Consolidated Discussion - A man's/woman's height in the search for relationships

[AD1980]

What sucks the most is when women choose to talk to guys taller than you.

 

I actually had a girl yesterday that I was talking to, immediately turn around and start talking to a taller guy and she completely forgot that I was there.

 

I've also known this girl for about a month and talked to her frequently in class. I was getting close to asking her out, and I know that I'd just be wasting my time.

 

Yeah tall guy will win out over the short guy 99.9% of the time

[Bruce Leigh]

I don't like the notion that a short guy has to make up for his "supposed lack" of height.

 

Things like have a good sense of humor, nice dress sense, suitable hairstyle, be a good listener, so many things to list.

Perhaps the most important thing to do is "Don't give a **** about people who don't give a **** about you"

 

Shouldn't every person be doing this anyway, regardless of how tall they are?

 

But when people list these things and others like it as a means to make up for some perceived physical deficiency, it can come across as incredibly condescending.

[hasaquestion]

I don't like the notion that a short guy has to make up for his "supposed lack" of height.

 

Things like have a good sense of humor, nice dress sense, suitable hairstyle, be a good listener, so many things to list.

Perhaps the most important thing to do is "Don't give a **** about people who don't give a **** about you"

 

Shouldn't every person be doing this anyway, regardless of how tall they are?

 

But when people list these things and others like it as a means to make up for some perceived physical deficiency, it can come across as incredibly condescending.

 

Why is it condescending?

 

I want to date Ariana Grande. I don't look as good as Ariana Grande. To convince her to date me I'd need to make up the difference in my looks and hers. That's not condescending Ariana Grande's just hotter than me.

[Bruce Leigh]

Why is it condescending?

I want to date Ariana Grande. I don't look as good as Ariana Grande. To convince her to date me I'd need to make up the difference in my looks and hers. That's not condescending Ariana Grande's just hotter than me.

 

Its all about perception i guess.

If someone else perceives you to be lacking in A and say you need to make up for it by being better at B, C and D, how would that make you feel?

What if you are constantly improving B, C and D anyway?

 

Why should A be considered a negative in the first place?

If you believe that, it will eat away at you.

If A can't be changed, its needs to be accepted.

Then hopefully loved later on.

[AD1980]

I don't like the notion that a short guy has to make up for his "supposed lack" of height.

 

Things like have a good sense of humor, nice dress sense, suitable hairstyle, be a good listener, so many things to list.

Perhaps the most important thing to do is "Don't give a **** about people who don't give a **** about you"

 

Shouldn't every person be doing this anyway, regardless of how tall they are?

 

But when people list these things and others like it as a means to make up for some perceived physical deficiency, it can come across as incredibly condescending.

 

yeah it makes it sound like a tall guy could have no other positive traits except be tall and women will flock to him

[hasaquestion]

Its all about perception i guess.

If someone else perceives you to be lacking in A and say you need to make up for it by being better at B, C and D, how would that make you feel?

What if you are constantly improving B, C and D anyway?

 

Why should A be considered a negative in the first place?

If you believe that, it will eat away at you.

If A can't be changed, its needs to be accepted.

Then hopefully loved later on.

 

Why should it eat away at you?

 

Its just the randomness of the world. Earth has oxygen, Mars does not. Some guys are more handsome than others.

 

It amuses me that 90% of the time, men chase women with shallow criteria in mind, and then when they get turned down, they complain about women being shallow.

 

You can't have it both ways. You can't expect to be able to be shallow and want a physically attractive partner, but hold the opposite sex to some kind of hermetic dating standard. There's lots of women out there who don't get any love at all. Most men get rejected for the same reason they haven't even considered those women - so-called "shallow" reasons.

 

Truly getting over appearance is about accepting that it doesn't define you AND accepting that it doesn't define other people to you. Seems like nowadays everyone wants the former but not the latter. Doesn't work that way.

[somedude81]

Why should it eat away at you?

 

Its just the randomness of the world. Earth has oxygen, Mars does not. Some guys are more handsome than others.

 

It amuses me that 90% of the time, men chase women with shallow criteria in mind, and then when they get turned down, they complain about women being shallow.

 

You can't have it both ways. You can't expect to be able to be shallow and want a physically attractive partner, but hold the opposite sex to some kind of hermetic dating standard. There's lots of women out there who don't get any love at all. Most men get rejected for the same reason they haven't even considered those women - so-called "shallow" reasons.

 

Truly getting over appearance is about accepting that it doesn't define you AND accepting that it doesn't define other people to you. Seems like nowadays everyone wants the former but not the latter. Doesn't work that way.

From what I can tell, very few men are actually shallow and few would actually reject a woman for a stupid reason.

 

Women are far more likely to reject men based on some criteria that he can't control.

[Bruce Leigh]

Women are far more likely to reject men based on some criteria that he can't control.

 

Yet there are women who don't care about these criteria but yet some men focus on the women who do. They dont give a **** about you so why would you give a **** about them?

