Author verhrzn Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 It's because when they first meet you they don't know that you want sincerity. The women before you chewed them up for showing so now they use PUA techniques by default. It's sad but that is modern dating for you. Maybe they could just *gasp* be themselves! And not take rejection so seriously. If a girl doesn't want him to be sincere, why should he care that she rejects him, they are obviously not compatible. It comes back to the idea that "success" to guys means "lots" of girls, not a unique girl who is actually into him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Maybe they could just *gasp* be themselves! And not take rejection so seriously. If a girl doesn't want him to be sincere, why should he care that she rejects him, they are obviously not compatible. It comes back to the idea that "success" to guys means "lots" of girls, not a unique girl who is actually into him. They might have had their heart broken by a woman they were sincere with. This is what I mean when I say that men usually don't truly get over having their hearts shredded by a woman. Most of them are determined for it to never happen again. If it seems that most of the time sincerity just blows up in a man's face why should they take the risk of hopefully finding one time that will be different? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Everyone has a niche of their own they can tap into. PUA does enable some guys to be able to do this. I've found that being too convenient, too "there" (As Xuma puts it), or simply too available has significant drawbacks to a lot of women. There are always going to be exceptions to the rule, but a lot of guys unfortunately don't meet enough girls to have the patience to find those exceptions. I simply feel it's a case of finding what works AND complements your character in a way that highlights your excellence, and minimizes your weak points. PUA/dating advice for men can do that to an extent, but it depends on the material, how you integrate it into your life, and how it supplements your attractive attributes. As for women - well, simply, a LOT of women do respond to the distant stuff. I've done it simply to see if it worked, and it honestly does. However, I'm unsure if it's a majority, or just a easily encountered subset. Likely because the aesthetically blessed girls get so much attention, that the one guy that's being distant with them fries their system into overdrive. "Why is HE ignoring me?" The girls who don't respond to the distant, aloof persona are usually the ones who don't get much attention; the girls who are emotionally secure enough to see through it; and the girls who are so beautiful that guys simply don't ask them out due to intimidation (it does happen - a lot). So it really depends on the guy, who they are, who they want to be, and how they bridge that gap between the two. The dating advice of aloofness simply serves as a template for those guys who put themselves out there too easily without knowing exactly how to handle themselves in these particular social situations, probably because the girls who respond to that, are usually the most sought after and the most encountered type of girl. It is probably that little bit more beneficial to find your niche though - it will be harder, but you will reap more benefits. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 They might have had their heart broken by a woman they were sincere with. This is what I mean when I say that men usually don't truly get over having their hearts shredded by a woman. Most of them are determined for it to never happen again. If it seems that most of the time sincerity just blows up in a man's face why should they take the risk of hopefully finding one time that will be different? Because that's love. If you don't open yourself up and risk being hurt, if you don't try being vulnerable, you are never going to find someone who fits you. Sure you might find a hook-up or even a relationship, but growing into sincerity is a lot harder than just beginning with it. It's better to just be compatible at the beginning than suddenly become this different person. It isn't fair to constantly judge women based on the actions of someone in the past. If a guy can't be himself, without constantly assuming the woman in front of him is going to act the same JUST because she shares the same sex as someone who hurt him in the past, then he isn't ready to date. If a guy punched you in the face once because you told an offensive joke, are you forward going to swear off telling that joke around men? No, you're going to correctly assume THAT guy was a little off. Why blame the entire race of women because ONE of them hurt you? Furthermore, you may be chasing off women who WOULD be compatible with you by acting like this. Thus... breaking your own heart. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Maybe they could just *gasp* be themselves! And not take rejection so seriously. If a girl doesn't want him to be sincere, why should he care that she rejects him, they are obviously not compatible. It comes back to the idea that "success" to guys means "lots" of girls, not a unique girl who is actually into him. And "Be yourself" is one of those sayings that means well but usually is misinterpreted beyond belief, which is why it's usually a bad idea to tell someone this. Because telling a guy who sucks with women to "be himself" will usually result in him thinking you mean to "be the same guy who fumbles about the place, doesn't know how to appeal to any woman and can barely talk to them without screwing it up" . It's probably better to clarify "be yourself" to the recipient of that advice, otherwise it goes horribly wrong. Like it did for me Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 And I have said over and over that I am EXACTLY the type of girl that embraces sincerity and open affection. And yet guys choose to ignore me, and instead use PUA and this other "mysterious" advice. So why in the world are guys ignoring the girls who WOULD be compatible with them Oh, that's right. We're not hot. :-P Really, it just goes round and round. Ugly/non-stuck up girls are perfectly happy with genuine affection. But guys chase after the hot girls, who in turn ignore them for the hot guys. Honestly, what is all of this advice supposed to teach us about guys? That guys are fake, that guys play games because of the mean widdle girls, that guys ignore girls who don't enjoy games? If guys are so sick of having to play games, then why don't they chase after girls who aren't into that behavior? Its kind of like the guy that says he is a great catch but women want jerks. Its about stop putting the focus on the ones that are not interested in you. Games are a part of dating for some people. Dating is unpredictable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 As for women - well, simply, a LOT of women do respond to the distant stuff. I've done it simply to see if it worked, and it honestly does. However, I'm unsure if it's a majority, or just a easily encountered subset. Likely because the aesthetically blessed girls get so much attention, that the one guy that's being distant with them fries their system into overdrive. "Why is HE ignoring me?" The girls who don't respond to the distant, aloof persona are usually the ones who don't get much attention; the girls who are emotionally secure enough to see through it; and the girls who are so beautiful that guys simply don't ask them out due to intimidation (it does happen - a lot). Yeah that's what I pointed out before.... it's all about the hot