Mount Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I am still in A with the MM, and we gave each other gifts. I would feel so lost if I disconnect with him, but I am scared what shall come.... WWI...I need you to kick my #%$ :confused: Link to post Share on other sites
MourningLosses Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Do you want him to leave her for you or are you happy with what you have? I mean deeply - you say you're not happy with what you have but if you keep going back to it you must be at some level right? I'm just trying to understand the deeper feelings here, the ones that won't go away. Link to post Share on other sites
TurningTables Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I am still in A with the MM, and we gave each other gifts. I would feel so lost if I disconnect with him, but I am scared what shall come.... WWI...I need you to kick my #%$ :confused: Mount, I have been following your story here and there. I dont post very often because I feel reading this site keeps me in my past.When I signed on tonight to check my messages, I really had to respond. Honestly, YOU are not going to be done with MM until you are done with him. Sometimes it takes a couple of times to go completely NC. You have to make up your mind that enough is enough. Otherwise, you are just going through the motions. I feel that each time we as fOW break NC, we learn something new about ourselves, the situation and MM. I dont think you have reached the point where youve gotten sick and tired of being sick and tired. I promise you, you will get there. Something so significant will happen, and you will just "know". I am also sorry to tell you that you will look back on the all the time you have wasted on this (sorry) douchebag and be mad with yourself for some time. I hope that you seek some outside IC sessions to work through it. Just remember, YOU are the only one that can change the situation and circumstances surrounding your A. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted August 28, 2012 Author Share Posted August 28, 2012 Thanks...why you are saying he is this (sorry) douchebag? Mount, I have been following your story here and there. I dont post very often because I feel reading this site keeps me in my past.When I signed on tonight to check my messages, I really had to respond. Honestly, YOU are not going to be done with MM until you are done with him. Sometimes it takes a couple of times to go completely NC. You have to make up your mind that enough is enough. Otherwise, you are just going through the motions. I feel that each time we as fOW break NC, we learn something new about ourselves, the situation and MM. I dont think you have reached the point where youve gotten sick and tired of being sick and tired. I promise you, you will get there. Something so significant will happen, and you will just "know". I am also sorry to tell you that you will look back on the all the time you have wasted on this (sorry) douchebag and be mad with yourself for some time. I hope that you seek some outside IC sessions to work through it. Just remember, YOU are the only one that can change the situation and circumstances surrounding your A. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
TurningTables Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Thanks...why you are saying he is this (sorry) douchebag? LOL..Its sometimes hard to see someone else call someone we love a bad name. So, in other words, I am sorry for calling someone you love or care for a douchebag, but it is what he is for keeping you dangling on a string like this for so long. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted August 28, 2012 Author Share Posted August 28, 2012 Honestly, being age of early middle aged (late 30's), we shall not believe romantic...love...etc anymore. I (my brain) feel myself ridiculous, but without connecthing with him, I feel so lost. LOL..Its sometimes hard to see someone else call someone we love a bad name. So, in other words, I am sorry for calling someone you love or care for a douchebag, but it is what he is for keeping you dangling on a string like this for so long. Link to post Share on other sites
TurningTables Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Honestly, being age of early middle aged (late 30's), we shall not believe romantic...love...etc anymore. I (my brain) feel myself ridiculous, but without connecthing with him, I feel so lost. So, I dont understand, if you dont feel like you love/in love with him..What the heck are you doing? Why are you staying and hanging around if not for love? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted August 28, 2012 Author Share Posted August 28, 2012 No...what I meant is that - from my brain, it tells me it was inappropriate, it might not be love...etc, but in my mind, I can not control how lost I feel if I don't connect with him. In my mind it tells it is love, whilst my brain tells me the opposite:sick:. Also it could be I am too lonely. So, I dont understand, if you dont feel like you love/in love with him..What the heck are you doing? Why are you staying and hanging around if not for love? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 What's another way to deal with loneliness other than connecting with this particular person? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted August 28, 2012 Author Share Posted August 28, 2012 The interesting thing is that most of my time in life, I am used to be alone, or lonely. And I am very picky on man, so this time I don't know I am at failure, caved by him. What's another way to deal with loneliness other than connecting with this particular person? