Consolidated Discussion - A man's/woman's height in the search for relationships

[thefooloftheyear]

OK, even though we're pretty much the same height, we've had completely different life experiences and you're unable to relate to me.

 

As I said before, you are most likely much better looking than I am. I have never received attention from women. Up until I was in my early 20's girls hated me. I was teased and made fun of by them. I had no confidence.

 

You are very lucky to have what you have.

 

In regards to dating and women, I've had it very bad.

 

 

But the point is, if you are using your height as the determining factor for your failures, then I am living proof that its NOT an issue...Or Id have the same experiences as you...See??

 

I looked at your profile and your pics...I am pretty sure I know what the problem is...Its not your height or looks..I wont say what it is because I dont feel the need to put anyone down and quite frankly, it might not be "fixable"...

 

That doesnt mean you couldnt find someone....Remember....Billions of them out there....Billions....

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

You don't need to be tall to pick a woman up. Just strong

 

Given the choice of tall or broad chested, I'll take the broad shape every time. Of course, both works, too

 

True....

 

Im only 5'6" and I can toss around a 190 lb BBW like a rag doll....:laugh:

 

TFY

[somedude81]

But the point is, if you are using your height as the determining factor for your failures, then I am living proof that its NOT an issue...Or Id have the same experiences as you...See??

As I've said before, you've been able to make up for your height. You've been fortunate enough to do it completely naturally and without effort. Same thing as topaMAXX.

 

You guys are lucky.

 

I looked at your profile and your pics...I am pretty sure I know what the problem is...Its not your height or looks..I wont say what it is because I dont feel the need to put anyone down and quite frankly, it might not be "fixable"...

Go ahead and say it. I've pretty much heard everything already that can explain why I've done poorly with women. I'm curious what your opinion is.

 

That doesnt mean you couldnt find someone....Remember....Billions of them out there....Billions....

 

TFY

Except the fact that there aren't billions of women available to me.

 

So far I've been rejected by about 25 girls that I really liked between 13 and now. Some of those rejections were more harsh than others. Some left me devastated, and some I was OK with.

 

I've only had four first dates in my entire life. I've only been on one third date. I've only kissed two girls.

 

That is my reality.

[KaliLove]

As I've said before, you've been able to make up for your height. You've been fortunate enough to do it completely naturally and without effort. Same thing as topaMAXX.

 

You guys are lucky.

 

 

Go ahead and say it. I've pretty much heard everything already that can explain why I've done poorly with women. I'm curious what your opinion is.

 

 

Except the fact that there aren't billions of women available to me.

 

So far I've been rejected by about 25 girls that I really liked between 13 and now. Some of those rejections were more harsh than others. Some left me devastated, and some I was OK with.

 

I've only had four first dates in my entire life. I've only been on one third date. I've only kissed two girls.

 

That is my reality.

 

They're not lucky, they're confident. Luck has nothing to do with it, and neither do looks for that matter. There are plenty of non-conventionally good looking men who date out there.

 

Maybe you're too picky.

[thelastunicorn]

Im sure they will tell you that you are setlling now because you are older, less desirable, and your options have diminished....

 

TFY

 

Haha. I'm 24 and have an awesome career. I don't think I'm anything special but I can't leave the house without getting complimented by strangers. I have a ton of energy and personality. If a man, no matter his height, thinks he can keep up with me I think he deserves a chance. It doesn't hurt that my 5'6 guy is very fit, good looking, and confident. We had a great coffee date

[somedude81]

They're not lucky, they're confident. Luck has nothing to do with it, and neither do looks for that matter. There are plenty of non-conventionally good looking men who date out there.

Why do you think it is that they became confident while I didn't?

 

How do you believe confidence develops?

 

Why would thefooloftheyear who lost his virginity at 15, be more confident than me at 18, then I was at 18?

[Potz4prez]

You don't need to be tall to pick a woman up. Just strong

 

Given the choice of tall or broad chested, I'll take the broad shape every time. Of course, both works, too

 

Oh, I know haha

 

OH YEAH! Forgot about that. A lot of girls love the broad guys... cause they're "manly." Personally, I have a skinny build (think swimmer)... haters gonna hate

 

I'm a 5'6 guy too with a good looking face (I've heard many times that I look like James Franco). I get WAY more short girls than average height girls. In fact, when I hit on short girls 5'1 and below, they usually look at me and say "Wow!". Personally, 4'10-5'2 is my sweet spot.

 

I have dated girls my height and taller before, but they make me feel less masculine they are not my preference.

