Overbearing delusional sibling

[chattykathy64]

I'm not perfect, I make mistakes and I will always be the first to admit it. As the eldest (by 7 years) of three siblings I have for many years strived to keep the peace as our upbringing was from a very abusive father. I do not kick up dust from 20 years ago when I borrowed a sweater and got a cig burn in it...junk like that. It's in the past, was dealt with why bring it up! My sister loves to re-hash things and position herself passive aggressively and be the marytr with everything! Drives me crazy and I finally snapped! She does everything for everyone and no one does anything for her. Blech.

 

I am disabled, very independent but sometimes my syndrome flares and I struggle with mobility, especially steps. In March my husband took off on me. My sister (good natured) says : "we (family) are here to help" This was reassurring to me as I have always been there to help her. My son chose to come home from college to help me because in two months my sister was always too busy to help and only came over if she needed something. I had fallen down basement steps twice and numerous times around home. MY son was home on a weekend and saw bruises.

 

Long story short (ha ha) I had been sending my sister texts, just some vents about divorce process. She snaps about ALL she does for me. Two days later I ask her to please bring back the blankets she borrowed (they technically belong to soon to be ex, and he might ask for them back). Instead of her just saying ok she breaks into this long rant about how she will talk to court about blankets and blah blah. Im like what? Ok---here is the thing, anytime I borrow my sister something it's just a fact that the likely hood of my getting back in any timely fashion (if at all) is rare. Two years ago I borrowed my bike to her step daughter. I've been asking for it back and told she does no now where it is. Now I am hearing it's gone because I gave it to her. whut? Silly stuff.

 

I have a rare syndrome. My sister thinks she knows everything and telling me what to do because of course her good friends cousin is a specialist in the area. If I am having a bad day with mobility she will ride me and tell me to tough it out beause she just walked three miles with a swollen ankle. She mcoks my medical treatment choices to the point of calling em a drug addiction. . My syndrome is neurological, non-narcotic meds can cause slurring but she is certain I have a drug addiction. Crazy stuff. She now has fibro -out of the blue and self diagnosed. I get diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010 and a few months later she is in stage 3 liver failure. She now mutters to anyone (including kids) she is dying. Crazy. She smokes pot all day.

 

For years I have dropped everything to help any family member including her. My syndrome has progressed and I now need help and have none. She is so delusional and malovelent that she has taken to friends and extended family not to help me because I am drug addict. The posts on FB and such are so maligning that I might seek defamation charges.

 

At one point I suggested we both seek some therapy. Her response: I need no therapyy, I just end up helping the therapist cuz i know more" SIGH. Mental illness runs in the family. I strongly feel she is bi-polar. When she hits these wicked stages I usually back off and a few days later all is well.

 

Normally if we fight, I after a few days will apologise just to keep the peace. I cannot this time, boundaries. Im enjoying my phone not ringing with her screaming at me like I am a child. My son is moving his credits to stay here with me until I can get set up with care. For him having to take care of me when family 8 mins away...I will NEVER forgive. ..nor will he.

[Fugu]

Normally if we fight, I after a few days will apologise just to keep the peace. I cannot this time, boundaries. Im enjoying my phone not ringing with her screaming at me like I am a child. My son is moving his credits to stay here with me until I can get set up with care. For him having to take care of me when family 8 mins away...I will NEVER forgive. ..nor will he.

 

I think the abusive behavior of your father has had long-lasting effects on both of you. I'm not sure that she's nutso, but she's certainly acting like it. But maybe a more accurate way to put it is that you two are simply responding to the cumulative effects in different ways. I think where you've chosen to assume the role of a leader in the family and you've been able to channel that and put your bitterness aside long enough to confront issues that come up, she hasn't been able to do that. She's just been bitter and the stages of life that we all deal with are starting to catch up with her. She may or may not be bipolar -- only a professional would know that. But suffice it to say, she's just a really angry person and she's taking it out on you. Sometimes anger allows people to shift focus away from themselves and project it onto others.

 

The suggestion about going to a therapist was a good one, but she has to be ready to accept that she has some problems, and she has to value her relationships with people over just her own sense of personal satisfaction about resolving whatever anger she has on her own terms. It doesn't sound like she's there and it may be a long time before she gets to that point. It sounds like she wants to deal with these problems in her own way, regardless of the impact it has on people. I guess it's a control thing - she had no control over the abuse she took from your father, but by being angry she feels like she's in control and handling life in her own way. I think maybe when she's snapping at you, maybe she's really snapping at other things (her dad, herself). But it doesn't really help you to understand any of this. You're suffering, and that's the bottom line.

 

I think you should forgive your sister - meaning that you should understand that she's human and she's struggling to deal with her problems. But don't get confused here -- forgiveness doesn't mean acting like nothing has happened and going back to her so you can get slapped around like a rag doll. Forgiveness just means understanding someone and accepting their faults on a human level; it doesn't mean tolerating their behavior or that you even have to interact with them. It means just letting go of anger and moving on so that you can do what you need to do for yourself. Good news is, seems like you raised a great son.

[Radu]

I just find it funny that a pot smoking hypochondriac is calling a 'druggy' someone who has a serious neurological disorder for which drugs do more bad than good.

Her being a victim is her whole identity, your condition is threatening to her because of this.

 

Sounds like you raised a good son, and you found a dirtbag of a man.

 

Out of curiosity, would you mind sharing what the disorder is called ?

I already kinda suspect what it is.

[bluegreen]

Save yourself hundreds of dollars in shrink fees dolls

 

"Her being a victim is her whole identity your condition is threatening to her because of this"

 

Radu got it spot on he has been there I have and more of us then you can count have and will be cute the bitch out of your life as much as you can and let her keep playing a victim for fools that will buy if you mean yourself well you stop buying it simple as that.