]

judging from you posts #48- #50, it seems like that "fire" for your husband was NEVER there. You've been "fakin' it till you make it."

 

this OM comes along- the direct antithesis of your husband- and you jump at the chance to experience what you've been lacking.

 

I don't really believe there is "better" and "worse" cheating, but I have an understanding of human weakness when it comes to dealing with temptation.

 

This was not the case for the OP. She actively sought out male companionship on CRAIGSLIST. It's not like she succumbed to something that showed up in her life which seemed like it would fill one of the gigantic holes in her marriage. She MADE this happen out of nothing.

 

So, in my opinion, there is NOTHING to work on at all in this marriage, though I do believe that some marriages can overcome infidelity. Not this one, though, and I absolutely agree with:

 

the thing is, you should've divorced or separated long ago. you've "checked-out" on your husband some time ago. he's never gonna let you go... don't you see that. YOU need to take the initiative and end this charade, already.

 

OP, that would be the ONLY "right" thing you could do at this point. Really.

 

AND, this:

 

btw, this OM needs to be outed to his wife and his congregation. he has no business speaking the words of the "good book" while being embroiled in an affair with a fellow parishioner.

 

What a lowlife scuzzbag. I'm so grossed out. How could you?

 

Give us his contact informatin, I beg of you.

[StormySky]

this is where i get annoyed. although I agree that foo issues contribute to a persons behavior, it doesn't justify the actions.

 

the truth of the matter is that you WANTED the OM, and you acted on it- PLAIN AND SIMPLE!!! stop blaming these foo factors for your bad behavior. own it!

 

What am I not owning? I wasn't justifying the affair with my childhood. See the quote I was responding too. I was explaining why I think I was attracted to my H's personality to marry him when i wasn't sexually drawn to him. You are not wrong when it comes to the affair. I do own it.

[StormySky]

I don't remember who I'm quoting here.

 

I'm not overall a selfish person. I'm the type who never says no to anything and most people know me as the one signed up to volunteer for 8000 things per school year. Until 6 months ago I was a upstanding person. In fact I guess you could say I've been unselfish for a really long time because my needs weren't being met and I kept going and going. The affair was selfish. No question whatsoever. Anyone having an affair is being selfish. I do not consider myself an A-hole, however. Thank you kindly.

 

I haven't had people say I'm immature. So not sure what to say there.

 

I am, however, ridiculously sensitive and I avoid confrontation as much as I can. This thread has provided me with a lot of insight. I've already purchased the recommended books and brought a lot of it into conversation with H and will do so also in therapy. But thank God a therapist believes in their patients enough not to just say I'm a selfish a-hole, serial cheater with no hope and need to just divorce him now. I don't believe these things about myself. I should not just be thrown out. Some of you all can be pretty brutal and while I appreciate honesty and respect your opinions, I'm glad I don't feel that way about myself, nor does H agree with you.

 

As far as the whole craigslist thing, I was on there a lot at night while H would be video gaming and I'd be looking at real estate and stuff for sale. I checked out the personals one night. And he was right next to me. I didn't find it nearly as shocking as it is seeming to you.

 

I do think I have a bit of a computer addiction that needs to be addressed.

[Mme. Chaucer]

As far as the whole craigslist thing, I was on there a lot at night while H would be video gaming and I'd be looking at real estate and stuff for sale. I checked out the personals one night. And he was right next to me. I didn't find it nearly as shocking as it is seeming to you.

 

That sounds a little bit different than:

 

I was craving male attention and companionship but I had never intended to cross the line. I was bored and lonely and frustrated. I thought a new friend and a change in routine would help. So I went onto Craigslist in the "strictly platonic" section and answered an ad of a man.