Pervert uncle driving me crazy!

[vanek26]

I'll try to make this as short as I can to avoid a wall o' text. Quick facts, I'm 22 years old living with my mother. My brother is 18 and just moved out to go to college a few days ago. I'm in school and I work but really can't afford my own place right now.

 

My uncle is a convicted sex offender. He has never made any sexual advances towards me or anything, but apparently he was caught with child porn. He served 4-5 years in prison for this and was released in early 2010.

 

His only family was his parents (my grandparents) and his sister (my mother). My grandparents own an inhome daycare, so he obviously couldnt live with them. At the time, my brother was under 18 so he couldn't live with us either. He got a very small apartment in a terrible side of the inner city, but because he didnt want to stay there all day he would come to my house every day from dawn to dusk via the bus.

 

It was horrible. He was a terrible creepy pervert. He wasn't supposed to use the computer but he convinced my mom to let him because he said it was the only way he could apply for a job. However, he wasn't using it to look for jobs. He was using it to look at porn and to try to meet women. He also tried looking up porn on my ps3 and even my handheld psp system. The guy was totally addicted to porn.

 

One time, he even brought a strange woman over to the house and went in the basement to hook up with her. Another time, he left a book out in the open which was his diary of his sexual fantasies. And he described a few of my girlfriends in very specific detail in some of his entries. It was terribly disturbing.

 

Here's the issue, my grandparents own our house and they feel like he can do no wrong. He's their son, so they are delusional to how he really is. They think he was framed and is really innocent. And there is no reasoning with them. My grandmother always just said cliche lines to me... "You don't turn your back on family" or "you don't kick someone when they're down"

 

About a year ago, he met someone online and immiediately moved in with her to start a serious relationship. They were married within a month. It sounds ridiculous (and it is) but I didn't care. He was finally out of my life. Until a few weeks ago...

 

I came home from work one night and he was back. Apparently he is going through a divorce and he is staying with us again. Except now, he's sleeping here too. (This is like his 4th or 5th wife so it shouldn't come as a shock).

 

And again, he is back to his old tricks. Sitting on the computer all day... talking to women on the phone... and almost certainly looking at porn (though he is wise enough to delete the search history this time around). Again, there is no reasoning with my grandmother. And my mom's hands are tied. She doesn't pay the bills, so she doesn't have a say.

 

Its humiliating for me to bring people over to my house, and terribly awkward when I'm here alone. To make matters worse, he has children who live across the country and he claims he is saving up money to go live closer to them. But I feel like this is just an excuse for him to stay here and freeload as long as possible.

 

I know he isn't directly doing anything to me, but it's just a bad environment. Since I'm an adult myself, I could always just move out, but I can't really do that realistically right now. What do I do?

[pink_sugar]

My Uncle is also a creepy pervert. He told me I was sexy when I was 10, but that was about it. He's never tried anything with me, but I've heard about colorful history, such as exposing himself to little girls when he was a teenager amongst other things. He also has a crazy temper and has lived with my grandmother most of his life until she passed a few years back. Thankfully, he's hardly been in my life and once he threatened to kill my husband, that was it. My dad was like your grandparents and would say to try and make peace and amends with him even though I did nothing wrong by not inviting him to my wedding. He has disowned me as his niece and I could care less as he's never really been in my life, but apparently he complains to my dad. If I were you, I'd move out and rent a room with roommates if you are unable to afford your own apartment right now. This is a very inappropiate situation for a young girl like you.

[Radu]

I really have no ideea, i think your grandparents are ****ed up ppl.

 

Btw, if he erases his browsing history there are 2 options :

- install a keylogger on your PC, you should see it

- access the router [if you have one] and store the browsing history when he is online ... keep a journal too of it.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Near as I can tell - you count your relative blessings, included among them the fact that you attained adulthood in the nick of time.

 

Thankfully this reads mostly as would a mere stereotypical complaint from a wife or girlfriend about a male who sits around viewing online porn all day (aside from the part where you or somebody else snooped in his diary).

 

Yeah, he's awkward, and creepy, and he's your uncle... but if you direct your attention toward the thriving areas of your life, hopefully they will in more ways than one soon take you away from most of that home environment.

 

Just hang in there... we feel for you, but you're just going to have to bear it for the short-ish while that you'll share the same environment.

[vanek26]

Looks like I forgot to mention this... I'm a guy. Lol.

[pink_sugar]

Sorry, OP, I just checked your profile and realized you're male. Sorry about that, something about the way I read this had me assuming you were female.

