shiftman Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 I am in the process of ending a 27 year marriage. While I am not currently interested in pursuing any type of companionship, I believe that this mindest will likely change at some point in time. Right now, I simply cannot imagine how people - who were in a long term marriage - made such a transition from one partner to the next. For those that were able to make such a transition, was it problematic? weird? How did you manage the emotional side of this? Link to post Share on other sites
weallfalldown Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 i should imagine after 27 years with the same person, someone new would be like heaven?....... But i've never experienced such a long relationship, so i'll get my coat... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 I am curious why this question is in the sexual forum - so I am assuming you are asking from the sexual standpoint? Although the OP is referring to an emotional side; i.e., those who bond with their sexual partners. Many of us DO bond with those we have sex with and many of us don't. If you are the former, I would suggest you not worry about it until you start dating and see how you feel as you enter into that realm. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 If you are 'in the process' of ending a 27 year marriage, I would think you have a long way to go before you need to worry about this particular issue, since the emotional aftermath of divorce is pretty unpleasant. When you do eventually reach the stage where you are considering emotional and physical intimacy with someone new, it will probably seem very strange. For me, yes it was weird and actually made me miss my ex husband all the more but, like everything else in life, it is just a stage, a period of transition and most people come out the other side reasonably intact. Just give yourself time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shiftman Posted August 23, 2012 Author Share Posted August 23, 2012 Thanks for the response. In actuality, I don't have that long to go. I start a new job in a new state next week. As far as the aftermath of divorce is concerned, it can't be any worse that what I have lived in. Right now, I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shiftman Posted August 23, 2012 Author Share Posted August 23, 2012 i should imagine after 27 years with the same person, someone new would be like heaven? While I have realized that I likely posted this thread in the wrong forum, I did want to take the time to respond to your post. I am into quality not quantity. To me, if there are no complaints about your sexual relationship, there is no reason to change it. And yes, I have heard the old saying about "liking steak, but not wanting it for every meal". For me, such mindsets are simply ridiculous. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 After the end of a loving 18 year relationship I thought I wouldn't want to be with anyone else again, I felt dead emotionally (apart from depression and every other horrible emotion) and sexually for several months, but I thought it would take a lot longer than it did It was only about 7 months later I started falling for someone else, and the sexual feelings came back. It felt far more natural than I thought it would to be with someone else, it didn't make me think about my ex or feel sad or anything like that, it just made me happy You said you felt a weight lifted, but I didn't feel that when my r/ship ended, I didn't want it to end at all or felt it was for the best, but even so I moved on much quicker than I imagined I would, so it might not take you too long at all to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shiftman Posted August 24, 2012 Author Share Posted August 24, 2012 For all intents and purposes, my marriage was over around 1990. The physical relationship continued until the end, but everything else died a miserable death somewhere along the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 I am in the process of ending a 27 year marriage. While I am not currently interested in pursuing any type of companionship, I believe that this mindest will likely change at some point in time. Right now, I simply cannot imagine how people - who were in a long term marriage - made such a transition from one partner to the next. For those that were able to make such a transition, was it problematic? weird? How did you manage the emotional side of this? I'm in pretty much the same boat but the sex ended long before the marriage. I cannot even imagine jumping into another serious relationship. I don't know that I ever want another one. So I finally decided to go with high-priced escorts. Best damned decision I've made in a long time. The adjustment took about five minutes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shiftman Posted August 24, 2012 Author Share Posted August 24, 2012 From what I have read on other threads, our lack of intimacy problems seem to be the exception and not the norm. I got a kick out of your escort comment, but I am a little too financially conservative to go that route..................... Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 (edited) From what I have read on other threads, our lack of intimacy problems seem to be the exception and not the norm. I got a kick out of your escort comment, but I am a little too financially conservative to go that route..................... "Beautiful young women" and financial conservatism are definitely mutually exclusive concepts. I will be interested in knowing what you do once the lack of sex gets to you. From my perspective there weren't a lot of options other than the priesthood. Bars can work but take way too much time for us older guys. I just don't have time to hang out in bars night after night. And I hate bars. The online dating stuff was downright scary sometimes. Not only are most women our age looking for a husband, some will even go so far as to specify in their profile that they're not interested in intimacy! The one that had me LOLing was the woman who wants a man, no intimacy, and a crabbing partner. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. It's a brave new world. Edited August 24, 2012 by Robert Z Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 "Beautiful young women" and financial conservatism are definitely mutually exclusive concepts. I will be interested in knowing what you do once the lack of sex gets to you. From my perspective there weren't a lot of options other than the priesthood. Bars can work but take way too much time for us older guys. I just don't have time to hang out in bars night after night. And I hate bars. The online dating stuff was downright scary sometimes. Not only are most women our age looking for a husband, some will even go so far as to specify in their profile that they're not interested in intimacy! The one that had me LOLing was the woman who wants a man, no intimacy, and a crabbing partner. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. It's a brave new world. Now I'm seeing where you come from... But, crabbing as in "complaining"? Very weird... Link to post Share on other sites
