Either we get married or she will leave me

[The dot]

So let's have it. What is my next step. She wants to get married this winter but I don't think we are anywhere near ready. I'd like to hear mostly from married people with experience. This is serious. I'm close to letting this relationship go.

 

Whenever someone gives you an ultimatum, run! Don't walk, RUN!

 

Seriously, if she's giving you an ultimatum, it means one of two things, either:

 

1. She doesn't care that much about you as a person, but really wants you to do something, and is more concerned about what you can do for her than she is about you; or

 

2. She's bluffing and playing head games with you.

 

Either way, you don't need that drama in your life.

[veryhappy]

You can't agree on where to live, kids, family, work, sex. Hmmm...what chances do you think your marriage would have?

 

End it for good. It's not a question of getting married or not. A regular R doesn't really work with the two of you.

 

5 minutes of sex occasionally since you're long distance will always be great, but it's not by any means a measure of how great sex is with her. Don't stay with a woman who wants you to be done ASAP with sex. Let me paint the picture: sexless marriage soon in your married future.

[suzy70]

How old is she? She sounds too young and immature to get married. Going in pre-marriage conselling together would be a great idea.

I had a friend who got married in spite of some very obvious differences between herself and her finance, and of course, the marriage only lasted 4 years.

I think this girl has a lot of growing up to do.

[MichelleRhett]

The only reason to marry someone is because of love! If you don't want of couse you can't do that!

[cutiepie1992]

me and my fiance have been together for almost 3 years now, and although we have had a few issues throughout the relationship, its been things we can easily handle.

the adoption thing i can see why she would want to, i had 2 kids i gave up for adoption, and my fiance was on board with it, but regardless he knew it was a personal choice. so if you really want it to work with her you might just have to be willing to compromise, if not then maybe its time to tell her your extremely against it.

the sex thing, was a MAJOR red flag for me. me and my fiance have sexual compatability on every level, and the sex is amazing. i put it all out there, he knows exactly what hes getting, even after we get married, if the girl doesnt give you much before, what makes you think she will give you more after? me and my fiance have sex at least 3-5 times a week, if not more. having good compatability in that department in my opinion is extremely important to a relationship that will work, and thrive to succeed.

if she would leave just because you dont want to marry then she isnt the one. she just wants a wedding, not a marriage. or maybe shes desperate. i have no idea how old you guys are, but it sounds like your both in your late 20's? im just guessing here. well if thats the case i could see why shes so desperate to marry. but you might want to live together before you ever indulge yourself in a marriage with someone. me and my fiance have been living together for about 2 years now, and for the most part its great. we know we could make a marriage work and thats why in my opinion living together before you get married is extremely important.

just tell her it isnt the right time for you, or that she needs to let you come to marriage on your own terms. not hers. otherwise your going to be VERY unhappy in this relationship and future marriage. please be careful and make your choices wisely.

[pink_sugar]

Any update, OP?

[veggirl]

Any update, OP?

 

They're prob engaged now.

[MuscleCarFan]

They're prob engaged now.

 

Considering all the red flags that OP posted about, I hope was smart enough to NOT get engaged!