Your Ex and Facebook

[sleepy1]

Hello everyone! This is my first time posting here.

 

I'm a 22 year old male. I don't think that giving a long-winded story about my relationship, other than it lasted for a year, it was my first relationship and it ended less than 10 months ago. (Please let me know if anymore backgroundis needed!). This may also pertain moreto the under 25 crowd, but maybe not.

 

When we broke up, I blocked him on Facebook. I was fortunate to be selective with my Facebook friends and was not friends with his friends, so there would be no way I would see what he was up to. I made the grave mistake about a month into the breakup to look him up under a separate account and sure enough I sawhearts on his "wall" from another guy. I was absolutely devastated and vowed NEVER to visit his profile again. That was in November of last year. Over the course of 2012, I've heard bits and pieces of info regarding him. Upto this point, I know he's still seeing the guy who posted the damn hearts onhis wall, lol.

 

I blocked my ex not out of spite, but because I WANTED to TRY to get over him, no matter how devastated I felt. I was in therapy and my councilor told me it was a very mature thing of me to do. My concern, if you will, is that he is still "friends" with my sister and most of my friends. Not only that,but (according to them) comments on statuses, etc. It almost makes me feel likehe can take seeing new pics of me, doing whatever... it doesn't hurt him as much as it hurts me to see ANY new pics of him. And how he could freelycommunicate with people he barely said to words to when we were a couple.

 

I want to know if you have an ex, are you friends with him or her on FB? Did you also block your ex? Did you send a friend request after a certain amount of time?

 

I think my issues with him are deeper and will take more than one thread to unravel. :/ I guess I want to know what his perspective is? Then again why should I care if I'M TRYING TO GET OVER HIm? O_O

 

Please let me know if more info is needed for the subject. Thanks

Edited August 26, 2012 by sleepy1

[madjac74]

Facebook sucks....get off of it. Anyone who cares about you would contact you in other ways!

[RiverRunning]

I would go to some of your family and friends and ask if they would consider not speaking to him anymore - as you don't want any information about yourself or your family getting back to him, you don't want to have to feel uncomfortable interacting with your family/friends when he's also there interacting with them, etc.

 

I would also start blocking this other account.

 

Make a game with yourself: "I am going to go 2 days without looking him up." Then, as time goes on, expand the length between profile visits. Eventually, you can kick the habit.

 

I'd also suggest getting more invested in your own life - find more extracurriculars, start working out/eating better to improve your self-esteem, get involved with family and friends, find a job if you don't have one, etc.

[venusianx13]

Ah, how I HATE Facebook! (yes, I have one, but no, I wouldn't care if Facebook crashed for good tomorrow).

 

I did this same thing (checking up on my ex); it was a deranged urge and it halted my healing process. My ex and I had broken up several times over a span of over 5 years, and I am convinced that both of our snooping on each others' facebook pages is what brought us back together each time. It reopens that window into the other person's world; one that should be nailed shut. I regret having done that. The last (and final) time we broke up, my urge to look had diminished. However, I did it one day out of curiosity. I saw that he was with a new girl and it really didn't bother me. I was actually happy for him. I was well over him and after that one time, I never looked again.

 

I think the point is that you still have wounds from this relationship/man. You are only reopening those wounds and reconnecting with or drawing back into yourself the feelings associated with that relationship when you look at his page. It's a form of sadomasochism. You know it's going to hurt, but you do it anyway, and you KEEP doing it.

 

So, he's moved on? So can you. Stop doing this to yourself so you can enter the final chapter of healing. And once you've done that, you will meet someone new, too, and then I promise you, checking up on your ex will not even cross your mind.

[Samilia]

Hello everyone! This is my first time posting here.

 

I'm a 22 year old male. I don't think that giving a long-winded story about my relationship, other than it lasted for a year, it was my first relationship and it ended less than 10 months ago. (Please let me know if anymore backgroundis needed!). This may also pertain moreto the under 25 crowd, but maybe not.

 

When we broke up, I blocked him on Facebook. I was fortunate to be selective with my Facebook friends and was not friends with his friends, so there would be no way I would see what he was up to. I made the grave mistake about a month into the breakup to look him up under a separate account and sure enough I sawhearts on his "wall" from another guy. I was absolutely devastated and vowed NEVER to visit his profile again. That was in November of last year. Over the course of 2012, I've heard bits and pieces of info regarding him. Upto this point, I know he's still seeing the guy who posted the damn hearts onhis wall, lol.

 

I blocked my ex not out of spite, but because I WANTED to TRY to get over him, no matter how devastated I felt. I was in therapy and my councilor told me it was a very mature thing of me to do. My concern, if you will, is that he is still "friends" with my sister and most of my friends. Not only that,but (according to them) comments on statuses, etc. It almost makes me feel likehe can take seeing new pics of me, doing whatever... it doesn't hurt him as much as it hurts me to see ANY new pics of him. And how he could freelycommunicate with people he barely said to words to when we were a couple.

