Older sister went BERSERK on me last night!

[BklynGuy]

I have a Doctor sister. She thinks she's better than everyone else yet we come from a mediocre background. She had a child at 21 and would've been on welfare had it not been for my nurse mother. Myself, younger sister and mother all helped raise her child. She took off for about 4 years and left her child with us & lived as a single woman while in medical school.

 

We've always had a pretty close relationship but in 2004 I noticed her attitude towards me change. She'd just flip out on me & her words echoed signs of hatred. I don't know what I've done to her. As time progressed these fights have gotten worse & she calls me a piece of sh*t during these fights constantly! She recently bit me on the arm & left me scarred. I'm a college senior & don't get arrested or cause fights etc. Last night she just basically called me a worthless piece of slime because I went for a walk with her daughter. She's only nice to me when I'm of use to her, the rest of the time she basically fights me.

 

While she was in college I worked full-time & would buy food for the family, I've gone above & beyond in helping her & now she's a doctor, I'm a piece of trash in her eyes. Our lives have been different....in that she got her college paid for while I had to pay my own tuition. Now she tells me I screwed up my life. My family is all women & they're extremely abusive....my mother allows most of this. I've just decided to stop talking to her, you think this is best?

Edited August 27, 2012 by BklynGuy

[TripLine]

You need to be passive aggressive and be a man at the same time. Don't let the words hurt you and don't do shlt for her anymore. Ignore her and she will get mad and understand what it feels like to be on the other end. If you want revenge you can even smirk when you see her anger, but no matter what, do NOT hit back.

[spiderowl]

Her behaviour is abusive towards you. Keep away from her and ignore her. She's got some sort of mental problem (if there really is nothing you are doing to provoke her). It sounds like you've been the solid guy while she has gone on to better herself. She should be kind to you as the guy who supported her so much.

 

In your situation, I'd refuse to engage in any conversation or meeting with her and avoid any contact. If she asks why, tell her her behaviour is not acceptable and leave it at that. You need to spend time with people who treat you well, not these hyper-critical people. If you withdraw your company, they will get the message. You deserve every respect and no-one should talk to you like that. Whatever you do, don't become physically abusive like she is.

 

If you feel you need more support, consider approaching one of the advisory services for people suffering abuse. Some are aimed at guys. They may be able to help you to draw the line effectively. Good luck.

[Radu]

I have a Doctor sister. She thinks she's better than everyone else yet we come from a mediocre background. She had a child at 21 and would've been on welfare had it not been for my nurse mother. Myself, younger sister and mother all helped raise her child. She took off for about 4 years and left her child with us & lived as a single woman while in medical school.

 

We've always had a pretty close relationship but in 2004 I noticed her attitude towards me change. She'd just flip out on me & her words echoed signs of hatred. I don't know what I've done to her. As time progressed these fights have gotten worse & she calls me a piece of sh*t during these fights constantly! She recently bit me on the arm & left me scarred. I'm a college senior & don't get arrested or cause fights etc. Last night she just basically called me a worthless piece of slime because I went for a walk with her daughter. She's only nice to me when I'm of use to her, the rest of the time she basically fights me.

 

While she was in college I worked full-time & would buy food for the family, I've gone above & beyond in helping her & now she's a doctor, I'm a piece of trash in her eyes. Our lives have been different....in that she got her college paid for while I had to pay my own tuition. Now she tells me I screwed up my life. My family is all women & they're extremely abusive....my mother allows most of this. I've just decided to stop talking to her, you think this is best?

 

Would you qualify your mom as man-hating ?

[scatterd]

Sorry you are going through this. I understand how you feel,I have a sister that is mean and jealous. I talk to her a little as I can. Anything said gives her an opening to attack so this is what I do, and maybe it will work for you. Try to stay busy when she comes around do not be unkind, but be distant. She obviously has issues with in her self. If she starts in do not comment, leave the room. . She might notice and want to talk to you. If she does let her know that the abuse needs to stop,and that you are not willing to participate in her name calling anymore. Hopefully she will try to make it better. My sister was full of empty promises and left me with no choice but to disconnect from her. I hope yours sister is different. If someone makes you feel bad about your self they don't deserve your company. Just because someone is your family member it does not give them a right to treat you bad. You deserve respect and kindness. When you avoid her you are not being mean your just not allowing the abuse to continue. Good luck

[BklynGuy]

Would you qualify your mom as man-hating ?

 

Most women in my family are divorced or have never been married. My mom & dad had a pretty nasty divorce & I look kinda like him. They tell me I walk, eat & smell like him. I've long wondered whether this is one of my mothers reasons.

[Radu]

Would you qualify your mom as man-hating ?

 

Most women in my family are divorced or have never been married. My mom & dad had a pretty nasty divorce & I look kinda like him. They tell me I walk, eat & smell like him. I've long wondered whether this is one of my mothers reasons.

 

 

Thing long and hard on this one, and then read again your OP.

 

If i'm right, this also affects you, in that you were raised in an extended family of women that can't get along with men.

By that i mean, that you might end up with boundary issues when you do marry, with a woman that will walk all over you.

 

In your present situation there isn't much that you can do, unless you can convince you mum to stand up to her on your part, someone of authority to her.

[amaysngrace]

It's a sad situation you're in

 

I can't believe your sister bit you. I hope that she didn't do it in front of her daughter. It really does sound like the women in your family treat you badly because you're a man.

 

The thing is...you cannot change them. You only have power to change your reaction to them.

 

I know you may feel like its something you've done because they can team up on you but that's not true. This is their problem.

 

Could you maybe move away from them once you finish school and get settled?

[MercuryMorrison1]

I am fortunante in the sence that I have a good healthy relationship with my own sister. With that said...

 

If she ever treated me the way that your sister treats you...I would kick her ass right out of my life! I've got to much respect for myself to allow ANYONE including family...To treat me that way.

[Fugu]

I have a Doctor sister. She thinks she's better than everyone else yet we come from a mediocre background. She had a child at 21 and would've been on welfare had it not been for my nurse mother. Myself, younger sister and mother all helped raise her child. She took off for about 4 years and left her child with us & lived as a single woman while in medical school.

 

We've always had a pretty close relationship but in 2004 I noticed her attitude towards me change. She'd just flip out on me & her words echoed signs of hatred. I don't know what I've done to her. As time progressed these fights have gotten worse & she calls me a piece of sh*t during these fights constantly! She recently bit me on the arm & left me scarred. I'm a college senior & don't get arrested or cause fights etc. Last night she just basically called me a worthless piece of slime because I went for a walk with her daughter. She's only nice to me when I'm of use to her, the rest of the time she basically fights me.

 

While she was in college I worked full-time & would buy food for the family, I've gone above & beyond in helping her & now she's a doctor, I'm a piece of trash in her eyes. Our lives have been different....in that she got her college paid for while I had to pay my own tuition. Now she tells me I screwed up my life. My family is all women & they're extremely abusive....my mother allows most of this. I've just decided to stop talking to her, you think this is best?

 

She needs a psychiatric evaluation. This is beyond just having personal flaws; this is an indication that something's wrong with the brain's wiring. I don't mean to sound insensitive, but seriously, she needs to have an eval or something.

 

To give you some background, the description of your sister reminds me a lot of the description of one of my relatives. He had been having some emotional problems, but were for years passed off as depression. When he hit his early 20's, however, he started behaving erratically and became aggressive toward other family members. He was diagnosed as schizophrenic. I don't know if your sister is or isn't, but that's why you might want to get her checked out. The hard part is, getting her to see a doc.

Edited September 7, 2012 by Fugu