Baubles Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 For those familiar w/ my dating trials... after an on/off relationship for 2 years.... I have now gone back to trying internet dating...and remembered why I didn't like it... or maybe the problem is just me. After weeding through hundreds of responses, 2 guys have really caught my eye- one guy I gave my number- it took him almost a week to call- he said he was under alot of stress at work and was ignoring everyone. We've talked 3 times for 45 minutes each- and he's emailed about every other day. Now last night I bring up meeting each other, he suggests sometime during the week (I had to give the number / I suggested getting together - I feel like he's not that interested). I'm a lil hurt by this thinking he's already seeing other people (which he's entitled to- we haven't even met, I was just hoping for an unattached guy). Last week he made a point of saying how he was staying in over the weekend and working on his house. So I make some lil joke how he must be seeing a bunch of hotties over the weekend and cannot squeeze me in. He didn't seem to find that funny and said no he just likes his weekends to himself. Now, I know I'm insecure. But I cannot seem to get over it. I don't like being lied to- if he was going on dates, fine- then just say so and give me the option of whether I still want to see him. I like time alone too- but I cannot imagine dating someone who didn't want to see me on the weekends. So, he suggests monday evening for dinner. So...am I being played here or I just need to chill. the other guy is meeting me wed for coffee during the day- I know exactly what that's about- he's got a planner fulll of women and only wants a brief encounter to get an idea. That's fine. At least I know what I'm dealing w/. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 You haven't even met the first guy and you're already getting signs of an unattainable person. Just meet for coffee with the second guy and stop trying to organize something with the first. Let him contact you if he wants to pursue a date. Too many people in the world need love for you to have to pin him down on a day for a date. Link to post Share on other sites
swtbonita Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 i would say keep trying.. i met my bf 2 1/2 years ago on the internet.. he was a sweet guy.. we talked for two weeks.. then he asked to meet me.. i got to pick the time and location so that I would feel more comfortable.. When we met everything was great.. no ackward moments.. He even took me to this fancy restaurant and it was great.. and we've been together ever since.. we both never would have thought that we could have found someone that we connect with over the internet, but it happens... You can meet love anywhere.. don't limit yourself.. but realize that wherever you meet someone you will never be able to know them until you actually start seeing them.. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baubles Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 Thanks, before i read replies, I was dreaming about this- and going to write we should cancel, that I didn't think he was too interested, not available, etc. instead, his e-mail to me last night was: "STOP!!!!! You're Killing Me!!!!! I'm not married, there's no hottie here, my word is my bond. I will see you Monday night 7:30. I didn't get to go by the thai place today, but will tomorrow ....xxx....xxx <cut small talk> Sheesh!! Oh, and I'm looking forward to meeting you Monday night....so there!" So, I do feel stupid- I have the ability to imagine the worst scenario and run w/ it- I haven't even met the guy yet. It's like I should do the opposite of what I feel like doing sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 I hope you meet him and have a great time! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 It is wise to be cautious about new people, but not to the extent that you suspect all sorts of wild things right off the bat. Try to keep your fears toned down to a dull roar and have a good time! Link to post Share on other sites
SGB8098 Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 Hey. About 3 months ago I started chatting to a guy on the web. It was nice and comfortable we chatted and got along.Anyways we chatted fro couple of weeks and decided that since we see me to have a great time chatting and live pretty close, well we decided to meet in person. So we did . And we mutually liked each other. Now, we have been going out, he has a place of his own and i still live at the house with the folk (I wanna save my money) He met my dad and idn't have too by which I was really impressed. He even dressed up to meet him. My dad seriously liked him. Back to the point, we have been going out and see here's my delima; When we first started chatted I felt it was more mutual and he a bit more .... appreciative. But last week we were out since he is in the service. He says he only gets about 1-2 weekends a month. And see I don't want to try into his past making him think I don't believe him but something awry? Then