Nude Photos of his ex's privates

[Ugh1]

So, it was my birthday and I had a few hours at my house alone before my boyfriend (together exclusively a year and a half) came back from an errand he was running. So I decided that I would fix myself up nice and pretty and take a sexy picture for him and put it in my folder on his computer. I don't like pictures of myself so I don't let him take very many. I figured he would go looking and find an extra "sweet" one. He had left his computer turned on at my desk. Went through his pictures to find my folder (very OCD about organization, so I knew there must be a folder of me in his pix) Well, there was... right next to "Susie" and "Jennifer" and "Carli" and so on and so on... Well, my folder had 2 appropriate pics in it. Me smiling in his favorite shirt... etc... The rest of the folders had total about 40 pics of boobs, ass, lots of P***sy and other full body nude pics. Needless to say I was pretty down on my birthday. Properties said all those folders were put on his new computer in March of this year. So, I am sure he is aware they are there. I trust him. I know they are old pictures, but why keep those when he has told me we will be together, get married someday, etc... ??? I'm so confused.

[Untouchable_Fire]

So, it was my birthday and I had a few hours at my house alone before my boyfriend (together exclusively a year and a half) came back from an errand he was running. So I decided that I would fix myself up nice and pretty and take a sexy picture for him and put it in my folder on his computer. I don't like pictures of myself so I don't let him take very many. I figured he would go looking and find an extra "sweet" one. He had left his computer turned on at my desk. Went through his pictures to find my folder (very OCD about organization, so I knew there must be a folder of me in his pix) Well, there was... right next to "Susie" and "Jennifer" and "Carli" and so on and so on... Well, my folder had 2 appropriate pics in it. Me smiling in his favorite shirt... etc... The rest of the folders had total about 40 pics of boobs, ass, lots of P***sy and other full body nude pics. Needless to say I was pretty down on my birthday. Properties said all those folders were put on his new computer in March of this year. So, I am sure he is aware they are there. I trust him. I know they are old pictures, but why keep those when he has told me we will be together, get married someday, etc... ??? I'm so confused.

 

... but you are NOT married. He should have password protected his folders against super snoopy GF's.

 

If you two were married I would say it is inappropriate for him to keep those photos.

 

Bottom line... get over it.

[KungFuJoe]

I believe you may be incorrect as to the creation or modify date of the folders in question. I suggest you zip them up and email all the folders and pics to me so I can correctly determine the actual creation date.

 

In case you are concerned about my credentials, I will have you know that I am an officially certified computer expert.

[BetrayedH]

He kept them because he is a typical, unmarried male.

 

Ask him to delete them and then yes, get over it. He can mourn the loss of his trophies with his buds over a beer, you have a good story to tell your girlfriends over some wine, and later in life you can poke a little fun at him about it.

[Ugh1]

No, we are not married, and I was absolutely NOT snooping. I was trying to give him something he would like. I found it by accident and the thing that bothered me wasn't that they were there (he was single for a while before me and did what any freakin guy would do), it was the fact that I was classified and had a folder just like every other girl he has had sex with. According to him, I am different and NOT like them... so don't put me in the same category.

Incidently, I deleted my folder and left the rest. If he ever asks me to marry him, I will ask to see his computer. If they are there, my answer will be "no." I do think he will notice, very soon, that my folder is gone and he will ask me about it. I will tell him why. "I don't want to be stored on your computer with all those other women you have had sex with."

If a guy wanted to marry a woman and SHE masterbated to pictures of her ex. and he found out, I am SURE that would bother him. To me, this is no different.

As of right now, it just hurts my feelings a little bit... but you are right, we are not married and as long as we aren't we can just keep going as we are. I love him and I know he loves me, but I just don't understand this. I wouldn't keep pics of my ex's privates or any pictures for that matter as masterbation material.

[Ugh1]

And I will NOT send those pics. All the files on his computer were put on there in March. I know a little bit about computers myself.

Nice try though!

[CarrieT]

Incidently, I deleted my folder and left the rest. If he ever asks me to marry him, I will ask to see his computer. If they are there, my answer will be "no." I do think he will notice, very soon, that my folder is gone and he will ask me about it. I will tell him why. "I don't want to be stored on your computer with all those other women you have had sex with."

 

I really think this was a bad move. It is not your computer and to delete files without permission is wrong - even if it is pictures of you...

