Consolidated Discussion - A man's/woman's height in the search for relationships

[irc333]

It does seem to make sense that a woman (let's say 5'10") would want someone that's taller. Believe it or not there are women that tall that don't mind men shorter than they are...usually I wound up meeting them in real life and not online as my personality/humor out shined my height.

 

But I get a kick out of is the fact that a woman, let's say she's only 5'2"...will only date men 6 feet or taller. That always boggled my mind, because being a shorter man (5'8), I figured the small, petite women would have lesser parameters when it came to height requirements.

[Glinda.Good]

Short guys who are complaining:

 

Why are the dozens, or even hundreds of posts from women who say they date or have loved short men, and from the short men who talk about their dating, sex and love experiences, completely discounted?

 

I know why!

[somedude81]

Short guys who are complaining:

 

Why are the dozens, or even hundreds of posts from women who say they date or have loved short men, and from the short men who talk about their dating, sex and love experiences, completely discounted?

Because if they aren't dating me, then their opinions pretty much don't matter.

 

The way to end all this short guy complaining, is to find women for them.

 

Of course I know how ridiculous it is but nothing short of getting a short guy a girlfriend will quiet him.

Edited June 22, 2014 by somedude81

[thefooloftheyear]

I'm actually surprised no one has ever heard the term...

 

"Its not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog"

 

Because in life, thats what its all about....

 

And its got nothing to do with fighting....and nothing to do with dogs....

 

.02

 

TFY

[Els]

Of course I know how ridiculous it is but nothing short of getting a short guy a girlfriend will quiet him.

 

Didn't this short guy get a girlfriend a short while ago?

[MidwestUSA]

Didn't this short guy get a girlfriend a short while ago?

 

'Short while ago' You're so naughty!

[MidwestUSA]

Because if they aren't dating me, then their opinions pretty much don't matter.

 

The way to end all this short guy complaining, is to find women for them.

 

Of course I know how ridiculous it is but nothing short of getting a short guy a girlfriend will quiet him.

 

'Nothing short of' You and Els are killing me!

 

 

I only have a short time left on this earth; don't hasten my demise!

[sweetjasmine]

Because if they aren't dating me, then their opinions pretty much don't matter.

 

The way to end all this short guy complaining, is to find women for them.

 

Of course I know how ridiculous it is but nothing short of getting a short guy a girlfriend will quiet him.

 

You honestly think that it's other people's responsibility to "find" a girlfriend for you? Yeah, sure, your height is definitely to blame for your problems.

[normal person]

Short guys who are complaining:

 

Why are the dozens, or even hundreds of posts from women who say they date or have loved short men, and from the short men who talk about their dating, sex and love experiences, completely discounted?

 

I know why!

 

Here's the thing though, whenever there's a thread that makes an accusation towards a group (like women for being too judgmental towards height or women for expecting to paid for), there will be a vocal minority who pops up and wants to defend their group's honor. A bunch of the accused come in and say "Hey, we aren't all like that." Which is wonderful of you, I'm sure you're all lovely people. But the fact that the thread/discussion exists in the first place is telling that a ton of women don't share the same opinion. The majority, even.

 

These threads are so deceiving to readers. The few outliers who don't fit the bill will feel compelled to chime in. But where are all the posts from women who say "Yeah, I just don't date short guys, sorry" or "Yeah, I just like it when guys buy me dinner, sorry?" Obviously they aren't going pipe up and write a response that

 

1). makes another person feel worse for no particular reason

2). confirms their own irrational superficial preferences in a world that says having them is being unfair or rude

3). makes them look shallow

 

 

There is a noticeable bias against short men. This thread existing doesn't mean it's universal amongst all women, but the very few women who don't hold the bias don't disqualify the other 98%. I know it's always tempting to say "not all of us are like that," but I don't know how helpful it is when the odds are so stacked in the other direction. It seems a bit self-serving unless the footnote is "maybe you should try and date the 2% who don't care," which itself is not terribly useful advice (in my opinion) because surely the OP has thought of it already and it's probably not that simple if he has other issues.

 

Just playing devil's advocate here.

Edited June 22, 2014 by normal person

[Bruce Leigh]

If You Are Short, Fat, Older or An Asian Man, You Must Read This. But Especially If You're Short.

 

 

Sometimes you can have everything else and it makes little or no difference.

 

Believe me, Tom is no “woe-is-me” kind of guy. He’s just been confronted with a very ugly reality that has shaken his confidence in people. And even though we had good initial results, the fact remains, empirically: women don’t want short men.

 

And although you can feel free to substitute “older women”, “older men”, “heavier women”, or “Asian men”, I honestly feel that nobody gets a rawer deal than short guys.

