I think I'm falling for an escort??

[EHguy]

Hi there everyone. I am a new member of this website. This is my first thread and post. I've been on this site before and noticed that posters here (the majority) seem educated and intelligent in their responses. Now with that said I need advice. I saw this escort this past Monday. White woman early 20's, Beautiful face, voluptous body. I had a great time with her. She provided me with the best sexual experience I've ever had. She let me kiss her and we chatted a lot about personal stuff too. I'm 22 yrs old and I've only ever had sex with escorts. I know that it's wrong and perhaps it's not love but lust. My experience with her was probably my most intimate, sensual experience yet thus the reason for why I may feel so attached. It's not only that though. Not only is her body attractive but she seems very intelligent. She tells me she's returning to school next month to complete her bachelor's degree. The thing about her though is that.. She has two kids and she had them by this guy who is now serving time in jail for selling drugs. God I don't know why I'm so attracted to this girl. I've been with other escorts but I never felt like this about them. I just see SO MUCH potential in this girl but with her current situation. I don't know what to make of her. I'm thinking of seeing her next week. What do you guys think. Will seeing her again make me see the truth about this girl. In another life I could really see myself with her but damn why'd she have to have this sort of life? This history? Please don't judge. I need some advice...

[CarrieT]

I would be honest with her that you are developing feelings for her and see if she is open to being in a relationship with being paid.

 

However, she might be "addicted" to the income of being an escort and getting her away from her profession could be difficult. How do you feel about being involved with someone who has had people pay for her services?

 

You never know until you ask.

[pteromom]

I'm thinking of seeing her next week. What do you guys think. Will seeing her again make me see the truth about this girl.

 

I dunno.

 

See her again. At the end of your next "date", if you are still feeling very attracted to her and feeling there is potential for more there, just let her know that you are feeling very attracted to her.

 

See what she says.

 

She might say "I don't date clients." and never talk to you again.

 

But she might say "I am feeling a connection too." in which case, you can see what happens next.

 

Don't worry about more than that at this point. Take it one step at a time. No point in worrying about something that may never happen.

 

In another life I could really see myself with her but damn why'd she have to have this sort of life?

 

This is perplexing to me. How is being an escort any more judge-worthy than sleeping with one? She could be saying the same thing about you ("He's really nice, but damn, why does he have to be a client?")

[EHguy]

No I'm not talking about her choosing this job. I'm talking about her getting involved with a ****ing drug dealer and have kids with him. She tells me at one point he threatened to kill her. She just seems like a smart classy girl

[pteromom]

No I'm not talking about her choosing this job. I'm talking about her getting involved with a ****ing drug dealer and have kids with him.

 

Ohhhhh thanks for the clarification.

 

We all have mistakes in our past. I would definitely note this choice of hers, and if you end up getting to know her better, you can learn more about her to determine if she's learned and grown from the experience or not. It's certainly a red flag, but doesn't mean she isn't date-worthy.

[EHguy]

Ohhhhh thanks for the clarification.

 

We all have mistakes in our past. I would definitely note this choice of hers, and if you end up getting to know her better, you can learn more about her to determine if she's learned and grown from the experience or not. It's certainly a red flag, but doesn't mean she isn't date-worthy.

 

That's the thing. I don't think i can overlook it. She has two kids which I am not trying to be a father to. If she didn't have kids I would've definitely loved a chance to be with her. Sorry if I sound harsh but the decisions she's made in the past i could never see myself doing. I've never had a gf but I always imagined she'd be a wise decision maker and i definitely never thought I'd see a potential one in a escort. God how'd I get myself into this predicament

[pteromom]

If she didn't have kids I would've definitely loved a chance to be with her.

 

This changes everything.

 

If you truly don't want kids, don't contact her again.

 

She has kids, and nothing you do will change that. IMO, that's the dealbreaker, not necessarily the decisions that led to the existence of the kids.

 

Don't contact her again. If your attraction grows, you would just end up in a situation where you have to choose head vs. heart, so use your head now while you still can.

 

She's not what you want. So walk away and move forward.

[EHguy]

I would be honest with her that you are developing feelings for her and see if she is open to being in a relationship with being paid.

 

However, she might be "addicted" to the income of being an escort and getting her away from her profession could be difficult. How do you feel about being involved with someone who has had people pay for her services?

