Consolidated Discussion - A man's/woman's height in the search for relationships

[thefooloftheyear]

Says the guy that's always trying to prove to a board of anonymous strangers that height is not a factor by overcompensating with muscle mass.

 

Also says the guy that's never made a cold approach in his life.

 

Hello TFY, this is Earth calling. Are you there? Are you there, TFY?

 

 

 

Dont believe it. I dont care..So when someone doesnt share your expeiriences you call them a liar.?

 

I probably work out less than you do..Its just what I am and how I was born...Ive been an athlete my whole life and never did it for attenton from anyone.. So now I shouldnt enjoy weight training and powerlifting, because some jackass might think i am overcompensating? uhhh...ok..

 

Here is the thing YOU dont understand...Unless you are an absolute troll, attraction from the opposite sex isnt about external appearance as a lot of people might believe...Especially for men..For a lot of men, its more about thier presence....how they are perceived by the people around them...Are they natural leaders? Are they "Commander" types...Are they successful..Are they confident..Many of these guys dont ever need to say a word, their body language does all of the talking..

 

So keep traveling to foreign lands to go and try to shmooze dopey naive women with PUA....If thats what you need to do, who am I to judge?

 

Just dont speak for me..Im not on board with your thinking, thats all..

 

TFY

[somedude81]

thefooloftheyear, have you realized that the amount of muscle mass you have is completely abnormal for a guy your height?

 

Very few men regardless of their height could achieve it.

 

The heaviest I've been in my entire life was 165 and that was at 24% BF. Hitting 180 on my body is absolutely insane.

[Glinda.Good]

Lots of us are attracted to a tall, handsome man. And we end up falling in love with someone who is not so tall and handsome. No, not because we settled. Because we liked stuff about him even MORE than we like tall handsomeness.

[somedude81]

Lots of us are attracted to a tall, handsome man. And we end up falling in love with someone who is not so tall and handsome. No, not because we settled. Because we liked stuff about him even MORE than we like tall handsomeness.

I wish more women would give short guys a chance, because good things can happen.

[LookatDuhDonkay]

I'm 5'6, 164 lbs and in really good shape but to say that I didn't join the gym because I felt that my height put me at a disadvantage in peoples' perceptions would be an outright lie. I'm not going to pretend that I take life on as if my height isn't an issue, because in my honest opinion it is. Women do tend to have certain biases against short men and I feel like I must work harder to prove myself due to my height.

 

BTW^^ Thanks to the guy up there that talked about his friend being a UFC fighter in the lighter weight classes, who would whooped any tall guys ass.

 

P.S. Don't get me wrong, similarly to other short guys in this thread there are certain things I love about being short. I feel like we build muscle mass easier and faster, I also tend to believe that shorter fighters (boxing/mma) are far more faster and technically sound than hulking heavyweights who tire after one round. And being short puts me in a mindset of constantly pushing the boundary

Edited May 31, 2014 by LookatDuhDonkay

[xxoo]

I believe she's talking about lust (i.e. instinct) and attraction, not logic. You're trying to make it logical, which attraction is not.

 

It's why I think youthful looking women with small waists are the most attractive - evolutionarily speaking they represent the most reproductively fit women out there - whether I'm actually thinking logically about it or not! I don't even really want kids...

 

While I think you have a good point, as a woman who responds to protectiveness in a man, the evidence of desire to protect me counts the most and is the biggest turn on in my lizard brain. A tall guy with big muscles is worthless to me if he had me desire to protect me!

 

I respond to that desire, coupled with some evidence of ability to protect. That can be size and strength or brains and resources.

 

Tall is certainly not required for me to get that lust from protectiveness. And that IS my single biggest turn on.

[R3d]

Dont believe it if you want, but Ive never approached a woman in my life, dont need to do PUA tricks. never asked a woman for her number, Never needed to go to a foreign country to get attention from a woman, heck, I am not even "on the market" and get lots of attention from women...Attractive women as well..Guys say they have never been apperoached by a woman in their lives, I dont understand that...Happens all the time for me..

Just curious, how does this happen to you? What do you do that allows this to happen to you? Especially as a short guy, because I heard this only happens if you're that ideal T,D, and H guy.