[MuscleCarFan]

I really have no ideea, i think your grandparents are ****ed up ppl.

 

Btw, if he erases his browsing history there are 2 options :

- install a keylogger on your PC, you should see it

- access the router [if you have one] and store the browsing history when he is online ... keep a journal too of it.

 

Notify the police too if he is still on probation. If not, do it anyway to get this creep out of the house!

[Radu]

I didn't want to say that MCF.

 

I don't think he can do this.

He, his mom and his brother are basically living in their grandparent's house.

Sounds like they choose sides over something like sex offender, they might get kicked out.

[vanek26]

Notify the police too if he is still on probation. If not, do it anyway to get this creep out of the house!

 

His restrictions are up now, so he's not doing anything illegal. He's just being creepy lol.

 

It makes me wonder, what kind of a man is he? How can he justify living with his sister at this stage of his life and devoting all of his free time to looking at porn and trying to find women to hook up with?

[Radu]

His restrictions are up now, so he's not doing anything illegal. He's just being creepy lol.

 

It makes me wonder, what kind of a man is he? How can he justify living with his sister at this stage of his life and devoting all of his free time to looking at porn and trying to find women to hook up with?

 

Golden Child ... never told no as a kid.

Look it up ... it's not good.

 

In his world, it's all fine.

[CC12]

But I feel like this is just an excuse for him to stay here and freeload as long as possible.

 

Eh, no offense, but based on what you wrote, everyone living in that house is kind of freeloading. And when you allow someone else to be responsible for your bills and housing, you don't get to have much of a say in what goes on there (apart from anything illegal.)

 

So, what can you do? Avoid creepy uncle as much as possible, don't let him use your own personal computer/ps3/etc, don't invite anyone over (especially girl friends,) and start preparing yourself to move out of that house as quickly as possible. It's a crappy situation, but apparently the rest of your family don't consider him to be the problem that he is and you can't force them to. Move out as soon as possible.

[MuscleCarFan]

I didn't want to say that MCF.

 

I don't think he can do this.

He, his mom and his brother are basically living in their grandparent's house.

Sounds like they choose sides over something like sex offender, they might get kicked out.

 

*sigh* Unfortunately.

 

OP, try and make enough money so you can at least rent a room somewhere and get away from your creepy uncle.

[gaius]

You give him a break and have some compassion. His life sounds awful except for the few times he manages to get laid. It doesn't sound like he's a pedophile from what you're saying. Why are you so embarrassed to have people over? He isn't looking at porn and jerking off in front of them, right? You're probably going to run into slightly awkward situations in life and learning how to deal with them in a lighthearted way would be a good skill to develop. If you think it's bad now just wait until you get a roommate.

[Emilia]

Eh, no offense, but based on what you wrote, everyone living in that house is kind of freeloading. And when you allow someone else to be responsible for your bills and housing, you don't get to have much of a say in what goes on there (apart from anything illegal.)

 

So, what can you do? Avoid creepy uncle as much as possible, don't let him use your own personal computer/ps3/etc, don't invite anyone over (especially girl friends,) and start preparing yourself to move out of that house as quickly as possible. It's a crappy situation, but apparently the rest of your family don't consider him to be the problem that he is and you can't force them to. Move out as soon as possible.

 

Yes pretty much. Time to end the dependency cycle in your family OP. I'm guessing from your user name that you are from Eastern Europe or that your family originate from there? In our culture there is a lot of dependency and toleration for relatives, I've learnt so much in Western Europe.

 

I'd move out even if it meant sharing a room (not even a flat but a room) with some guy to live cheaply. I'd rather live a falling down squate or complete sh*thole than live with family like that - and believe me I've done it

[CC12]

You give him a break and have some compassion. His life sounds awful except for the few times he manages to get laid. It doesn't sound like he's a pedophile from what you're saying.

 

He is a convicted sex offender who served 4-5 years in prison for having been "caught with child porn." Why are you defending this guy?

[Emilia]

. If you think it's bad now just wait until you get a roommate.

 

I never had roommates like this and certainly didn't feel as strongly about issues about them than I would do when it comes to family.

 

The guy is a convicted child sex offender. He probably gives off really creepy vibes too

[gaius]

He is a convicted sex offender who served 4-5 years in prison for having been "caught with child porn." Why are you defending this guy?

Because having child porn and being a sex offender are different categories. At least to me. He didn't assault a kid, the OP said the uncle never approached him in any creepy way and he doesn't seem to be pursuing children, only women. What do you want to do, shame a guy that seems to be behaving himself for the rest of his life? If he isn't downloading child porn then he's just doing the same thing the guys at the SEC were doing.