girls. :-P Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 I had an extended visit with my parents when they were living in Hong kong. I didn't know anyone for a while and just use to venture out by myself and walk everywhere. On one of my walkabouts I ended up at Stanley market and after checking it out, I get back on the bus to go somewhere else. While waiting in the bus, I see a firey redheaded girl, blue eyes, bueatifully tanned and freckles walking towards the bus. I was really amazed by her looks. She gets on the bus and sits in front of me. Without thinking, I introduce myself and started talking with her. She had a nice british accent which made me even more attracted towards her. I have no idea what I said and it's not important. What is important is I was engrossed with talking to her. I completely shut out everything around me. Whether someone near us could overhear what I said did not even occur to me, I smiled alot talking with her. No matter what she revieled to me about herself, I was going to be on her side. There was a lot more to it, but I am typig on a phone and I am not sure I can properly exlain it anyway. Let's just say I was very attracted towards her and was very obvious about it through body language. Anyway, at the end of the bus ride I remarked, shockingly< "the bus ride is over already?" I mean, seriously, I didn't realize we had been talking so long because I was enjoying my time with her so much. I think she realized that from my comment. She smiled grabbed my hand and lead me off the bus. We took the ferry and went had food somehwere. I stayed with her pretty much everyday after that till I left Hong Kong. I have been trying to recreate how I did that ever since. And once again I don't really think I am conveying what I want. Lets just say everything went so right. I think I "deep dived" into her. I ran across some material sorta explaining how to do it. Also wanted to say, I don't go around randomly hitting on girls. There is a pop-up on that link, just x it out. Secrets to Getting Girls: The Art of the Deep Dive | Girls Chase There is a lot about women I don't understand. I enjoy reading other guys veiwpoints on doing things. That guy is trying to sell some stuff, but there is a lot of free information on there that I found very interesting and useful. Nothing hateful about women at all. Look on the right side of that page for links to stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 It's not just the hot girls. I know a woman in my neighborhood who is not that attractive and is on the nerdy side who just broke with her sincere and loving fiance to go and chase some married man who used to use her for sex because he contacted her on Facebook. Sincerity really worked in that case. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Yeah that's what I pointed out before.... it's all about the hot girls. :-P Well, sadly it's kinda true - although I think it fluctuates and varies in demographic. I don't think that guys should be with a girl they don't find attractive, and I don't think that girls should be with guys they don't find attractive either. I think that people can certainly improve their attractiveness (internally and externally), but ultimately, the social butterfly hot babes that everybody knows will always be the ones that guys are trying their tactics on. The irony is that it will happen to those girls so many times, that they will wise up - in fact, that's already happened, which has coincided with the rise of "natural game". Which has nothing to do with "distant and aloof" - it's exactly what it says on the tin . Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 It's not just the hot girls. I know a woman in my neighborhood who is not that attractive and is on the nerdy side who just broke with her sincere and loving fiance to go and chase some married man who used to use her for sex because he contacted her on Facebook. Sincerity really worked in that case. It's true, it's not just them. However, regarding the tactics given, it's usually used on a girl that the guy finds attractive, so for all intents and purposes, the girl will usually be hot - or at least to him. Hot can be subjective to a degree (not completely though). Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 It's not just the hot girls. I know a woman in my neighborhood who is not that attractive and is on the nerdy side who just broke with her sincere and loving fiance to go and chase some married man who used to use her for sex because he contacted her on Facebook. Sincerity really worked in that case. She's not attractive to you, but if she has a great fiancee and a guy who is contacting her on Facebook, then obviously some guys find her attractive. It seems that sincerity doesn't win out for girls either. It's game for guys, and looks for girls. What a sad world. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 She's not attractive to you, but if she has a great fiancee and a guy who is contacting her on Facebook, then obviously some guys find her attractive. It seems that sincerity doesn't win out for girls either. It's game for guys, and looks for girls. What a sad world. She really isn't. She looks like she only takes one shower a month and is generally a slob but it shows that sincerity often backfires. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 She really isn't. She looks like she only takes one shower a month and is generally a slob but it shows that sincerity often backfires. ... Or it shows that she used to be hot, and he picked her for the wrong reasons. Or that there's something else going on in their relationship. You don't know, so don't guess why someone else's relationship failed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 She's not attractive to you, but if she has a great fiancee and a guy who is contacting her on Facebook, then obviously some guys find her attractive. It seems that sincerity doesn't win out for girls either. It's game for guys, and looks for girls. What a sad world. Sincerity works depending on a few circumstances - your emotional ability to handle disappointments, finding it easy to be around MOTOS who are actually attracted to you and other things. I wouldn't bemoan hotness being the purveyor of attractiveness for girls. Sometimes, hotness works against them, sometimes it doesn't matter how hot they are they may be undesirable for a variety of reasons. I've been fortunate enough to see many different variables to most things. I've seen girls I didn't find attractive be like catnip to dudes, just off of the aura they gave off. I knew a girl who was quite big, she had square shoulders too, like a dude. She was kinda pretty in the face but not that much - you know what, dudes liked her. We all did really, coz she was cool as sh*t. Everyone of us would have dated her (hell, I tried to ). Still, anecdotes won't mean much to you so..... Link to post Share on other sites
Kofybean Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Maybe they could just *gasp* be themselves! And not take rejection so seriously. If a girl doesn't want him to be sincere, why should he care that she rejects him, they are obviously not compatible. It comes back to the idea that "success" to guys means "lots" of girls, not a unique girl who is actually into him. Are you male or female? I am curious because it is funny that women so easily tell men to blow off rejection but the main reason women give for not approaching men is because they themselves are afraid of rejection. So whats the word for someone who tells another to do something they will not? Link to post Share on other sites
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