 

He isn't going to ask you about the file because he probably doesn't even realize you were looking there.

 

Also, the whole concept of asking to see his computer (if he asks you to marry him) and looking for something and THEN telling him no, is wrong. How can you tell him he is retroactively doing something wrong if you don't communicate with him about it from the get-go?

 

You should tell him that you were trying to leave him a digital present and that you found the pictures and was hurt that you felt classified like his Ex's. Punishing him when he doesn't realize he has done an indiscretion is inappropriate. Not being able to communicate openly about the issue speaks volumes about your relationship.

[BetrayedH]

No, we are not married, and I was absolutely NOT snooping. I was trying to give him something he would like. I found it by accident and the thing that bothered me wasn't that they were there (he was single for a while before me and did what any freakin guy would do), it was the fact that I was classified and had a folder just like every other girl he has had sex with. According to him, I am different and NOT like them... so don't put me in the same category.

Incidently, I deleted my folder and left the rest. If he ever asks me to marry him, I will ask to see his computer. If they are there, my answer will be "no." I do think he will notice, very soon, that my folder is gone and he will ask me about it. I will tell him why. "I don't want to be stored on your computer with all those other women you have had sex with."

If a guy wanted to marry a woman and SHE masterbated to pictures of her ex. and he found out, I am SURE that would bother him. To me, this is no different.

As of right now, it just hurts my feelings a little bit... but you are right, we are not married and as long as we aren't we can just keep going as we are. I love him and I know he loves me, but I just don't understand this. I wouldn't keep pics of my ex's privates or any pictures for that matter as masterbation material.

 

To be honest, I doubt this is masturbation material. The internet is much more interesting than any static photo of an old gf. He probably keeps them out of spite or maybe as some juvenile trophy. He should have had the good judgment to delete them in March but didn't. But you don't need to be insecure about it or beat him up about it.

 

Regardless, I recommend that you don't play childish games with your relationship if you're serious about him at all. Calm down. Tell him you found his old pictures of his old girlfriends and you'd appreciate it if he would delete them, like today. He will be embarrased, do it, and then you move on.

 

You certainly shouldn't hold your potential marriage hostage to such a thing. Good grief. You need to be more secure in your relationship and yourself than that.

 

Oh, and KungFu was obviously messing with you but I'm sure he would have appreciated you sending the photos. He's one of our resident horny toads.

[KungFuJoe]

Oh, and KungFu was obviously messing with you but I'm sure he would have appreciated you sending the photos. He's one of our resident horny toads.

 

Hey! I resemble that remark!

[Ugh1]

I don't see this as a childish game. If he feels the need to delete them, he needs to do it because he wants to, not because I tell him to. If he hangs on to those, then he isn't someone I want to be married to. It is that easy. I'm not mad at him. I am just disappointed that he didn't delete them. We obviously aren't on the same page. And I do have every right to delete pictures of me. I didn't touch any of the other nasty pictures. He will definitely notice that my folder is gone. (he is kinda like that) I am sure the first night he is lonely at his house, that is when he will call me and ask about it.

No guy on here can tell me that an up close and personal picture of a woman's vagina with her finger inside isn't something they wouldn't reference when they need to masterbate. (especially one that he has had the pleasure of being inside)

Personally, I see that and think, "YUCK" but I'm not a guy, right.

[CarrieT]

If he hangs on to those, then he isn't someone I want to be married to. It is that easy.

 

This is what I am questioning; he isn't someone you want to be married to but - in the mean time - you are willing to date him?

 

It is the lack of communication that I am questioning. He's got the pictures, you know he's got the pictures, you don't like the fact that he's got the pictures, but you won't tell him that you know and that it disturbs you? Why not?

[GLDheart]

I was once put in that position. I had a really hot tape an ex and I had made... it was kind of a compilation. It had a scene with her in shower back when she was in the best shape of her life, plus some other scenes of us romping around....

 

I kept it for a while. I, of course, dated various girls but nothing serious. In all that time I can't even really say I ever watched the tape but I still held onto it.

 

Once I settled down with someone though, I felt it was appropriate to destroy the tape. Into a fire I tossed it. It was tough to do just because I had had it so long but it was the right thing to do... By the way that new girl friend never new I destroyed it or ever owned it for that matter.

