Consolidated Discussion - A man's/woman's height in the search for relationships

[serial muse]

Actually, there are quite a few posts like that. They just are buried. And many women have also posted that they like tall men, but somehow or another ended up with a short man and happy about it.

 

It's not really that uncommon for a person's physical preferences to get swept aside when they find something very compelling about an individual.

 

 

 

I don't argue with that. But that still has nothing to do with the FACT that you can see short guys in relationships with women hundreds of times a day if you're walking downtown or some other crowded place; we all know (or are) women who are with short men -

 

So, so what if there is a bias. Just don't let it rule you. That's one of your challenges, short guys.

 

Not to blame all your frustrations on your height.

 

Yes. And, I dunno, it's rather frustrating to provide my anecdotal evidence, which is as good as anyone's on the other side, and have that discounted because it doesn't fit the preferred narrative here. Yes, I am one of those rainbow unicorns who has dated men my height and even married a man a couple of inches shorter than me (he was 5'4", I'm 5'6"). Two of my best friends are about the same height as I am and BOTH have married men who are about 5'6" and the topic of the guys' height has never even come up in all the many years that I have known them. Not a peep.

 

I also dated a guy who was 5'7" and very self-conscious about it. FWIW, he was also balding and pretty self-conscious about that, too. But he was in great shape and a smart guy and I thought he was very sexy. Unfortunately, his own self-esteem BS was in the way; his height was far more of an issue to him than it was to me.

 

So yeah, these are anecdotes, not data. But they're as useful as any single data point tossed around endlessly on LS that ever generated a 30-page thread. And anyway, none of it really matters - SD is quite right when he points out that any given shorter man frankly doesn't care if other shorter men have dates. I suspect that the reason this is not reassuring to them is twofold: 1) people who are complaining want validation, not contradiction; and 2) it quietly supports the idea that there's something personal to work on that could actually make a difference.

 

So, validation, offered for free: Yes, there are a few lucky people who will be nearly universally desired. And yes, many women do idealize taller men.

 

What "taller" is, however, is debatable and relative. And how much of a factor height really is when you meet in person is debatable. And anyway, most people are out there battling the various monkeys on our backs, of one stripe or another; height is hardly the only issue and IME men are far more obsessive about it than women are. Witness this very thread.

[hasaquestion]

I also dated a guy who was 5'7" and very self-conscious about it. FWIW, he was also balding and pretty self-conscious about that, too. But he was in great shape and a smart guy and I thought he was very sexy. Unfortunately, his own self-esteem BS was in the way; his height was far more of an issue to him than it was to me.

 

 

This is so true. How I used to be about my thin hair.

 

Turns out girls never cared about my hair. They just cared about what a little b**** I was for worrying about it.

[somedude81]

So yeah, these are anecdotes, not data. But they're as useful as any single data point tossed around endlessly on LS that ever generated a 30-page thread. And anyway, none of it really matters - SD is quite right when he points out that any given shorter man frankly doesn't care if other shorter men have dates. I suspect that the reason this is not reassuring to them is twofold: 1) people who are complaining want validation, not contradiction; and 2) it quietly supports the idea that there's something personal to work on that could actually make a difference.

#1, I want to have a girlfriend so I will have nothing to complain about. Though until I can have that, I at least want validation about my grievances.

 

I also dated a guy who was 5'7" and very self-conscious about it. FWIW, he was also balding and pretty self-conscious about that, too. But he was in great shape and a smart guy and I thought he was very sexy. Unfortunately, his own self-esteem BS was in the way; his height was far more of an issue to him than it was to me.

That I don't understand. Why would a man complain and be self-conscious about his height when he has a girlfriend?

 

As I said before, when I was with my ex, my height didn't bug me at all. She would also lightly tease me about my height. She found it very funny that even though she was 5'2 and I am 5'6, our legs were the same length. She had us stand side by side and pointed out that our hips lined up.

 

When she was in my life, my height simply did not matter. There were no complaints or worries or anything for me to feel self-conscious about.

[thefooloftheyear]

Funny thing this about a man's height....

 

Ive been fortunate to have personally met quite a few men who were considered "high profile" or "charismatic"...Natural leaders and "men among boys" when compared to their peers...

 

One was Chuck Zito....The other I wont mention, but he was probably one of the most powerful men in the country in the 1980's ...He has passed on ..

 

Neither one is/was close to 6'....Oh, and dont believe the stats posted on the net...I stood right next to them...No way...

 

TFY

[AD1980]

Actually, there are quite a few posts like that. They just are buried. And many women have also posted that they like tall men, but somehow or another ended up with a short man and happy about it.

