Consolidated Discussion - A man's/woman's height in the search for relationships

[johan]

OMG, that's YOU, Johan?

 

 

Come on over in an hour and a half, the lasagna (his specialty) will be done, and he'll just be taking the Bundt cake out of the oven. I should be done replacing my brake rotors and still have time to shower.

 

 

Bring a welcome neighbor gift.

 

I came over. He answered wearing a skirt! And I was mistaken, he just looked tall from across the street. Anyway, it obviously wasn't you: no lasagna. They were a little surprised, but accepted the gift I brought (rocky mountain oysters). He was a bit put off by them, but she ate them in handfulls.

 

Anyway, thanks for the invitation!

[Els]

 

So, at the end of the day, I ask ...Would a woman prefer a guy that is tall, but dumb, unsuccessful/undriven..(or even not better looking) than a shorter guy, or is it a "all else being equal" type of thing?

 

I actually prefer guys who aren't too tall, my ex was bordering on 6' and it was awkward at times since I barely came up to his shoulder. But it isn't necessarily a hard and fast thing.

 

Current SO is 5'7" which is just right for me, and still a good 6 inches taller than me. To me, him being intelligent, successful and driven definitely contributes to my attraction much more than his height, though. So I'd still have been with him even if he'd been 5'5", or 6'.

[Weezy1973]

I seriously don't think the short guys get it (this coming from a shorter than average guy):

 

There is no "better" physical characteristic than another in terms of attraction. If you aren't attracted to overweight women, that isn't somehow more "honourable" because they have control over their weight.

 

I have literally no problem with a woman rejecting me because of my height (5'8") at all. Or my income. Or anything else for that matter. Why? Because I have my own preferences and can empathize with others that have preferences as well.

 

I will never, ever, ever, date an overweight woman. Ever. I don't find them attractive at all, never have, never will. WHO CARES?!?!? I'm guessing bigger women would way rather date a man that was attracted to them anyways! Just like me, a shorter dude, have no interest in dating a woman where height is one of her primary attractors.

 

Does this make sense at all to you?

[somedude81]

Not just excluding - talking about looking for 18-22 year old girls as girlfriends. That crack you made in another thread, about how you thought the suggestions being made were things that interested women who are over 35. For some reason, you think that at almost 33, you should be able to date a woman twelve years younger (or even younger than that), but you make cracks about older women, too. I don't see you going for women twelve years older than you are.

 

So no, I'm not excluding women based on age.

 

Why the heck do you care if I want to pursue women younger than me?

 

Have you stopped to think for a second about where I spent most of my days during? What is the average age of people there?

 

How the hell am I supposed to meet women in their 40's? Do you seriously think women in their 40's would at all be interested in me?

 

I have never made cracks at older women.

[thefooloftheyear]

Why the assumption that the tall guy is dumb? That would be like me calling a younger woman a bimbo (only a lot of them aren't).

 

 

Who is assuming anything? im just creating a hypothetical scenario...

 

TFY

[R3d]

Why the assumption that the tall guy is dumb? That would be like me calling a younger woman a bimbo (only a lot of them aren't).

 

This is what I have been trying to ask every time someone says something like, "I'd much rather be with a shorter guy than some tall dud."

 

Okay...but not all tall guys are duds...

[jay1983]

I honestly think women will want the man with the cuter face and and better built body than the taller one.

[thefooloftheyear]

Judging by the tone of what I am hearing..

 

If a guy is short and has a small dick, its pretty much a given that he better take up hobbies, win the lottery or shoot lightning out of his ass to get some attention.....

 

TFY

[KaliLove]

So no, I'm not excluding women based on age.

 

Why the heck do you care if I want to pursue women younger than me?

 

Have you stopped to think for a second about where I spent most of my days during? What is the average age of people there?

 

How the hell am I supposed to meet women in their 40's? Do you seriously think women in their 40's would at all be interested in me?

 

I have never made cracks at older women.

 

Bullsh*t. You absolutely have.

 

As someone who's always dated older men (when I was 22 my bf was 37, current bf is 10 years older than me) I can assure you that most of us do it because we are looking for maturity and stability. Or because we have major daddy issues.