[Els]

There is a noticeable bias against short men. This thread existing doesn't mean it's universal amongst all women, but the very few women who don't hold the bias don't disqualify the other 98%. I know it's always tempting to say "not all of us are like that," but I don't know how helpful it is when the odds are so stacked in the other direction. It seems a bit self-serving unless the footnote is "maybe you should try and date the 2% who don't care," which itself is not terribly useful advice (in my opinion) because surely the OP has thought of it already and it's probably not that simple if he has other issues.

 

I think what some of us are trying to say that there are WAY more than 2% of women who don't care, as evidenced by the fact that more than 2% of women are actually dating guys of below average height.

 

Your response is solely based on your own bias, that believes in such strong odds.

[KaliLove]

Because if they aren't dating me, then their opinions pretty much don't matter.

 

The way to end all this short guy complaining, is to find women for them.

 

Of course I know how ridiculous it is but nothing short of getting a short guy a girlfriend will quiet him.

 

I tried to help you and you bailed!

 

That is exactly what everyone here is trying to do. We're trying to get you to understand that there are plenty of ways for you to compensate for your height by making other changes. Complaining about it isn't going to help you but listening to the advice you get here will. We're only looking out for your best interests.

[Bruce Leigh]

I think what some of us are trying to say that there are WAY more than 2% of women who don't care, as evidenced by the fact that more than 2% of women are actually dating guys of below average height.

 

Your response is solely based on your own bias, that believes in such strong odds.

 

To be fair, a quick post search for normal person and he said his height is 5'10.

 

Of course it is higher than 2% but WAY more?

[normal person]

I think what some of us are trying to say that there are WAY more than 2% of women who don't care, as evidenced by the fact that more than 2% of women are actually dating guys of below average height.

 

Fair enough, but surely they still they must be the minority, right? If you want to dispute the exact statistic, ok. You're right, it was presumptuous of me to attach a number. But if what we're doing here is just comparing the quantity of anecdotal evidence, I see "women don't like short guys" as quite a common complaint in the world and certainly not specific to just a few men. Way more than the contrary.

 

Let's not yet act like the presence of a minority (whatever the percentage is) is the solution to the problem. I understand the good intent of people here but I think it's a bit unintentionally terse to say just "find someone who doesn't care." Because if a guy has experienced the bias enough to post about it then he hasn't been able to find someone who doesn't care. He's still having the problem. Granted the guys here complaining may also be vocal minority themselves, that's a statistic we don't know either. It's anecdotal on both ends.

 

Your response is solely based on your own bias, that believes in such strong odds.

 

I'll admit I attached a number because it was convenient for me. But I'm certainly not biased towards height-ist women. Even if I was short, I'm not spiteful or ignorant enough to disregard the fact that some people have irrational biological preferences. The reason I spoke up is because I like helping people and giving advice, but admittedly I never really know what to say to a guy who comes here complaining that women dismiss him because of height. I'd really like to know because saying "just find someone who doesn't care" seems a bit too convenient of a solution.

 

Maybe it is the best solution. But is it possible we're doing ourselves/the short guys a disservice if it gets defaulted to so often? We should all sympathize because there are things about us that we can't control and if it's not height, it's something else. If the solution to whatever issue is "find someone who doesn't care" it's not that helpful because that is the problem. The person can't find someone who doesn't care, whether they were conscious of that level of their own specificity or not. I understand people want to help, but I always come to these threads hoping they've evolved beyond answers like that. Isn't there a more contemporary way of looking at it? Maybe something like "How do I find someone who doesn't care?" Maybe that's what we're after, yeah?

[Els]

Let's not yet act like the presence of a minority (whatever the percentage is) is the solution to the problem. I understand the good intent of people here but I think it's a bit unintentionally terse to say just "find someone who doesn't care." Because if a guy has experienced the bias enough to post about it then he hasn't been able to find someone who doesn't care. He's still having the problem. Granted the guys here complaining may also be vocal minority themselves, that's a statistic we don't know either. It's anecdotal on both ends.

 

Most people are only compatible with the minority of the opposite sex anyway. This can be for various reasons: kids, job, height, weight, body shape, etc.

 

 

Maybe something like "How do I find someone who doesn't care?" Maybe that's what we're after, yeah?

Most guys posting in this thread (not you, to be fair) have been given advice of this nature multiple times over, often very well-thought-out posts by kind posters. This advice ranges from working out, to graduating, to getting a job, to socializing more and making friends, etc. Eventually people run out of steam when all of that is ignored and the guys default to blaming their height again.

[normal person]

To be fair, a quick post search for normal person and he said his height is 5'10.

 

Of course it is higher than 2% but WAY more?

 

You're correct, I'm 5'10". And in the interest of fairness, I get attention from girls who are taller than me and I discriminate against them. Yes, I feel bad about it and wish I had something better to say to them than essentially "going out with you would make me feel emasculated, so go find someone else."