out of nowhere like last week he informs me that a firedn of his named " April" is visiting and staying over at his place for a couple of days. Hey, I appreciate him telling me that he didn't have to. BUt see while we were out I was walking back to our seats and saw he was talking to some younger people. Perhaps friends co-workers I didn't know. I walked over to them but he didn't signal for me to join with him so, I just walked back to our seats and then i stared to act like I was talking on my phone. When he got back to tour seats i said oh, were those your co-workers he replied no. I didn't say , well who's that cause I'm not going to get it out of him if he doesn't want to till me, But then it was awkward silence and i just kept my head toward the concert. And we're still at the looking at each other and we automatically have that smile on our faces. He said why don't you look at me? I said I'm watching the concert. So, then trying to nicely change the topic I said next time we're together you'll have to teach me one of those video games you love so much so we can do something you enjoy doing. Then he said well the funny thing about that is that with the gals I play the game with they always beat me at the game I play. I admit i gave him a blank look on my face like EXCUSE ME? i admit i stared and then started to laugh, no offense that is not exactly a comment i wanted to hear. So , then he said "most of my friends are girls",And then he sounded like he was convincing me as if i was looking for an explanation, in a way I was, he was like I wouldn't have met your dad if you were just a gal friend or acquaintance. Then later on that night he said" I love you " I have never said/felt mutual but i am in love with him i mean I want to believe him , I have been through a lot of junk in the (mentally/phycsically) past I mean everyone has been but I just want to make sure I am not thinking too much with my heart instead of with my head. Assistance please Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baubles Posted August 2, 2004 Author Share Posted August 2, 2004 an update on the guy I as worried about acting unavailable- some advice please... well...we went to the Thai place had a great time...a few days later on a Fri we went to dinner, he brought flowers (I almost cried- w/ an on and off boyfriend of almost 2 years I only got flowers 2x). afterwards he suggested a movie. we really clicked- had clicked before...it was very comfortable, moonlit walk holding hands, lots of tender kissing, in the movie theater he snuggled up next to me and stroked my hair. It as all nice though- felt like we were stages ahead of where were- he drops me off at home. Then I don't hear from him the ENTIRE weekend, I get upset (stupid I know) and he sends this apology letter saying how he was worried about his dog going in a kennl- some mess and apologized that he had thought of calling me a number of times but worried we'd get cut off by these kennel calls? what?? well I know bull- and started pressuring him - yeh, like I see you checked your on-line dating account the next morning after having a great night out / me (he claimed a lady sent him a crazy letter and he wanted to see what she looked like- that he was thinking of taking it down anyway). Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 If your 'insecurity' causes you to mistrust everyone, then quit dating and get that fixed. You're not going to end up with anyone if you flip out on them all because you think they're all lying to you. Here's the picture you're not seeing: a demanding, whiny harridan who, barely knowing someone, hurls accusations at the slightest provocation. As Dr. Phil says "How much fun are you to live with?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baubles Posted August 2, 2004 Author Share Posted August 2, 2004 I realized only half my post went up- had some techno probs- in short- he said he broke off an engagement 6 months prior and while seeing me was very nice- he wasn't sure he could jump into a relationship- he was interested, he just needed time. i aplogized as I probably pressured and offered to tone it down alot and just see each other as friends and see how that went. he happily agreed. my question is that an appropriate course? or should i have no contact until he's over the ex-fiance and ready to move on- they have no contact and he claims he's over it- just not ready yet to move on. as to moieme's post- yes, I definately need to chill more- I did pressure him way too much early on- I'm sure that didn't help. Link to post Share on other sites
sally1530 Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Baubles: This guys name isnt T*m Sch..... er is it? 38 years old.... if so hes my ex-husband to be... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baubles Posted August 2, 2004 Author Share Posted August 2, 2004 nope, he's 30 Link to post Share on other sites
sally1530 Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 oh, thank god... whewwww!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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