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I am still in A with the MM, and we gave each other gifts. I would feel so lost if I disconnect with him, but I am scared what shall come.... WWI...I need you to kick my #%$ :confused: Oh Mounty..What am I going to do with you! Who are you without him. Who were you before he came into your life. Go back and try to remember those times, that life you had without him in it. Look at your life now. Are you happy? Why are you so afraid of ending it and not having him in your life? What are you scared of what shall come? Break ups of any kind are hard to go through, nobody enjoys it or wants to go through it but it's how each of us learn and grow as a person. Bottomline is this - If you want the A over just end it and make yourself do NC. You DO have the inner strength to make it all happen if you can face your worries/fears of the unknown. It's possible it won't be as bad as you think because really, how good has your affair been in the year? The pain you'll feel once you end it is FINAL and then you can grieve,,really grieve the loss. Right now you're still up and down like a toilet seat! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 This is what everyone tried to warn you about in your working together thread. If you want change...start looking for a new place of employment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 The interesting thing is that most of my time in life, I am used to be alone, or lonely. And I am very picky on man, so this time I don't know I am at failure, caved by him. Seems to me your problem is you don't want to be lonely, but you're turning to perhaps the wrong person for company. So, if it's companionship you're looking for, family and friends are where you'll find that. I agree with other posters who suggest not working together is probably a good idea too. While you have strong feelings for him, being in close proximity won't help you manage those feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyElaine Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 1 grow a conscience. 2 write an abject apology to his wife. No defense, no justification, no "it's his fault too" just. Own. It. 3 get a rubber band. Every time you think of him or want to contact him/respond make it sting and re read your email. Basically think of her. Think of what YOU do to her every time you so much as look at him. Never mind what he's done to get that's none of your beeswax. Own what you keep doing to her. Feel bad about it. You should. Use that to make you stop. Time to process and forgive yourself is long after you've stopped doing it to her. Think of how horrible he is to her and imagine he's doing it to you. Because he would. I promise. Keep snapping that band until you get out of it. And change jobs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 You need to "poison the well". You need to make him FEEL that stress, the drama that you feel and dislike so much. Tell him you are done, and why, Tell him point blank that there will be NO further interaction between you...or you go straight to his wife. He needs to fear what will happen if he breaks NC with you. He needs to see that you are done....and not worth the risk of approaching again. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I am still in A with the MM, and we gave each other gifts. I would feel so lost if I disconnect with him, but I am scared what shall come.... WWI...I need you to kick my #%$ :confused: Oh for Pete's sake, what are you, some twelve year old with no impulse control? What should you do you ask? Do what you will. The better question is: what do you want? Identify a goal and then identify the steps you need to take to achieve it. So is your goal on how to handle being the OW? If so, Im not sure what to say. Lower your expectations perhaps? Make sure you are available if/when he calls? There are happy OW here who can help...I hope they chime in. Is it to be his one and only? Unfortunately you have zero say in that as in none ability to affect your status or hierarchical position. Creating d-day does not necessarily mean he ends his M. This board is a testament to that. All you can really do is wait - hopefully he'll decide to pick you as his next W. Not sure what else to tell you - just enjoy being the OW. You clearly want the role of OW as shown by your ACTIONS. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 What should you do you ask? Do what you will. The better question is: what do you want? Identify a goal and then identify the steps you need to take to achieve it. . This advice sounds eerily familiar! :) That makes it no less sound. Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I get the impression from your postings that you feel hapless helpless hopeless to this mm. Ridiculous! You aren't lost in this man, you're lonely. And if you make a choice to do what's right for you, well you're going to be lonely. So what. I mean really so what. Lots of people in this world are lonely. We don't get a free ticket just because we're lonely. You could be kind to yourself and make a right choice. You're not even happy. At least I've never seen a happy post about mm. I mean really. You sound miserable. Name ten things that make him so desirable, lovable, I know it's wrong but I just have to...Ok, name one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted August 29, 2012 Author Share Posted August 29, 2012 Thanks Mercy....give me sometime to think about....ok? I get the impression from your postings that you feel hapless helpless hopeless to this mm. Ridiculous! You aren't lost in this man, you're lonely. And if you make a choice to do what's right for you, well you're going to be lonely. So what. I mean really so what. Lots of people in this world are lonely. We don't get a free ticket just because we're lonely. You could be kind to yourself and make a right choice. You're not even happy. At least I've never seen a happy post about mm. I mean really. You sound miserable. Name ten things that make him so desirable, lovable, I know it's wrong but I just have to...Ok, name one. Link to post Share on other sites
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