lydiamarie Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 all right...so i'm sucking it up and finally asking for the advice that i know i need... i was raped this spring. not fun. it is the only time i have ever had sex because i am pretty skittish when it comes to intimacy (due to physical and sexual abuse as a child) although i had been getting much better. i had found someone that i was finally comfortable with-someone who i could actually be with mentally instead of back in my head panicing, telling myself to just breathe, it would be over soon enough. my thoughts about the whole thing are just so f^cked up. i actually defend this guy. no one can convince me press charges and no one can convince me that he was an a**h*** and that it wasn't my fault. since i can't blame him or hate him, i've ended up hating myself. at first i really hated myself-i was disgusted with what i had done. eventually i got over the emotions of it, or at least i block them out now. but i can't seem to stop it from physically affecting me. i can't eat or sleep. the first two weeks after the rape i lost ten pounds and dropped almost two sizes (not a diet i reccommend) and i've been losing a few pounds a week since then. i've been cycling pretty rapidly (i have bipolar disorder) but thankfully not terribly severely. i haven't had anything worse than hypomania this summer and moderate depression. i haven't cut in a year, but recently (last night even) i could barely keep the blade from my arm. i just don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Originally posted by lydiamarie i just don't know what to do. Seek the help of a professional, especially one who is trained in dealing with people who have been through your type of trauma. Your feelings are normal for someone in your situation, but it's good to have help for it, it's not something that will just disappear when wounds heal, it will continue to plague the way you interact with people until it's dealt with. Link to post Share on other sites
TreeHugger Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Rape is a spirit shattering experience...I'm sorry to hear of your pain. Wow...you have made some strong statements...I'm speechless... It seems as if talking with a peer counselor or a sexual abuse specialist would be very helpful in assisting you to walking through the muck and not getting stuck in it. Your life is worth more that sitting in the pain you were forced to endure. It takes a lot of courage to walk through sexual abuse, but it is worth it in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
WWDDFD Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Originally posted by lydiamarie my thoughts about the whole thing are just so f^cked up. i actually defend this guy. no one can convince me press charges and no one can convince me that he was an a**h*** and that it wasn't my fault. That's too bad, because IT ISN'T your fault. Rape is rape. YOU DIDN'T WANT IT. He took it anyway. The only thing you can do is convince yourself he's an a**h*** (because he is; any rapist is an a**h***) and find someone who truly loves you. You don't have to press charges if you don't want to, but I'd highly reccomend doing so. Just imagine him putting another woman through the same ****. You wouldn't want that, would you? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 NO MAN SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU SEXUALLY IF YOU ARE UNWILLING TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM. The courts are very clear on that, and every abuse and sex assault therapist is as well. You are a very smart lady; you know your way around mental health and have read a lot. You know - you KNOW - that you have to talk to a professional rape counsellor about this. You know that it will eat you up until you deal with it. And this guy may do this very thing again to one of your fellow humans. You hate the thought you were wrong about him and that he was a jerk and much worse - but we all make mistakes in judgement. Don't hang on to that any more. It's ok to have taken a chance and made a mistake - in fact, the very fact that you aren't much experienced almost guaranteed a misstep Let that go and do what you deserve - get professional help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lydiamarie Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 thanks merry. i was in quite the state for a minute there while processing capitald's post. it threw me. i see a professional counselor every two weeks because of my bipolar disorder, but i'm afraid that she'll think less of me if i tell her about this. i'm afraid of what she'll say. she had really helped me with the cutting and with some of my other issues, so if she's that i've been backsliding...i guess i'm just afraid that she'll be disappointed in me. Moderator's Note: The post referenced above has been moved into a new thread located at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t43434/. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 but i'm afraid that she'll think less of me if i tell her about this. i'm afraid of what she'll say. Oh good heavens, girl! She'd deserve to have her butt fired if she was 'disappointed' in you!!!! She is a professional - she's likely dealt with a lot of women who have been raped, and she'll be furious, as I am and as most women are at what's happened to you. Of all people, lydiamarie, your counsellor will support and help you. It was never your fault. You did nothing to 'deserve' it. A man took advantage of you - he earned the blame and he deserves the blame - not you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lydiamarie Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 when i went for my annual i had them test me as well and i told my obgyn why i needed to be tested for everything. she gave me information about rape counselors and what they can do for me and all the different services available. but it seems like they're for people who were really raped. beat and bloody and far worse off than i am. i'd almost be embarassed telling them about what happened to me, as if it wasn't bad enough to need help. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyangel Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 lydiamarie - I'm concerned about your mention of cycling and cutting. Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Are you on medications for your bipolar? Have you spoken to your doctor about what you've told us? It sounds like your medications need adjustment, if you're taking any, which I had assumed you were. As I'm sure you know, extreme stress can be very dangerous to someone with bipolar; it can cause all kinds of problems that the average person doesn't experience or understand. PLEASE talk to your doctor/therapist about this. I'm so sorry for what you've gone through and I truly hope you get some help and peace of mind. p.s. Editing - sorry, I was slow in posting and two posts were made before I hit the button. It sounds like you've already answered a couple of my questions. But I'm still concerned that your medications don't seem to be helping enough. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 That's like saying someone who was 'only' verbally abused wasn't abused 'enough' Your body was violated. Something was put into you that you didn't want in you. If it was your car or your house that someone had intruded upon, you'd not hesitate to call - so much more so should it be when it was your own body that was unlawfully entered!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lydiamarie Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 god, i'm such a hypocrite. i lecture everyone about the dangers of untreated and poorly treated bipolar and then i let myself fall to pieces... so me and my bipolar. i have this habit of telling my doctor that i'm doing great until i'm doing terribly. i try to convince myself that the drugs are working better than they are because i am terrified that she's just going to say one day that since these medications haven't 'fixed' me yet, it must all be in my head. and i know that that's wrong, but i'm having the worst time getting over it. my medications are definitely helping, though they should probably be increased, i know that there is room for them to be (right now i'm on 1000mg depakote and 100mg-i think-of wellbutrin. i take clonazepam and seraquil as needed for sleep and anxiety and psychotic episodes-thankfully i haven't had any paranoia or hallucinations since the depakote was doubled last fall-it's unbearably frightening) i have an appointment in a week for a med eval and an appt. with my psychologist next week as well. i'll start working up the nerve to tell them this now. it'll probably take the whole week Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Remember, LS is here for you! You have folks behind you rooting for you! Link to post Share on other sites
ladyangel Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 I'm sure you know that it sometimes takes a LOT of tweaking to get the right medication cocktail that works for you. And it's also something that changes, depending on your life circumstances. The fact that you've undergone this extreme trauma has more than likely affected your bipolar and the effectiveness of your medications. I'm glad you have an appointment coming up. Please tell them everything. That's what they are there for. They have to have all the facts to make informed decisions. You know this, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lydiamarie Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 thank you. it helps to hear this from someone else. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
amzgmanda Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 First, I am so sorry that this has happened. I know this sounds lame but it's true. NO ONE has the right to take what not theirs. But please know you are not to blame and are not alone. Many women, including me, have had to deal wth this on some level. Just remember that you are just as important as those who where in different situations. Rape is rape no matter what. You have already heard what you should do, see someone. It will make a difference, even if it takes time. It took me along time but i had a lot of love and family support. Please don't ever feel ashamed. If you are not comfortable wth family than therapy is WONDERFUL!!!! I think it is a big step for you to talk about even now...Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lydiamarie Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 i slept well last night thanks to all of you, better than i have in months. i read through all of the posts and PMs a few times and really thought about what everyone had said-i don't know how you knew what words to use, but i don't think that any of you (or anyone at all) could have spoken better. thank you. before i fell asleep i felt like i could breathe again. i know i've a long way to go, but that certainly is a start. Link to post Share on other sites
cinnamonstix49 Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 It is in no way your fault that you were raped. God bless you sweetheart Link to post Share on other sites
shontelevision Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 last year (a year on sunday, today is tuesday) i was sexually assulted. i am 15 at the moment, turning 16 on the 29th of december i lost my v's to a guy who used me. he told me that he was 17. i was a silly little girl. all i wanted was to get laid. i met him, and i didnt want to have sex. he bashed me, and straped me up so i couldnt get away, and raped me. i was devo for ages, it finally came out of the open, because im a very out going person. and when im upset, u can tell. this is going to court, and it is still happening. i feel sorry for the guy, mainly because he did one thing wrong, and i was the victim, and because of this, he will be put away for a long time. he wasnt really 17, he turned out to be 26. i admit, court is a awful experance to go thru. but it is well worth it. it has helped me get over the issue. even tho it is still hapening. i hated all men, but now im in love with the most kind guy ever! without him i dono where i would be. he is my best friend. but i think i have lernt so much, and matured since i have goten raped, i am careful who i hang out with, and the boys who i date. Chris is my first proper boy friend, mainly because i was a little tramp when i was younger, which i must admit, it was because of the people who i was hanging out with. i was chubby back then. so boys didnt think anything about me, all they wanted was my friends. The experance is hard to deal with, but i guess, because im a out going person, i can block my feelings away, mainly because my friends and i have so much fun when we want to, andi love being the center of attention. im a very strange girl back to my experance, i met this fellow of the internet, which is very bad. but yeah. but i defently recoment taking it to the police, i dont regret any of it, but yes, i do feel sorry for the guy who raped me. they have to pay for what they did, other wise they will do it over and over again. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 You never 'get over' a rape. You just learn to cope Link to post Share on other sites
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