Consolidated Discussion - A man's/woman's height in the search for relationships

[Bruce Leigh]

Let me tell you about another guy, a friend of my fiance. He's around your height, actually. Not a tall guy. He's in his mid 50s. He pursues women like crazy. Whenever we are out he goes up to women and talks to them. If they reject him, he moves on to someone else. He gets a ton of dates.

 

Is he doing this with women in the same area/room though??

[somedude81]

Everyone on the planet has been ruled out for something they have zero control over. There is no use dwelling on it.

 

 

 

Everything about dating is a blind shot in the dark until you get to know someone. That's just the way it is -- for everything.

 

 

 

This is why you have to pursue a lot of women. You waste far too much time contemplating the exactly perfect scenario to ask a woman out, and put in far too much time trying to decide what to do and what to say and what if this happens and what if that happens. You pursue, ask out, move on if you get rejected. Play the numbers.

Yes, dating is a numbers game. It's all about the odds. Though what I'm saying is that as a short guy, I don't get to play with the full set of numbers.

 

Essentially I'm rolling a six sided dice that has another 1 where the 6 should be. Nobody sane would be happy with that.

Great. Those women are not for you. This reminds me of an old Oprah Winfrey episode. Back in the day before she gave Dr. Phil his own show, she had him on, and she was complaining about her weight problems. She said (paraphrasing) "But some people can eat whatever they want and not gain any weight," and he said (paraphrasing) "That's great, but that person isn't you! You can't worry about what other people can do; you have to be concerned with yourself." It's the same thing for you. If a woman isn't interested in dating you, so what, move on.

 

As I said earlier, it becomes a problem when many of those women aren't interested in me. Also, I mentioned earlier that the women who would be OK with dating me, are most likely already taken. This is even more evident to me, that the only woman I knew who was fine dating a short guy, was already taken when I met her.

 

Somehow I have to meet women who are fine dating short guys, who are single and available.

 

I don't see that you've put a whole lot of effort into getting a girlfriend, other than inside your head. I mean, what struggle? The only girls you pursue are those in your classes. You asked out a few of them, and they had boyfriends. Dating is a huge numbers game. You don't play the numbers.

I've been rejected by around 25 girls in my life. Before you even start to tell me, that it's not a lot, consider that these were girls that I actually knew and didn't just randomly walk up to and ask out. I knew each of those girls for at least a month and talked to them on a regular basis. Some of those rejections were extremely painful.

 

Considering the fact that I didn't get my first GF till I was 31, you have absolutely no right to tell me that I didn't struggle. I have written repeatedly about my depression, my poor self-esteem and suicidal ideation because of how I'm unable to attract women.

 

It's been six months since your relationship ended, and how many women have you actually asked out on a date?

Five.

 

Let me tell you about another guy, a friend of my fiance. He's around your height, actually. Not a tall guy. He's in his mid 50s. He pursues women like crazy. Whenever we are out he goes up to women and talks to them. If they reject him, he moves on to someone else. He gets a ton of dates. Every week he is going out with different women, who he met on the weekends. And there isn't anything particularly special about him -- he's average looking, has a decent job, etc. But he puts himself out there, plays the numbers, and as a result gets a lot of women.

Good for him.

 

I don't have any interest in asking out women just because I want to have sex with them.

 

I also don't have the mental strength to handle getting rejected a dozen times every single day.

[somedude81]

Sounds like you are jaded. Take a few steps back, take stock, make adjustments (big or small) and don't rush back into it. Try to be more relaxed about it all.

 

I'm 32 years old and really feel that I've missed out on life. I feel that I'm running out of time if I want to live a normal life.

[KaliLove]

As a short good-looking guy that has generally been pretty successful with women, I still believe that height is the most important physical characteristic that a man can have, above looks, body shape, etc.

 

If it wasn't of the utmost importance, you would see way more mismatched couples. But the vast majority of couples that you see out will have the man taller than the woman, with less couples being of equal height. Then, very occasionally, you will see a slightly taller woman/shorter man couple.

 

It's my opinion that, to many taller women, a shorter man is automatically out. It's not even up for discussion because it's an absolute dealbreaker.

 

Now, of course, one can make up for a lack of height....but that doesn't mean that it is not the most important physical trait.

 

As I said, I don't have issues with my height and I do well with woman. I consider this to be objective analysis.

 

To many shorter men, a taller woman is out. It works both ways.

 

If you are 5'6, you're still tall compared to a woman who is 5'1. Shorter men can date shorter women and still be very successful. Somedude is using his height as an excuse as to why he's not successful with women and while, yes, it certainly is a factor, it's most definitely not the only one.

 

For some men, small breasts are a deal breaker. So small breasted women find men who prefer small breasts. Everyone has different preferences. It's silly and counterproductive to blame one's lack of success with the opposite sex on just one thing.

[Bruce Leigh]

I'm 32 years old and really feel that I've missed out on life. I feel that I'm running out of time if I want to live a normal life.

 

Don't regret that you could have done this, could have done that.

