am i too dependent?

[leila]

i'm beginning to think that i am too dependent on my bf. we split up about a month ago for only a couple days and i thought i would die.

 

the reason this bothers me is cause as much as i love this man and we have been together for a couple years now, i feel "stuck" with him cause i am so dependent on him.

 

i don't mean financially either, i mean like emotinally or something like that. i don't expect him to make me happy, i just want to always be with him. we work out at a gym and that is the extent of what we do together except at home in the evenings.

 

so it's not like i want to be with him 24/7. it's just that at times when he comes home i wish he wouldn't, i feel more relaxed when he is gone. yet when we split up i could not handle it.

 

what does this mean? does this mean i love him or i don't love him or what? i'm so confused by my feelings, sometimes i love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him other times i want to leave him but i do love him so i stay with him and try tofigure out my feelings.

 

how can i fix this problem? it is so stressful because one minute i want to be with him for forever then that quick i feel angry and resentful towards him like if we fight or if i get a wild hair and just want to move back to iowa. what does this mean?

[Tony T]

It sounds to me like you are terrified of a committed, long term relationship. It also sounds like you are confused as hell.

 

Read your post. First you say you "just want to always be with him." Later you say, "at times when he comes home I wish he wouldn't, I feel more relaxed when he is gone."

 

Those are the words of one mixed up camper.

 

I do think you love him but I think you are scared of those feelings, otherwise you would be a lot more comfortable with the feelings.

 

But the relationship is pretty unhealthy now in the state you are in. Seek professional counselling to see just why you have this fear. Maybe you really want to be alone but you like the security of having someone around who can be there when you need him.

 

A therapist can help you sort out the feelings fairly quickly. In the absense of having you right here in front of me, all I can do is speculate.

 

But I don't need to have you right here to know you are very confused...and you admitted that yourself.