junior25 Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 i need some advice my fiance kissed her best friend 2 weeks ago when she first told me she told me she had feelings for him. I was mad hurt sad a roller coaster of emotions. we have been engaged for 3 years waiting to get out of college.we have been together for 8 years total. i love her with all my heart but im really confused beacuse she says now she didnt have feelings for him that she confused friendship for something else she seems sincere about that. she gave me the details about what happened. they were wrestling around or whatever and they kissed though she says now that she wants to be with me that never would change that she was confused about how she felt. she said they kissed once that night and she kissed him back and the second time he tried to kiss her she pushed him away and left. though she went back to the class the next week because she was confused. the funny thing is i iaint mad at her but i would love to beat him within an inch of his life. i still want to be with her but i dont know if i can trust her like i use to. we decided to work it out but i told her no more karate and her best friend and instructor is never allowed in our lives again no talking to him no seeing him no nothing. and she is ok with that she feels that she was taken advantage of that night and he was never really a friend at all. she told me last sunday and we have talked and cried but now we are getting along pretty good were talking playing around joking like we always had but the whole thing is just ripping me apart. can someone please give me some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 If you are both back on the right track then what is the problem ?. She told you it is over, either you really believe and trust her or you have to move away with dignity and respect. You cannot live with those negative feelings for ever. When it comes to forgiveness and trust there is no gray area. It is either you live it or leave it. The ball is in your field my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariesgirl Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 It does seem like you are on the right track. My only advice is that if you really love her, try (as hard as it may seem) to forgive her and forget about it. It might still be in the back of your mind, but please don't let her know that if she is sincere in her apology. Forgive and forget! Just make sure you don't keep bringing it up and holding it against her in future conversations. You have been together a long time, and are engaged. Do you really want something like this break that up? If you love her, let it go no matter how much it eats you up inside. But, if something like this happens again... Don't let forgiveness turn you into a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 Okay she kissed him. Just a kiss. I know it hurts and I know you feel betrayed but there are different degrees of cheating and it was just a kiss. I'm not saying you should excuse it if you feel kissing someone else is wrong but don't become too attached to the "OH MY GOD A KISS!" mentality. It was just a kiss. You already told her it is unacceptable in the relationship. She already said she was sorry and it wouldn't happen again. You both are enjoying your time together. Let it go.. It was just a kiss... Link to post Share on other sites
Author junior25 Posted July 18, 2004 Author Share Posted July 18, 2004 thanks for the advice but its not so much the kiss that bothers me its the fact she said she had feelings for someone else that does if that makes any sense she is only to have feelings for me you cant love 2 people at once and does anyone feel that i am wrong in asking her to NEVER speak to him again to cut all ties with him but you are right i am having a hard time not bringing it up but we are trying to stay 110 % open anything that we dont like about each other anything we want to ask about the situation we decided not to hold back is that a good idea? p.s. i rreally to appreaciate everyones opinion it is helping me get through this tough time Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 you cant love 2 people at once I have loved two people at once. However, having feelings for someone and loving them is very different. I would let it drop for now. See how things progress. You said things are good. Enjoy it and try and keep it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
K.J Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 She was very honest with you and told you, The feelings part for a night was only done because she was feeling right about herself.... Alot of people would not have said a thing to you and would have let it slide. Very Good woman you have there... Please try not to worry about this, You have talked and cried about the situation, she is showing that she knows she hurt you by being there to help you through this... Please try and forgive her...She deserves it...and you knwo you love her... then stay with her...she did wrong and admitted it to you.... Man I wish there were more couples like the both of you, She messed up She told you You both talked You both cried You both love eachother Link to post Share on other sites
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