 

It's not really that uncommon for a person's physical preferences to get swept aside when they find something very compelling about an individual.

 

 

 

I don't argue with that. But that still has nothing to do with the FACT that you can see short guys in relationships with women hundreds of times a day if you're walking downtown or some other crowded place; we all know (or are) women who are with short men -

 

So, so what if there is a bias. Just don't let it rule you. That's one of your challenges, short guys.

 

Not to blame all your frustrations on your height.

 

Further, I think the character trait of being a person who WILL complain and blame and focus on something beyond his/her control as the source of all strife, rather than maximizing on the positive and working on making things better, is pretty universally unattractive.

 

Its crazy how shallow women have become that "some" short men can get women but have to "overcome" and be a larger then life personality its like being a short guy is close to being an amuptee

 

If a women doesnt like me then fine im not gonna try to win her over becasue being a short guy is looked at as a huge strike by every women that you have to compensate for it by being perfect in every other area

[hasaquestion]

Its crazy how shallow men have become that "some" ugly women can get men but have to "overcome" and be a larger then life personality its like being an ugly women is close to being an amuptee

 

If a man doesn't don't like me then fine im not gonna try to win him over because being a ugly women is looked at as a huge strike by every man that you have to compensate for it by being perfect in every other area

 

See what I did there

 

You're basically saying that its crazy that people prefer some things over others. That's life.

[AD1980]

See what I did there

 

You're basically saying that its crazy that people prefer some things over others. That's life.

 

So a short man is atuomatically equal to an ugly women?

 

Is a man attratcive just because hes tall?

[Content]

Its crazy how shallow women have become that "some" short men can get women but have to "overcome" and be a larger then life personality its like being a short guy is close to being an amuptee

 

If a women doesnt like me then fine im not gonna try to win her over becasue being a short guy is looked at as a huge strike by every women that you have to compensate for it by being perfect in every other area

 

You dont have to overcome anyhting get off this site and live a little and dont listen to women on here who overstate how important height is. Im 5'8 on a good day and do fine with women and never had to compensate for my height,most people on this site are here for a reason and come with some baggage emotionanally while some here give godo advice most i wouldnt take too seriously.

[hasaquestion]

So a short man is atuomatically equal to an ugly women?

 

Is a man attratcive just because hes tall?

 

Yes. The population at large will prefer a taller guy, all else equal. The population at large will prefer a prettier woman, all else equal. Fortunately, all else is not equal. That's why there's so many short men and plain/ugly women married or in relationships.

 

I don't get what's so "awful" or "shameful" about having to "overcome" things. Some people are born with Marfan's syndrome. And we're complaining about 4 inches here?

[Content]

So a short man is atuomatically equal to an ugly women?

 

Is a man attratcive just because hes tall?

 

No ugly people are ugly people regardless what this site says tall average or ugly looking man arent being swarmed by women because of their height theres much more to attraction then height.

 

Im in really good shape and have been told im good looking facially i dont compare myself to anyone but i dont believe a women would choose a blah looking tall guy over me just becasue hes tall.

[somedude81]

See what I did there

 

You're basically saying that its crazy that people prefer some things over others. That's life.

 

How often do you see an actually ugly woman?

 

Hell, when was the last time you saw a woman under 35 who could be considered ugly?

[thefooloftheyear]

How often do you see an actually ugly woman?

 

Hell, when was the last time you saw a woman under 35 who could be considered ugly?

 

 

Are you kidding???

 

TFY

[somedude81]

Are you kidding???

 

TFY

 

Nope.

 

I never see young ugly women.

[Glinda.Good]

#1, I want to have a girlfriend so I will have nothing to complain about.

 

You seem to be an anomaly, but for most of us having a girl or boyfriend does not magically erase our innate characteristics.

 

That I don't understand. Why would a man complain and be self-conscious about his height when he has a girlfriend?

 

Because for most people, external validation does not change everything.

[R3d]

What about the people like me for which external validation would be a solution?

 

Of course this is just speculation on my part since I haven't had a girlfriend.

[Weezy1973]

What about the people like me for which external validation would be a solution?

 

Of course this is just speculation on my part since I haven't had a girlfriend.

 

The key is to figure out your values in all aspects of your life and then live by those values. Once you do that, you'll no longer care what other people think.

[clia]

What about the people like me for which external validation would be a solution?

 

Of course this is just speculation on my part since I haven't had a girlfriend.

