losingmyground Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 No you did. But you said it wasn't out the OW/OM's ... and here, actually... it is. While I agree that this forum in for the OW/OM....BSs are allowed to give advice. That is exactly what most of us are doing. Just because you may not like the advice, does not mean that it does not hold water. In regards to feelings, I can acknowledge that you guys hurt just like we do, but I am able to take the advice/2x4 needed to correct my actions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losingmyground Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 FYI....if you are just looking for support for you engagement in the affair there are plenty of forums that support just that. In fact, they encourage you to persue an affair. There are also plenty of blogs out there that defend the same actions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 I misunderstood what you were saying and I apologize for taking it the wrong way. Hey, not a problem. I am a BS and for the record, my ex actually DID leave me for her. I never felt an ounce of negativity towards her, either. Even in the midst of it, I always felt that she had done me a favor. Fun fact: She dumped him the day our divorce was official. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 (edited) Hey, not a problem. I am a BS and for the record, my ex actually DID leave me for her. I never felt an ounce of negativity towards her, either. Even in the midst of it, I always felt that she had done me a favor. Fun fact: She dumped him the day our divorce was official. I'm a BS (well..betrayed girlfriend..I know it's not the same but it still hurt like crazy) too, and I feel sorry for my ex's OW. As I have stated previously, she went completely mental and ended up in jail for stalking both of us. She lost her company, her friends, and her livelihood. Her entire life was ruined because my loser ex fed her lie after lie after lie. My ex didn't leave me for her, he tried desperately to salvage our relationship but I cut him off. I met my current non-cheating boyfriend 2 months after our final break up and I'm very happy! Love your fun fact! Fun fact of my own: Evil cheating ex still sporadically tries to get back together 3 years after the fact. His last attempt was 2 days ago when he sent me a 7 page email and a plane ticket to Hawaii. I've since blocked his address. Edit: I forgot the best part..he also sent a naked picture of himself. He's been working out like crazy but he's still a jerk and I'm not the slightest bit interested in him. Ha! LFH..Though I disagree with your chosen lifestyle, I'm not going to say anything about it..but come on, even you have to admit that it's controversial. You have to expect that you will be judged for it, even here. Edited August 29, 2012 by ThatJustHappened Link to post Share on other sites
losingmyground Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 I misunderstood what you were saying and I apologize for taking it the wrong way. I never said they couldn't. As you can see I apologized above, because I thought she was saying that it didn't matter what our feelings were, and I objected to that, since this is the support board FOR our feelings. Just like the infidelity board is the board designated for the feelings of those betrayed and their feelings should always take priority there. I'm aware. I belong to one of those.. and I have one of those blogs. If that was an attempt at a dig, I'm ashamed of neither. Nobody asked you to be ashamed of either. I was just making a point, that if you don't want to hear advice from both the OW/OM and the BS, then join one of the other forums. As I stated, I realize that everyone has feelings. But I am here to give advice not hold a hand. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 I do admit it's controversial and I never expect people to agree. I even expect some judgement... the only time you'll ever see me get defensive is if someone tries to tell me they know better than I what is going on in my mind or relationship. I'm really aware and I take ownership of it. I don't expect everyone to give the same perspectives... I just do sometimes do think that a number of people try really hard to tear people down under the guise of support. I don't think that's cool. If tough love comes from a place of truly trying to help someone and it works then great, but I don't like when it seems like people are being bullied either and that happens too. I try and remember that everyone has feelings, and that the person taht is posting in that particular section is there because they need support for THAT position. So although I think BS have a right to post here, it's never MY #1 priority for them to be babied or supported on this board, just like I don't think it's cool for someone to post on the infidelity board things that seem to dig at the BS. And I think that if the OW/OM reads on infidelity they should expect to hear and read negative and even horrible things sometimes. Because that board is there for BS to vent and grieve and rant and support and it's not about the OW/OM being supported. I don't know if that made sense or not and I'm sure someone will now come along and say "If you don't like it leave" because someone ALWAYS finds a reason to say that to me.... I hope the OP finds a solution she is comfortable with and that it is one that is as kind to the BS as possible, but that she can live with. I never asked to be babied..in fact, I didn't say anything about being a BS until yesterday, and I've been on this board for a few weeks now. I thought that a suggestion someone made here would be particularly emotionally damaging to the BS, so I stuck up for her since she's not here to stick up for herself. Link to post Share on other sites
losingmyground Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 I also do not expect to babied. In fact I am enjoying seeing the perspective of the OW/OM. It helps me understand what happened in my own relationship. It also helps me protect it as much as possible. Infidility and OW/OM is a great way to see the other sides perspective. But again, this is a board for advice. I will state my opinion as dry as I can. I have not called names or spit venom (ok maybe once). I also place just as much blaim on the AP as I do the OW/OM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 I also do not expect to babied. In fact I am enjoying seeing the perspective of the OW/OM. It helps me understand what happened in my own relationship. It also helps me protect it as much as possible. Infidility and OW/OM is a great way to see the other sides perspective. But again, this is a board for advice. I will state my opinion as dry as I can. I have not called names or spit venom (ok maybe once). I also place just as much blaim on the AP as I do the OW/OM. ^^^^^^^This..word for word. Thanks LMG. Link to post Share on other sites
Stephanie Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 This thread has gone off topic. I'm closing this thread and will be going back through and issuing infractions for each and every uncivil and/or off topic response. Link to post Share on other sites
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