JD1977 Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 I think when you're going through a divorce/separation you should go to a meeting and pick out a buddy to call like they do at AA. Just someone who you can call that will be there to talk to and help you make good decisions! Lol! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 They're not called buddies...they're called lawyers. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Throughout the county and certainly in Seattle there are divorce support groups, just as there are berevement support groups. Look in the phone book, call your local church, your local mental health department ~ and then go. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 My name is JD1977 and I'm going through a divorce. HI JD! Looks like you've been a member of a very large group for close to a month now. Use it to full advantage. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Tallblueyed Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Throughout the county and certainly in Seattle there are divorce support groups, just as there are berevement support groups. Look in the phone book, call your local church, your local mental health department ~ and then go. *Hi JD. I started going this last week and I really think it is going to make a difference in my "recovery". I am not religious at all, but the group is based upon Christian belief - but it isn't preachy. I don't know if we are allowed to post outside links, but go to divorcecare dot com and put in your zip code. Don't worry about going to a group the has already started (they have start dates), you can jump in the middle of a session. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 *Hi JD. I started going this last week and I really think it is going to make a difference in my "recovery". I am not religious at all, but the group is based upon Christian belief - but it isn't preachy. I don't know if we are allowed to post outside links, but go to divorcecare dot com and put in your zip code. Don't worry about going to a group the has already started (they have start dates), you can jump in the middle of a session. I started back when I was freshly divorced. But quit going and wished I had keep going Link to post Share on other sites
chattykathy64 Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 I thought I had a "buddy" but that person started to take my rants and vents way too serious. Ya know..the vents that result from one party arguing over who bought the last roll of toilet paper, and you msg ur buddy to announce a plot of dipping the quilted sheets with boric acid before packing them and they take you serious. Or perhaps I really do need professional help? LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Throughout the county and certainly in Seattle there are divorce support groups, just as there are berevement support groups. Look in the phone book, call your local church, your local mental health department ~ and then go. I went to a divorce recovery group and it was very helpful. One thing it did for me was help me realize that while I felt my situation was bad, there were people in worse situations than me. For example, one woman had been ill and unable to work. Her H left her in their apartment, no money and all of her utilities were shut off. She was worried about eviction. She only came a couple of times and my heart broke for her. I was going to ask her about trying to get some services, but she did not come back. There were also women and men there with minor children and some babies and worried about custody. I didn't have that worry; my son was grown. There were also people there further along than I was and I could see how well they were doing. I had somewhere to go every Thursday night. One of the best things was that I became friends with 3 of the facilitators and they have asked me help facilitate and I have done some things socially with them, one in particular; plays, dinners, etc. She is delightful and I have started going to a book club with some of them, music in the park, etc. It was a great move for me and helped me in ways that I would not have expected. Mine was through the local Methodist church, but no emphasis on religion. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Great post Steen!! I was actually going to suggest that as well, Divorce Care. It's typically offered through Methodist churches BUT it is a non-religious. You can search on it online and find a local chapter. They help you through the steps of divorce, what to know, what to expect and it is like getting a personal face to face one on one with people in your own situations (and sometimes worse). I'm not going to say that LS is not a good resource, it is....but I would urge people to also rely on local resources and expand the "friend" network. A lot of people find themselves here due to privacy or not getting the support we need from friends not going through our circumstances....but help is out there locally as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JD1977 Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 Thanks Everyone. TallBE.... I looked up the site and found one in my area. So thank you! I just think I couldn't bring myself to actually go. I am more of a suffer in silence kind of person. Have a glass (or two) of wine, shed some tears, and be better in a few months kind of girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Tallblueyed Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Thanks Everyone. TallBE.... I looked up the site and found one in my area. So thank you! I just think I couldn't bring myself to actually go. I am more of a suffer in silence kind of person. Have a glass (or two) of wine, shed some tears, and be better in a few months kind of girl. I am extremely private too; but you should give it a shot. It was painless, everyone was so nice, and there wasn't a big "who is new" moment (I was dreading being spotlighted). But I felt so good being around others, please try one visit, I promise that it is very comfortable and easy...I really look forward to it! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I think it's healthy to have a number of 'buddies' so one person doesn't get worn out. Further, remember those folks who are there for one are people too and have needs and desires in life beyond being a sponge for someone's marital and divorce issues. Pay their generosity forward. Lived it, on both sides. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JD1977 Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 Tall, Ok I'll try to make it next Sunday! But if they make me stand and make a speech I'm coming at you hard! Hahahaha! Just kidding! Thanks for the push! Carhill, I have SO many amazing friends and family that I can talk to. I haven't mentioned anything to them (for which, when they find out what is happening) they will kill me for not telling them! But where I have moved out of state not long ago, I wasn't wanting to call and complain. So in that aspect, I haven't worn out my friends just yet! Maybe it should be standard practice that all divorcees take up kick-boxing! Probably cheaper than therapy! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Tall, Ok I'll try to make it next Sunday! But if they make me stand and make a speech I'm coming at you hard! Hahahaha! Just kidding! Thanks for the push! Carhill, I have SO many amazing friends and family that I can talk to. I haven't mentioned anything to them (for which, when they find out what is happening) they will kill me for not telling them! But where I have moved out of state not long ago, I wasn't wanting to call and complain. So in that aspect, I haven't worn out my friends just yet! Maybe it should be standard practice that all divorcees take up kick-boxing! Probably cheaper than therapy! Oh, call them soon! They will be such a help and it is so nice to know that people care about us and they tell us so. Link to post Share on other sites
Tallblueyed Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Oh, call them soon! They will be such a help and it is so nice to know that people care about us and they tell us so. Check meetup dot com, that is where I found my group (which happens to be in the divorcecare network). I just RSVP'ed and showed up - but I didn't even need to RSVP; I could have just shown up (you don't need to announce if you are coming to anyone - the groups have people coming and going from other groups all the time). Even when I was driving there I was debating whether to turn around; but I just told myself to pull in the parking lot; then I told myself to go in, sit down, and then just be a wallflower and listen. Next thing you know I was chatting away and felt like I had been there before. But there were several people that didn't say a word. Just make the commitment to show up. Nothing more. If anyone asks you a question, just reply, "I just want to listen for now". Everyone has had the same apprehension that you have, and everyone will know exactly what you are feeling (about the first meeting). I will be thinking of you next Sunday and wishing you the strength to 'just show up'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JD1977 Posted August 28, 2012 Author Share Posted August 28, 2012 I just realized that the meeting closest to me doesn't start till 9/23. So I guess I will just have to wait a little longer. Until then, a glass of wine please! Link to post Share on other sites
Tallblueyed Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 I just realized that the meeting closest to me doesn't start till 9/23. So I guess I will just have to wait a little longer. Until then, a glass of wine please! Not so fast there - you aren't getting out that easy... That is when they start the next cycle of the outline they go over - you can jump in at any point. Most people are there through multiple sessions, and nobody actually cares when they start at the beginning of the outline. Just verify that they are indeed there and then show up (check previous cycle) - I believe the it is around 13 weeks. ...next excuse please Link to post Share on other sites
Author JD1977 Posted August 29, 2012 Author Share Posted August 29, 2012 Ok TBE, Have you seen the new Matthew Perry tv show called "Go On?" It is comedy about group therapy for people going through life changes, it's hysterical! You need to watch it. Matthew Perry behaves exactly how I would. Watch it and you'll (crack up laughing) and understand my hesitation. There, how's that for my next excuse?? Hahaha! But to be true to my word, I will call up the church tomorrow and see if they have one going on now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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