Its all about interest. If they arent interested in you, why should you be interested in them anymore?

Move on and find someone that is interested.

[hasaquestion]

From what I can tell, very few men are actually shallow and few would actually reject a woman for a stupid reason.

 

Women are far more likely to reject men based on some criteria that he can't control.

 

Women care way less about appearance than men. For most men its 90% of the picture. Women are judged by looks, looks, looks, and then everything else is icing on the cake.

 

How many men do you know who spend more than an hour getting ready in the morning? When you're a guy you can get dates with a charming personality or by being "impressive" outside of your physical appearance. If you're a girl? Its far harder. Men have it easy.

 

 

Yet there are women who don't care about these criteria but yet some men focus on the women who do. They dont give a **** about you so why would you give a **** about them?

Its all about interest. If they arent interested in you, why should you be interested in them anymore?

Move on and find someone that is interested.

 

I think this is a great attitude to have. Judge others as you wish to be judged.

[Bruce Leigh]

Women care way less about appearance than men.

 

I think this is a great attitude to have. Judge others as you wish to be judged.

 

Why do women always want their men to dress a certain way or give advice to men on how to dress if that is true? Just one example.

 

Not giving a **** about someone is not the same as judging.

Most people make a judgement on people but think of how much healthier it would be if people didn't.

I have approached women and been told "not interested"

I have told women the same thing myself but I don't judge them and I hope they dont judge me when I say "not interested".

Its really just "not interested".

[somedude81]

Women care way less about appearance than men. For most men its 90% of the picture. Women are judged by looks, looks, looks, and then everything else is icing on the cake.

 

How many men do you know who spend more than an hour getting ready in the morning? When you're a guy you can get dates with a charming personality or by being "impressive" outside of your physical appearance. If you're a girl? Its far harder. Men have it easy.

If women cared as little about looks as you want us to believe then they would be accepting dates from a hell of a lot more men then they are already.

 

Frankly I will say that men care about women's looks less than women care about men's.

 

As for taking an hour to get ready in the morning. I could take two hours to get ready or I could take 30 minuets, the end result would be the same. There just isn't that much men can do.

 

How long do you think it would take for a girl with a pixie cut and had skin too sensitive to wear makeup to get ready in the morning? That's what men pretty much are, women with very short hair who can't wear makeup because it's not socially acceptable.

[topaMAXX]

Women care way less about appearance than men. For most men its 90% of the picture. Women are judged by looks, looks, looks, and then everything else is icing on the cake.

 

How many men do you know who spend more than an hour getting ready in the morning? When you're a guy you can get dates with a charming personality or by being "impressive" outside of your physical appearance. If you're a girl? Its far harder. Men have it easy.

 

 

 

 

I think this is a great attitude to have. Judge others as you wish to be judged.

 

While I disagree with SD on many things, I don't on this.

 

In most cases, women are just as shallow when it comes to looks as men. The major difference is that most men JUST want someone that's good-looking. With most women, you have to be attractive just to get through the door. Then you have to have a whole laundry list of other qualities.

 

Sorry man, but your post is borderline white knight-ing. Totally false. And you'll see that if you spend enough time around women.

[hasaquestion]

While I disagree with SD on many things, I don't on this.

 

In most cases, women are just as shallow when it comes to looks as men. The major difference is that most men JUST want someone that's good-looking. With most women, you have to be attractive just to get through the door. Then you have to have a whole laundry list of other qualities.

 

Sorry man, but your post is borderline white knight-ing. Totally false. And you'll see that if you spend enough time around women.

 

Wait so the fact that I'm not bitter or consumed with sexual frustration means I don't spend any time around women? What does white knight-ing even mean?

 

With PEOPLE, if you are more attractive than someone, they will generally come to you.

 

Difference is, men can do other things to make up for their looks in the eyes of women. Money, personality, etc. Men don't go downmarket nearly as often when choosing women. And when they do they are much more likely to be unhappy, as UCLA researchers have demonstrated.

 

I have no dog in this fight. I'm a guy. Its just funny to me watching men try to blame their inability to land women with greater social capital than them on some kind of gendered lack of interest in personality. Dudes love chicks who look good. I love chicks who look good. If I don't go on a 2nd date its probably because she wasn't hot enough. I'm not going to pretend I don't to be faux outraged about why girls don't "love my personality".

 

And frankly most guys who think they have a plus personality don't - its just unquantifiable and easier to have delusions about.

[topaMAXX]

Wait so the fact that I'm not bitter or consumed with sexual frustration means I don't spend any time around women?

 

Disagreeing with you doesn't make a person bitter, champ.

 

What does white knight-ing even mean?

 

In this case, you are sticking up for women to make them seem better (less superficial) than men.

 

With PEOPLE, if you are more attractive than someone, they will generally come to you.

 

So you agree with me then.

 

Difference is, men can do other things to make up for their looks in the eyes of women. Money, personality, etc. Men don't go downmarket nearly as often when choosing women. And when they do they are much more likely to be unhappy, as UCLA researchers have demonstrated.