 

I never had roommates like this and certainly didn't feel as strongly about issues about them than I would do when it comes to family.

 

The guy is a convicted child sex offender. He probably gives off really creepy vibes too

My uncle's roommate used to burst in on him when he was on the toilet all the time. Talk about creepy. I've heard many other horror stories. I don't know how the OP would survive any of that if he can't even deal with the creepy uncle in the corner that his friends might see. He might give off a creepy vibe. I don't know, it just rubs me the wrong way to shun a family member like that. One that hasn't really done anything wrong to the poster in question.

[Wolfcub]

It is proven that uncle did illegal things once in his life. When he lived in OP's house first time he did not care to delete browsing history after watching, well, "normal" porn, use for that purpose other peoples stuff and he was not shy to leave his sex-fantasy diary accessible. Now he deletes the history. Has he become more considerate of others or he IS doing something illegal again? And if thats child porn again, it can be traced all the way to your computer and then it will be difficult for you to prove that it was only him and not you (or you and him together) who watched it all on YOUR computer.

[stillafool]

 

Since I'm an adult myself, I could always just move out, but I can't really do that realistically right now. What do I do?

 

The only thing you can do is move out. Can't you get roommates and move to your own place?

[freestyle]

In the meantime--can you install "parental controls" on your computer, so he can't access porn on it?

[Emilia]

My uncle's roommate used to burst in on him when he was on the toilet all the time. Talk about creepy.

 

Guess I wouldn't know because I lock the lavatory door in shared accommodation but seriously I lived with lots of different people and the conflicts were not the creepy kind - and I am a woman

 

I've heard many other horror stories. I don't know how the OP would survive any of that if he can't even deal with the creepy uncle in the corner that his friends might see.

 

I think family are supposed to weird you out more than strangers do. Ultimately, no-one gives a f**k about strangers.

 

He might give off a creepy vibe. I don't know, it just rubs me the wrong way to shun a family member like that.

 

You mean one that couldn't care less about his own family?

 

 

One that hasn't really done anything wrong to the poster in question.

 

Guess not. Just collected photos of naked little girls and boys. Nothing to the OP nor his sibling, perhaps because they were too old or supervised most of the time

[ThatJustHappened]

Because having child porn and being a sex offender are different categories. At least to me. He didn't assault a kid, the OP said the uncle never approached him in any creepy way and he doesn't seem to be pursuing children, only women. What do you want to do, shame a guy that seems to be behaving himself for the rest of his life? If he isn't downloading child porn then he's just doing the same thing the guys at the SEC were doing.

 

 

My uncle's roommate used to burst in on him when he was on the toilet all the time. Talk about creepy. I've heard many other horror stories. I don't know how the OP would survive any of that if he can't even deal with the creepy uncle in the corner that his friends might see. He might give off a creepy vibe. I don't know, it just rubs me the wrong way to shun a family member like that. One that hasn't really done anything wrong to the poster in question.

 

1. He hasn't assaulted a kid..that anyone knows of. That doesn't mean he hasn't done it. And what about the children in the pornographic pictures that the uncle was masturbating to? They wouldn't make this porn if people weren't paying for it..so somebody somewhere molested a child in order for this uncle to get his rocks off. You're ok with that?

 

2. How is mooching off of your family, constantly watching porn, bringing potentially dangerous random sex partners into your family's house, and being generally disgusting 'behaving himself'?

 

3. So you think everyone should have to desensitize themselves by being exposed to criminals? He shouldn't have to deal with it. If someone is in a bad situation, they should get themselves out of it..not 'deal with it'.

 

4. Obviously the legal system disagrees with you since this guy has already been in jail. Downloading porn onto your young nephew's computer IS doing something wrong.

 

Gaius, from the way you're defending this depraved uncle and justifying his behavior, it sounds like you could be a child pornography fan yourself..or maybe you are the uncle.

 

OP, I agree with the person who said you should get a keystroke function for your computer and keep track of the uncle's actions on your computer..and also keep a record of everything he does. If you see anything disturbing, go straight to the police.

[Diamond_Dust]

I've had issues with creepy uncles. . . I think the best thing you can do until you can afford to move out is to avoid him as much as you can. I never had ppl over to my house either at that time.

 

There's not much else you can do. If you do come across a decent job or a friend who is renting a couch even I'd take them up on it just to get out of that environment... you will feel much better when you're gone.