Consolidated Discussion - A man's/woman's height in the search for relationships

[KaliLove]

Why?

 

And, since you can't change your height, have you put any of the other advice given to you in to practice to help improve your situation with women?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/343363-consolidated-discussion-man-s-woman-s-height-search-relationships-111.html#post5774860

 

THIS!

 

You can't change it, but there are plenty of other things you can change that will help you.

[somedude81]

Why?

Because she actually lived fairly close to me but I didn't get her email address and I don't know if she'll come back to the forum.

[organizedchaos]

Because she actually lived fairly close to me but I didn't get her email address and I don't know if she'll come back to the forum.

 

So I'm assuming the lack of response to my other questions/link about whether you've implemented any of the other advice given to you means you haven't tried any of it?

[KaliLove]

Because she actually lived fairly close to me but I didn't get her email address and I don't know if she'll come back to the forum.

 

So PM her just in case. Can't hurt.

 

But other than that..what steps have you taken to improve your dating situation?

[KaliLove]

I don't think anyone's trying to pick on you SD..I think we all really just want you to get laid so you'll stop complaining!!!

[Glinda.Good]

There's only one way to find out.

 

Also, at what point can one stop saying "You've only been in the relationship for X long, that it won't last?' 1 year? 5 years?

 

I know you loved having a girlfriend and that that experience was very important to you.

 

The development of the relationship is important. People share more and more of each others' lives as the relationship moves forward. They become a part of each other's social circle and family. They discover things together, and have adventures sometimes. Stuff like that.

 

As you described your relationship. it was not going anywhere. She watched you play video games and you would have sex.

 

You're going to have to bring a heck of a lot more than that next time. Girls that you consider "relationship material" won't go for that.

[somedude81]

So PM her just in case. Can't hurt.

 

But other than that..what steps have you taken to improve your dating situation?

I've already PMed her, but that was over a week ago. Maybe she'll come back.

 

As for what I'm doing to improve my dating, I really don't want to specify everything.

 

All I'll say for now is that I'm trying to focus on school and get in better shape.

I don't think anyone's trying to pick on you SD..I think we all really just want you to get laid so you'll stop complaining!!!

Thanks

 

I want to stop complaining too.

 

And getting laid again won't hurt

[organizedchaos]

I know you loved having a girlfriend and that that experience was very important to you.

 

The development of the relationship is important. People share more and more of each others' lives as the relationship moves forward. They become a part of each other's social circle and family. They discover things together, and have adventures sometimes. Stuff like that.

 

As you described your relationship. it was not going anywhere. She watched you play video games and you would have sex.

 

You're going to have to bring a heck of a lot more than that next time. Girls that you consider "relationship material" won't go for that.

 

Exactly. But what do any of us who've been in more than one relationship know about relationships?

[somedude81]

I know you loved having a girlfriend and that that experience was very important to you.

 

The development of the relationship is important. People share more and more of each others' lives as the relationship moves forward. They become a part of each other's social circle and family. They discover things together, and have adventures sometimes. Stuff like that.

 

As you described your relationship. it was not going anywhere. She watched you play video games and you would have sex.

Why do you assume that we only played video games and had sex and not the things you mentioned right before?

 

One of my favorite memories with her was a few days before Halloween that I was at her parents house and me, her and her dad were carving pumpkins together. Then I had dinner and desert with her parents and brother. Then we watched, TV and then when it was dark we put candles in the pumpkins.

 

I really liked her family and they had fully welcomed me. My mom was starting to become friends with her mom and that was really cool too.

 

Then she ruined everything

 

There are a lot of things that I don't write about what happened in my relationship because they are now nothing more than painful memories of happier times.

Edited June 28, 2014 by somedude81

[KaliLove]

How do you know you weren't the one who ruined everything?

 

Not wanting to be in a relationship isn't ruining everything. She just didn't want to be with you anymore. You need to let go of your anger towards her. She didn't do anything wrong by breaking up with you.

[Anela]

What's the point of women online saying this?

 

Last time I checked I'm not trying to date you, so why should I worry that obsessing about my height isn't attractive?

 

The only people that ever hear about my height issues are random people online, who I'm never going to meet. So it's meaningless to me if they are turned off by my comments. Actually, it's better that online women like you hear this stuff rather than women I'd meet in real life.

 

I'm 100% sure we're women offline, too.

[KaliLove]

I'm 100% sure we're women offline, too.

 

Didn't you know? Women don't know anything about what women want in a relationship. Only men can answer that.

[somedude81]

How do you know you weren't the one who ruined everything?

Because I would have done absolutely everything I possibly could to keep the relationship going.

 

One day she just decided that she was done, and that was it. She never talked about anything in the relationship or me that was bothering her. It was literally us having a nice conversation and she changes to the subject to shes breaking up with me.

