WS' and their ability to compartmentalize

[LoveTKO]

I have been blowing off the MW that I have been involved with, but it only makes her more aggressive in he pursuit to secure me. Keep in mind that this is more of a friends with benefits deal and not some Lala land fantasy about ending up happily ever after. But I recently saw a side of her that totally left me bemused and wondering what planet this creature is really from.

 

We showed up at the same social setting with mutual acquaintances, and she was somewhat dismissive and cold towards me. She did acknowledge me but her vibe was a bit cold and indifferent, almost as if she compartmentalized me in that setting as well; very similar to how I am compartmentalized in her married life. She can act so fake, prim and proper, when in reality her legs are either up in the air on all fours when we're alone. She's talking to me in front of her friend as if I'm a business relationship or a vendor, but her friend knows everything about us! hilarious. what really cracked me up is how gregarious and social she was with the crowd in question, when she talks crap about them to me about how shallow and sorry they are. Her phony nature was rather evident in this setting

 

I'm not attracted to her anymore and I think she feels it. But her penchant for hunting me down for sex like I am a piece of filet Mignon and then to act like a sophisticated socialite when we're together in a social setting....ha! It makes sense why I kept her at arm's length.

[OpenBook]

Didn't Bill Withers write a song about that?

[alexandria35]

Didn't Bill Withers write a song about that?

 

really? I love Bill Withers. Which song? Is it "Use Me"

[skywriter]

I have been blowing off the MW that I have been involved with, but it only makes her more aggressive in he pursuit to secure me. Keep in mind that this is more of a friends with benefits deal and not some Lala land fantasy about ending up happily ever after. But I recently saw a side of her that totally left me bemused and wondering what planet this creature is really from.

 

We showed up at the same social setting with mutual acquaintances, and she was somewhat dismissive and cold towards me. She did acknowledge me but her vibe was a bit cold and indifferent, almost as if she compartmentalized me in that setting as well; very similar to how I am compartmentalized in her married life. She can act so fake, prim and proper, when in reality her legs are either up in the air on all fours when we're alone. She's talking to me in front of her friend as if I'm a business relationship or a vendor, but her friend knows everything about us! hilarious. what really cracked me up is how gregarious and social she was with the crowd in question, when she talks crap about them to me about how shallow and sorry they are. Her phony nature was rather evident in this setting

 

I'm not attracted to her anymore and I think she feels it. But her penchant for hunting me down for sex like I am a piece of filet Mignon and then to act like a sophisticated socialite when we're together in a social setting....ha! It makes sense why I kept her at arm's length.

 

 

 

From the arrogance of your post, she'd do well to blow you off as you have her. Particularly as you refer to her as being from another planet.

 

Hope she realises arms length towards you is too close! YIKES!

[Emme]

I don't see a problem... I really don't.

 

LoveTKO, What did you expect?

[MissBee]

I have been blowing off the MW that I have been involved with, but it only makes her more aggressive in he pursuit to secure me. Keep in mind that this is more of a friends with benefits deal and not some Lala land fantasy about ending up happily ever after. But I recently saw a side of her that totally left me bemused and wondering what planet this creature is really from.

 

We showed up at the same social setting with mutual acquaintances, and she was somewhat dismissive and cold towards me. She did acknowledge me but her vibe was a bit cold and indifferent, almost as if she compartmentalized me in that setting as well; very similar to how I am compartmentalized in her married life. She can act so fake, prim and proper, when in reality her legs are either up in the air on all fours when we're alone. She's talking to me in front of her friend as if I'm a business relationship or a vendor, but her friend knows everything about us! hilarious. what really cracked me up is how gregarious and social she was with the crowd in question, when she talks crap about them to me about how shallow and sorry they are. Her phony nature was rather evident in this setting

 

I'm not attracted to her anymore and I think she feels it. But her penchant for hunting me down for sex like I am a piece of filet Mignon and then to act like a sophisticated socialite when we're together in a social setting....ha! It makes sense why I kept her at arm's length.

 

I think we all have the ability to be two-faced, but some people can do it with more ease than others.

