FWB, or more? How do I interpret this situation?

[harnold]

Ok, some background. Im a 24 y/o male, she's a 22 y/o female, we're both in school. I've known her since October and I was always trying to make moves to stay out of friendzone territory. This girl has always been extremely difficult to plan stuff with, shes very busy and has alotta friends (girls and guys, which is cool with me). But, we went on a couple dates in December during break, then intermittent nonsexual hookups for a few months, then almost had sex in March one day after class (I went limp), and finally had sex in July. We hung out again last weekend (beach + food) then came back and had sex again. I'll probably see her again sometime this next week, and I anticipate it will go similarly.

 

Let me say that I like this girl a lot and find the prospect of a relationship with her attractive. Since we've had sex, communication has gotten slightly better, but it is still far from what I would expect from a couple who is 'dating'. We only see each other once a week or every other week. That being said, I have no problems with the pace which we are proceeding at... we are both very busy with school currently which might make a full relationship a bit tricky, but I would still like to have potential for that in the future. I would like to bring this up to her, but how would you even call such an arrangement? A casual relationship? I told her after our first time having sex that I would like to see her more often and see where this goes, and while she seemed receptive, it hasn't really panned out as I'd imagined.

 

That being said, it's very tough to read her. Part of me fears that, although I have avoided the 'friendzone', that I may have put myself in the 'FWB' zone instead. Which may be partly my own doing. I always make her aware of the sexual attraction I have for her when I'm with her. In my general past, I have always tried to quickly escalate towards sex, because I believe it represents a barrier that, once breached, acts as a platform for you to have more intimate relationships with your partner. In fact, all my past relationships, we started as 'friends' who were having sex and eventually established a romantic relationship.. it is just that it is so different and so much more lengthy this time around with this girl that it makes me question my roadmap.

 

There are certain ways we behave towards each other. I want you guys to do your best to interpret them and see if you can draw an assessment on how you think they illustrate her attitude towards me (i.e. if shes just looking for a FWB or a relationship). We text only sporadically... every other day, every few days, etc, and the responses are very untimely. And yet, every now and then we will call each other and spend long amounts of time on the phone with each other (1-2 hours or so). We will introduce each other to each others friends when we run into them, but never ask each other to hang out with each others friends (mostly just hang out us two together). We are kinda affectionate in public, moreso than I'd imagine FWB to be (i.e. we hold hands, cuddle, are very touchy, all that stuff). We have no qualms talking about exes or past flings... neither of us are sensitive about that stuff. I say much more sexual things to her then she does to me, but she will reciprocate it when it is initiated for the most part.

 

A few other things I might add. Before me, she said she hadn't had sex in over a year (seems like she's gotten over her 'promiscuous phase', which ended about at that time)... so she's not really a sleaze, which leads me to think shes not really in it for a FWB type situation... in the past she has even spoken very lowly of '**** buddy' type relationships. And yet, she hasn't been in a relationship for 2-3 years or so either... she's an attractive and smart girl with a great personality, so this decision is entirely of her own volition.

 

She's very flirty with me. As a guy, you notice certain things about the way a girl behaves when she likes you, and many people have noticed that about her behavior towards me as well. One of the things you notice as a guy is that way a girls eyes open up when shes sees you if she likes you... sounds faggy but its true lol. Thats the way she acts with me. She remembers the exact date we met, talks about our similar personalities, how long we've known each other, how she wants me to see other sides of her, etc. Sometimes she'll seem disappointed when I don't hit her up for a while. She got offended once when I joked about another girl in front of her. She seemed upset when I told her I might not be attending the same school in the Fall. These are all things that make me question her detachment.

 

One thing I remember. We were talking after our first time we had sex, and she told me that she hope that it 'doesnt change anything between us'. What does that mean? It was in response to a comment I made about how when I stop seeing a girl, I cut off all contact with her.

 

To recap, there are a bunch of signs that she likes me... but then why is it so difficult to communicate/hang out with her! It makes me feel as if she doesnt know what she wants.

 

Again, this situation is strange for me so I'd like some input. Is there a name for this type of situation? How do you read her attitude towards me? And, how do I bring up the notion of some sort of 'non-clingy'/casual (but exclusive) relationship with her without scaring her off? If anything is unclear please let me know and I will do my best to explain. Thanks for your advice!

[todreaminblue]

Ok, some background. Im a 24 y/o male, she's a 22 y/o female, we're both in school. I've known her since October and I was always trying to make moves to stay out of friendzone territory. This girl has always been extremely difficult to plan stuff with, shes very busy and has alotta friends (girls and guys, which is cool with me). But, we went on a couple dates in December during break, then intermittent nonsexual hookups for a few months, then almost had sex in March one day after class (I went limp), and finally had sex in July. We hung out again last weekend (beach + food) then came back and had sex again. I'll probably see her again sometime this next week, and I anticipate it will go similarly.