Been there, done that, didn't help. Just got more ****ed off about it. Its the past, it can't be undone. Its negative baggage that is weighing you down.

But you can influence what happens now and in the future. Give yourself 6 months and see what happens. Negative routines were 1st on my agenda. Start there.

[clia]

Is he doing this with women in the same area/room though??

 

Same bar, yes. Sometimes they are even standing near each other! Most of the time he gets props from the women for his confidence and courage.

[Bruce Leigh]

To many shorter men, a taller woman is out. It works both ways.

 

Totally agree but then she was 6'1-6'2, maybe taller. And i am 5'7. But she approached me, even if she was a little tipsy

I guess she had bigger balls than i did that night.

 

Same bar, yes. Sometimes they are even standing near each other! Most of the time he gets props from the women for his confidence and courage.

 

That approach gets mixed reactions, some women see it as desperate but maybe that is more linked to the younger women than the older ones.

Edited May 27, 2014 by Bruce Leigh

[clia]

Yes, dating is a numbers game. It's all about the odds. Though what I'm saying is that as a short guy, I don't get to play with the full set of numbers.

 

No one is playing with the full set of numbers. You don't get it. Everyone out there is getting excluded based on other people's preferences.

 

Somehow I have to meet women who are fine dating short guys, who are single and available.

 

You've been given a lot of advice on how to do this.

 

I've been rejected by around 25 girls in my life. Before you even start to tell me, that it's not a lot, consider that these were girls that I actually knew and didn't just randomly walk up to and ask out. I knew each of those girls for at least a month and talked to them on a regular basis. Some of those rejections were extremely painful.

 

It's far less painful when you haven't build up a relationship with the person. You were likely getting rejected because you had already friendzoned yourself. You don't date like most people date.

 

Considering the fact that I didn't get my first GF till I was 31, you have absolutely no right to tell me that I didn't struggle. I have written repeatedly about my depression, my poor self-esteem and suicidal ideation because of how I'm unable to attract women.

 

My point is merely that there are many things you could be doing that would help you attract women, and you don't do them. You aren't out there asking women out every day and getting rejected every day. I think you could have a girlfriend right now if you did some things differently. But that's neither here nor there, since you don't want to change what you are doing.

 

I don't have any interest in asking out women just because I want to have sex with them.

 

I'm not saying you should. (Nor did I say anything about sex.)

 

I also don't have the mental strength to handle getting rejected a dozen times every single day.

 

How about once a day?

[organizedchaos]

No one is playing with the full set of numbers. You don't get it. Everyone out there is getting excluded based on other people's preferences.

 

 

Precisely! This is not a difficult concept to grasp. Everyone has something about them that will exclude them from someone else.

 

I have a kid. There are women who won't date me because of that. Am I complaining about being excluded for something I cannot change? NO. There are women out there who won't mind at all.

 

Show me one person who's playing with a full set of numbers.

[rester]

No one is playing with the full set of numbers. You don't get it. Everyone out there is getting excluded based on other people's preferences.

 

Precisely! This is not a difficult concept to grasp. Everyone has something about them that will exclude them from someone else.

 

I have a kid. There are women who won't date me because of that. Am I complaining about being excluded for something I cannot change? NO. There are women out there who won't mind at all.

 

Show me one person who's playing with a full set of numbers.

 

I wanted to reply with the same thing. No one is playing with the full set of numbers. Dwelling on what you don't have is detrimental to your mindset and future. Work on what you can change. Making friends can help you learn better social skills, understand social cues, and help you to develop your ability to read other people, and also give you more access to more women, increasing your chances.

 

I'm 5'7" and didn't realize I was "short" until I started reading this forum.

[silicone]

Still puzzles the hell out of me why anyone thinks its some great disadvantage to be shorter?

 

 

Quite frankly I am thrilled to be what some would consider "short"...Id NEVER want to be tall, unless-quite frankly I could be also have a physique like Dwayne Johnson..And most taller guys cant..At least not as easily as a shorter guy can..

 

-While I am self employed. What I do has a definite advantage being shorter...

 

-See above...I like being big and strong..I can smoke most taller guys in terms of lifting pundages and size...I build muscle very easily..

 

-At my height, I am pretty much taller than most women anyway..

 

-Now that I have gotten a bit older, its clearly evident that the taller you are the more prone you are to various joint failures...Dont believe me? ask an ortho surgeon..,My best friend is 6-7"..He is the same age as I am and is literally falling apart..Knees, hips, back...all dead...He can barely walk, even after two total knee replacements..Same true for my other taller buddies..I have never been under the knife for anything and I am as strong as an ox..

 

-When I see a taller guy, most of the time they look gangly ...Long arms, wide hips, big feet, pear shaped body, etc...To use a dog analogy, they are like 150 lb Great Danes or Bernese Mountain Dog and I am like an 85 lb Pit Bull..

 

Why there are women out there(esp smaller women) who think its some "advantage" I have no idea...They cant even themselves come up with a legitimate reason why, but who cares...? Let them have what they want..