 

I could see this being true. Maybe I should hook up with a 4'7 chick and see.

 

James Franco, eh? And yeah, see. Girls like guys to be taller than them for whatever reason. If you're a shorter guy, just means you get the shorter women... without it being awkward haha.

 

Yeah, maybe that's it. I also have a problem with dating women who aren't as skinny or skinnier than me... so I'm basically stuck with the athletic types and petite women.

 

Once you do, you'll never go back. Although I think 4'7 is like midget status...

[AD1980]

Ive heard tosn of womens "private" discussions and being a tall man is like hitting the lotto you can be average in every area but still be desirable simply because of height it seems goofy to me but it is what it is.

 

Ive also heard disdain and mockery for short men even as going as far as telling people they pray there baby boy grows tall as if its the most important thing in the world with that said if youre amazing in tons of other areas being short can be semi tolerated by some women but its never the ideal or preference for women its just something theyll have to live with about you

 

If youre short you have to prove yourself and give women a reason to notice or like you if youre tall theyll flock and you just have to not f it up.

[KaliLove]

Why do you think it is that they became confident while I didn't?

 

How do you believe confidence develops?

 

Why would thefooloftheyear who lost his virginity at 15, be more confident than me at 18, then I was at 18?

 

Losing his virginity has nothing to do with it. I was 16 but I had absolutely no confidence at all. So what?

 

You have to work on it. You need to find things about yourself that you like and build them up. If you don't like your body, work out. If you don't like women's reactions to you then change your approach. There is no magic well of confidence..you have to put the work in.

 

You also have to stop blaming your height for everything and come to grips with the fact that while yes, that may have a little something to do with it (depending on the women you are approaching..again, maybe you need to be less picky), but it's definitely not the only reason. Several men here have disproven your theory that you can't get a woman if you're short. Millions of short men around the world are disproving your theory as we speak. So quit hiding behind that and face the fact that that's not it.

 

Have you considered trying therapy?

[Potz4prez]

LOL....MOST women could care less about how confident a guy is....especially if hes shorter than her. And please......DO NOT bring Tom Cruise into this discussion.....anyone with half a brain cell knows thats a totally irrelevant comparison...but women LOVE using it everytime this topic comes up.

 

I'm 3 inches taller 5'8".....and the majority of women I try to date flat out say that I'm too short for them. The women on this board that try to argue otherwise are doing so just to interject some positive feelings into the OP. They purposely leave out realistic facts and experiences.

 

When I go on dating sites there are countless women that write it in their profiles.....(I like tall guys, if you are under 6ft dont contact me). And guess what....most of those women are under 5'5" ! Its not an issue of a tall woman making sure the guy is taller......its an issue of superficiality and being psychologically stuck up about a tall guy being more attractive....while ignoring other guys that are only an inch or two taller.

 

You know what your problem is? You live in NE Ohio. Seriously.

[xxoo]

100% TRUE!!! And many of the women on this forum will NEVER admit that, or speak of it.

 

Women on here act like us guys are idiots, and that our only source of information is through them. Guess what....we actually talk to other women that tell it like it is!

 

I too have been privy to womens discussions about this guy or that guy.....and I have heard women say numerous times...."Hes cute but I wish he was a little taller". Even though the guy is taller than the woman.....she dismisses him because hes "not tall enough".

 

Women are not all the same. Thank goodness.

 

I do see height as attractive, to a point (over a certain height is less attractive to me, as I'm small). But other factors are more of a turn on for me, like a broad chest and thick forearms (oh my god, thick forearms!).

 

No surprise, I married a guy who has more notable forearms than height. And he has no problem tossing me around, in all the best ways

[somedude81]

Losing his virginity has nothing to do with it. I was 16 but I had absolutely no confidence at all. So what?

It had everything to do with it.

 

He had success with women from an early age. That does wonders for a man's confidence.

 

I've literally had zero success with women. My confidence is very very low.

 

If I had gotten girlfriends in Jr. High and High School, which is dependent only on luck because nobody knows what they are doing, then I would have developed a much higher level of confidence than I have now.

 

It is as simple as that.

 

You have to work on it. You need to find things about yourself that you like and build them up. If you don't like your body, work out. If you don't like women's reactions to you then change your approach. There is no magic well of confidence..you have to put the work in.

Developing confidence early on in life is all about luck.

 

Though as I wasn't lucky enough to get that confidence, I need to build it up myself from the very bottom. It is possible but it's much harder than it sounds.

