People With Wildly Unrealistic Standards

[verhrzn]

First off, imo no one deserves anything. The entire I deserve mentality is f-ing up this country. You get what you earn, or what you take.

 

In some cases, yes telling someone to lower their standards, is essentially telling them they aren't up to snuff to get what they want. in my personal experiences telling someone they need to lower their standards is most often about bringing them back into reality. I used to know who would only date tall blonde women. He would put up with all kinds of other flaws as long as she was tall and blonde. All his standards got him, was a bunch of crappy relationships. He is now happily married to a redhead is who is nicer, smarter, and more beautiful than any of the blonde women he dated. He "lowered his standards" when a mutal female freind walked up to him literally bitc* slapped him and said it's just a color, and a few other choice words.

 

"Deserves" was a poor choice of words, but it is still telling someone they don't get to want what they want because they aren't good enough. That's a pretty twisted idea to walk into dating with.

 

And it's fine that your friend ended up in a happy relationship, but he could have just as easily held out and potentially met a blonde who was just as awesome as his current wife. If it's just a color, then why is it so necessary for him to give it up?

 

"Reality" is far too slippery a thing to enforce on other people. Your reality is not my reality. Your truth is not always my truth. What works for you might not work for me. Lowering one's standards might STILL lead to being alone, or just as bad, ending up in a relationship that doesn't make a person happy.

 

My standard is, I want to be in a relationship with a guy who thinks I am the hottest girl he has ever met. By many people's bar, that would be unrealistic. But that's what would make me happy. I tried getting rid of that standard, and it landed me in relationships that ate away at my self-esteem. In the end, I think it's far better to chase after something that would make you happy and be alone, then lower your standards and end up in something that makes you miserable.

[Lonely Ronin]

"Deserves" was a poor choice of words, but it is still telling someone they don't get to want what they want because they aren't good enough. That's a pretty twisted idea to walk into dating with.

Well, learning you're not the best at something and living with it, is part of being an adult.

 

And it's fine that your friend ended up in a happy relationship, but he could have just as easily held out and potentially met a blonde who was just as awesome as his current wife. If it's just a color, then why is it so necessary for him to give it up?

It was important for him to give it up, because it was limiting his ability to achieve what he really wanted, a happy fulfilling relationship. At some point in his life he started believing that blondes are more fun crap. Just last month he commented I wish Blank had smacked me 10 years earlier.

 

 

"Reality" is far too slippery a thing to enforce on other people. Your reality is not my reality. Your truth is not always my truth. What works for you might not work for me.

You are correct, one to one comparisons are not a good thing. However when a large number of normal people tell you your reality is screwed up, it would behove you to strongly consider what they are saying.

 

 

Lowering one's standards might STILL lead to being alone, or just as bad, ending up in a relationship that doesn't make a person happy.

The same can be said for having standards that are to high, my friend is a perfect example.

 

My standard is, I want to be in a relationship with a guy who thinks I am the hottest girl he has ever met. By many people's bar, that would be unrealistic. But that's what would make me happy.

I saw your photos when you had them up, and while your not drop dead gorgeous , you're not un-attractive either. Imo you should lower you standards. I'M not saying date anyone that will have you, I'm saying date someone who finds you attractive, and treats you well. Your "hottest girl he has ever met" requirement is just vanity, and related to your self esteem issue of needing to be the best.

 

It sounds like you did lower your "standards" based on your comments on a different thread about the new guy you're dating. Congratulations by the way.

[verhrzn]

Well, learning you're not the best at something and living with it, is part of being an adult.

 

You are correct, one to one comparisons are not a good thing. However when a large number of normal people tell you your reality is screwed up, it would behove you to strongly consider what they are saying.

 

The same can be said for having standards that are to high, my friend is a perfect example.

