Consolidated Discussion - A man's/woman's height in the search for relationships

[Glove_slap]

Before you read this, I hope you don't judge me for the insecurities I'm about to confess on this post and more importantly I hope you don't project these thoughts onto the shorter gentleman you may stumble across in your every day activities.

 

How do I gain confidence in a world where I'm considered "genetically" inadequate? I mean I and other short men do exist for a reason as our ancestors somehow managed to bypass their genetic "drawbacks" and found a mate of their own. However how do I do it in this modern society where being tall and handsome are stressed to such a degree that you can find them subtly (and more explicitly inserted into advertisements (especially about dating sites), movies (especially superhero movies), tv shows and almost all sports?

 

I have many girl-friends telling me that women only ever for a shorter man because they cannot find themselves a taller one, and to be honest that makes me want to blow my brains out sometimes (figuratively that is). I mean, I wasn't born with such luck but I along with others, we're still human beings, sometimes when I go out partying or clubbing both women and men point out my height to neutralize me in social situations. Short guys are written off as having some pseudo-mental condition - "napoleon complex" which itself is a scientific myth, I mean....I'm just trying to chill, I just want to have fun, I just want to be happy like everyone else and like many people I don't want to step on someone else's happiness in pursuit of my own.

 

How do I come to terms with my height or lack thereof? It hinders my confidence in meeting women more than meeting women themselves to be honest.

 

- I'm 165cm and 21 years old.

[GirlontheLam]

Before you read this, I hope you don't judge me for the insecurities I'm about to confess on this post and more importantly I hope you don't project these thoughts onto the shorter gentleman you may stumble across in your every day activities.

 

How do I gain confidence in a world where I'm considered "genetically" inadequate? I mean I and other short men do exist for a reason as our ancestors somehow managed to bypass their genetic "drawbacks" and found a mate of their own. However how do I do it in this modern society where being tall and handsome are stressed to such a degree that you can find them subtly (and more explicitly inserted into advertisements (especially about dating sites), movies (especially superhero movies), tv shows and almost all sports?

 

I have many girl-friends telling me that women only ever for a shorter man because they cannot find themselves a taller one, and to be honest that makes me want to blow my brains out sometimes (figuratively that is). I mean, I wasn't born with such luck but I along with others, we're still human beings, sometimes when I go out partying or clubbing both women and men point out my height to neutralize me in social situations. Short guys are written off as having some pseudo-mental condition - "napoleon complex" which itself is a scientific myth, I mean....I'm just trying to chill, I just want to have fun, I just want to be happy like everyone else and like many people I don't want to step on someone else's happiness in pursuit of my own.

 

How do I come to terms with my height or lack thereof? It hinders my confidence in meeting women more than meeting women themselves to be honest.

 

- I'm 165cm and 21 years old.

 

Most of the men I know that height are married with kids (I am in my mid 30s). Be more confident in yourself. Women, in most cases are attracted to confidence. That is pretty much #1 on the list (besides being engaging and having chemistry).

[kaylan]

Look OP. Your 21, and men can keep growing until about 25. Usually most are done by their early 20s, but there is still a bit of hope. I was done growing by about 20/21 height wise. I still filled out muscle wise until about 23/24.

 

You have to deal with the hand your given. Just try not to fixate on your perceived downsides, and focus on your better attributes. Thats the best I can tell ya.

 

Most of the men I know that height are married with kids (I am in my mid 30s). Be more confident in yourself. Women, in most cases are attracted to confidence. That is pretty much #1 on the list (besides being engaging and having chemistry).

Sorry, but dont give him false hope. Lets be real here. Confidence is an added bonus. It wont make a girl attracted to a guy shes not feeling it for. So its not really a number one. If anything, people perceive positive traits in those they are already attracted to.

 

He needs to just find women who are into him. OP should try to find shorter women and make sure his style, grooming, and swagger is on point.

Edited August 28, 2012 by kaylan

[blueshoryu]

One of my friends was a short guy, and he dated this really tall girl. Perhaps they both understood how the other one felt.

[Titanwolf]

Ok I'm going to have a swing at it one more time.

 

Dwelling on a "Flaw" (depending on your perspective) isn't the correct steps necessary to overcoming the feelings, that accompany said flaw. You should shift focus onto something that promotes a positive manner of thinking. Negativity breeds negativity and the more you seek it out and analyze said flaw, the further into the abyss you'll throw your mind and sanity. I will say this again, in case they didn't hear me in China. I AM 5'4 and my height isn't an issue to myself, nor the people whom I choose to remain in company with. I was once that guy who was rattled after reading online articles, networking sites and forums (Bodybuilding.com forum is absolutely notorious for tearing into short men without remorse). After a while, it gets old. I had an awakening one day. I wanted to be stronger, I wanted to be smarter, I wanted to take control of all the elements of my life that I could. And surely enough, I broke the grip of self-pity, that the world had bestowed upon me. Though I've become rather thick-skinned, I'm still human and hearing people talk about fellow short men sparks an emotional response from me. You can be damn sure though, that I'll be the 1st one to embarrass people begin who insist on making an issue out of this. Live life for yourself, become the best man you can be. Have strong morals and in time, you'll attract not the people you want, but the people you need.