 

Not wanting to be in a relationship isn't ruining everything. She just didn't want to be with you anymore. You need to let go of your anger towards her. She didn't do anything wrong by breaking up with you.

She ruined my happiness, my hopes and my dreams.

 

I know I have to let go of the anger I have for her, but that is so much easier said then done. We were only together for six months, and it's coming across seven months that we've been broken up, and I still absolutely hate her.

[KaliLove]

Because I would have done absolutely everything I possibly could to keep the relationship going.

 

One day she just decided that she was done, and that was it. She never talked about anything in the relationship or me that was bothering her. It was literally us having a nice conversation and she changes to the subject to shes breaking up with me.

 

 

She ruined my happiness, my hopes and my dreams.

 

I know I have to let go of the anger I have for her, but that is so much easier said then done. We were only together for six months, and it's coming across seven months that we've been broken up, and I still absolutely hate her.

 

It's not her fault that she ruined your happiness, it's yours. You can't pin all of your happiness on someone else. She didn't do anything wrong at all. She did what was best for her and she had every right to do so.

 

What concerns me about you is that you seem to take all of the emotion out of it. Love isn't logical. If she wasn't feeling it, she wasn't feeling it. She doesn't owe you answers or reasons. Sometimes it just isn't there.

Edited June 28, 2014 by KaliLove

[somedude81]

It's not her fault that she ruined your happiness, it's yours. You can't pin all of your happiness on someone else. She didn't do anything wrong at all. She did what was best for her and she had every right to do so.

 

What concerns me about you is that you seem to take all of the emotion out of it. Love isn't logical. If she wasn't feeling it, she wasn't feeling it. She doesn't owe you answers or reasons. Sometimes it just isn't there.

 

I thought that she did love me. I never saw a single sign from her that said it wasn't the case or that she was even thinking about leaving me.

 

It was all too sudden.

[organizedchaos]

Because I would have done absolutely everything I possibly could to keep the relationship going.

 

One day she just decided that she was done, and that was it. She never talked about anything in the relationship or me that was bothering her. It was literally us having a nice conversation and she changes to the subject to shes breaking up with me.

 

 

She ruined my happiness, my hopes and my dreams.

 

I know I have to let go of the anger I have for her, but that is so much easier said then done. We were only together for six months, and it's coming across seven months that we've been broken up, and I still absolutely hate her.

 

That's what happens when you pin the sole happiness in your life on someone else. You have nothing else to fall back on. Which gets back to the advice everyone has been giving you for years.

 

You couldn't fix it if she's done. Stop thinking like that.

 

After three years my ex decided she was done. I didn't do anything wrong. She just saw a different future for herself. And we shared way more than anything you came close to in six months. But I don't hate her and I was able to rely on other aspects of my life to help me move on.

[KaliLove]

I thought that she did love me. I never saw a single sign from her that said it wasn't the case or that she was even thinking about leaving me.

 

It was all too sudden.

 

For you maybe it was sudden. But not for her. Many people never see it coming..this is not unique to you.

 

You cannot keep blaming her. She wasn't wrong in breaking up with you. She didn't see a future with you and that's that..plus, she's just a kid. I didn't want to settle down at 21 either. She didn't owe you signs. She didn't owe you anything. She broke up with you and from the sound of it, she was very patient with you for a while after the break up.

 

My break up was sudden too. I was living with my ex when it happened..we had been looking at engagement rings. Then he suddenly decided that he wasn't sure he wanted the same things I did..there were no signs at all. We had a trip planned for the next month. You're actually lucky..mine strung me along for another 2 years after our break up and swore to me that we'd get back together someday. I wish he had just walked away but he was too selfish.

 

But you know what? I'm over it. I have no romantic feelings left for him at all and I am happily dating other men.

 

The sad part is that you and I live near each other, and I have some single friends who I might have considered trying to set you up with if you were a. over your ex, and b. not so damn angry and bitter all the time.

[thefooloftheyear]

For you maybe it was sudden. But not for her. Many people never see it coming..this is not unique to you.

 

You cannot keep blaming her. She wasn't wrong in breaking up with you. She didn't see a future with you and that's that..plus, she's just a kid. I didn't want to settle down at 21 either. She didn't owe you signs. She didn't owe you anything. She broke up with you and from the sound of it, she was very patient with you for a while after the break up.

 

My break up was sudden too. I was living with my ex when it happened..we had been looking at engagement rings. Then he suddenly decided that he wasn't sure he wanted the same things I did..there were no signs at all. We had a trip planned for the next month. You're actually lucky..mine strung me along for another 2 years after our break up and swore to me that we'd get back together someday. I wish he had just walked away but he was too selfish.

 

But you know what? I'm over it. I have no romantic feelings left for him at all and I am happily dating other men.

