Consolidated Discussion - A man's/woman's height in the search for relationships

[somedude81]

So being a few inches shorter than average is a physical deformity?

 

But only for men of course.

[clia]

So being a few inches shorter than average is a physical deformity?

 

I didn't say that.

 

He says that it's shallow to rule out someone based on something they have no control over and can't change. A physical deformity is also something that a person has no control over and can't change. So it's equally as shallow to rule someone out on those grounds as it is to rule someone out based on height.

[Anela]

So being a few inches shorter than average is a physical deformity?

 

But only for men of course.

 

No, it's something they can't control. But they still deserve to be loved, don't they? Since they're usually nice people, who would treat another person well.

[sillyanswer]

So based on this statement, I assume you are open to dating (and have dated) women who are below average in looks or who have physical deformities that they were born with or who have severe acne? You know, things they have absolutely no control over and can't change? If not, I guess you are shallow, too.

 

Maybe it's okay for men to be shallow with regard to who they wish to date, too.

[preraph]

No, it's something they can't control. But they still deserve to be loved, don't they? Since they're usually nice people, who would treat another person well.

 

Just because they're short doesn't make them nice people, trust me. I had a client who was short and he was one of the biggest jerks I've ever met.

 

So it has nothing to do with "deserve to be loved." They deserve to be loved if someone finds them lovable. The problem with short guys, as it is with a lot of other guys, is they are never satisfied dating the women who WANT to date them and all feel entitled to move up a few levels in attractiveness. Plenty of short guys end up married, but they're not going to be married to someone way out of their attractiveness level unless they excel at something and are confident. Without confidence and accomplishment, they will probably not get the girl everyone considers beautiful or pretty or girl next door. They will get their female counterpart, the mousey girl, the girl with acne, the socially awkward girl, the unconfident girl, etc. Is it fair? Life isn't fair. You get out of it what you put into it. Being short doesn't make you a good guy. It doesn't mean you'll treat women better. In fact, you're likely to harbor all kinds of built up resentment that will make you treat them worse.

 

Again, not all women mark guys down for being short. I have dated short guys and my crowd had a lot of short guys who were super confident and interesting. They had something going for them. They weren't guys who just sat at home and stared at their computers. All kinds of women dated them, but they wouldn't have if they hadn't added value and been able to present something besides "I'm short and don't have anything special about me, but I deserve love by a woman I think is hot." Not going to happen. For men and women, if you want to jump up levels in who you're able to date, then you better get busy and make yourself into something special so you can attract that via talent, skill, money making, being fascinating to talk to, and if you're not confident or can't project confidence, you're just barking up a tree. Because no one dates out of pity.

[Anela]

Just because they're short doesn't make them nice people, trust me. I had a client who was short and he was one of the biggest jerks I've ever met.

 

I know. It's just that, according to a few men here, women should be happy if a man is good to them. She shouldn't have any expectations beyond that.

 

So it has nothing to do with "deserve to be loved." They deserve to be loved if someone finds them lovable. The problem with short guys, as it is with a lot of other guys, is they are never satisfied dating the women who WANT to date them and all feel entitled to move up a few levels in attractiveness. Plenty of short guys end up married, but they're not going to be married to someone way out of their attractiveness level unless they excel at something and are confident. Without confidence and accomplishment, they will probably not get the girl everyone considers beautiful or pretty or girl next door. They will get their female counterpart, the mousey girl, the girl with acne, the socially awkward girl, the unconfident girl, etc. Is it fair? Life isn't fair. You get out of it what you put into it. Being short doesn't make you a good guy. It doesn't mean you'll treat women better. In fact, you're likely to harbor all kinds of built up resentment that will make you treat them worse.

You're preaching to the choir. I was just thinking about how, years ago, a young man stopped outside a store to talk with me and my mother. Mum later remarked that he stopped because of me: she mentioned the look on his face when I held the door open for him, and smiled. I screwed up, though: I was too shy and awkward, and when he stopped to talk, I froze. So he got to know my mother a little bit, instead of me, before my Dad arrived. I guess I was slotted into the, "cute, but dumb" segment of the population. I still kick myself over that.