 

I didn't do it for brownie points... I just felt that it was time to let go of the past and focus on the present.

[Ugh1]

I am perfectly fine dating him. I love him. I have been married before and I am in no hurry to be married again. He is divorced as well. Bottom line... I don't want someone to change for me. Either he deletes them because he wants to or he doesn't.

My past relationships have all been about men changing to what I want, then when I care for them (or I got married) and I am emotionally invested, then they change back to who they really are and that's the end of that. This isn't something that should be an issue for a dating couple, but it would be an issue for a married couple.

[Ugh1]

GLDHeart... that is EXACTLY what I am talking about. I want him to toss them because he is putting that behind him.

[johan]

We could better assess the situation if you would post some of the pictures in your profile.

[GLDheart]

We all have our insecurities. Beside the fact that he is keeping them, how do the pictures themselves make you feel?

[SincereOnlineGuy]

No, we are not married, and I was absolutely NOT snooping. I was trying to give him something he would like. I found it by accident and the thing that bothered me wasn't that they were there (he was single for a while before me and did what any freakin guy would do), it was the fact that I was classified and had a folder just like every other girl he has had sex with. According to him, I am different and NOT like them... so don't put me in the same category.

Incidently, I deleted my folder and left the rest. If he ever asks me to marry him, I will ask to see his computer. If they are there, my answer will be "no." I do think he will notice, very soon, that my folder is gone and he will ask me about it. I will tell him why. "I don't want to be stored on your computer with all those other women you have had sex with."

If a guy wanted to marry a woman and SHE masterbated to pictures of her ex. and he found out, I am SURE that would bother him. To me, this is no different.

As of right now, it just hurts my feelings a little bit... but you are right, we are not married and as long as we aren't we can just keep going as we are. I love him and I know he loves me, but I just don't understand this. I wouldn't keep pics of my ex's privates or any pictures for that matter as masterbation material.

 

 

 

How come the person who "doesn't see this as a childish game" is playing this childish game????

 

First of all... these other three girls had files on his computer, and each had VERY COMPROMISING PHOTOS in their files. You, by contrast, had very decent and reasonable pictures few in number. Now I could see it if one of the OTHERS landed somehow on this guy's computer, and coyly decided to delete THEIR pictures so as to preserve their future reputation. But who in her right mind does what you did?

 

If you think that is "masturbation material", then you are clueless.

 

Those files are just, seemingly irreplaceable IF he gets rid of them, and as those compromising photos are of people he'd known in real life, they just have a 'significance' to him.

 

And how do you know that those women DON'T have similar photos OF HIM??? AND THAT it is HIS POSSESSION OF THEIR compromising photos which is the ONLY reason why the women don't release HIS nudie pictures onto the whole of the world wide web???

 

 

Your mind is about a hundred miles in front of reality here... IF there is ONE thing you SHOULD be learning from this is that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES (or circumcisions) should YOU allow HIM to capture your nude image on any medium.

 

Beyond that, you're simply over-thinking this, as it makes very little more sense that he should march home each night and masturbate to those three women than it does that I should march home every night and masturbate to those three women. Have you LOOKED at internet porn lately??? There are far more impressive 'babes' found at the touch of a button than the three random ones you saw!!!

 

 

So stop it already - and return to reality.

[CarrieT]

Beyond that, you're simply over-thinking this, as it makes very little more sense that he should march home each night and masturbate to those three women than it does that I should march home every night and masturbate to those three women. Have you LOOKED at internet porn lately??? There are far more impressive 'babes' found at the touch of a button than the three random ones you saw!!!

 

 

So stop it already - and return to reality.

 

Brilliantly said, SOG!

[all_hail_me]

Hey Ugh1, you need to tell him you're not happy with it. Passive aggressive behaviour may be tolerated for short periods of time, but if you're unwilling to tell him in a reasonable and assertive tone, it was a bit pointless deleting your file off his 'puter. Girls can play these games with guys, and yeah, it's pretty sh*tty to find that stuff when you wanted to surprise him.

 

Sit down and talk to him about it, don't give him a warning, don't act funny with him - when you next see him, tell him you wanted to surprise him but found that stuff on his computer and that you deleted the file.

