"i think we should just be friends"

[AMG]

Hey everyone, i know that this post is about to be a bit lengthy, but i want you to know the full details and any help/advice would be amazing. ive got a friend that, since the day i met her, i had an immediate crush (and i thought that it was mutual).

 

So, i first met her in a class that we were both in. it was held in a large lecture hall with about 600 students. i was somewhat late to class and i was looking for a seat. i noticed an empty one and it was next to a beautiful girl. so, i go up to her and ask if anyone is sitting there and at first she said something like "actually my boyfriend is sitting there" and i just sort of said okay and start looking around for another seat. before i walk away, she then says "im just kidding, i dont have a boyfriend! you can sit here". it was a bit confusing to me but i was just like whatever and i sat down. as class goes on, she makes several sexually oriented jokes towards me/being flirty and i start to think that shes into me.

 

anyways, the following week, our lab starts (separate from the lecture) and by some crazy odds, she is in my class AND in my small lab group. so as time moves forward, we got to know each other much better and eventually she gives me her number so that we can be "study buddies". the first time we were together out of class we just studied for out midterm together. then, we started hanging out more often and sometimes just the two of us would chill in my room and watch some tv and just talk for hours and we get along extremely well but it never went any further physically.

 

all this took about a month before we started hanging out 3 or 4 times per week. so finally when i felt that the time was right, i told her that i really liked her and wanted to take her out to dinner or to a movie for a date (this was over the phone btw) and i did it sort of casually. she just kind of chuckles and doesnt really answer the question. she says that we can talk about it the next day (i was going to see her in class the next morning). so i see her in class the next day, and she completely acts as if nothing even happened. i dont bring it up and neither does she. i just let it go so that class isnt awkward or anything, but the next day she comes over just to pick something up from my house and when she goes to leave, i stop her and say that i want to talk to her about that phone call. she says that shes not ready for a relationship and that she went through a bad breakup the previous summer, but that in the future she could see us together (idk if she was being honest or just trying to make me feel better about being rejected).

 

anyways, we stayed friends for months and summer rolled around and i stopped talking to her completely for about a month. she then posts on my facebook wall asking where ive been and that she misses me. we are now talking again and we hung out last week but it was no different from before.

 

i had basically gotten over the thought of dating her until she came back into my life and my feelings for her resurfaced. it sucks because i have hung out with her so many times that each and every time, it is just more torture for me because all i want to do the whole time is throw my arms around her. its almost like i cant be myself because i want to be intimate with her. however, i dont want to ruin our friendship because i still enjoy the time we spend together and she is a good friend.

 

now that you know the whole situation, do i eventually tell her how i really feel? i will note that when we talked about the phone conversation, i sort of said that i was okay with the rejection because i hadnt really developed any feelings (even though that was completely false), so maybe she thinks that im okay with just being friends? also, since i already made a move, she obviously knows that i liked her more than a friend and if she felt the same, shouldnt she feel comfortable to make the next move?

 

PLEASE! any advice would be much appreciated. what would you guys do? and a woman's perspective would be great as well!

Edited August 26, 2012 by AMG

[Humate]

I think you certainly should tell her. It's now or never. It must be absolute torture to be in your shoes and having all these feelings bottled up inside of you.

 

It is also saying something about what it would be like to "Just be friends" if you asked her out and she rejected you. I think you might have to break ties with this girl if she does potentially reject you, because you will just prolong your feelings.

 

It's do or die.

[babycrapgreen]

I believe things happen for a reason. I think in her efforts to contact you again after 1 month of no contact shows she misses you, obviously; whether, it be friendship or more. I think it's far too soon to tell.

 

My advice, I would just play it cool and do not fall for the same routine as you did before and do not make yourself so readily available. I guess finding a balance. I say wait 3 months before asking anything regarding why she contacted or asking her out again.

[AMG]

thanks a lot for the advice guys. i have a little update on my situation since my original post.

 

after we hung out that one time after not seeing each other for awhile, she has started texting me....a lot. about a week ago, our texting became much more more consistent and she initiates the conversation almost everytime. we also hung out last monday, twice on friday, and on saturday this past weekend.

 

nothing has really progressed past friendship still. although, she has done subtle things that make me think that im getting closer. i was making a joke about her underwear and to prove me wrong, she lifted up her dress and showed me her panties, which i was like "FINALLY, IM GETTING SOMEWHERE!!!!!!!!". also, we were watching a movie and it showed a two people kissing, and she made a comment like "you probably re-watch this scene because you're just waiting for that first kiss"...which i am.. i swear, sometimes i even wonder if shes teasing me on purpose...

 

however, then theres the type of conversations we have where she tells me about a guy she works with that she thinks is really cute, however, the guy is married so she says she has no chance, and im just like...IM SITTING RIGHT HERE...IM NOT MARRIED!!

 

i still cant read this girl and im really close to asking her what exactly is going on between us. i think im going to hang out with her again, maybe a couple more times, but at the end of this upcoming weekend, if nothing is happening, im going to ask her where we are heading. i think that its fair to say that i cant be spending this much time with someone unless its my girlfriend. between school and work, i have spent basically all of my "social time" with her and i cant be putting in this much time and effort to just be friends.