Author shiftman Posted August 24, 2012 Author Share Posted August 24, 2012 Robert Z: You have a terrific sense of humor. I had one once upon a time, and maybe in time mine will come back..................... As far as how I deal with my biological urges, I am not sure. My work requires me to hold a security clearance, so engaging in anything that might be construed as improper is likely out of the question. However, I have no clue how to go about such things even if I wanted to. I too do not like bars. Been there, done that. That said, I guess an on-line dating route might be my first foray into the social scene. My work requires me to travel - sometimes for weeks at a time - so I am not sure what impact that might have on my new social status. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 Now I'm seeing where you come from... But, crabbing as in "complaining"? Very weird... Crabbing as in ocean crabs, putting nets in the water and sitting on the dock all day. Not my idea of a fun date or a fun day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shiftman Posted August 24, 2012 Author Share Posted August 24, 2012 That is what I thought you meant, but I was not sure. I guess the topic belonged in this forum to begin with. Whodathunkit............lol Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 Robert Z: You have a terrific sense of humor. I had one once upon a time, and maybe in time mine will come back..................... Thanks, and yes it will. I went a very long time without sex and really hit bottom emotionally but am quickly bouncing back now. As far as how I deal with my biological urges, I am not sure. My work requires me to hold a security clearance, so engaging in anything that might be construed as improper is likely out of the question. However, I have no clue how to go about such things even if I wanted to. Finding something that worked for me took time and connections. About the only legal options are to visit a brothel in Nevada or Canada. I'm not sure but call girls may be legal in Vancouver BC. The up side is that I am seeing three incredibly beautiful young women and it has all worked out like a dream. Honestly, the sight of these girls takes my breath away. But it was damned scary getting into this. Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 The up side is that I am seeing three incredibly beautiful young women and it has all worked out like a dream. Honestly, the sight of these girls takes my breath away. But it was damned scary getting into this. I was looking for the "applaud" emoticon, but alas, there is none. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shiftman Posted August 24, 2012 Author Share Posted August 24, 2012 [quote=Robert Z;4213763 Finding something that worked for me took time and connections. About the only legal options are to visit a brothel in Nevada or Canada. I'm not sure but call girls may be legal in Vancouver BC. The up side is that I am seeing three incredibly beautiful young women and it has all worked out like a dream. Honestly, the sight of these girls takes my breath away. But it was damned scary getting into this. Well, I live in the southernern part of the country, so visiting Canada or Nevada is out of the question. With respect to the young ladies, what middle aged man wouldn't find that appealing. The thing is, that I would like to try and find a relationship based on my positive attributes and not as a cash transaction. Link to post Share on other sites
JD1977 Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 (edited) Despite going through all those years of misery. You seem to be bright, funny guy. Willing to go on and experience a whole new world out there. There is no doubt that you will be successful with your Love life. Just relax and enjoy the ride. And don't listen to guy in limbo. Just kidding Guy In Limbo!!!!! Edited August 25, 2012 by JD1977 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shiftman Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 Despite going through all those years of misery. You seem to be bright, funny guy. Willing to go on and experience a whole new world out there. There is no doubt that you will be successful with your Love life. Just relax and enjoy the ride. And don't listen to guy in limbo. Just kidding Guy In Limbo!!!!! I'm really not that funny of a person. I have a certain wit about me, but I am by no means the life of the party. In fact, I would catagorize myself as somewhat boring, with a strong sense of responsibility. I have often heard stories about men having difficulties in relationships where their wives/girlfriends are career oriented. Honestly, I don't think that this type of relationship would bother me at all. Link to post Share on other sites
JD1977 Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 What I mean is that you seem like a well rounded guy. You seem ready and willing for the next stage in your life. Some people are still picking up the pieces wondering what happened to their marriage. You seem like your past that awful part. You said you are moving to a new state, have a new job which requires a security clearence (which in my experience) means your smart and trust worthy. Which are some important qualities a woman looks for. So you will not have any trouble finding someone. Trust me! Link to post Share on other sites
Author shiftman Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I think that it will likely be difficult in some manner. At least, that is how I see it. At my age, any prosepctive female will likely have already been married (maybe more than once). This means there will likely be kids (grown or otherwise) and their "baggage" to go along with my "baggage". A younger woman will likely have younger children and I don't see blending into that situation. In reality Robert Z has what I think is the best possible set-up, but that just isn't my cup of tea......................) Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Well, I live in the southernern part of the country, so visiting Canada or Nevada is out of the question. That does make it tough. I am located near Nevada and work the entire West Coast. But I don't know what you're so worried about. Even the Secret Service goes for this stuff. With respect to the young ladies, what middle aged man wouldn't find that appealing. The thing is, that I would like to try and find a relationship based on my positive attributes and not as a cash transaction. So would I eventually if it happens to work out. I just wasn't willing to put my sex life on hold or leave it to a roll of the dice for one more second. You didn't go a decade without sex. You have time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shiftman Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 That does make it tough. I am located near Nevada and work the entire West Coast. But I don't know what you're so worried about. Even the Secret Service goes for this stuff. So would I eventually if it happens to work out. I just wasn't willing to put my sex life on hold or leave it to a roll of the dice for one more second. You didn't go a decade without sex. You have time. True, but I don't want to hang out with ex secret service guys in the "I used to have a security clearance forum".............lol Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 True, but I don't want to hang out with ex secret service guys in the "I used to have a security clearance forum".............lol No doubt, you don't want to take that kind of chance with your job. But I am curious about the idea of going to a legal brothel. How would that spin if it came to light? Link to post Share on other sites
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