[topaMAXX]

 

Dont believe it. I dont care..So when someone doesnt share your expeiriences you call them a liar.?

 

I didn't call you a liar. I said that you have limited knowledge since you don't actually cold approach.

 

I probably work out less than you do..Its just what I am and how I was born...Ive been an athlete my whole life and never did it for attenton from anyone..

 

You can't work out less than 0, can you?

 

So now I shouldnt enjoy weight training and powerlifting, because some jackass might think i am overcompensating? uhhh...ok..

 

I wouldn't venture to say what you should to in response to my comments.

 

Here is the thing YOU dont understand...Unless you are an absolute troll, attraction from the opposite sex isnt about external appearance as a lot of people might believe...Especially for men..For a lot of men, its more about thier presence....how they are perceived by the people around them...Are they natural leaders? Are they "Commander" types...Are they successful..Are they confident..Many of these guys dont ever need to say a word, their body language does all of the talking..

 

I agree that A GOOD PORTION of attraction has to do with intangibles. But I think you give those intangibles too much credit.

 

If things like looks and height didn't matter at all to women, then you would see many more mismatched couples. But, as I said previously, you don't. There's a reason for that.

 

Again, that's not to say that height is the end all be all for women, but to say that it doesn't matter at all actually would make one sound like the fool of the year.

 

So keep traveling to foreign lands to go and try to shmooze dopey naive women with PUA....If thats what you need to do, who am I to judge?

 

PUA is for western women. There's no need to use it on foreign women.

 

But, yes, I will continue to do both. I'm just glad that I have your approval now. I was really worried about that.

 

Just dont speak for me..Im not on board with your thinking, thats all..

 

TFY

 

I'm not speaking for you. I'm just saying that you're wrong.

[thefooloftheyear]

Just curious, how does this happen to you? What do you do that allows this to happen to you? Especially as a short guy, because I heard this only happens if you're that ideal T,D, and H guy.

 

I have had quite a bit of attention from girls/women my entire life...When guys say that they have never been approached, its really puzzling to me..Quite frankly, If they didnt approach, I might not ever be with them.....I hate that whole ritual of breaking the ice and all the shmoozing and courting....Id be horrible at that...My personality sucks..I dont think i could ever pull that off...When I say my personality sucks, I mean its not that I am a bad guy or a dick, quite the contrary...Its just that I am not a very social person and wouldnt find that whole thing(courting, cold approaching, etc) as something that fals into my comfort zone...

 

Again...being short has nothing to do with it.....None of my circle of buddies had as much attention as I had...And most of them were taller than me..

 

Funny story...Back when I was in high school, there was no internet and the use of cell phones was pretty much restricted to the FBI and secret service......So the way a girl would come after you is she'd write love notes and stick them in the vents of your locker when you werent around..Well I remember this one girl was constantly writing these long winded notes, filled with all sorts of crazy shyt....I wasnt interested, so I just ignored it..but it went on for a couple of years IIRC...Later on, when I connected with an old flame on social media, this woman knew that girl...She told me that this girl used to follow me home from school nearly every day from a distance, so that I wouldnt see her..I never knew it...jeez...

 

TFY

[Weezy1973]

While I think you have a good point, as a woman who responds to protectiveness in a man, the evidence of desire to protect me counts the most and is the biggest turn on in my lizard brain. A tall guy with big muscles is worthless to me if he had me desire to protect me!

 

I respond to that desire, coupled with some evidence of ability to protect. That can be size and strength or brains and resources.

 

Tall is certainly not required for me to get that lust from protectiveness. And that IS my single biggest turn on.

 

So this shows a couple points:

 

1. Primary attraction is not standard (especially with women) and I suspect your protectiveness attraction is likely due to many factors including your male role models growing up. My sister, for example, was mainly attracted to integrity, whereas an ability to protect was not really an issue. Her husband is 5'4". But that was really because my dad was also short, but had a tonne of integrity.

 

2. Women want both men that are genetically superior (i.e. tall, handsome etc.) BUT also want men that will be loyal (i.e. good providers, good fathers etc.) and this is often the debate for many women. Your desire for a man who is genetically a good protector (tall, strong) but also a man that strongly wants to protect you (loyal, faithful) shows that you wanted to hit both nails on the head.