 

Again, not all women mark guys down for being short. I have dated short guys and my crowd had a lot of short guys who were super confident and interesting. They had something going for them. They weren't guys who just sat at home and stared at their computers. All kinds of women dated them, but they wouldn't have if they hadn't added value and been able to present something besides "I'm short and don't have anything special about me, but I deserve love by a woman I think is hot." Not going to happen. For men and women, if you want to jump up levels in who you're able to date, then you better get busy and make yourself into something special so you can attract that via talent, skill, money making, being fascinating to talk to, and if you're not confident or can't project confidence, you're just barking up a tree. Because no one dates out of pity.

Agreed. I've said that numerous times, myself. A few weeks ago, I felt attraction for a guy who was barely taller than me, because he was friendly, and interesting (we had similar interests). And it wasn't the first time I've been attracted to a short man. Edited November 7, 2014 by Anela

[NJ123]

If everything else is equal, I think you're right. Women like what they like, and life isn't fair.

 

Yeah, that's what it basically comes down to. But like I said I wouldn't want to be with someone as shallow as that anyway. If they look down upon someone just for being short, than who knows what other things they look down upon.

[NJ123]

So based on this statement, I assume you are open to dating (and have dated) women who are below average in looks or who have physical deformities that they were born with or who have severe acne? You know, things they have absolutely no control over and can't change? If not, I guess you are shallow, too.

 

Like I said, you can do something about your looks. If your below average in looks there's things you can do to at least look average. If it's because their overweight than they can work on getting in shape. There's treatments for acne. And with the physical deformity I suppose it depends what the deformity is exactly. Most people wouldn't date someone with a severe deformity, at least it's not the first people they have in mind when trying to find a partner. I guess that makes 99.9% of the population shallow in that regard. But this topic has to do with height specifically, not acne, deformities, & below average looks.

[AD1980]

Just because they're short doesn't make them nice people, trust me. I had a client who was short and he was one of the biggest jerks I've ever met.

 

So it has nothing to do with "deserve to be loved." They deserve to be loved if someone finds them lovable. The problem with short guys, as it is with a lot of other guys, is they are never satisfied dating the women who WANT to date them and all feel entitled to move up a few levels in attractiveness. Plenty of short guys end up married, but they're not going to be married to someone way out of their attractiveness level unless they excel at something and are confident. Without confidence and accomplishment, they will probably not get the girl everyone considers beautiful or pretty or girl next door. They will get their female counterpart, the mousey girl, the girl with acne, the socially awkward girl, the unconfident girl, etc. Is it fair? Life isn't fair. You get out of it what you put into it. Being short doesn't make you a good guy. It doesn't mean you'll treat women better. In fact, you're likely to harbor all kinds of built up resentment that will make you treat them worse.

 

Again, not all women mark guys down for being short. I have dated short guys and my crowd had a lot of short guys who were super confident and interesting. They had something going for them. They weren't guys who just sat at home and stared at their computers. All kinds of women dated them, but they wouldn't have if they hadn't added value and been able to present something besides "I'm short and don't have anything special about me, but I deserve love by a woman I think is hot." Not going to happen. For men and women, if you want to jump up levels in who you're able to date, then you better get busy and make yourself into something special so you can attract that via talent, skill, money making, being fascinating to talk to, and if you're not confident or can't project confidence, you're just barking up a tree. Because no one dates out of pity.

 

So you're saying any short man who's with an attractive women is "jumping levels" as if a short man can't also be physically attractive?

 

You also implied that the majority of short men are not good people.. Way to generalize..classy

[NJ123]

Just because they're short doesn't make them nice people, trust me. I had a client who was short and he was one of the biggest jerks I've ever met.

 

So it has nothing to do with "deserve to be loved." They deserve to be loved if someone finds them lovable. The problem with short guys, as it is with a lot of other guys, is they are never satisfied dating the women who WANT to date them and all feel entitled to move up a few levels in attractiveness. Plenty of short guys end up married, but they're not going to be married to someone way out of their attractiveness level unless they excel at something and are confident. Without confidence and accomplishment, they will probably not get the girl everyone considers beautiful or pretty or girl next door. They will get their female counterpart, the mousey girl, the girl with acne, the socially awkward girl, the unconfident girl, etc. Is it fair? Life isn't fair. You get out of it what you put into it. Being short doesn't make you a good guy. It doesn't mean you'll treat women better. In fact, you're likely to harbor all kinds of built up resentment that will make you treat them worse.

