Consolidated Discussion - A man's/woman's height in the search for relationships

[thefooloftheyear]

As i am 39 in November, it may well be a generational thing. We had no online dating for example.

The number one thing men lie about in their online profiles is their height.

For women, its their weight.

Not exactly a surprise those two things are they?

 

A buddy of mine(late 40's), told me that many women he met OLD, lied about their age...They posted an age, then after he asked...then they came clean...some went on for a while before actually admitting to it..

 

TFY

[organizedchaos]

Well, for starters I pushed myself to do things pretty much along the advice you've gotten on here, advice which it doesn't look like you've really applied. I mean, have you at least changed your username on your OLD profile? (I went on a lot of dates from Match from which I learned a lot.) Have you looked into the Meetup groups talked about on here? To your credit, you are doing salsa, and that did get you a girlfriend.

 

I'd be interested in knowing if any of these things have been implemented as well. Adding another piece of repeated advice, make male friendships.

 

I also took responsibility for my own success and happiness. You're stuck in a vicious cycle. You think you need someone to love you before you can love yourself. The problem is though, it's going to be very hard for you to find someone to love you before you love yourself. So I made a point to become the kind of person I want to be (ongoing process). If you want to find a girlfriend, you gotta do the same for yourself.

 

Yep, sooner or later, say within about 6 months, that other person will decide they can't be your sole focus and source of happiness. And then what happens when you have nothing else to make you happy, you go back in to your depressed state because of withdrawal.

 

Sounds kind of like a drug addict, no?

[BlueIris]

A buddy of mine(late 40's), told me that many women he met OLD, lied about their age...They posted an age, then after he asked...then they came clean...some went on for a while before actually admitting to it..

 

TFY

 

Men too, on age. More than half of the men I met online had lied about their age, some by as much as 15 years, but most only by a few years in order to fall under a multiple of 10 (eg 49 instead of 53, 58 instead of 62).

 

 

Well, SomeDude, it’s too bad that you don’t see and appreciate your great fortune in life, that you insist on focusing on what more you want. Much more challenging things can happen in a lifetime- suffering a brain injury, losing a limb, losing your home in a natural disaster, losing a child, getting cancer, being physically attacked/assaulted, or any number of other things. It’s all about perspective. But human beings, especially humans with their baseline needs met who have not struggled to eat or have shelter, will often perceive and fixate on lack rather than feel lucky and grateful for all they have. Maybe if you took an accounting of your bounty every day, things would shift in your own head.

Edited June 27, 2014 by BlueIris

[KaliLove]

There's only one way to find out.

 

Also, at what point can one stop saying "You've only been in the relationship for X long, that it won't last?' 1 year? 5 years?

 

So basically..you're pinning all of your happiness on another person instead of taking responsibility for it yourself. How is that fair to the other person? That puts SO much pressure on your future girlfriend(s). I wouldn't want to date someone if I was their only source of happiness (and before you say that you wouldn't show it, I'm going to tell you again that people, men and women, can pick up on depression much more than you think they can..nobody is that good an actor). You need to be happy with yourself before you can expect anyone else to be happy with you.

 

I don't understand your question..can you rephrase it?

[PJKino]

I do find it comical that women complain and say real women have flaws and how men shouldnt expect perfection yet so many women refuse to date men under a certain height

 

Practice what you preach

[serial muse]

Uh, you sure about that?

 

 

 

 

 

I think you should try to stick to one story dude.

 

He said it was shyness, not height, that he had to struggle with. And took personal responsibility for doing so. That seemed pretty clear...?

[KaliLove]

I do find it comical that women complain and say real women have flaws and how men shouldnt expect perfection yet so many women refuse to date men under a certain height

 

Practice what you preach

 

Everyone on the planet has flaws. Nobody is denying that it's more difficult for most short men to date, but it's not impossible by any stretch of the imagination.

 

I'd be saying the same thing if this thread were female-centered. You've got to play the hand you're dealt. Some people have it harder than others, but complaining about it isn't going to make your situation any better. There are pages and pages worth of advice on this thread and it's largely being ignored in favor of complaining and arguing with people who are trying to offer help.