[carhill]

As a general point of discussion, regarding genetic superiority, I offer a comparison:

 

Tall and handsome

 

Short and 'nerdy'

 

Perhaps it would be instructive to explain what, exactly, 'genetic superiority' means. My presumption, perhaps erroneous, but based on life experience dating and being married to them, is that women seek to mate with men who will produce the most socially successful offspring, thereby bringing attention to themselves as proud parents, grandparents, great grand-parents, etc, etc, essentially achieving social immortality and popularity through their genes. That's the gist of the tone I've received from all the 'proud parents' I've had the pleasure of making acquaintance with over the decades, including my own.

 

With that aside, back to the examples....

 

Who's genetically superior, and why?

[Glinda.Good]

I understand that it feels bad to consider oneself lacking. But to obsessively concern oneself with the idea that something physical is the ONE THING standing in ones way is not healthy and frankly, it's just an excuse.

 

Many people have SHORTcomings and whatever they may be, it's our job to make the most of our lives anyway. If you don't - you lose.

[somedude81]

I understand that it feels bad to consider oneself lacking. But to obsessively concern oneself with the idea that something physical is the ONE THING standing in ones way is not healthy and frankly, it's just an excuse.

 

Many people have SHORTcomings and whatever they may be, it's our job to make the most of our lives anyway. If you don't - you lose.

 

The problem is that those shortcomings have different values to different people. One woman a few pages ago posted how she refuses to date a man that is her height or shorter. Women like her make dating as a short man much harder than it should be.

[R3d]

The problem is that those shortcomings have different values to different people. One woman a few pages ago posted how she refuses to date a man that is her height or shorter. Women like her make dating as a short man much harder than it should be.

 

If you think about it, the average American woman is 5'4.5. So even at 5'5-5'6 you should be taller than more than half of the women.

 

They say they want to date a guy taller than them, but in many cases even a short guy is "taller than them". Why are 4'11ers asking for only 6'2 or more? That's my main issue. They tell us to go for short girls/women (depending on your age), but the problem is that many of them don't want us either despite us being taller than them.

[Glinda.Good]

One woman a few pages ago posted how she refuses to date a man that is her height or shorter. Women like her make dating as a short man much harder than it should be.

 

That's malarkey! That is HER preference, ONE woman! Her preferences and those of women "like her" don't make dating "harder than it should be."

 

And I'm interested to know how easy dating "should be" for anybody. It's NOT easy and there is no "should." None of us are ENTITLED to easy dating or to have a love of any kind. It is a gift.

 

So, you don't get to choose from EVERY woman in the universe because some of them prefer a guy who is much different than you. Or, MANY prefer a guy much different than you. Oh well. Choose from those who actually do prefer a guy like you - ideally, who like YOU specifically.

 

Sheesh, dude.

[carhill]

Interesting progression from my annals of height and relationships: My exW, was is 5'1", married her first H, who she described (I never met him) as 'over 6 feet'. Then, her next husband, whom I did meet was in fact 6'2". Her third H, me, was ~5'11" when we met (I'm shorter now!) and the guy she's been living with since (met him too!) is about 5'8", the same height (and build too) as my dad was.

 

Is this purely coincidence or did the height preference change from a young woman of the 20's versus the mature woman of the 50's? Personally, I think her best choice for social popularity would have been her second H, as he was tall and handsome (genetically superior) and he had social popularity (family well-known in the community and popular, as well as monetarily advantaged). That's how it goes!

 

In support of the 'short' guys, my dad was 5'8" at his tallest, generally a shy and retiring man, did accounting for a living and he was married twice (first wife left him during WW2 while overseas) and had three children. Just a regular guy, not genetically advantaged at all, actually a lot like Ross Perot (pictured prior) but without the billions.

 

Only difference is time, the 1940's and 50's versus now. Difference? Maybe. It is what it is!

[R3d]

That's malarkey! That is HER preference, ONE woman! Her preferences and those of women "like her" don't make dating "harder than it should be."

 

There are many who have said the same online.