 

Money generally doesn't matter to women at all. That's a myth....and if you think about it, it makes sense that it's a myth.

 

A good personality could make an average guy or above average guy seem a bit more attractive. Like most other things, it matters a bit, for sure. But so do looks.

 

I know way less picky guys than girls.

 

I have no dog in this fight. I'm a guy. Its just funny to me watching men try to blame their inability to land women with greater social capital than them on some kind of gendered lack of interest in personality. Dudes love chicks who look good. I love chicks who look good. If I don't go on a 2nd date its probably because she wasn't hot enough. I'm not going to pretend I don't to be faux outraged about why girls don't "love my personality".

 

And frankly most guys who think they have a plus personality don't - its just unquantifiable and easier to have delusions about.

 

Obviously, none of us know each other's personality off of this forum.

 

As I said before, personality matters in getting girls for sure (Game actually matters more than anything for western women, but that's a whole other argument entirely).

 

But most girls need a guy with a certain level of looks just to give him the opportunity to show her his personality. Sorry man, but this is the truth....as much as you hate to hear it.

[TheyCallMeOx]

Height is a preference. Didn't we all learn about preferences when being taught about the concentration camps during WWII? If anyone requires a mate to look taller/shorter, I'm going to go out on a limb and call them the reincarnation of Hitler. Quite frankly, I'm just not interested in women who remind of Hitler. I understand that everyone has their qualifications. Physical attraction is one thing, deal breakers are one thing, but preferences are another thing. Just because a woman may be taller than me doesn't automatically eliminate the possibility of her and I dating. Certain sex positions would be incredibly weird, I'm sure, and kissing might take a few seconds, but if the woman has a great personality and decent looks, I'm sold. If I had to choose between three identical twins that had the same exact personality and everything, and by some divine miracle... they all had three different heights (short, my height, and taller), then I would choose the shorter one. Why? Because 69 wouldn't be awkward, and she could roleplay as an innocent school girl who is desperate for that A in class.

[man_in_the_box]

So in short: standards are fine unless it's about height because then you are Hitler. Right...?

[TheyCallMeOx]

So in short: standards are fine unless it's about height because then you are Hitler. Right...?

 

Wrong. Hitler is dead. That would make you the reincarnation of Hitler.

[Bruce Leigh]

Who gets the least attention?

Short handsome man or the tall attractive woman?

Out in my nations capital right now but I find myself in an observatory mode right now trying to see who gets the most attention.

[somedude81]

Why would you ever think that a tall attractive woman would not get attention?

 

Do you think this 5'10 woman has any trouble attracting men?

 

Hell, I'd date her and she's 4" taller than me. 7" taller in heels!

Edited March 15, 2014 by somedude81

[babycakees]

I prefer tall, attractive men. I'm 5'6" and like a man that is taller than me.

[somedude81]

I prefer tall, attractive men. I'm 5'6" and like a man that is taller than me.

That's not what this thread is about. Everybody already knows that women prefer tall men

 

It's asking who gets LESS attention.

 

Tall women or short men.

 

The answer should be obvious.

[Anela]

That's not what this thread is about. Everybody already knows that women prefer tall men

 

It's asking who gets LESS attention.

 

Tall women or short men.

 

The answer should be obvious.

 

Who gets less attention: women over 35, or under 35?

 

We're told that men have their preferences, and that's that: that they are allowed to desire whomever they want. SOME women prefer taller men. SOME. My mother liked being picked up by a tall man that she was in love with, BUT she married a shorter man. She is in love with a short man.

[Anela]

From what I can tell, very few men are actually shallow and few would actually reject a woman for a stupid reason.

 

Women are far more likely to reject men based on some criteria that he can't control.

 

That isn't true, at all.

 

I'm not going to repeat what I've already said before, and that others have told you. I know what it's like to have that obsession, and to not recognize that there are changes you could make to at least make headway in the direction of what you want.

[somedude81]

Who gets less attention: women over 35, or under 35?

It depends on the age of the man.

 

I just don't see men going for women older than them. Nor do I see women going for younger guys.

 

 

We're told that men have their preferences, and that's that: that they are allowed to desire whomever they want. SOME women prefer taller men. SOME. My mother liked being picked up by a tall man that she was in love with, BUT she married a shorter man. She is in love with a short man.

Short guys can pick up women too and some tall guys are very weak.

 

That's good that your mother was able to see beyond height. Is your father 5'8 or under?

[Anela]

If women cared as little about looks as you want us to believe then they would be accepting dates from a hell of a lot more men then they are already.

 

Same goes the for the guys here who constantly complain about women. They could have had girlfriends by now, but no: the girls have to be exceptionally pretty, and/or under a certain weight.

 

And please don't respond with, "I never said that MEN don't care about looks" because that doesn't make my comment a throwaway one. They just want to rewarded for shallowness, whilst expecting girls/women to throw away any "wants" that they have regarding looks or anything else (like financial stability, emotional stability, and so on).