mnelson1943 Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Ok, so I'm new here and this is my first post, but Im in a situation. Here's a little insight. I was engaged to my boyfriend (gay relationship) for 6 months. He has serious committment issues and has dated many guys in the past, even for 2 weeks. We had been together the longest- at over a year and then got engaged. 6 months later, he freaked out and broke up saying it's not our time, but it will be. He knows in his heart we are meant to be, etc. He then moved 1500miles away for work. Well, I visited him a month later and he fell in love again. He convinced me to move there after a month of begging- every day, all day. So, he flies home and we drive there together. I got homesick the first day there but he wanted to have fun, so he got aggrivated I was having these feelings and I should be happy. Well, the fight escalated and not long after I moved back home. There's more to the fight- his fear of commitment is mainly the big point, and now we were living together. He had promised we would reconcile our relationship in time, but I kept pushing and drove him away. Anyway, 2 weeks later he is with another guy- one of his best friends where he now lives. This isn't like him to move on so quickly and after talking to his brother, it's clear he is not happy in this new relationship and he keeps saying he wants a man to blow him away. (He knows I talk to his brother a lot, so it's mostly a way for him to hint at me). So now I've been summoned to blow him away. I only have a few ideas to do, but need help trying to win him over and be as romantic as possible. Since he lives 1500mi away, this is kind of hard. My ideas: -Fly down to him and take him out or woo him- that costs a lot & since he's technically with someone else now, I dont really feel right & may get embarrassed. Though I know if I'm around him he will fall for me again. -Record and send him a love song (I'm a musician) -Send a 11 real and 1 fake rose with a note "When the last rose dies, my love for you dies" -Send a simple thinking of you card. Any help is appreciated. I just need something so romantic that he's going to be blown away. Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 How old are both of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mnelson1943 Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 How old are both of you? We're both in our Mid 20s Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Ok, so it sounds to me that he is ambivalent about a lot of things in his life and that you're going to get your heart broken. As hard as it is, I'd stop contact with him and his brother. Talking to his brother is just keeping the door open. You need to see the situation for what it is - he picked up already with another guy, already. Feel the loss and the grief and move on. He's not worth the effort of a huge romantic gesture. You're trying to convince him to get into a LTR with you, and he clearly isn't on the same page. Sorry, but that's how I see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 This guy doesn't know what he wants right now...all that is clear is that he needs someone to be with and depend on, he seems like the type that can't stand to be alone. So you going over there to woo him will at best a temporary affect, he seems like the type to get all head over heels in the moment then reality hits and he wants to back away when the bill comes so to speak, he doesn't want to pay up. I think he's used and misled you, therefore I cannot recommend any romantic gesture that I would feel would just spin him around and turn him 180, I think this guy is getting way too much attention and you're just enabling his non-commitment behavior and in the end you'll just end up burned, people like that just don't change and make up their mind and no he doesn't want to change or make up his mind, he's not just "trying to" and failing at it...whether he refuses to admit that to you and himself. Save your heart and emotions more pounding, this guy is only going to use you for his selfish need, whatever your infatuation is with him you really got to step back and ask yourself why you're ok with letting a person do this to you and disrespect you...you're self esteem and self worth have to be rock bottom at this point in the process, you need time to back away and recalibrate before you can see the pain and misery this causes you that isn't really worth it...that fantasy you think you have with him is not a reality and it's not coming back and staying permanent...let it go or you have yourself to blame just as well for the foolishness. Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 This isn't like him to move on so quickly and after talking to his brother, it's clear he is not happy in this new relationship and he keeps saying he wants a man to blow him away. (He knows I talk to his brother a lot, so it's mostly a way for him to hint at me). So now I've been summoned to blow him away. I only have a few ideas to do, but need help trying to win him over and be as romantic as possible. Since he lives 1500mi away, this is kind of hard. My ideas: -Fly down to him and take him out or woo him- that costs a lot & since he's technically with someone else now, I dont really feel right & may get embarrassed. Though I know if I'm around him he will fall for me again. -Record and send him a love song (I'm a musician) -Send a 11 real and 1 fake rose with a note "When the last rose dies, my love for you dies" -Send a simple thinking of you card. Any help is appreciated. I just need something so romantic that he's going to be blown away. The ideas you've come up with are all well and good, but honestly... Are they really the kinds of things that "would blow someone away?" They strike me as sort of shallow and trite. *They might* get your b/f's attention, but you'd have to up the "blow factor" from there. creighton0123, a long-time poster here could probably better advise you. Unfortunately, I haven't seen him around here lately, but perhaps he'll stop by. In the meantime though, I agree with the other posters. I really don't think this guy is worth any grand gestures. I can't help but think there's someone else out there who has less issues, would give you the love and attention you deserve, and for whom you'd have absolutely *no problem* coming up with an endless list of thoughtful and meaningful gestures that "would blow him away." Best, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
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