 

Again, not all women mark guys down for being short. I have dated short guys and my crowd had a lot of short guys who were super confident and interesting. They had something going for them. They weren't guys who just sat at home and stared at their computers. All kinds of women dated them, but they wouldn't have if they hadn't added value and been able to present something besides "I'm short and don't have anything special about me, but I deserve love by a woman I think is hot." Not going to happen. For men and women, if you want to jump up levels in who you're able to date, then you better get busy and make yourself into something special so you can attract that via talent, skill, money making, being fascinating to talk to, and if you're not confident or can't project confidence, you're just barking up a tree. Because no one dates out of pity.

 

This post is really insulting. You see why I even made that thread yesterday because of women like you.

[xxoo]

Being short doesn't make you unattractive any more than being tall makes you attractive.

 

People are whole beings, not a sum of parts. Everyone, even the most attractive, has unattractive traits. EVERYONE.

 

The trick is to have many compellingly attractive traits. That's what counts, far more than exactly what those traits are/aren't.

[AD1980]

Being short doesn't make you unattractive any more than being tall makes you attractive.

 

People are whole beings, not a sum of parts. Everyone, even the most attractive, has unattractive traits. EVERYONE.

 

The trick is to have many compellingly attractive traits. That's what counts, far more than exactly what those traits are/aren't.

 

That poster made it clear short men aren't physically appealing and need to compensate in personality to be attractive.

[NJ123]

Being short doesn't make you unattractive any more than being tall makes you attractive.

 

People are whole beings, not a sum of parts. Everyone, even the most attractive, has unattractive traits. EVERYONE.

 

The trick is to have many compellingly attractive traits. That's what counts, far more than exactly what those traits are/aren't.

 

But she was completely insulting in her post. Basically claiming that short guys aren't good people. And that short guys are "jumping levels" if their seen with a beautiful woman. I mean it's obvious she looks down upon short guys just for being short. And she's going to deny it obviously so she don't look bad now. She'll say "oh you twisted my words" which is bull. She clearly said what she did in her post. And you see why my thread yesterday has merit to it now? Because of **** like this.

[NJ123]

And my question to you is, why do you care? There are plenty of women out there who wouldn't date me, but I don't care. We are all entitled to our opinion. Fact is, there are some short guys out there dating very attractive women. I've seen it. I doubt those guys care what some random woman on the internet thinks about their attractiveness level.

 

True, but she didn't have to say it in such an insulting way.

[xxoo]

But she was completely insulting in her post. Basically claiming that short guys aren't good people. And that short guys are "jumping levels" if their seen with a beautiful woman. I mean it's obvious she looks down upon short guys just for being short. And she's going to deny it obviously so she don't look bad now. She'll say "oh you twisted my words" which is bull. She clearly said what she did in her post. And you see why my thread yesterday has merit to it now? Because of **** like this.

 

The key words from her post are "have something going for them". Tall is a thing that can be going for someone. Short isn't, unfortunately. But that's not the end of the story! What do you have going for you?

 

My H isn't tall. I could read her post from an insecure point of view and conclude that she's insulted me, saying I must not be attractive or desirable, because I didn't go for a tall guy. But that's silly. I picked the guy I wanted over plenty of tall guys.

[xxoo]

True, but she didn't have to say it in such an insulting way.

 

No. But who cares?

 

Really, it isn't worth it. I'm over 40. If I let my mood be brought down every time a man on the internet insulted the attractiveness of women over 40, I'd be a very sad person indeed!

 

Make like Taylor Swift and shake it off.

[Anela]

But she was completely insulting in her post. Basically claiming that short guys aren't good people. And that short guys are "jumping levels" if their seen with a beautiful woman. I mean it's obvious she looks down upon short guys just for being short. And she's going to deny it obviously so she don't look bad now. She'll say "oh you twisted my words" which is bull. She clearly said what she did in her post. And you see why my thread yesterday has merit to it now? Because of **** like this.

 

No, she was saying that just because a man is short, it doesn't mean that he will be a good person. It's like the assumption by some short men, that all tall men are *******s, who will treat women like dirt (but we eat it up, because they're tall).