 

Let me say that I like this girl a lot and find the prospect of a relationship with her attractive. Since we've had sex, communication has gotten slightly better, but it is still far from what I would expect from a couple who is 'dating'. We only see each other once a week or every other week. That being said, I have no problems with the pace which we are proceeding at... we are both very busy with school currently which might make a full relationship a bit tricky, but I would still like to have potential for that in the future. I would like to bring this up to her, but how would you even call such an arrangement? A casual relationship? I told her after our first time having sex that I would like to see her more often and see where this goes, and while she seemed receptive, it hasn't really panned out as I'd imagined.

 

That being said, it's very tough to read her. Part of me fears that, although I have avoided the 'friendzone', that I may have put myself in the 'FWB' zone instead. Which may be partly my own doing. I always make her aware of the sexual attraction I have for her when I'm with her. In my general past, I have always tried to quickly escalate towards sex, because I believe it represents a barrier that, once breached, acts as a platform for you to have more intimate relationships with your partner. In fact, all my past relationships, we started as 'friends' who were having sex and eventually established a romantic relationship.. it is just that it is so different and so much more lengthy this time around with this girl that it makes me question my roadmap.

 

There are certain ways we behave towards each other. I want you guys to do your best to interpret them and see if you can draw an assessment on how you think they illustrate her attitude towards me (i.e. if shes just looking for a FWB or a relationship). We text only sporadically... every other day, every few days, etc, and the responses are very untimely. And yet, every now and then we will call each other and spend long amounts of time on the phone with each other (1-2 hours or so). We will introduce each other to each others friends when we run into them, but never ask each other to hang out with each others friends (mostly just hang out us two together). We are kinda affectionate in public, moreso than I'd imagine FWB to be (i.e. we hold hands, cuddle, are very touchy, all that stuff). We have no qualms talking about exes or past flings... neither of us are sensitive about that stuff. I say much more sexual things to her then she does to me, but she will reciprocate it when it is initiated for the most part.

 

A few other things I might add. Before me, she said she hadn't had sex in over a year (seems like she's gotten over her 'promiscuous phase', which ended about at that time)... so she's not really a sleaze, which leads me to think shes not really in it for a FWB type situation... in the past she has even spoken very lowly of '**** buddy' type relationships. And yet, she hasn't been in a relationship for 2-3 years or so either... she's an attractive and smart girl with a great personality, so this decision is entirely of her own volition.

 

She's very flirty with me. As a guy, you notice certain things about the way a girl behaves when she likes you, and many people have noticed that about her behavior towards me as well. One of the things you notice as a guy is that way a girls eyes open up when shes sees you if she likes you... sounds faggy but its true lol. Thats the way she acts with me. She remembers the exact date we met, talks about our similar personalities, how long we've known each other, how she wants me to see other sides of her, etc. Sometimes she'll seem disappointed when I don't hit her up for a while. She got offended once when I joked about another girl in front of her. She seemed upset when I told her I might not be attending the same school in the Fall. These are all things that make me question her detachment.

 

One thing I remember. We were talking after our first time we had sex, and she told me that she hope that it 'doesnt change anything between us'. What does that mean? It was in response to a comment I made about how when I stop seeing a girl, I cut off all contact with her.

 

To recap, there are a bunch of signs that she likes me... but then why is it so difficult to communicate/hang out with her! It makes me feel as if she doesnt know what she wants.

 

Again, this situation is strange for me so I'd like some input. Is there a name for this type of situation? How do you read her attitude towards me? And, how do I bring up the notion of some sort of 'non-clingy'/casual (but exclusive) relationship with her without scaring her off? If anything is unclear please let me know and I will do my best to explain. Thanks for your advice!

 

 

I am trying to decipher love myself if you find any answers please pass them on.....for now i will share this......be honest if you crash you crash.....chances are you will crash every time you get in a car......in fact far more bodily damage to you......females actually tend to get more bodliy damage than guys.....especially in love....so take the initiative and ask her.....you might be surprised.....and you might get insight to a lot of things you dotn know about her....i wish that it didnt have to be me who crashes because guess what....i cant even drive a car my learners license expired years ago( i used it for id)......that's no analogy i honestly cannot drive....i drove a vw off a bridge once haven't gotten in a car since.....i was only fifteen at the time ant it was a cow bridge...th eguy who owedn the car was luckily a very decent guy who just cried.....and didnt go off at me......still....pretty scary.....just like love..i hate driving i suck i love the passenger seat....i dont hyperventilate then...deb

Edited August 27, 2012 by todreaminblue
typing sucks

[harnold]

lol quite an analogy... thanks for the input!