 

I want to know if you have an ex, are you friends with him or her on FB? Did you also block your ex? Did you send a friend request after a certain amount of time?

 

I think my issues with him are deeper and will take more than one thread to unravel. :/ I guess I want to know what his perspective is? Then again why should I care if I'M TRYING TO GET OVER HIm? O_O

 

Please let me know if more info is needed for the subject. Thanks

 

Hello

 

Don't try and be friend with someone if you don't want it to happen. To try and be the better man will only hurt you, and for what? Honestly I don't see the reason behind it, get more respect from him? That's a no no.

 

You said it yourself, he wouldn't say two words to your friends, ask them to take him off their list, ask your sister to do the same thing. I would say something like "it'd mean a lot to me, I'm going through a rough patch". Facebook, gotta love how we keep perfect strangers on it, and for what?

 

Getting counselling is a good idea, I'd keep up with that.

 

To answer you, I have blocked a couple exs on facebook, I don't want to be bothered, I don't want them to look me up. And I didn't even do the break up, but somewhat people always have to take a pick at your life if you ignore them long enough. I like my privacy

 

A first relationship and a first break up, that has to be hard.

 

Good luck

[Jane2011]

I have one ex who I am truly friends with. He and I were together for five and a half years, and we're really like "divorced" people (from each other) now. It's a true friendship. We've been friends on Facebook since we broke up and never had an issue in over two years. He's my bestie, even

 

Recent 'exes' -- well, the most recent ex -- I never friended him on FB at all. He and I dated for two months, and I know we both saw each other's Facebooks, but he never friended me, nor I him. Maybe intuition was telling both of us not to; things were too uncertain.

 

I don't "block" him from even seeing my page if he wants to go a-stalking, though, because I don't want him to have the satisfaction of knowing I care enough to "block" him. That said, my page isn't public, but I let some things be public -- basic pictures and some really clean,neutral statuses. I never try to 'signal' him by saying anything that pertains to him or is a secret message. I don't bother trying to make people jealous, etc. If he wanted to be with me, he'd be with me. He's not going to be jealous enough of anything I do, so I don't try to make that the case.

 

The person I'm seeing now friended me the day after our first date, and I accepted. He and I knew each other from about a year and a half before in a class we both took. So he had reason to 'friend' me quickly . We're new to dating each other but not new to each other as just people. We're ex-classmates. Plus, if things don't work out, I'll just unfriend his ass....lol.

[tori0001]

fb is evil. i use for animal rescue only.

[denise_xo]

If his wall or status updates or whatever upsets, then definitely keep him blocked.

 

I had one of those 'facebook moments' about a year ago when an ex from a long time ago sent me a friend request. I didn't mind adding him. All romantic or negative feelings are gone, I'm just happy that he's doing well but otherwise not very interested in his life. We just had a quick 'how is your life now' exchange and I haven't interacted with him since. But then I hardly ever use FB to begin with.

[Maeva]

I deleted my ex on FB because I knew everything I'd post would end up hurting him. Let's say I'd add a guy as a friend, I know he'd freak out and just thought that it would be better for us not to have each other as friends.

 

We still message each others sometimes, but that's it. He cannot access my profile and vice versa.

[RiverRunning]

I think friending an ex on Facebook destroys things for a LOT of people. I've mentioned elsewhere here that there were some big red flags that my boyfriend wasn't over his ex-girlfriend years back. I found out they were FB friends about a year into our relationship, for one, after he had lied and told me they weren't in contact (he actually tried the, "But we barely talk on there, and I don't SEE it as contact..." line. His balls were busted for that. It's not like I accused him - I just asked casually at the beginning of our relationship, and he maintained that stance for a YEAR).

 

In the end, our relationship wasn't going to continue so long as he had any contact with her. He was upset and he wasn't happy about it for a long time. When another guy started becoming openly interested in me, he straightened up and she was off his Facebook the next day.

 

I don't think that having contact with an ex bodes well for anyone. Sure, on the one hand, new guy might be thinking, "That's great, even when it ends, I might still be able to see her." On the other hand, while you're dating her, it also means, "She may or may not be going to these guys for advice on our relationship, may or may not still have feelings for them, and may or may not want to get back with them, which may be why she's maintaining contact."

 

And in the vast majority of cases that I've seen and heard about, getting back together and/or still having feelings is the primary reason that people maintain contact. I didn't hate my exes when I deleted them or blocked them - it was to help me move on with my life. I still do not hate them...even the one who treated me horribly.

 

When people maintain contact, ESPECIALLY immediately after a break-up, they prevent the healing process. They are not adjusting to the "I am now back to being an individual not in a relationship" lifestyle. They are still allowing themselves to hold onto the shreds of a relationship.

 

Especially in cases where seeing your ex's life is hurting you, there is NOTHING immature about blocking him so you can move on with your own life.