 

You never know until you ask.

 

I'm sorry do you mean a relationship WITHOUT being paid?

[EHguy]

This changes everything.

 

If you truly don't want kids, don't contact her again.

 

She has kids, and nothing you do will change that. IMO, that's the dealbreaker, not necessarily the decisions that led to the existence of the kids.

 

Don't contact her again. If your attraction grows, you would just end up in a situation where you have to choose head vs. heart, so use your head now while you still can.

 

She's not what you want. So walk away and move forward.

 

I completely understand what you're saying. I'm afraid it's not that simple though. You see as I mentioned earlier I've never had a gf because of my insecurities hence the reason why I hired escorts. I've been with several escorts b4 but never felt so attached to any besides this 1. For once I feel loved, desired. I know, I know it's PATHETIC but I'm lonely. I also don't have any friends to talk to about my problems. Her companionship makes me feel simply good.

[pteromom]

Her companionship makes me feel simply good.

 

And you've used other escorts before, so you should have no problem finding one you aren't growing a romantic attachment to.

 

It IS that easy. This is SOOOOO much easier than if you had gone on a date. You paid her to date you. If you don't call her, she's not gonna be calling you. So you can walk away, knowing she isn't sitting by the phone wondering if you still like her.

 

You may feel DESIRED, but you aren't LOVED by her. This is her job to make you feel good, and she's good at it. That doesn't mean there isn't some kind of real connection between the two of you, but what do you gain by continuing to see her?

 

Let's say you call her again. You have great sex and you stay up talking all night. Your bond strengthens and your feelings grow more.

 

You call her again. And again. And now - you are in love with her. And she's in love with you.

 

Now what? She still has children. You still don't want children. So you are in this situation where in order to move forward with her, you have to sign up for a life you never wanted.

 

Call a different escort and have fun.

 

Work on putting yourself in situations where you can make friends. A club. A meetup group. A hobby. Whatever.

 

It's your choice, but look at reality here.

- You've had one meeting with her and you already have romantic feelings for her.

- She has kids.

- Kids are a dealbreaker for you.

 

So what? You are just going to continue seeing her, fall madly in love with her, then have to walk away when it hurts 100x more than it would now?

[CarrieT]

I'm sorry do you mean a relationship WITHOUT being paid?

 

Sorry, yes - typing on my phone...

[Robert Z]

Hi there everyone. I am a new member of this website. This is my first thread and post. I've been on this site before and noticed that posters here (the majority) seem educated and intelligent in their responses. Now with that said I need advice. I saw this escort this past Monday. White woman early 20's, Beautiful face, voluptous body. I had a great time with her. She provided me with the best sexual experience I've ever had. She let me kiss her and we chatted a lot about personal stuff too. I'm 22 yrs old and I've only ever had sex with escorts. I know that it's wrong and perhaps it's not love but lust. My experience with her was probably my most intimate, sensual experience yet thus the reason for why I may feel so attached. It's not only that though. Not only is her body attractive but she seems very intelligent. She tells me she's returning to school next month to complete her bachelor's degree. The thing about her though is that.. She has two kids and she had them by this guy who is now serving time in jail for selling drugs. God I don't know why I'm so attracted to this girl. I've been with other escorts but I never felt like this about them. I just see SO MUCH potential in this girl but with her current situation. I don't know what to make of her. I'm thinking of seeing her next week. What do you guys think. Will seeing her again make me see the truth about this girl. In another life I could really see myself with her but damn why'd she have to have this sort of life? This history? Please don't judge. I need some advice...

 

I feel for you. Given how you feel, it would be nice to continue to see her even if she has no interest, but you may not want to do that to yourself. I doubt you could keep your feelings in check. Keep in mind that many men fall for their escort at one time or another. It is easy to lose perspective. I see three girls regularly and could easily become infatuated with any and all of them. And they are used to this happening. She may well try to use it as leverage to get more money out of you. So be careful. She may try to take advantage of the situation once you spill your guts.

[EHguy]

And you've used other escorts before, so you should have no problem finding one you aren't growing a romantic attachment to.

 

It IS that easy. This is SOOOOO much easier than if you had gone on a date. You paid her to date you. If you don't call her, she's not gonna be calling you. So you can walk away, knowing she isn't sitting by the phone wondering if you still like her.