[GirlontheLam]

Sorry, but dont give him false hope. Lets be real here. Confidence is an added bonus. It wont make a girl attracted to a guy shes not feeling it for. So its not really a number one. If anything, people perceive positive traits in those they are already attracted to.

 

He needs to just find women who are into him. OP should try to find shorter women and make sure his style, grooming, and swagger is on point.

 

We change our minds sometimes. People can start off not that attractive and turn "hot" because we like their personality. I can think of at least a dozen people that I have met over the years where this has happened.

 

But point taken, dwelling on "shortness" puts you low on the totem pole right away.

[january2011]

You have to deal with the hand your given. Just try not to fixate on your perceived downsides, and focus on your better attributes. Thats the best I can tell ya.

 

<snip>

 

He needs to just find women who are into him. OP should try to find shorter women and make sure his style, grooming, and swagger is on point.

 

This.

 

OP, you're going to have to accept that some women are going to discount you immediately because of your height. But it could be your ethnicity, job, weight or any number of reasons. Your job is not to be attractive to every woman on this green Earth, but to find the one woman who will look past what you consider to be your flaws and love you anyway.

[kaylan]

We change our minds sometimes. People can start off not that attractive and turn "hot" because we like their personality. I can think of at least a dozen people that I have met over the years where this has happened.

 

But point taken, dwelling on "shortness" puts you low on the totem pole right away.

I agree people can become hot based on their personality. But thats if they werent seen as unattractive to begin with. You can become more attracted to someone you were initially neutral about. But with someone you deemed not attractive? Not happening.

 

And Id rather people get together over an initial spark. Because too many people get their time wasted by a partner who grew to like them and was only settling for them...as the person didnt really wow them physically. Plenty of threads on this forum have that scenario.

[silicone]

OP, it is difficult.

 

You just need to keep your head up and carry on.

[bac]

Most women are looking for a combination of qualities. It depends on a woman what qualities she looks for. Because we are humans, our social/personality/intellectual/emotional qualities are the most important.

You are 21 and you have plenty of time for your growth in the areas.

My first love was a very short guy. I did not like short guys in general.

But, he was fun and perfect for me personality wise. I thought that he was the best man whatsoever and I had loved him for many yrs. He was very popular with all people including girls.

 

I understand that it is hard to be short. But, it is only one quality.

No one is perfect even if they are tall. Everyone has bad qualities.

You cannot change your height so being focused on it can produce only depression and hopelessness. You might choose to focus on qualities which you can improve and be proud of.

It is not just about your height, it is mainly about your negative attitude about life.

The negative attitude denies the real facts.

The real facts are that there are plenty of short men around who have many GFs, FWBs, ONSs, wives, mistresses inspite of being short. But, all the men have other good qualities. Also, there are plenty of tall men who are rejected by women a lot.

Edited August 28, 2012 by bac

[oaks]

Before you read this, I hope you don't judge me

 

Too late. I already read the subject. Sorry you feel the way you do, but this topic really has been asked before (about once a week)... and you can still find the answers to your questions if you use the search facility.

[KungFuJoe]

Man if you have self confidence issues...run, don't walk...run away from this place.

 

I never knew being a short guy was such a bad deal. What's funny is that I'm 6'2" and I never thought me being tall was any kind of advantage. I've seen plenty of short guys with hot chicks.

 

Then I come here and it's like being a short guy is synonymous to having leprosy.

[rocketman122]

If I didnt see you face to face, before your post, your height would not bother be. with all these guys posting "im pathetic and short" threads, you will seem much shorter than you are. deal with it. work out, dress well, stay clean, fix your hair and focus on short girls. there's millions of them, whats the problem?

 

dont understand what you guys are all yapping about. youre short, so choose to date short girls. im 6'1", but I will not date girls taller than me, and in fact, my cutoff is 170cm so I too have a limit to choose from.

 

you make it seem that all the woman are 166cm and higher and there's nothing to choose from..

[soccerrprp]

Glove_slap,

 

I'm 5'6 (your height) and have never had problems dating. Never. As far as I know, no one has ever characterized me as "genetically inadequate." I've never been dumped or rebuffed because of my height. I know that I'm shorter than the average, but it is who I am. Nothing reasonable that I can do about it. THE KEY IS TO GO AFTER LADIES AS OR SHORTER THAN YOUR SELF. The chances are better that they will be more accepting.

 

I see short and shorter guys than myself with girls every day. To tell you the truth, the height thing is a cultural, as I have observed. I live in diverse part of the country and see that caucasian women are the most unhinged about a guys height.

 

Confidence, keep yourself fit, sense of humor....that will get you what you want in the end. Not your height.

[weallfalldown]

tall, short, fat, thin, we're all different.......and thus unique!!!!.....

[weallfalldown]

this is gay but might make you feel better my man...

