Signs....

[robaday]

Just wondering at what exact point are you supposed to draw the line with someone when your first getting to know them? what is classed as abuse?

 

For instance, I remember with my ex gf, the first time I realised she might be abusive was when after about 4 months in, I questioned her honesty over the phone and she screamed at the top of her mouth and verbally abused me down the phone.

 

I let it lie, but in retrospect it was the first sign. What do you class as abuse? Is screaming at someone abuse? How do you differentiate arguing with abuse?

[Downtown]

Rob, strange question for YOU to be asking. Given all the outrageous things she's said and done to you -- since you've been describing them last April -- you could write a book on the topic. Your Ex went so far past the line that it really doesn't matter much where you draw it.

[M30USA]

What makes abuse so deceptive is not what actually happens, but rather the spin they put on it. Even though you know what's happening, they warp your mind so that you either think you deserve it or that it's not "really" what you think it is.

 

The first sign my wife was abusive was 3 months into marriage. We got in an argument. I slept on the couch. She came out a bit later, once I was fast asleep, and freaking ripped my blanket right off my body and said, "That's not your blanket!" I was like WTF?

[turnera]

• Checking your cell phone or email without permission
  
• Constantly putting you down
  
• Extreme jealousy or insecurity
  
• Explosive temper
  
• Isolating you from family or friends
  
• Making false accusations
  
• Mood swings
  
• Physically hurting you in any way
  
• Possessiveness
  
• Telling you what to do
  

Is This Abuse? | www.loveisrespect.org

[strongnrelaxed]

What do you class as abuse? Is screaming at someone abuse? How do you differentiate arguing with abuse?

 

Yelling, screaming (same thing?) throwing things, using hurtful language, emotional manipulation, hitting, slapping, kicking, punching, and raging in general are all forms of abuse.

 

I saw a website once - sorry I do not remember it - and they listed a huge number of emotional manipulation techniques there. Some are employed by men, but women do this more often in my experience. If women could get away with hitting more, the probably would.

 

The trick is to walk the VERY First time. I was seeing a woman not too long ago, and she showed a few red flags. I pulled back and stopped contacting her as much and she went ape*****. She confronted me and called me a few choice names.

 

That did it for me. I was so glad that she did this early. I came to find out that she talked to another women with whom we both work and she talked negatively about me. I did absolutely nothing wrong to this woman. Interestingly, as a side note, the other woman likes me now. So maybe what she is saying is not ALL bad.

 

Keep your chin up. It is NOT you. Never let anyone tell you that YOU must be doing something wrong. You may be stuck in a pattern of connecting with broken women. Try to fix that and you will meet better women.

[robaday]

Ok, she fits every single one of these criteria........the strangest and most disturbing thing was toward the end when she was telling me my thoughts were wrong, and that I wasnt seeing things straight and to not keep repeating the truth. I actually lost all sense of self, because I realised whatever was happening wasnt normal.

 

Checking your cell phone or email without permission

Constantly putting you down

Extreme jealousy or insecurity

Explosive temper

Isolating you from family or friends

Making false accusations

Mood swings

Physically hurting you in any way

Possessiveness

Telling you what to do

 

The most hurtful I thing I believe is when I called her out on it and she always said cut the victim stuff. Victims dont stand up for themselves, they put up with it, at least thats what I thought.

 

Shes long gone now.

[turnera]

Thank God!