 

The sad part is that you and I live near each other, and I have some single friends who I might have considered trying to set you up with if you were a. over your ex, and b. not so damn angry and bitter all the time.

 

Cmon....throw him a bone already....

 

TFY

[KaliLove]

Cmon....throw him a bone already....

 

TFY

 

I'm not boning him!!

 

No seriously..I really do have single friends, and we really do live near each other. But I'm not taking any action unless he shows me that he can change.

[PJKino]

I'm not boning him!!

 

No seriously..I really do have single friends, and we really do live near each other. But I'm not taking any action unless he shows me that he can change.

 

It would be funny and ironic if they said he was too short for them

[somedude81]

For you maybe it was sudden. But not for her. Many people never see it coming..this is not unique to you.

 

You cannot keep blaming her. She wasn't wrong in breaking up with you. She didn't see a future with you and that's that..plus, she's just a kid. I didn't want to settle down at 21 either. She didn't owe you signs. She didn't owe you anything. She broke up with you and from the sound of it, she was very patient with you for a while after the break up.

 

My break up was sudden too. I was living with my ex when it happened..we had been looking at engagement rings. Then he suddenly decided that he wasn't sure he wanted the same things I did..there were no signs at all. We had a trip planned for the next month. You're actually lucky..mine strung me along for another 2 years after our break up and swore to me that we'd get back together someday. I wish he had just walked away but he was too selfish.

Wow that really sucks.

 

Some people are just horrible.

 

Stringing you along just makes it worse

 

But you know what? I'm over it. I have no romantic feelings left for him at all and I am happily dating other men.

Don't forget that she was my first and only GF, and I started dating her at a much later point in my life than most people start the first relationship. I had literally been waiting for her for half my life. Then we got together and it was amazing, perfect. If we had stayed together I could easily see us getting married in a few years. We would have had a great life.

 

Instead, my time with her was very short, and I just feel cheated. It's almost like somebody played a joke on me.

The sad part is that you and I live near each other, and I have some single friends who I might have considered trying to set you up with if you were a. over your ex, and b. not so damn angry and bitter all the time.

You must not like those friends very much if you considered setting one of them up with me

 

 

[Glinda.Good]

She's probably more in the 6.5 range now that I think of it. But she has good qualities, for sure. She has a nice body, good in bed, fun to hang out with, very intelligent, and she's an awesome cook.

 

Still though, I've gotten better in the past. One of my exes was a solid 8

 

Whether you are short or tall, I assure you that no halfway decent relationship was ever built on "I've gotten better in the past." This whole idea of comparing people (usually women, here in LSland) and rating them against each other by looks is just creepy, IMO.

[Pyro]

Whether you are short or tall, I assure you that no halfway decent relationship was ever built on "I've gotten better in the past." This whole idea of comparing people (usually women, here in LSland) and rating them against each other by looks is just creepy, IMO.

 

Now where else other than Internet land can creepy people freely say what's on their mind and still have all their teeth attached?

[Glinda.Good]

I would just like to say that the whole trajectory of this thread is just a black hole of ridiculousness.

 

I have much empathy and compassion for ALL people who feel trapped by things beyond their control, having been one myself.

 

If a person is feeling this way, it is a good thing for them to be able to talk about it and get some support and encouragement, so that it does not consume them. And so that they will persevere IN SPITE of it, and keep reaching towards what they want in spite of being short, or whatever.

 

This thread does the opposite. It is providing a self pity party for short men who want to band together in cosigning the false notion that everything would be great in life, if only they were not short.

 

I truly know, even though I don't go there much, that whatever is bothering a person is the whole world to them sometimes. Whether it's height, acne, weight, etc.

 

But, the truth is, it is NOT the whole world. People should not assist one another in wallowing in that kind of bs.

 

I see that it does not help any of you to think about other people, but I have a good friend who got bone cancer at the age of 15 and went through teenage angst years as an amputee. Imagine. Happily married ad successful today, and an avid traveller. I also used to work with a woman who had CP and was wheelchair bound. Brilliant person, but so much wanted to be a mother … and Jerry, who was walking home from playing basketball at the age of 12 when was shot by a random shooter. Almost died, wheelchair bound, terrible painful body, and he is LIVING HIS LIFE. He is probably more grateful than most of us because he had come so close to losing it.

 

They did NOT let the thoughts of "what if," or "If only ______, then ______" rule their lives. They worked with what they had, and continue to.

 

 

And ALL people who are truly LIVING their lives ARE making something of what they have.

 

And there are plenty of short people doing it too.

 

Wouldn't it be good to be one of them?

[man_in_the_box]

My mom was starting to become friends with her mom and that was really cool too.

 

What the ... Your and her parent(s) met after you've been together for a few months?