 

You may feel DESIRED, but you aren't LOVED by her. This is her job to make you feel good, and she's good at it. That doesn't mean there isn't some kind of real connection between the two of you, but what do you gain by continuing to see her?

 

Let's say you call her again. You have great sex and you stay up talking all night. Your bond strengthens and your feelings grow more.

 

You call her again. And again. And now - you are in love with her. And she's in love with you.

 

Now what? She still has children. You still don't want children. So you are in this situation where in order to move forward with her, you have to sign up for a life you never wanted.

 

Call a different escort and have fun.

 

Work on putting yourself in situations where you can make friends. A club. A meetup group. A hobby. Whatever.

 

It's your choice, but look at reality here.

- You've had one meeting with her and you already have romantic feelings for her.

- She has kids.

- Kids are a dealbreaker for you.

 

So what? You are just going to continue seeing her, fall madly in love with her, then have to walk away when it hurts 100x more than it would now?

 

You're absolutely right. You make perfect sense. You have definitely put things in perspective for me and I thank you for that. I know you strongly recommend that I don't see her again but part of me wants to. I know you think it's wrong but after reading your posts I really look at the situtation totally different now. I feel like if I decide to see her again i'll be solely SEXUALLY invested in her and not emotional like the first time. Funny how another person's words can have such an impact. Like you said I'm supposed to just be having fun and I think that's just what I'll do. Believe me when I say that. Thanks Pteromom for your input. I greatly appreciate it.

[pteromom]

You're absolutely right. You make perfect sense. You have definitely put things in perspective for me and I thank you for that. I know you strongly recommend that I don't see her again but part of me wants to. I know you think it's wrong but after reading your posts I really look at the situtation totally different now. I feel like if I decide to see her again i'll be solely SEXUALLY invested in her and not emotional like the first time. Funny how another person's words can have such an impact. Like you said I'm supposed to just be having fun and I think that's just what I'll do. Believe me when I say that. Thanks Pteromom for your input. I greatly appreciate it.

 

I'm glad I helped you gain perspective. I think if you can see her and remember it is a business arrangement, enjoy the sex, and walk away without wanting more, fine. I would just keep doing an emotional check on yourself, and be ready to pull away if you start getting more attached.

[pteromom]

And they are used to this happening. She may well try to use it as leverage to get more money out of you. So be careful. She may try to take advantage of the situation once you spill your guts.

 

True!

 

Hi Robert! I was hoping you'd show up on this thread, as our neighborhood escort expert!

[EHguy]

I feel for you. Given how you feel, it would be nice to continue to see her even if she has no interest, but you may not want to do that to yourself. I doubt you could keep your feelings in check. Keep in mind that many men fall for their escort at one time or another. It is easy to lose perspective. I see three girls regularly and could easily become infatuated with any and all of them. And they are used to this happening. She may well try to use it as leverage to get more money out of you. So be careful. She may try to take advantage of the situation once you spill your guts.

 

Yeah you're right. That's why I'm going to tread very carefully. Maybe (and this just hit me) I'll see another one in hopes of forgetting about the other. How do you manage to keep your feelings in check?

[EHguy]

Yeah you're right. That's why I'm going to tread very carefully. Maybe (and this just hit me) I'll see another one in hopes of forgetting about the other. How do you manage to keep your feelings in check?

 

The thing is that I opened myself up a little too much emotionally with this girl and of course it is a new experience. Maybe when I try another girl everything won't look so blurry to me?

[EHguy]

By the way thank you for your understanding man

[Robert Z]

Yeah you're right. That's why I'm going to tread very carefully. Maybe (and this just hit me) I'll see another one in hopes of forgetting about the other. How do you manage to keep your feelings in check?

 

Seeing someone else could definitely help. And the truth is that I have feelings for all of my friends. But that is in part why I see them and not other women. I also know the reality of things and accept it for what it is. But it isn't always easy.

 

And it works both ways. I doubt I would want a serious relationship with one so much younger than I. And if you really knew this girl, you might not want a real relationship with her either.

 

Understand that I'm well over fifty, so for me there is no reasonable possibility of a relationship with any of them. I consider myself lucky beyond lucky to have the opportunity to spend time with such young, beautiful, and exciting women. For you, the line in the sand is not quite so clear, but don't get your hopes up.