 

So here's my question. To the short guys who keep coming back here and complaining and contradicting anyone who is trying to help you or give you advice- how is this helping you? What are you getting out of it?

[ThaWholigan]

This thread is proof of one thing in particular IMO:

 

People will always find something to bitch about or blame

[somedude81]

This thread is proof of one thing in particular IMO:

 

People will always find something to bitch about or blame

 

Being short isn't exactly anything to be proud about.

[Bruce Leigh]

To the short guys who keep coming back here and complaining and contradicting anyone who is trying to help you or give you advice- how is this helping you? What are you getting out of it?

 

Because this type of discussion is found all over the web?

Most women want tall men, some don't mind the guys height as long as they are taller than themselves, a few will date someone shorter too.

 

I do find the general 8 inch taller preference for women and the general 3 inch shorter preference for men to be quite funny tho.

But it is only a preference after all, not the rule.

[serial muse]

Well my personal experience is that obsessing about it is way more unattractive than actually being short. Meh.

[Anela]

Being short isn't exactly anything to be proud about.

 

Height is nothing to be ashamed of, no matter how tall or short you are. It isn't a defect.

[somedude81]

Well my personal experience is that obsessing about it is way more unattractive than actually being short. Meh.

 

What's the point of women online saying this?

 

Last time I checked I'm not trying to date you, so why should I worry that obsessing about my height isn't attractive?

 

The only people that ever hear about my height issues are random people online, who I'm never going to meet. So it's meaningless to me if they are turned off by my comments. Actually, it's better that online women like you hear this stuff rather than women I'd meet in real life.

[KaliLove]

Because this type of discussion is found all over the web?

Most women want tall men, some don't mind the guys height as long as they are taller than themselves, a few will date someone shorter too.

 

I do find the general 8 inch taller preference for women and the general 3 inch shorter preference for men to be quite funny tho.

But it is only a preference after all, not the rule.

 

So wait..how is it helping you? You completely ignored the question I asked...

 

Which is exactly the point I was making..so thank you for proving me right!

[Bruce Leigh]

So wait..how is it helping you? You completely ignored the question I asked...

 

Which is exactly the point I was making..so thank you for proving me right!

 

Eh? I have always said i haven't seen this height thing in my life.

I only discovered this height nonsense when i considered online dating, after researching it online. Conclusion was not to bother. The general consensus is that online dating is a numbers game.

I'll stick to face to face contact, where i have no problem in interacting with women.

I have gone back through the years (39 this year) and i cannot think of one time when i was flat out told i'm too short.

Women of all heights have been attracted to me. I wasn't even ribbed about my height through school.

But then i was of those guys who played every sport and was pretty good at most of them.

Confidence has never been an issue.

I am trying to sympathize with the problems that other short guys are experiencing but i cant, not from my experience.

[serial muse]

What's the point of women online saying this?

 

Last time I checked I'm not trying to date you, so why should I worry that obsessing about my height isn't attractive?

 

The only people that ever hear about my height issues are random people online, who I'm never going to meet. So it's meaningless to me if they are turned off by my comments. Actually, it's better that online women like you hear this stuff rather than women I'd meet in real life.

 

Why? Better for you or for me? What's the point of me hearing this? I'm not trying to date you either.

 

Last I heard this was a discussion board, not a dating site, so it really doesn't matter if you specifically want to hear what I have to say, does it?

 

Or, taking your point to its logical conclusion, perhaps it's better you do hear what you don't wanna from online women, yes?

Edited June 27, 2014 by serial muse

[somedude81]

Why? Better for you or for me? What's the point of me hearing this? I'm not trying to date you either.

 

Last I heard this was a discussion board, not a dating site, so it really doesn't matter if you specifically want to hear what I have to say, does it?

 

Or, taking your point to its logical conclusion, perhaps it's better you do hear what you don't wanna from online women, yes?

You were the one who was complaining about people complaining about their height.