[NJ123]

Just because they're short doesn't make them nice people, trust me. I had a client who was short and he was one of the biggest jerks I've ever met.

 

So it has nothing to do with "deserve to be loved." They deserve to be loved if someone finds them lovable. The problem with short guys, as it is with a lot of other guys, is they are never satisfied dating the women who WANT to date them and all feel entitled to move up a few levels in attractiveness. Plenty of short guys end up married, but they're not going to be married to someone way out of their attractiveness level unless they excel at something and are confident. Without confidence and accomplishment, they will probably not get the girl everyone considers beautiful or pretty or girl next door. They will get their female counterpart, the mousey girl, the girl with acne, the socially awkward girl, the unconfident girl, etc. Is it fair? Life isn't fair. You get out of it what you put into it. Being short doesn't make you a good guy. It doesn't mean you'll treat women better. In fact, you're likely to harbor all kinds of built up resentment that will make you treat them worse.

 

Again, not all women mark guys down for being short. I have dated short guys and my crowd had a lot of short guys who were super confident and interesting. They had something going for them. They weren't guys who just sat at home and stared at their computers. All kinds of women dated them, but they wouldn't have if they hadn't added value and been able to present something besides "I'm short and don't have anything special about me, but I deserve love by a woman I think is hot." Not going to happen. For men and women, if you want to jump up levels in who you're able to date, then you better get busy and make yourself into something special so you can attract that via talent, skill, money making, being fascinating to talk to, and if you're not confident or can't project confidence, you're just barking up a tree. Because no one dates out of pity.

 

You see why this post was insulting? Insult after insult. She's saying a guy being short automatically makes him less attractive & that if he has a good looking girlfriend, than he's dating someone who's out of his league. You see how ridiculous that sounds.

[Anela]

You see why this post was insulting? Insult after insult.

 

I thought that she was referring to specific men she had in mind, not all short men, everywhere.

 

I mentioned my small example of meeting a guy years ago, and then clamming up. Social anxiety has been a huge problem/obstacle for me over the years, and similar insecurities in a man, could put a woman off, or just mess with your head before you even get a date with a woman (and prevent you from relaxing around them/us).

[AD1980]

No. But who cares?

 

Really, it isn't worth it. I'm over 40. If I let my mood be brought down every time a man on the internet insulted the attractiveness of women over 40, I'd be a very sad person indeed!

 

Make like Taylor Swift and shake it off.

 

No, she was saying that just because a man is short, it doesn't mean that he will be a good person. It's like the assumption by some short men, that all tall men are *******s, who will treat women like dirt (but we eat it up, because they're tall).

 

No she took it a step then just saying all short men aren't good she said actually most of them are quite mean and resentful because of their height..

[GorillaTheater]

Really, it isn't worth it. I'm over 40. If I let my mood be brought down every time a man on the internet insulted the attractiveness of women over 40, I'd be a very sad person indeed!

 

Listen to me, because I'm smarter (and likely taller) than those guys:

 

Women over 40 absolutely ROCK. You are at your superb best.

[thefooloftheyear]

You see why this post was insulting? Insult after insult. She's saying a guy being short automatically makes him less attractive & that if he has a good looking girlfriend, than he's dating someone who's out of his league. You see how ridiculous that sounds.

 

Im not seeing anything insulting, man....I do have skin like a rhino, so maybe I am the wrong one to comment...

 

She does make a point though....Im pretty short and I am kind of a jerk....

 

TFY

[NJ123]

Im not seeing anything insulting, man....I do have skin like a rhino, so maybe I am the wrong one to comment...

 

She does make a point though....Im pretty short and I am kind of a jerk....

 

TFY

 

lol just re-read her post man. She flat out stated ALL short men aren't on the same level as a beautiful woman. That if your short, dating a beautiful woman is automatically dating out of your league & that only average/below average girls are in your league. You see how asinine that is?

[NJ123]

Unless you see words like "all" or "every" in a post, you can safely assume it is a generalization, and not actually meant to encompass everyone. She gave her opinion on the matter, that's all. You should move on with your life.

 

Well she didn't say "some" or "a lot" either. She just said "short men" in general which to me she's implying it means all. But whatever, not every woman has that view anyways.

Edited November 7, 2014 by NJ123

[preraph]

The truth always hurts.