 

I saw your photos when you had them up, and while your not drop dead gorgeous , you're not un-attractive either. Imo you should lower you standards. I'M not saying date anyone that will have you, I'm saying date someone who finds you attractive, and treats you well. Your "hottest girl he has ever met" requirement is just vanity, and related to your self esteem issue of needing to be the best.

 

It sounds like you did lower your "standards" based on your comments on a different thread about the new guy you're dating. Congratulations by the way.

 

Ironically, I did not lower my standards. The guy I'm dating is actually an ex.... and *if* I allow myself, I can easily believe he finds me the hottest girl he's ever seen. (That's what he's told me, anyway. It could be hyperbole.)

 

So, lower standards lead to unhappiness, and actually making my situation worse (I still couldn't find a guy to date me.) Keeping my standards high actually lead to what I wanted.

 

I am actually a great example of how lowering your standards is a recipe for disaster. Again, it MIGHT be keeping people from achieving a happy relationshop.... or maybe their standards are keeping them out of an unhappy one. Maybe if people kept their high standards, we'd have less marriages... but we also might have less divorces.

 

Again, what does it matter if people have high standards? Let 'em. Who are you or I to judge what other people get to want in a partner? Would you appreciate someone coming up to you and telling you you don't get to want what you want?

[Lonely Ronin]

Again, what does it matter if people have high standards? Let 'em. Who are you or I to judge what other people get to want in a partner? Would you appreciate someone coming up to you and telling you you don't get to want what you want?

 

Shockingly enough I have had several female friends ask me what was wrong with their standards. Most of them had unrealistic social standards, and when they adjusted them they found what they really wanted.

 

Personally I have been told mine have been to low, and over the last year or so I've been slowly raising them.

[verhrzn]

Shockingly enough I have had several female friends ask me what was wrong with their standards. Most of them had unrealistic social standards, and when they adjusted them they found what they really wanted.

 

Personally I have been told mine have been to low, and over the last year or so I've been slowly raising them.

 

Too low, too high... see how ridiculous it all becomes? It's all so subjective, what's "realistic" and what's not. Like I said, maybe if we as a society 1) accepted single people more readily and 2) just let people pursue what they wanted, we'd have a lot less divorces.

[Lonely Ronin]

Like I said, maybe if we as a society 1) accepted single people more readily and 2) just let people pursue what they wanted, we'd have a lot less divorces.

 

We will have to agree to disagree then, because I think the we are all perfect little flowers mentality is one of the biggest things wrong with society today. People would rather live in their own little world than deal with reality.

[verhrzn]

We will have to agree to disagree then, because I think the we are all perfect little flowers mentality is one of the biggest things wrong with society today. People would rather live in their own little world than deal with reality.

 

There's nothing wrong with being realistic when it comes to life's necessities... places where things are fact, like employment, the economy, law-making. But why is it necessary to be realistic in love? Love, in and of itself, is illogical. Shouldn't love be the one place where we can really pursue our dreams?

[Mme. Chaucer]

A good personality is somebody who is charismatic and likable

 

 

It doesn't sound like you've met many guys in your lifetime who had that great larger than life personality. They're just as in demand as extremely hot women are

 

What in God's name are you talking about now?

 

You talk about people like they are one dimensional cut out cartoon characters. Are you aware that you do this? It's kind of alarming.

 

A "good personality" can encompass any combination of probably millions of traits. MILLIONS. "Charismatic and likable"? That is meaningless.

 

Also, FYI, "personality" is great but it's not that much less superficial than physical appearance, it's a function of ego. Not to say that's a bad thing, but there is a lot more to people than what they look like and the persona they present to the world.

 

I can throw off a hell of a personality, and of course I have been around men and women who can do the same, all my life. I don't want to be somebody's life partner because they have a "good personality," though I love to sit by them at a dinner party or go to Marrakech with one or two.

[irc333]

It's not even close to telling someone to not be gay. Honestly I think that what the problem is with half the people on LS, they have ridiculously narrow standards, and then complain because they are single, or can't find someone who treats them right. People need to get their heads out of the clouds, and start living in the real world.