 

[rocketman122]

this is gay but might make you feel better my man...

 

 

 

First, it is gay, and second, youre not helping. stop trying to convince/show him that short men do go out with tall woman (which is a long shot), try to convince him its much easier to find someone shorter than him and to focus ONLY on that. there's millions of them to choose from.

[rocketman122]

here's something interesting.. me and OP have the same amount of woman to select from since I wont date tall woman and im 6'1" !!! my limit on how tall a woman I would date is 5'6"!!

[VodkaShots]

here's something interesting.. me and OP have the same amount of woman to select from since I wont date tall woman and im 6'1" !!! my limit on how tall a woman I would date is 5'6"!!

 

What is it with these self imposed restrictions people have? So you're 6'1" and your limit is 5'6".. so I guess that means you're going to reject a 5'7"-5'10" girl, regardless of how physically attractive and how compatible your personalities are, simply because she's a few inches too tall (despite still being smaller than you)? I really doubt it.

[rocketman122]

What is it with these self imposed restrictions people have? So you're 6'1" and your limit is 5'6".. so I guess that means you're going to reject a 5'7"-5'10" girl, regardless of how physically attractive and how compatible your personalities are, simply because she's a few inches too tall (despite still being smaller than you)? I really doubt it.

 

 

yup..happened a few times. I also had to walk away from gorgeous girls who didnt know how to kiss. I see their height and im turned off by tall woman. its my preference. so whats the problem?

[paperboy48]

I wish my only physical flaw was being short.... I am not short (I am 6ft) but I would do anything to be short and have that be my only flaw.

 

I have what is called a pigeon chest...on one side of chest, I have a bone that protudes outward kind of in a V-shaped manner. Not only does this flaw hurt my self-esteem...it limits me somewhat in how much physical activity I can do. I can't lift weights, so as a result I have very little muscle tone to my body which also sometimes puts a damper on my self-esteem.

 

In additon, I have a scar that goes across my chest from a surgery I had done ten years ago to correct my chest deformity which has somewhat reocurred. So, now I have both a scar and my chest is still not as I'd really like it to be.

 

I also have a pretty noticeable thick scar on my chin from a stupid accident I had as a teenager. I also have ears that kind of protude outward a bit more than the average guy.

 

With all of this, I am close to working towards getting the nerve to pursue dating again, I was with someone for 16 years. And you know what, when I was your age I had all of the above flaws (minus the scar across my chest) and I found someone (a pretty cool - very cute girl) who liked me so much (minus all of my physical flaws) because she liked how nice I was and she liked that I was a little goofy...

[VodkaShots]

yup..happened a few times. I also had to walk away from gorgeous girls who didnt know how to kiss. I see their height and im turned off by tall woman. its my preference. so whats the problem?

 

So do you measure every potential girlfriend just to make sure she doesn't overstep such an arbitrary limit? And don't tell me you automatically know someones height without measuring, you can only estimate. Just like with clothes sizes. I doubt it.

 

Nothing wrong with preferences, but generally, that's all they are - preferences, not actual demands or dealbreakers. I prefer men who are 6'0"+ but that doesn't mean I would reject a man who I otherwise completely like just because he's a few " smaller than that.

[silicone]

So do you measure every potential girlfriend just to make sure she doesn't overstep such an arbitrary limit? And don't tell me you automatically know someones height without measuring, you can only estimate. Just like with clothes sizes. I doubt it.

 

Nothing wrong with preferences, but generally, that's all they are - preferences, not actual demands or dealbreakers. I prefer men who are 6'0"+ but that doesn't mean I would reject a man who I otherwise completely like just because he's a few " smaller than that.

 

What are you requirements? I mean, would you go out with someone my height, 5'2"?

[rocketman122]

So do you measure every potential girlfriend just to make sure she doesn't overstep such an arbitrary limit? And don't tell me you automatically know someones height without measuring, you can only estimate. Just like with clothes sizes. I doubt it.

 

Nothing wrong with preferences, but generally, that's all they are - preferences, not actual demands or dealbreakers. I prefer men who are 6'0"+ but that doesn't mean I would reject a man who I otherwise completely like just because he's a few " smaller than that.

 

I dont need to measure..it says so in their online profile. generally woman dont lie about the height. weight, yes, age, yes, but not height. I prefer to be taller by a nice margin. its how I like it. its not a dealbreaker because I never flirt with them to begin with. and I say "no thank you" to those who send me messages who are taller than I wish to date.

 

many woman note in their profiles they are not willing to compromise on height in a man and some of them are really short. so just like woman want to date tall men, I prefer shortish woman..its my preference. just like some guys want to date blondes. I also prefer very pale skinned woman.

 

Just came back from the gym and was thinking about this when looking at this trainer who works there. she's tall as hell. I think around 180cm. beautiful girl. nice body. but she's thick, and it makes her look very big. I couldnt see myself dating her. too much for me.

[mesmerized]

If you don't have the height, you can work on other things that women find attractive. Luckily for you women are not as shallow as men about looks so you can offer much more than your looks.