[Ugh1]

GLD - They make me realize that the things he says about where he is in this relationship, probably aren't accurate. He is talking about finishing college (we are both over 30) and marrying me. He seems head over heals in love with me, but how can that be if he has that stuff. I just figure, when he gets to the place where he needs to be in order to be married to me, he will delete them. Right? What is wrong with expecting a man to do the right thing on his own? Without some woman (who is NOT his wife) nagging him about it. Then he deletes them because I said so, and he is irritated with me because I 'made' him do it.

 

SOG - there are no nude, inappropriate pictures of me on his computer. I kinda think that should be a "husband" priviledge. And, from what I understand, he didn't really have 'relationships' before me. He had sex with women he would meet. Have you ever had pictures like this somewhere? Have you EVER masterbated to them?

And you are seriously asking me to consider that he HAS TO keep their photos (from 5 different women) because they might someday blackmail him with pictures of him naked. Seriously?

And if that's the case, why would he keep them in a folder titled, "WOWWWWW!!!"

and then have the titles of the photos be named...

*YUMMY

*WETTT

*BESTONEYET

*Mmmmmmm

etc...

He could just keep them on a disc in a box somewhere if that's the case. And there aren't any facial shots of these women, except for one of them. So, that argument just doesn't fly.

[Art_Critic]

He could just keep them on a disc in a box somewhere if that's the case. And there aren't any facial shots of these women, except for one of them. So, that argument just doesn't fly.

 

No.. nude pics of ex's go in the trash if you have a SO..period..

 

Your BF obviously kept those to jerk off to.. he also knows they are there and is tactless by leaving them there..

[Ugh1]

Thank you Art Critic... that's what I thought.

[KungFuJoe]

GLD - They make me realize that the things he says about where he is in this relationship, probably aren't accurate. He is talking about finishing college (we are both over 30) and marrying me. He seems head over heals in love with me, but how can that be if he has that stuff. I just figure, when he gets to the place where he needs to be in order to be married to me, he will delete them. Right? What is wrong with expecting a man to do the right thing on his own? Without some woman (who is NOT his wife) nagging him about it. Then he deletes them because I said so, and he is irritated with me because I 'made' him do it.

 

SOG - there are no nude, inappropriate pictures of me on his computer. I kinda think that should be a "husband" priviledge. And, from what I understand, he didn't really have 'relationships' before me. He had sex with women he would meet. Have you ever had pictures like this somewhere? Have you EVER masterbated to them?

And you are seriously asking me to consider that he HAS TO keep their photos (from 5 different women) because they might someday blackmail him with pictures of him naked. Seriously?

And if that's the case, why would he keep them in a folder titled, "WOWWWWW!!!"

and then have the titles of the photos be named...

*YUMMY

*WETTT

*BESTONEYET

*Mmmmmmm

etc...

He could just keep them on a disc in a box somewhere if that's the case. And there aren't any facial shots of these women, except for one of them. So, that argument just doesn't fly.

 

Lol at the names of the pics. Either you are lying or your bf is 15.

[Ugh1]

Not lying about the names...

And, yes... that is what i thought, "Are you 15?" Actually, what I thought was, "Ewwwwww.... ugh.... gross!"

 

He is actually 32 and an awesome boyfriend. This has been my only issue, and it isn't really an issue if he takes care of it before he decides he wants to be my husband.

[BetrayedH]

I completely get and respect that you don't want him to change for you. Fair expectation and smart. I hope he does delete them on his own.

 

That said, what if he doesn't? What if you continue to have a wonderful relationship otherwise amd he finally and happily decides to ask for your hand in marriage? Do you really expect that 10 minutes prior he's going to think, oh wait, I have to delete those pictures first. They were ok when we were dating but now that we're going to get engaged, I have to delete those things right before I ask her. Whew! Thank goodness I remembered.

 

What happens if he asks you to marry him, you confront him, and he says, "Oh those? Geas, I should have gotten rid of those things a long time ago. It was childish and I kept them as trophies. Stupid. Haven't looked at them in forever. I'm into blonde Asian porn these days." What will you do? Will your whole potential for marriage hinge on this one rather freakish conversation? And the rest of the investment was for naught? That's the part that seems like a game.

 

Otherwise, I agree with Carrie. Open communication is critical to making a successful marriage and this is not remotely what it looks like. I hope ou csn rethink your strategy. Right now you're pretty understandably put-off. Ruined your bday. So what is realistic to do next?