No different than the guy that cant go with a flat chested woman..

 

Own it and live it...Its just not an issue..

 

TFY

 

The reason is very simple; there is significant social advantage, maybe imperative in some cultures.

 

Humans are social creatures.

[Woggle]

On a cruise I recently went on I saw at least 4 couples where a woman was taller and these were attractive women. It's not nearly as bad in real life.

[silicone]

I'm in a relationship now, but I'm in a relationship with a guy. Though I'm only 21 my ego can only be bruised enough and being told that I'm not man enough is sufficient enough for me to throw the towel in. Reason is simple: I am efficient; I only preserve that which does not harm me.

 

Don't get me wrong, I still find women attractive, but I'm not going to put myself through unnecessary pain. Obviously this doesn't work for most :/

 

Confession however, I am unable to respect most people.

Edited May 28, 2014 by silicone

[topaMAXX]

How tall are you?

 

I'm 5'6.

 

(10 char)

[topaMAXX]

I'm in a relationship now, but I'm in a relationship with a guy. Though I'm only 21 my ego can only be bruised enough and being told that I'm not man enough is sufficient enough for me to throw the towel in. Reason is simple: I am efficient; I only preserve that which does not harm me.

 

Don't get me wrong, I still find women attractive, but I'm not going to put myself through unnecessary pain. Obviously this doesn't work for most :/

 

Confession however, I am unable to respect most people.

 

Wait, so you're dating a guy because you don't think you can't get girls because of your height?

 

I think that's a really bad idea.

Edited May 28, 2014 by topaMAXX

[thefooloftheyear]

The reason is very simple; there is significant social advantage, maybe imperative in some cultures.

 

Humans are social creatures.

 

Please tell me what "social advantages" there are to being tall? Because I havent had to face any of these obstacles, ever in my entire life....its nonsense....

 

TFY

[silicone]

Wait, so you're dating a guy because you don't think you can't get girls because of your height?

 

I think that's a really bad idea.

 

I'm dating a guy because I've found men to be more forgiving to a 5'2" guy than a lot of women. My paragraph perhaps didn't come out well as I was typing in the morning.

[KaliLove]

But..are you attracted to men? I'm so confused...

[silicone]

Please tell me what "social advantages" there are to being tall? Because I havent had to face any of these obstacles, ever in my entire life....its nonsense....

 

TFY

 

When new people constantly assume that you need help, when you are told that you don't look like someone who can lead, when people ignore you, when you want to be competitive yet are labelled with having a complex. Heck even family is just as bad, asking why you haven't grown.

[silicone]

But..are you attracted to men? I'm so confused...

 

Yes, same as I'm attracted to women.

[thefooloftheyear]

When new people constantly assume that you need help, when you are told that you don't look like someone who can lead, when people ignore you, when you want to be competitive yet are labelled with having a complex. Heck even family is just as bad, asking why you haven't grown.

 

 

Ive been fortunate to have met a lot of very powerful and influential people in my life...Two that come to mind are Michael Bloomberg and Sylvester Stallone....I stood right next to both of these guys and they were barely taller than me...Im about 5-6"..I could list others, but its irrelevant..

 

Sure you want to stand by your sentiments..?

 

TFY

[Untouched]

Wow. This thread is an eye opener. I have not had much experience dating. Of course there is a type of guy, looks wise, that I think is most attractive, but that is the LAST thing I am really caring about when I'm thinking about what I would like in a guy.

 

I have dated some of the really best looking guys at my school, in my opinion anyway, and I could barely stand them, and did not go out with ANY more than a couple of times by my own choice.

 

The one guy I had the most interest in was a lot older than me, not very tall, and not "hot" though I felt very attracted to him.

 

I will say that the kind of person who is very preoccupied with their OWN height or other superficial qualities, or other peoples', is not the kind of person that I would be interested in.

 

If you think being preoccupied with superficial things does not show because you don't talk about it and that nobody has any idea, you are wrong. Except maybe for another person who is only interested in you because of how you look or how tall you are. I think it's weird to read about a guy who says he had a girlfriend who had "no idea" about what he was really like and was fine with that. What kind of a relationship is that.

 

The more I read on this forum the more confusing it gets.

[Potz4prez]

The more I read on this forum the more confusing it gets.

 

It's best to approach some things on here as a comedic ego boost.

[sillyanswer]

The more I read on this forum the more confusing it gets.

 

Don't forget that posters to this forum aren't a representative sample of the population.

[silicone]

Ive been fortunate to have met a lot of very powerful and influential people in my life...Two that come to mind are Michael Bloomberg and Sylvester Stallone....I stood right next to both of these guys and they were barely taller than me...Im about 5-6"..I could list others, but its irrelevant..

 

Sure you want to stand by your sentiments..?

 

TFY

 

"He didn't think you were tall enough to be a leader".

 

Yes, I will - because it is my experience. Both Bloomberg and Stallone are about 5'8", no?

 

That's not really short...