 

The ability to compartmentalize was one thing that bothered me in the A. I had the chance to see him turn on and off, when I called once and she picked up, he wasn't expecting that situation and proceeded to speak to me as if I was solely his business contact. Since our relationship was more than just a FWB scenario, witnessing the compartmentalization on that and another occasion really upset me.

 

I knew he had to compartmentalize, but seeing it in action kind of made things more "real" and more distasteful, as when you share intimacies, physical and emotional and feel so close when it's just you two, but in front of the world or other people you're treated like every other person, it breaks trust, it makes you question what you're REALLY doing and what do you REALLY have? Well for me it did anyway...and I realized that if I am going to invest my emotions and time and trust in a man, it has to be with someone who does the same and where in every light, no matter who is there, he treats me as his significant other and not where we arrange to act like we don't know each other, or he can toss me under the bus if need be, or it's okay to treat me like merely a colleague etc. That doesn't work for me.

[nofool4u]

I'm not attracted to her anymore and I think she feels it. But her penchant for hunting me down for sex like I am a piece of filet Mignon and then to act like a sophisticated socialite when we're together in a social setting....ha! It makes sense why I kept her at arm's length.

 

Ok.

 

And your point of posting this is......?

[LoveTKO]

I don't see a problem... I really don't.

 

LoveTKO, What did you expect?

 

 

What do I expect? A cordial hello and not some supercilious, indifferent expression. Just act like a grown up, similar to how we always interact in front of others. A warm smile, hello, and off on our separate way.

[LoveTKO]

Ok.

 

And your point of posting this is......?

 

 

 

I'm trying by way of hyperbole and metaphors to highlight and describe how it feels to be totally wanted one moment, only to have one thousand umbrellas upon up and eclipse your elated state your mind because you're treated like a nuisance.

 

**don't take everything so literal. When people are a bit upset they tend to exaggerate their tone in order paint a picture so to speak. It's all in good fun

[mercy]

I'm trying by way of hyperbole and metaphors to highlight and describe how it feels to be totally wanted one moment, only to have one thousand umbrellas upon up and eclipse your elated state your mind because you're treated like a nuisance.

 

**don't take everything so literal. When people are a bit upset they tend to exaggerate their tone in order paint a picture so to speak. It's all in good fun

 

Well, how is she supposed to treat you in public, down on all four?

[LoveTKO]

Well, how is she supposed to treat you in public, down on all four?

 

 

 

Only when we're reenacting a passage from Fifty Shades of Grey at a book signing event or something....

[mercy]

Only when we're reenacting a passage from Fifty Shades of Grey at a book signing event or something....

 

Shocking!!

[Emme]

What do I expect? A cordial hello and not some supercilious, indifferent expression. Just act like a grown up, similar to how we always interact in front of others. A warm smile, hello, and off on our separate way.

 

In my opinion you're asking for too much. If your my f*ck buddy you serve one purpose and that's to make me cum. When the deed is done we go our separate ways. All this conversation that you are having shouldn't even be happening. Your a f*ck buddy, f*ck me, shut up, and go your merry way. End of.

 

Be happy she's not nagging you man. Just be happy for the little things. If she's giving you the cold shoulder lets assume she's not trying to draw attention to the both of you. How about this, don't look for any expressions. Do that. You get no warm smiles or hello. You just get to cum for free and call it a day. Change your perception and you'll be fine.

[ThatJustHappened]

I have been blowing off the MW that I have been involved with, but it only makes her more aggressive in he pursuit to secure me. Keep in mind that this is more of a friends with benefits deal and not some Lala land fantasy about ending up happily ever after. But I recently saw a side of her that totally left me bemused and wondering what planet this creature is really from.

 

We showed up at the same social setting with mutual acquaintances, and she was somewhat dismissive and cold towards me. She did acknowledge me but her vibe was a bit cold and indifferent, almost as if she compartmentalized me in that setting as well; very similar to how I am compartmentalized in her married life. She can act so fake, prim and proper, when in reality her legs are either up in the air on all fours when we're alone. She's talking to me in front of her friend as if I'm a business relationship or a vendor, but her friend knows everything about us! hilarious. what really cracked me up is how gregarious and social she was with the crowd in question, when she talks crap about them to me about how shallow and sorry they are. Her phony nature was rather evident in this setting

 

I'm not attracted to her anymore and I think she feels it. But her penchant for hunting me down for sex like I am a piece of filet Mignon and then to act like a sophisticated socialite when we're together in a social setting....ha! It makes sense why I kept her at arm's length.