 

That's pretty much why I'm involved in this thread. Not to complain or blame.

I don't really have a dog in this fight in the same way the short guys do. All I'm doing is wondering if there's a better way to solve the dispute/fight because the current way doesn't seem to working that well.

 

 

Most guys posting in this thread (not you, to be fair) have been given advice of this nature multiple times over, often very well-thought-out posts by kind posters. This advice ranges from working out, to graduating, to getting a job, to socializing more and making friends, etc. Eventually people run out of steam when all of that is ignored and the guys default to blaming their height again.

 

I certainly can't argue with you on that. Well put.

Edited June 22, 2014 by normal person

[Bruce Leigh]

Eventually people run out of steam when all of that is ignored and the guys default to blaming their height again.

 

I agree, to blame a lack of success on one particular thing can be naive. There are exceptions no doubt.

 

All I'm doing is wondering if there's a better way to solve the dispute/fight because the current way doesn't seem to working that well.

 

This height thing is not going away but it has never seen this much exposure.

Study after study, article after article, poll after poll, all say the same thing.

People can only change themselves, expecting others to change isn't realistic.

[somedude81]

Didn't this short guy get a girlfriend a short while ago?

 

He did, and he stopped complaining.

 

But she left him shortly after.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I had a girlfriend I was happy, and had nothing to whine about. I also stopped posting on this forum.

 

Basically the only way for somebody to stop complaining about an issue, is to have that issue solved.

[somedude81]

You honestly think that it's other people's responsibility to "find" a girlfriend for you?

 

And how the hell did you come to that conclusion?

 

Reading comprehension is a useful skill.

[Weezy1973]

The studies show that women, when they have no previous knowledge of a man, will, almost every time, pick the taller (or more attractive) man.

 

I'm guessing the same is true with men. Barring any other knowledge, most men would pick the more physically attractive woman to date.

 

But of course that's not how things work in the real world. People get to know each other. Sparks fly. It happens.

 

Granted some women will NEVER date a short guy. It just wouldn't even register on their radar of attraction. I personally will never, ever date a woman that's overweight. I feel literally no attraction whatsoever. Big deal.

 

You will never be dating someone that's not attracted to you, so why even worry about those that aren't?

[Revolver]

Because if they aren't dating me, then their opinions pretty much don't matter.

 

The way to end all this short guy complaining, is to find women for them.

 

Of course I know how ridiculous it is but nothing short of getting a short guy a girlfriend will quiet him.

 

Lol.

 

I'm not short, but It's kindoff like in a unemployment thread where people will say to a person trying to find work

 

"Well, I have a job and all my friends have one"

 

"And...? How does that help me?"

[Imajerk17]

Well, the thing is that the people here complaining don't really do much to help their plight. Almost all they do is whine and complain.

 

It's like an unemployed person who spends his day complaining about his joblessness, but then when you ask what he did to change it, he will say that he sent out a couple resumes a day and that's about it.

 

So yeah, I really think the Short Man's dating struggles are his own damn fault.

[Els]

Basically the only way for somebody to stop complaining about an issue, is to have that issue solved.

 

Or maybe to actively take steps to resolve it themselves?

 

Clearly it isn't such a handicap, as plenty of short men (including you) HAVE found women before, who did not care about it. So obviously there are other such women out there whom you just have to find (and work on other aspects of your life to be more attractive to them).

[somedude81]

As I have said over and over, I am taking steps to change it. I have been for a long time.

 

No I'm not going to list everything I've done so all of you can judge me and say that it's not enough.

[Glinda.Good]

These threads are so deceiving to readers. The few outliers who don't fit the bill will feel compelled to chime in. But where are all the posts from women who say "Yeah, I just don't date short guys, sorry" or "Yeah, I just like it when guys buy me dinner, sorry?" Obviously they aren't going pipe up and write a response that

 

Actually, there are quite a few posts like that. They just are buried. And many women have also posted that they like tall men, but somehow or another ended up with a short man and happy about it.

 

It's not really that uncommon for a person's physical preferences to get swept aside when they find something very compelling about an individual.

 

There is a noticeable bias against short men. This thread existing doesn't mean it's universal amongst all women, but the very few women who don't hold the bias don't disqualify the other 98%.

 

I don't argue with that. But that still has nothing to do with the FACT that you can see short guys in relationships with women hundreds of times a day if you're walking downtown or some other crowded place; we all know (or are) women who are with short men -

 

So, so what if there is a bias. Just don't let it rule you. That's one of your challenges, short guys.

 

Not to blame all your frustrations on your height.

 

Further, I think the character trait of being a person who WILL complain and blame and focus on something beyond his/her control as the source of all strife, rather than maximizing on the positive and working on making things better, is pretty universally unattractive.

Edited June 23, 2014 by Glinda.Good