[KaliLove]

Tall women have the exact same problem as short men. You think I wasn't made fun of when I was young for being tall? You think I didn't hunch over so I'd appear shorter? Women are brought up to think that small and dainty is more feminine than tall.

 

There are still moments when I'm self conscious about being tall, but I own it now.

[KaliLove]

It had everything to do with it.

 

He had success with women from an early age. That does wonders for a man's confidence.

 

I've literally had zero success with women. My confidence is very very low.

 

If I had gotten girlfriends in Jr. High and High School, which is dependent only on luck because nobody knows what they are doing, then I would have developed a much higher level of confidence than I have now.

 

It is as simple as that.

 

 

Developing confidence early on in life is all about luck.

 

Though as I wasn't lucky enough to get that confidence, I need to build it up myself from the very bottom. It is possible but it's much harder than it sounds.

 

So basically, what you're saying is that you are a lost cause.

 

If you really believe that then why are you on here arguing with everyone?

 

Also, you are 100% wrong. I didn't start having any confidence until I was in my late 20s. I worked my ass off to get it. If your confidence is solely based on whether or not you can get laid then you have much bigger issues than you think.

[Potz4prez]

It had everything to do with it.

 

He had success with women from an early age. That does wonders for a man's confidence.

 

I've literally had zero success with women. My confidence is very very low.

 

If I had gotten girlfriends in Jr. High and High School, which is dependent only on luck because nobody knows what they are doing, then I would have developed a much higher level of confidence than I have now.

 

It is as simple as that.

 

 

Developing confidence early on in life is all about luck.

 

Though as I wasn't lucky enough to get that confidence, I need to build it up myself from the very bottom. It is possible but it's much harder than it sounds.

 

So basically, what you're saying is that you are a lost cause.

 

If you really believe that then why are you on here arguing with everyone?

 

Also, you are 100% wrong. I didn't start having any confidence until I was in my late 20s. I worked my ass off to get it.

 

@somedue: Yeah, jesus christ man. If you think you're worthless, girls will believe you.

 

Stop ****ing feeling sorry for yourself, acknowledge where you need to improve and follow through! Some things you can't fix, but you can work around anything. Improve what you can to the best of your ability. Hell, seek therapy. You really need to change your negative thought patterns.

 

I was in your shoes once... I had a **** high school experience, and a **** college experience with girls. Took me until 24 to get to be the better version of myself. And you know what, like Kali said, it took ****ing work.

 

Take a break from the internet forums, take a break from girls, and really improve your self image.

[thefooloftheyear]

100% TRUE!!! And many of the women on this forum will NEVER admit that, or speak of it.

 

Women on here act like us guys are idiots, and that our only source of information is through them. Guess what....we actually talk to other women that tell it like it is!

 

I too have been privy to womens discussions about this guy or that guy.....and I have heard women say numerous times...."Hes cute but I wish he was a little taller". Even though the guy is taller than the woman.....she dismisses him because hes "not tall enough".

 

Nonsense......

 

Ill tell you what....

 

Ive never done OLD and I never will(why bother?)...But Id bet you a grand right now that many of these women with their so called height dealbreakers would reach out to someone like me or another guy that wasnt hung up about it...

 

You guys just dont get it...

 

Its no different than the guy that says he needs a girl with a great rack...DD's minimum...You hear it all the time...ANd you know what? They meet some woman that drives them nuts but has lil bitty A cups...Watch how fast they drop their bullshyt requirements..

 

OLD is no indication...Its a fantasy world of liars and people with unrealistic Fantasy Island "demands"....especially true of women for what I have seen..

 

TFY

[somedude81]

Also, you are 100% wrong. I didn't start having any confidence until I was in my late 20s. I worked my ass off to get it. If your confidence is solely based on whether or not you can get laid then you have much bigger issues than you think.

For a woman, getting laid, having boyfriends isn't an accomplishment. Men want you simply because you have a vagina. So for women, those things cannot be used to boost confidence.

 

For men it's the complete opposite. Getting laid and having GF's is an accomplishment, and those things do boost confidence.

 

 

So basically, what you're saying is that you are a lost cause.

 

If you really believe that then why are you on here arguing with everyone?

No, I'm not saying I'm a lost cause. All I'm doing is trying to explain is how difficult it is for me.

 

How much a disadvantage being short can be.

 

There are many reasons why I've done poorly with women for most of my life, being short is a pretty big one.

[AD1980]

Women are not all the same. Thank goodness.