 

I don't agree with affairs at all and I think the whole situation is wrong, but in regards to your particular situation..you've been blowing her off and you think she knows that you're not attracted to her anymore..and you want her to be nice to you? She's just showing you the same courtesy you've been showing her.

Edited August 27, 2012 by ThatJustHappened
Typo

[LoveTKO]

In my opinion you're asking for too much. If your my f*ck buddy you serve one purpose and that's to make me cum. When the deed is done we go our separate ways. All this conversation that you are having shouldn't even be happening. Your a f*ck buddy, f*ck me, shut up, and go your merry way. End of.

 

Be happy she's not nagging you man. Just be happy for the little things. If she's giving you the cold shoulder lets assume she's not trying to draw attention to the both of you. How about this, don't look for any expressions. Do that. You get no warm smiles or hello. You just get to cum for free and call it a day. Change your perception and you'll be fine.

 

 

 

Don't get me wrong, that part is mutually agreed upon, and we have been living to that deal for quite a while. It just so happens that we're great friends too and help each other out by being on the receiving end of lengthy rants about this that and the other, in addition to really bending over backward and being there for non sexual demands.

 

I felt like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas when he was sitting in his car ranting on and on to Ray Liotta about getting blown off and getting his feelings hurt, "She don't like me cause I'm Italian...a Jew broad prejudiced against Italians!...can you believe that $hit?...in this day and age what the f*** is this world coming to?"...lol

[Emme]

Don't get me wrong, that part is mutually agreed upon, and we have been living to that deal for quite a while. It just so happens that we're great friends too and help each other out by being on the receiving end of lengthy rants about this that and the other, in addition to really bending over backward and being there for non sexual demands.

 

I felt like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas when he was sitting in his car ranting on and on to Ray Liotta about getting blown off and getting his feelings hurt, "She don't like me cause I'm Italian...a Jew broad prejudiced against Italians!...can you believe that $hit?...in this day and age what the f*** is this world coming to?"...lol

 

It's time to cut that out. This is business. Not pleasure. All you're doing is emotionally attaching yourself to the situation. Look at you... she's got you posting on a forum. Choose to do things differently so you won't be affected.

[LoveTKO]

It's time to cut that out. This is business. Not pleasure. All you're doing is emotionally attaching yourself to the situation. Look at you... she's got you posting on a forum. Choose to do things differently so you won't be affected.

 

 

You have to vent somewhere right?

 

It's all good tho; another day another dollar.

[nofool4u]

I'm trying by way of hyperbole and metaphors to highlight and describe how it feels to be totally wanted one moment, only to have one thousand umbrellas upon up and eclipse your elated state your mind because you're treated like a nuisance.

 

**don't take everything so literal. When people are a bit upset they tend to exaggerate their tone in order paint a picture so to speak. It's all in good fun

 

All in good fun? I'm glad seeing how this woman is betraying her husband is all in good fun to you.

 

Sorry, but it isn't all in good fun, not to her husband, but I gather you could care less about that.

[carhill]

On the topic, I did see, in retrospect, a great example of compartmentalization, after full disclosure many years later....

 

As I was 'getting to know' the first MW I ever had contact with, before being disclosed she was married, I was actually being used as a shield, a space filler if you will, as she ended a PA she was having with her employer which had gone on for a couple years. I of course had no knowledge of either dynamic during the period but would learn of it many years later from her directly. I would also get better insight into her family background, e.g. meeting, interacting and observing her family members first hand, along with listening to her, and better understood where the compartmentalization came from.

 

This process was instrumental in a shift of focus when vetting relationship potentials, along with better understanding my exW's FOO history in MC. The combination helped mold a healthier set of criteria for selecting compatible potential partners. People who compartmentalize to the extent I experienced with those particular iterations are incompatible with my relationship style. Both ladies are apparently happily ensconced with new men whom they are compatible with. Good for them. Life goes on.