atloss4love Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 I like a guy at work I feel like he likes me I want to see him outside of work but he always has a Excuse I know he is married but I just want to meet as friends Why does he keep fighting it if he knows that it is Hurting me why Does he not trust himself I feel like he trusts me I just don't get it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 I like a guy at work I feel like he likes me I want to see him outside of work but he always has a Excuse I know he is married but I just want to meet as friends Why does he keep fighting it if he knows that it is Hurting me why Does he not trust himself I feel like he trusts me I just don't get it Why intrude on another persons marriage? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 I like a guy at work I feel like he likes me I want to see him outside of work but he always has a Excuse I know he is married but I just want to meet as friends Why does he keep fighting it if he knows that it is Hurting me why Does he not trust himself I feel like he trusts me I just don't get it Are you 12? He's married and he's not interested in being friends with you outside of work. He's not obligated to see you outside of work and it's not his problem if it hurts you. Furthermore it would be inappropriate for a married man to start a friendship with a woman who is obviously looking for more. Get over it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Fitz Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 I like a guy at work I feel like he likes me I want to see him outside of work but he always has a Excuse I know he is married but I just want to meet as friends Who are we kidding here? If you honestly believe that you only want to meet this MM as "friends", then you are deep in denial. Why does he keep fighting it if he knows that it is Hurting me why Does he not trust himself I feel like he trusts me I just don't get it Understand this OP: Dishonesty (with your own feelings & expectations) will lead to confusion. Confusion will lead to frustration. Fustration will lead to misery. In other words, if you can't be honest with yourself -then you won't be able to make logical sense out of MM's behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) you don't just want to be friends c'mon, now.....who ya tryin' to fool? grow up. Edited August 26, 2012 by Artie Lang Link to post Share on other sites
SoMovinOn Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Your not asking to understand guys, your asking to understand one guy. That's easy. He's not interested in being friends with you. Link to post Share on other sites
hermione08 Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 They say what they mean unless they are lying cheating ba..rds, which this guy doesn't seem to be. Leave him alone. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 I don't understand how it can be "hurting" you if you're not even friends. This does make it sound like you somewhat desperately want to make a connection with this man. Smart for him to avoid that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Had a look at this posters previous threads. She has been posting about this guy on various different boards here for about a year. She is obsessed with him and he has no interest in her. She has given him gifts, offered him sex which he refused and he has never given any indication that he wants anything outside of work with her. I thought that this must be a very young woman, perhaps late teens, but actually she has a couple of kids, including a teenager so I suspect she is somewhere around mid thirties. Sadly this teenager is autistic and very difficult for her to handle. I have compassion for her because she is alone and trying to deal with her problems by herself. I think this is why she has chosen to escape into a fantasy about this married guy at work. OP I'm sorry if I have offended you by telling more of the situation here but I feel bad for your situation. I think you need real help and support. You are alone in dealing with the daily struggles of having an autistic child and you have to work and pay the bills. I could be making a lot of assumptions here. Perhaps you have tons of support and help. Hard to say since you mostly post about this guy and rarely post anything about yourself or your life. I just think that if your dealing with this by yourself then I can see how this fantasy man at work maybe makes your day a little less bleak and lonely. I remember being 30 yrs old, single, poor, working crappy low pay jobs with crappy hours and no benefits, and with two boys to raise by myself. It was so lonely and sometimes the future looked so bleak. If I had it to do all over again I would have tried a lot harder to find resources and support instead of standing alone on an island of my own making. Clearly this man at work isn't interested in you. I think by this point even if he wanted to cheat on his wife, which he doesn't seem to, he wouldn't do it with you because your obsession with him makes you a scary prospect. You don't love him either. You are in love with a fantasy man whom you have created in your head. Find help and support with your immediate needs, take a break from the fantasies swirling around your head and get connected to real people in the real world. Your obsession with this married man is adding nothing of value to you or your life. It's a waste of time and it has no rewards. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) I like a guy at work I feel like he likes me I want to see him outside of work but he always has a Excuse I know he is married but I just want to meet as friends Why does he keep fighting it if he knows that it is Hurting me why Does he not trust himself I feel like he trusts me I just don't get it I'm confused...why do you keep trying to hang out with someone who doesn't want to hang out with you? Maybe I have too much dignity, but I dislike rejection and try to shun even the appearance of it lol. That is, if a man has said explicitly he doesn't want me or he acts like he doesn't...so be it. It doesn't turn me on to pursue him or insist he is just playing hard to get etc...I walk away and leave it at that. Allow HIM to change his mind if he wants to...but it's never a good idea to force it. Also, let's be real and honest here, you LIKE him...so don't act like you simply want to meet as friends. This isn't true. No one would make a big deal or post on an OW/OM board if they truly just wanted friendship. You're hoping you can wear him down to cross the line or to show him how wonderful you are so he will like you too. It's an old trick. Men do it to me all the time too, try to put themselves in the friend zone purposefully, hoping that in a moment of weakness or because of our constant contact they can woo me into more. You're doing the same. I don't know if he likes you or not, but he seems to be trying to avoid an inappropriate relationship with you and realizes that part of having good boundaries, esp when you're married, is not putting yourself in situation that can get compromising...that is, forming close friendships with women who like you as more. He's smart for not doing that and every woman would hope her guy would be as conscientious about his dealings. People who aren't conscientious are those who say "it just happened"...this case is an example of how someone realizes it doesn't "just happen" but they have to do things to make it happen, thus they avoid doing these things. He isn't trying to hurt you, he is just trying not to be in any mess with you and trying not to hurt himself/his marriage/his job. There are other men in the world who are not married and who may very well like you...if this one doesn't, stop trying to force it and say he's hurting you because he refuses to be friends. He is not required to be friends with you just because you want it...friendships are MUTUAL and based on voluntarily wanting to spend time with someone. Maybe he doesn't trust you or doesn't trust himself...but point is, you should really back away if he is pulling away from you. Edited August 26, 2012 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Had a look at this posters previous threads. She has been posting about this guy on various different boards here for about a year. She is obsessed with him and he has no interest in her. She has given him gifts, offered him sex which he refused and he has never given any indication that he wants anything outside of work with her. a shame, really.....to stoop so low for the attention of a taken(married) man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 (edited) Geeze OP... you seem to be living in your own little world... thinking this guy is interested when he's NOT. He's not playing games with you. He's not being flirty or coy. He's not giving you lovey eyes behind your back... he's NOT interested. He's married. He has a wife at home, and he sounds like a real great guy. Loyal, and he hasn't crossed any lines with you. You "feel" he likes you? Believe me. He doesn't. How are you "in love" with someone you're not even with? Whom you don't even associate with outside of the office? You're infatuated. Nothing more. Stop seeking this guy out. Stop trying to talk to him. Stop inviting him out after work. You're delusional if you think we all believe you want to meet him out as a "friend." Stick to doing your work in the office instead of making up little scenarios in your head. Edited August 28, 2012 by KatZee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I like a guy at work I feel like he likes me I want to see him outside of work but he always has a Excuse I know he is married but I just want to meet as friends Why does he keep fighting it if he knows that it is Hurting me why Does he not trust himself I feel like he trusts me I just don't get it Why does he keep fighting it? My question is..why hasn't he gotten a restraining order yet? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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