 

The whole point of this thread is pretty much to whine about being short. This forum is the only place where I do whine about it. And it saves real women I interact with from having to hear about it.

[ThaWholigan]

Being short isn't exactly anything to be proud about.

Being short is what it is. You have to get over it at some point. F*ck people's perceptions, what matters is your own. Besides, people will actually respect you more if you stopped giving a sh*t about being short.

 

But it doesn't matter what I say anyway. Keep blaming your height - it's obviously doing wonders for you!

[serial muse]

You were the one who was complaining about people complaining about their height.

 

The whole point of this thread is pretty much to whine about being short. This forum is the only place where I do whine about it. And it saves real women I interact with from having to hear about it.

 

No. This thread is for a discussion of height. I get that you don't want to hear it, but believe it or not, other people have feelings about things, and not everything is about you. Someone might find it useful to know that height obsession itself is a major turnoff. Put me on ignore if you hate reading that so much, but don't dare tell me not to post my experience.

[somedude81]

Being short is what it is. You have to get over it at some point. F*ck people's perceptions, what matters is your own. Besides, people will actually respect you more if you stopped giving a sh*t about being short.

 

But it doesn't matter what I say anyway. Keep blaming your height - it's obviously doing wonders for you!

 

The bold is pretty much the same exact thing that serial muse said.

 

Blaming my height at least lets me come to a rational reason of why I struggle.

 

Of course if I wasn't short and still doing poorly with women, I'd be blaming something else, but I'm short so I don't have to worry about what if's

[somedude81]

No. This thread is for a discussion of height. I get that you don't want to hear it, but believe it or not, other people have feelings about things, and not everything is about you. Someone might find it useful to know that height obsession itself is a major turnoff. Put me on ignore if you hate reading that so much, but don't dare tell me not to post my experience.

 

Then by all means, post about your real life experiences.

 

What I don't like are generic comments like, "Women are getting turned off by your height complaints." It's making the foolish assumption that I'm actually talking about this stuff to people IRL.

[serial muse]

Then by all means, post about your real life experiences.

 

What I don't like are generic comments like, "Women are getting turned off by your height complaints." It's making the foolish assumption that I'm actually talking about this stuff to people IRL.

 

Ha. Have done, many times. Feel free to respond to my earlier post in this very thread. Yesterday, I think

[ThaWholigan]

The bold is pretty much the same exact thing that serial muse said.

 

Blaming my height at least lets me come to a rational reason of why I struggle.

 

Of course if I wasn't short and still doing poorly with women, I'd be blaming something else, but I'm short so I don't have to worry about what if's

 

But it's not a rational reason

 

The real thing you should be blaming is your propensity to blame your plight on things outside of your control.

 

Last post - I'm not getting dragged into this, you obviously will never get it so.....

[somedude81]

Ha. Have done, many times. Feel free to respond to my earlier post in this very thread. Yesterday, I think

 

I did actually

 

My reply was that I didn't understand why a guy would be self-conscious and complain about his height when he's with a woman.

 

I think it's great that you've dated and even married short men.

 

Though I'm worried that you may be right about you being a rainbow unicorn who would actually date short men. I'm sure you were being sarcastic, but women like you are rare.

 

I'm also bummed out that the other rainbow unicorn who would date a short guy, and has dated men shorter than here, stopped posting on this forum.

[organizedchaos]

I did actually

 

My reply was that I didn't understand why a guy would be self-conscious and complain about his height when he's with a woman.

 

I think it's great that you've dated and even married short men.

 

Though I'm worried that you may be right about you being a rainbow unicorn who would actually date short men. I'm sure you were being sarcastic, but women like you are rare.

 

I'm also bummed out that the other rainbow unicorn who would date a short guy, and has dated men shorter than here, stopped posting on this forum.

 

Why?

 

And, since you can't change your height, have you put any of the other advice given to you in to practice to help improve your situation with women?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/343363-consolidated-discussion-man-s-woman-s-height-search-relationships-111.html#post5774860