hooksone Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 I have been seperated from my wife for about 7 months, I fought her for two months that I did not want a divorce and then moved out to an apartment where I hated life! I have brought it up a few times after that but nothing recent, we are in the divorce stages but have until november to iron out finances and child custody issues and want her back! I will tell you that I never cheated on her but lied to her about money and other things. I have two wonderful children with her and can not deal with living without them all in my life together! I am under a ton of stress because of it and just want to do anything possible to get her back. She is on a vacation with her mother and the kids until monday and I want to tell her how I feel when she gets back so please someone help me I will take any and all advice I am hopelessly in love with her and just want her back! hopeless romantic please help me!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Has she given you any indication that if you fixed some things or changed in some way that she would be able to try and make things work? How many times did she tell you she wanted things to change before she actually left? How long have you been having problems? Link to post Share on other sites
jw32802 Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Wait, so you didnt really treat her the way you should have and she left? How long was she gone that you realized this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hooksone Posted July 16, 2004 Author Share Posted July 16, 2004 I treated her right I was a great husband other than I never told her about $20,000 of student loan that I got out before we were married that I took out and piddled away. I have tried to get her back since the minute she filed for divorce I just was told by a friend of mine not to badger her with it back in January because all it would do was try her patients and make things worse I have never stopped thinking about it I want her back always have. Ir just so happens that I have to take care of the dog at her house (our house) and it all came to a head today but I have not slept good in months I look like a car hit me and just have been spending the time with the kids and trying to keep my sanity! I just want her back always have!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 You should talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hooksone Posted July 16, 2004 Author Share Posted July 16, 2004 I want to talk to her the problem is she is on a vacation with the kids and I do not know the right things to say I am not good with words I will ask her to sit down with me and talk when she gets back to put some time aside so we can talk the problem is that I always end up saying the wrong thing and end up biting my tongue! Oliva do you have yahoo or aol that we could chat? Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 You can send me personal PMs through LS. I don't use chats. So you haven't asked her if she still loves you or has any desire to make the marriage work? You just let her leave without a discussion? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hooksone Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 I have talked to her in the past about it and she tells me that she has given me chances and that she is done! I dont know what else to tell you other than I want to do be with her for the rest of my life and I will do anything just dont know what to do! Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Originally posted by hooksone I have tried to get her back since the minute she filed for divorce ....... ....I just want her back always have!!!! Sounds to me that it is a classic case of "Don't know what you've got till it's gone" Link to post Share on other sites
Author hooksone Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 just wondering if anyone has any advice to give me on what I need to say to get her back I do not want to sound pitiful or like all I want is what is best for me Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 mate all I can say is to just tell her how much you care. Tell her all the bad things you know you did, how badly you treated her (if you did), and that you know it is wrong and you don't want to be that man anymore. Tell her what you miss about her, about you guys, and about your family. Tell her that you want to have those times back again and you know it will take work. Tell her that you can't breath without her and that regretably it took her leaving for you to realise how much you miss her and that you take responsibility for that. Just sit her down and turn your mouth on and turn your filter off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hooksone Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 I thank all that have posted replies to my situation and would like to say that I know that what I am doing is a last gasp effort but I have nothing to loose all I want is my family back and I do not care what the cost is! I would like to know if anything else that anyone might have to say as I have a tough on here! Thank you again Any more information that I might want to tell her other than showing her would be a great help thank you all! Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink. What do you want us to win your wife back for you or something? Maybe this is why you lost her, you never bothered to do anything yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hooksone Posted July 18, 2004 Author Share Posted July 18, 2004 I plan on doing it myself all I was asking for was suggestions is all I know what I have to do its not gonna work if I just tell her I have to show her that I am going to do it I know now what I have lost and can not deal with it I have not eatin in four days because I have been thinking about her and the kids who have been away! I have nothing to loose and everything to gain! So thank you to all and may your prayers be with my family! Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 Hook, Since you have a problem saying things, why not write her a letter? In the letter apologize for what you have done, and that you are willing to make this upto her. Write in the letter that you are willing to goto marriage counciling to help recify this problem. That you have a lapse in judgement and you will be paying for it, for a long time. If this was the only issue, then a divorce might be out of the ordinary. Sounds like other things were going on as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Hushpuppy Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 First thing i can advise is, do you see any hope in her eyes? i had a similar situation with my husband where he wanted me out for good. Then he would say, "I don't know, in a month I might come crying for you." that was enough hope for me to fight. I realized for me to fight for him, i had to give him space, which you definately did, 7 months and fix myself and my issues. I was too negative, and hid stupid things from him. once i gave him a week with no calling, crying emailing etc., then we spoke again and i told him what i still wanted but how i was improving myself and finding my core. Which i still haven't found yet. I went to the library and borrowed the Dr. Phil Rescue book. i have not finished it and i have a ways to go, but it has enlightened me on a lot. know what you want. Change your ways. Ummm, that's all i can think of for now. But my husband and i are stronger than ever and i am looking forward to getting old with him. Good luck. Gina Link to post Share on other sites
Sonik Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 Mate, You think thats bad, I had the police show up at my door 2 months ago @ 7am. They stormed in accusing me of downloading child porn using a credit card 5 years ago. I did not do that! recently though in the last three years I have been drinking heavily and scouring the newsgroups for porno. This is no reflection on my wife. She's a stunny, brilliant girl that I've spent ten years with. I Love her and worship the ground that she walks on, but the day this happened I had to be truthful with her, I have downloaded this stuff along with every other element of ****e in my search for porn, I'm ashamed of it but I told her because I couldn't live with myself to see her face, if the police came back and said they found something. My PC was clean ei. Formatted when they lifted it but I had to confess, it's been the saving grace of my life, I'm off the drink but I think i've sacrificed my wife for it. She spent the night with me and the next morning she left me to work. Thats the last time I've seen this women in the capacity of my wife. She freaked man! and nothing I say can bring her to reason. She initially told me that she was leaving me because of what I did. This I accepted because of my shame in myself. When I went back to try and make things up she told me she had been unhappy for years. I've spoken to every one of our close friends and my family about this and were all of the same conclusion about this, my wife is freaked by what I've done and what might happen with the law. It isn't justification enough to leave me so she has elaborated on a half dozen moments of friction in the last ten years to justify her leaving me. She has a really bad case of " Physician heal theyself " and guess what - she's a fully trained Phycologist ( dont know if thats spelt right )! but go figure. It's been two months now since she left, I cry myself to sleep at night and waken up crying, I'm strong enough though to get through this but weve built so much together it's hard to think/function as a single person. I love her so much and it's our wedding aniversary this week, I have to send her flowers, I cant let the day go unmarked. It breaks my heart... I just want you to know that I'm not a pedo, I don't think about kids or anything like that. I'm a gentle person from a good family. I know I'm good, I've asked for forgiveness and I'm ready to fight off any accusations, my advise to you is to print out your posting and print out this posting and show her them, I want my wife to think with her heart not her head because I know she still loves me. I cant bear the thought that she finds she discusting, not after ten years of love. To me Getting Married is a promise set down in front of our friends and family that you will, no matter what, stand by that person, no matter what Imperfections. It's for life. You are supposed to spend your life together perfecting it. It means more to you that children are involved, this is part of the problem, my wife is from a violent broken marriage as a child, her mother walked out on them when she was six years old. I can't ever imagine how that felt, my mother used to threaten us when we were that age, she would say " thats it I'm getting my coat ", that was enough to throw us into dispair and do whatever she told us to do. I cant ever fathon what that would have felt like for a child. If your wife reads this and I hope she does, life can throw some mad curve balls at you, the best way to take them is on the chest and carry on, it'll make both of you better/stronger people. Make changes to stop things like this happening again whether it be finances or whatever. I hope you make it man I really do, I could do with some happiness in my life right now. If you need to contact me use (email address removed, please register and use the PM service). Cheers Neil Link to post Share on other sites
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