 

And let me refer to the post I made back when I first joined Loveshack for the first time: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/343363-consolidated-discussion-man-s-woman-s-height-search-relationships-53.html#post5615057

[thefooloftheyear]

If you think about it, the average American woman is 5'4.5. So even at 5'5-5'6 you should be taller than more than half of the women.

 

They say they want to date a guy taller than them, but in many cases even a short guy is "taller than them". Why are 4'11ers asking for only 6'2 or more? That's my main issue. They tell us to go for short girls/women (depending on your age), but the problem is that many of them don't want us either despite us being taller than them.

 

 

When are you guys going to get itthrough your heads?

 

Women are idealistic....Its their nature...They make all kinds of lofty claims about what they want, yet may bring little to nothing to warrant being so picky...Just ignore it...More often than not they just realize their life isnt a romance novel and they come back to earth pretty quickly...

 

.02

 

TFY

[Glinda.Good]

Why are 4'11ers asking for only 6'2 or more? That's my main issue.

 

BECAUSE THEY FIND THOSE GUYS ATTRACTIVE. It is not YOUR issue to have.

 

They tell us to go for short girls/women (depending on your age), but the problem is that many of them don't want us either despite us being taller than them.

 

Who is this mysterious "they" of which you speak?

 

I think what "they" are telling you is to accept the fact that YOU are not for everybody. Keep trying. Or don't.

 

I must say that any guy who devoted much of his headspace to worrying about how unfair it is that he is short would be a vastly unappealing character. Boring.

 

I hope that you are a very young man, maybe still in your teens, and that you will move on with your priorities.

[Glinda.Good]

Women are idealistic....Its their nature...They make all kinds of lofty claims about what they want, yet may bring little to nothing to warrant being so picky...

 

PEOPLE are idealistic; it is HUMAN nature. The very guys who complain on these threads have idealized notions of what kind of girl they require, when they themselves are not bringing enough to warrant being so picky …

 

It's not a gender thing. Truly.

[R3d]

Every time I have discussed my height insecurity on various forums, they all tell me to just go for a short girl. But we can clearly see, that many of them also only wan't really tall guys, not just "taller than them".

 

And yeah, Glinda.Good, I am 16 and 5'3.5. My parents are 5'7 and 5'0, so most likely I am ending up short unless some miracle happens.

[xxoo]

Try this: develop attractive traits and forget about height.

 

It's worked for short, successful, charming, hot guys for generations!

 

Short guys with not much of anything else to offer blame their height.

[Glinda.Good]

There are many who have said the same online.

 

And let me refer to the post I made back when I first joined Loveshack for the first time: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/343363-consolidated-discussion-man-s-woman-s-height-search-relationships-53.html#post5615057

 

I just looked at it. It's the same old thing. And why even mention a Napoleonic complex. He managed to accomplish quite a lot, and have plenty of high self esteem, and marry a lovely woman, at his less than statuesque height. Take a page from his book.

[Glinda.Good]

And yeah, Glinda.Good, I am 16 and 5'3.5. My parents are 5'7 and 5'0, so most likely I am ending up short unless some miracle happens.

 

Okay, listen. I REALLY understand how something like being that short at your age must feel like the end of the world. When I was your age I was practically suicidal because of my nose. I was positive everybody was gawking at it and talking behind my back about its atrocity every time I passed by. I am not exaggerating.

 

It was not true, though. Frankly, most people did not give a crap because they were all pretty wrapped up in themselves. And when I was a little older, I started having guys like me, in spite of my nose. Feeling better about myself helped with that. But I was never the cute, perky, large breasted cheerleader type that was the most popular in school. I just had to accept that.

 

Yes, you really are short, and I am sure it must be terribly tough. You probably won't be tall but I anticipate another growth spurt in your future.

 

Even though I empathize with you, a LOT, my advice is still the same - you are going to need to "accept the things you cannot change" and learn how to live well and gracefully with those. It's pretty hard to do when you are 16. I sure couldn't. But I hope you will try to walk in that direction.

[MidwestUSA]

I just looked at it.

I looked at his post as well.

 

R3d, you stated (just two short months ago, pun intended) that you were 5'3.25". Now you are 5'3.5". Let me do the math here, brb.

 

At 16, you're too worked up over this.