What happened?

[UWWYellowbaby]

I've been married 7 years and have 2 beautiful children. Our marriage has been rocky... at best. But I kept trying. I believe in marriage, love, loyalty, so I kept at it. I tried what I thought would work best for him, I tried what I thought would work for me, I tried everything that people say you should try and SHOULDN"T try... just to get it to work for us. He cheated on me during my first childs pregnancy and I told him, if he ever did it again, he was gone. I knew he would. I didn't want to think that way, but I could feel it in my gut. 5 years later and I find out he's been dating this woman for 7 months and sleeping with her for 5. I got her number and we spoke. She was really nice and really sorry, willing to answer all of my questions and swears she doesn't want anything to do with him now. I believe her. And I'm grateful - he would never tell me all of this. I do need to hear it. As much as it hurts, it makes me feel like I made the right choice for him to leave us. He made up SOO many lies to me and to her. I confronted him, he started to just spew hateful things at me. Worse than ever (he's been emotionally abusive just about the entire time I've known him). Although I want him gone (and he will be) it hurts SOO much to hear this man that I unfortunately still love (out of habit?) say these things. He got violent, a friend of mine on the phone while it happened called the cops and he told me he had a warrant out for his arrest and he could possibly get deported! (He's legal, but on TPS, so they can chose to kick him out if they want) He says this is my fault, I KNOW it's not, but i feel bad. We have two children that love him and I know he loves too. I can't get a status on the LA inmate website, he couldn't call if he wanted b/c I have no money on my debit card to receive collect calls. If I was my friend, I'd say this is for the best. But that doesn't mean my heart isn't breaking. I'm in so much pain I can barely stand it. I've told 3 friends, and some of his family members, but not my family yet. I plan to tonight. But the thing is, it's so final once I do that. I know I want it to be. But it doesn't make it less scary to admit it, to go forward with this decision and then try to make it on my own with two kids, forcing myself to realize that I'll never be with the man I intended spending my whole life with again. This happened last night by the way. Roughly around 8 pm. So I'm still dealing with the initial 24 hrs of this hot mess. It's stupid to get him to stay. I know I shouldn't and it's the right choice. But god this hurts. I love him and hate him so much right now. This isn't supposed to be how things happened. I know I could start over, but I didn't want to, that was never my plan. I know that's his fault and not mine. I know he cheated for a reason, whatever that was, but he's the one who did, not me, so I know there's alot of things not my fault. But I feel like crap. I want to punch him, hug and kiss him and punch him some more. In that order. It's exactly how i feel. I want to be in his arms again, no matter how stupid it is. I don't think I'll ever get that opportunity... which is "for the best", right?

[UWWYellowbaby]

I just saw he got out 10 minutes ago. Hopefully he'll want to see the kids, even if he doesn't want to see me. I do want to hug him and say goodbye though. Is that bad?

[Meatballsmom]

As one who lived through this.

 

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE LET HIM BACK INTO YOUR and ESPECIALLY YOUR KIDS LIFE.

 

This POS is a cancer that will spread to your kids.

 

I didn't until it was too late. I lost my son to suicide at age 22, and my daughter is so evil, drugs, etc., that the state took away my only grandaughter 4 years ago and we haven't spoken since.

[UWWYellowbaby]

Thanks, gridgal. Thank you.