 

Exactly, I had recently seen a woman, in her mid 40's, explicity say, "Please, no men with facial hair!! I won't respond, I like a clean shaven man!"

 

Um, all a guy has to do is shave goatee, what's the big deal

[Lonely Ronin]

But why is it necessary to be realistic in love? Love, in and of itself, is illogical. Shouldn't love be the one place where we can really pursue our dreams?

Those who don't keep reality within view usually end up hurt, in my experience. In other words it's good to strive to be or get the best you can, but keep in mind we all have limitations.

 

One of my favorite lines.

[VodkaShots]

That's average? She is plenty cute. That's more of a case of a extremely good looking guy dating a regular cute girl. That's not all that common but it's nothing shocking. I would date and/or marry that girl in a heartbeat if she was a great person/wife

 

She is cute yeah, but still average, regular, whatever you want to call it. There's quite a few people who think she's way to ugly for him, even.

 

BTW pro wrestlers are infamous for cheating on their wives with pro wrestling groupies and divas. John Cena I guess cheated on his wife with super gorgeous Eve. I'm not saying Orton is also cheating but if I had to bet one way or another, I would bet yes.

 

From interviews and stuff, I get the impression they are happily married, and I've heard of Orton being critical of the promiscuous behaviour of some of his colleagues. I'm not saying it's impossible he's cheating, I'm just saying it doesn't seem like he is and there's no indication he is, even if a lot of other wrestlers are. As for John Cena, I never thought he was like that, but it doesn't surprise me either.

 

They're on the road 300 days a year and constantly surrounded by super hot babes who want them. That temptation is too much to resist for most men

 

Statements like this always make me cringe because it's as if you're shifting the blame from the man who is cheating to the women he's cheating with. There's quite simply no excuses for cheating on your partner who you're married to or you've agreed to be monogamous with. Lets face it, a man who is truly committed will not have these issues like having to "resist temptation" just because he works with attractive women. If he wants to be banging them all, then obviously he should not have entered a monogamous relationship with someone else in the first place, or at least have the decency to end it first, that way nobody would be hurt or betrayed.

 

[Not necessarily aiming this at you, I just hate the "temptation" cheating excuse]

 

Fat people are hard as hell to change. They're so attached to food and so stuck in their ways that no amount of encouragement, motivation and knowledge will get them off the couch

 

Trust me I've tried

 

That's true, but still, it's the best advice you can give them is to improve themselves if they want to improve their dating prospects. To actually take steps to make themselves more attractive. Obviously you can't help someone who refuses to help themselves or lists 101 different excuses of why they can't do it - from "bad genetics" to how they've "already tried everything".

 

Someone who wants what they want bad enough, however, will do what it takes to work towards that goal, not sit around and dream about it.

[StillReigning]

What in God's name are you talking about now?

 

You talk about people like they are one dimensional cut out cartoon characters. Are you aware that you do this? It's kind of alarming.

 

A "good personality" can encompass any combination of probably millions of traits. MILLIONS. "Charismatic and likable"? That is meaningless.

 

Also, FYI, "personality" is great but it's not that much less superficial than physical appearance, it's a function of ego. Not to say that's a bad thing, but there is a lot more to people than what they look like and the persona they present to the world.

 

I can throw off a hell of a personality, and of course I have been around men and women who can do the same, all my life. I don't want to be somebody's life partner because they have a "good personality," though I love to sit by them at a dinner party or go to Marrakech with one or two.

 

 

How are you turning something very simple into rocket science?

 

 

A charismatic man is an individual with a strong gravitating personality that can generate chemistry with a large percentage of women. These men tend to have a billion options because of their social abilities

 

 

I'm not saying that you want to sleep with them, I don't even know anything about you, but are you really going to deny that there are a certain group of men with strong social abilities that are very very successful?