 

You instead try to become a person for whom external validation is not the solution. You are never going to be a healthy, happy person if you have to rely on others to make you feel good about yourself. If you are in constant need of someone patting you on the head and saying "It's okay that you're short," you are never going to get anywhere because if that person goes away, you are left with nothing. If instead you can look at yourself in the mirror and say "It's okay that I'm short because I have so many other things to offer," you will be better off because you are the one in charge of your own happiness.

 

That's why I really don't even understand the point of this thread. It's just a bunch of whining about something that can't be changed. I see so many short guys every single day who are holding hands with women and out on dates with women and wearing wedding rings that I can't even take it seriously when someone wants to blame their height on their lack of ability to get a date. It's not your height. It may be the combination of your height plus other things about you, but rarely is it solely about your height.

[somedude81]

You seem to be an anomaly, but for most of us having a girl or boyfriend does not magically erase our innate characteristics.

What innate characteristic?

 

The only reason I complain about my height is because I'm single.

 

 

 

Because for most people, external validation does not change everything.

Having a girlfriend is so much more than external validation. At least it is for me.

[Glinda.Good]

Having a girlfriend is so much more than external validation. At least it is for me.

 

From an outside point of view, it does not appear that way.

 

Another person does not make somebody complete, or meet each and every need - especially those needs that were meant to be fulfilled by a person on their own. A relationship can't and won't sustain it.

 

You'll find out, if you have a relationship in your future. If you don't, you will just go on thinking that if only you'd had a girlfriend you would have been a happy man. And that you didn't because, mostly, you were too short.

 

Sad, dude.

[Imajerk17]

'Short while ago' You're so naughty!

 

 

I agree. Such a low blow! (Oops)

[somedude81]

From an outside point of view, it does not appear that way.

 

Another person does not make somebody complete, or meet each and every need - especially those needs that were meant to be fulfilled by a person on their own. A relationship can't and won't sustain it.

Short term, those needs are met and fulfilled. Long term, I don't know.

 

 

You'll find out, if you have a relationship in your future. If you don't, you will just go on thinking that if only you'd had a girlfriend you would have been a happy man. And that you didn't because, mostly, you were too short.

 

Sad, dude.

I have had a girlfriend and I was happy for the entire time we were together.

 

It was almost as if when things became real between us, my issues with my height, insecurities, depression, low self-esteem and anger just vanished.

 

Granted I was only with her for six month, so I don't know if those issues would have come back if I was with her for a year or more.

 

The only thing I know so far is that having a girlfriend removes my issues at least on a for a short term period.

[Anela]

What innate characteristic?

 

The only reason I complain about my height is because I'm single.

 

 

 

 

Having a girlfriend is so much more than external validation. At least it is for me.

 

If I had a husband, I would still worry about certain other things. Everything would not be 100% fine, because I had a man, and regular sex.

[somedude81]

If I had a husband, I would still worry about certain other things. Everything would not be 100% fine, because I had a man, and regular sex.

 

That's because your issues are caused by something else than not having a man.

 

My issues anger, self-esteem, poor confidence, height insecurity, they are all caused by me being single. So it makes perfect sense to me for those issues to go away when I get a girlfriend.

 

A starving man is only hungry till he gets to eat.

[thefooloftheyear]

From an outside point of view, it does not appear that way.

 

Another person does not make somebody complete, or meet each and every need - especially those needs that were meant to be fulfilled by a person on their own. A relationship can't and won't sustain it.

 

You'll find out, if you have a relationship in your future. If you don't, you will just go on thinking that if only you'd had a girlfriend you would have been a happy man. And that you didn't because, mostly, you were too short.

 

Sad, dude.

 

 

So true....

 

A " real" adult life is very complex....Trying to balance a good career, a healthy family life, duties, responsibilities, etc...is never easy...And while things have changed over the last few decades, most emotionally healthy men still are burdened with all that makes up being a good provider, a strong and unwavering force for his family and the people around him that depend on him...

 

A healthy relationship is great, and a good woman is a man's best asset...But in and of itself....does not define a man...

 

Some of the thoughts being put forth are those of a 14 year old boy...Im sorry to say.. It needs to be buried forever..

 

.02

 

TFY

[Glinda.Good]

 

My issues anger, self-esteem, poor confidence, height insecurity, they are all caused by me being single. So it makes perfect sense to me for those issues to go away when I get a girlfriend.

 

Do you know why people go to therapy and can be HELPED by therapy? Because they do not have realistic self-awareness, and they need to hear and consider an outsider's take on themselves. Of course, they listen - that is how they end up being helped.

 

You believe that all your problems would be solved by a girlfriend. And by being taller.

 

That belief does not mean that you are correct.

 

I don't believe it for a minute. I have never known a troubled adult person who actually would have been just fine if they had a mate.