Edited August 23, 2012 by Robert Z

[Charlie Harper]

You are lonely and need companionship, so in a word you are very vulnerable and needy of attention, conversation, understanding.

 

If you paid a woman to have sex with you and it was very good and on top of that she made you feel special and gave you the attention you CRAVE. its very normal for you to develop feelings and even try to save her from her "situation as escort".

 

Dont do it they know how to play people around, and she will probably put you in a situation that you will feel like her saviour (nothing good comes out of it), so forget it use your money to travel to buy good clothes go to a Gym, make yourself more as a person and you won't need to pay for a relationship.

[irin]

my advice is get a very good job, save all your money to buy her time with, so you can see her regularly.

[EHguy]

getting this off my chest has helped tremendously but you guys gave me some great advice. thank you. i also recognize that i have some issues emotional or mental if u will. i tried to seek professional help this morning with a therapist i saw a few months back. i realize that i need to improve myself to be able to see these type of things as they are. like that i wont end up getting hurt. the temptation to see this girl will be there as i have her number. before i created this thread i felt hurt and confused but now i see things differently. i am more at ease. thank you

[whichwayisup]

It is what it is. She did her job (very well) and now you find yourself too emotionally attached to her and maybe think you're in love.

 

Please take a step back and re think this. She isn't going to quit her job as an escort, so even IF (and that's a big if - Nothing against you, okay) she does date you, she'll still be with other men like she was with you. Something in me thinks you wouldn't be able to handle that, rightfully so. You want a woman you can love and not share with other men.

 

She made you feel good about yourself. That's a plus. she made you feel confident, she really listened to you, that's another plus.. So, use this to build yourself up so you can find a single woman who can be all yours. Date someone who will adore you and only be with you.

 

I think you're wasting your time (and maybe more money) on someone who is going to (unintentionally) hurt you because of who she is.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I say that your impulse is that of basically trying to 'save' this woman... however, while they're perfectly comfortable opening their legs in ways that would be downright shocking to your old highschool classmates, they are NOT comfortable showing the amount of personal/emotional vulnerability that most civilian people want and need to share in their relationships.

 

While I can see and justify your continuing to see this woman regularly, if only to learn much of the REST of what being around a woman intimately, and consistently, is really like, I also assure that it would be so helpful if you could compartmentalize her, for your own eventual well-being.

 

She may indeed appreciate a sincere, listening 'outlet' for SOME of her problems, but if you were given the green light to pursue her romantically, and you DID so, you would soon understand that she is extremely likely to be incapable of sharing/confiding/trusting at the level that would make the most sense (surely because of something in the distant (childhood) past).

 

In brief: She can offer the wonders she does offer, because she is largely incapable (without intense therapy) of taking the bold emotional risks that SHE needs to take in order to gain the same things from 'real' relationships that you will evolve to take for granted in the future. Without those gains, she will be prone to want to f*ck somebody else at a moment's notice, and/or do other ill-advised things while in a relationship with the likes of you.

[Robert Z]

I say that your impulse is that of basically trying to 'save' this woman... however, while they're perfectly comfortable opening their legs in ways that would be downright shocking to your old highschool classmates, they are NOT comfortable showing the amount of personal/emotional vulnerability that most civilian people want and need to share in their relationships.

 

While I can see and justify your continuing to see this woman regularly, if only to learn much of the REST of what being around a woman intimately, and consistently, is really like, I also assure that it would be so helpful if you could compartmentalize her, for your own eventual well-being.

 

She may indeed appreciate a sincere, listening 'outlet' for SOME of her problems, but if you were given the green light to pursue her romantically, and you DID so, you would soon understand that she is extremely likely to be incapable of sharing/confiding/trusting at the level that would make the most sense (surely because of something in the distant (childhood) past).

 

In brief: She can offer the wonders she does offer, because she is largely incapable (without intense therapy) of taking the bold emotional risks that SHE needs to take in order to gain the same things from 'real' relationships that you will evolve to take for granted in the future. Without those gains, she will be prone to want to f*ck somebody else at a moment's notice, and/or do other ill-advised things while in a relationship with the likes of you.

 

Wow, a complete dehumanization and generalization of prostitutes. Yes, they are all mindless sex robots.

 

I've also heard that once you've had black, you'll never go back. Is that true as well?