 

I do see height as attractive, to a point (over a certain height is less attractive to me, as I'm small). But other factors are more of a turn on for me, like a broad chest and thick forearms (oh my god, thick forearms!).

 

No surprise, I married a guy who has more notable forearms than height. And he has no problem tossing me around, in all the best ways

 

Some of us short guys arent built like that im lanky so even when i workout which i do now im stilll lean the only thing really muscular on me is my triceps

[thefooloftheyear]

Here is what you can do.....

 

Dont take what anyone says on a web forum....Just go to a place where you might see a lot of couples congregate.....Maybe a large park on a nice day or a big shopping mall....

 

Then take a look at the couples you see...

 

If your theory is correct, then all you will find is symmetric faced 6'3" Adonis' with a bunch of run of the mill women...Its crazy...

 

What you will find is fat and short guys with nice looking women..Ugly women with attractive guys...Tall women with short guys...Black women with white guys..Thug types with libriarians..etc....You name it...

 

There is no "blueprint" or ideal for ANY of this...Thats what you dont get...There is an ass for every seat....

 

TFY

[thedj10show]

For a woman, getting laid, having boyfriends isn't an accomplishment. Men want you simply because you have a vagina. So for women, those things cannot be used to boost confidence.

 

For men it's the complete opposite. Getting laid and having GF's is an accomplishment, and those things do boost confidence.

 

 

 

No, I'm not saying I'm a lost cause. All I'm doing is trying to explain is how difficult it is for me.

 

How much a disadvantage being short can be.

 

There are many reasons why I've done poorly with women for most of my life, being short is a pretty big one.

 

I know girls that are good looking that can't get laid or have boyfriends, and their confidence took a dive too. It's the same phenomenon we go through.

 

 

Okay, both you and TFY have valid points. Dating as a shorter guy is harder. We've seen evidence of that on this own forum with girls that say height is sexy or that you need to make up for being short with other qualities.

 

However, we've also seen that short guys here have success. You know what will KILL your chances? Being short, and then moping around because of it.

 

Like I said, I'm a lot like you. When my first girlfriend, who I was engaged to, broke up with me, I cried for like 2 hours. The first hour of it was because of thinking about her. The other one was hoping that I wouldn't have to wait years for the next one, as the first one took until after undergrad to get. It's been nearly 5 years now. But I've just started dating this girl that's 5'9" and is frankly one of the most gorgeous girls I've ever seen in my life. She was saying something about how girls that have bigger boobs than her always get all the attention. I said it must be similar to the guy needing to be tall, dark, and handsome. She told me "You are tall, dark, and handsome!". I'm actually two inches shorter than her, and given that we met on OLD, she knows this. I know it's true because I do have to look up fractionally to meet her gaze. But because of everything else, THIS DOES NOT MATTER. I can't guarantee that I'll get into a relationship with her, but I know what will ruin my chances. Being insecure and worrying about it.

 

You were not perfect in your relationship with your ex. I guarantee it. The therapist I talked to about my breakup said my ex was more than likely cluster B. That doesn't mean I absolve myself of any blame because she was abusive and bat**** nuts. I still had lessons to learn to improve myself. Learn from the mistakes you did make, so that way when you do meet someone else, you will be in a much better place to make it last.

[KaliLove]

For a woman, getting laid, having boyfriends isn't an accomplishment. Men want you simply because you have a vagina. So for women, those things cannot be used to boost confidence.

 

For men it's the complete opposite. Getting laid and having GF's is an accomplishment, and those things do boost confidence.

 

 

 

No, I'm not saying I'm a lost cause. All I'm doing is trying to explain is how difficult it is for me.

 

How much a disadvantage being short can be.

 

There are many reasons why I've done poorly with women for most of my life, being short is a pretty big one.

 

I don't want to sleep with a guy just because I have lady bits. I want a guy who loves me, and that takes work, not just shaking my tits in his face.

 

Life is not all about sex.

[Potz4prez]

So milkshakes don't bring all the boys to the yard?

 

Somedude is just going through his "all girls are bitches" phase. He'll get out of it eventually.

[somedude81]

I don't want to sleep with a guy just because I have lady bits. I want a guy who loves me, and that takes work, not just shaking my tits in his face.

 

Life is not all about sex.

 

You completely misunderstood what I was talking about.

[KaliLove]

You completely misunderstood what I was talking about.

 

No I didn't. You're just looking for a fight..and you don't want to admit that your issues might not be physical.

[Potz4prez]

You completely misunderstood what I was talking about.

 

Stop skirting around the issue... which is your self perception, and your perception of women and dating.