 

Nobody said anything about women who are in their 40s, but what's wrong with women your own age? Just because you spend your days with kids doesn't mean you need to spend your nights with them.

[KaliLove]

I think it's because it seems unreasonable for a 5'3" girl to discriminate against 5'6" guy. I don't know many guys who can be picky enough to reject a girl because of her bearst size. It's very unreasonable and counter productive. I keep trying to tell these guys that being taller might not solve their problem, as I'm 5'11" and still having dating problems.

 

There's no such thing as unreasonable when it comes to attraction. People want what they want and if they'd rather be single than settle for someone they're not that into then that's their prerogative. But if that's the case then they don't get to whine about being single.

Edited August 25, 2014 by KaliLove

[jay1983]

Bullsh*t. You absolutely have.

 

As someone who's always dated older men (when I was 22 my bf was 37, current bf is 10 years older than me) I can assure you that most of us do it because we are looking for maturity and stability. Or because we have major daddy issues.

 

Nobody said anything about women who are in their 40s, but what's wrong with women your own age? Just because you spend your days with kids doesn't mean you need to spend your nights with them.

 

Kali, you didn't answer his question. How is he supposed to meet and attract women in their 40's?

[thefooloftheyear]

There's no such thing as unreasonable when it comes to attraction. People want what they want and if they'd rather be single than settle for someone they're not that into then that's their prerogative.

 

Maybe......

 

But then it really doesnt make sense to then complain about it, no?(not saying you are)

 

I have known many women who do nothing but complain about their loser bf/husbands, but then they are the ones who habitually pick the losers while avoiding the potential "winners" because maybe they were "too nice"....or perhaps "too short"...

 

TFY

[KaliLove]

Maybe......

 

But then it really doesnt make sense to then complain about it, no?(not saying you are)

 

I have known many women who do nothing but complain about their loser bf/husbands, but then they are the ones who habitually pick the losers while avoiding the potential "winners" because maybe they were "too nice"....or perhaps "too short"...

 

TFY

 

I think you started to reply to my post before I amended it. I said exactly what you just said.

 

I agree with you 100%.

[jay1983]

There's no such thing as unreasonable when it comes to attraction. People want what they want and if they'd rather be single than settle for someone they're not that into then that's their prerogative. But if that's the case then they don't get to whine about being single.

 

They tend to complain more about guys using them for sex, guys not committing, stuff like that after they've found someone who meets all their standards.

[KaliLove]

They tend to complain more about guys using them for sex, guys not committing, stuff like that after they've found someone who meets all their standards.

 

Well that's never going to stop. Guys really do suck sometimes!

[johan]

Ok. So 130 pages in and what have we accomplished other than some women prefer taller men. And that short men can still do well in dating regardless of their height. And that those who complain can overcome this with a positive attitude or in other ways.

 

By all means keep up the self loathing. It will do wonders for your (not pointing at you) dating life.

 

Good point. I think your posts echos many other on here, but the thread goes on.

 

Keep in mind it's not just this thread, but what seems like hundreds of predecessors on the very same topic that also didn't accomplish anything. (And there was always one or two people saying "what is the point??") And you can add in equivalent threads about how guys with small penises are at a disadvantage, those with no college degree and/or low incomes. Those didn't go anywhere either. I don't think there is an equivalent from the women's side, but there might be.

 

I guess the counter-argument is in the challenge to find the handful of posts in the history of the site that actually did accomplish something.

 

The silver lining is there might be a few guys reading who have the potential to have insecurities like this. Maybe they aren't participating, but maybe they are giving it some thought. And maybe they are deciding that the path to follow is not the one the sad sack types take. That would be an accomplishment, but you wouldn't see a post about it.

 

Maybe there are some women who are thinking again about what it means to express a preference for tall guys. They might not be saying so, but they could be considering being more sensitive in their statements, possibly even being more determined to give a short guy a chance. That would be an accomplishment that you probably wouldn't see posted.

 

Don't think the circus you're reading here, with the stalwart whiners and those coming down on them for being so dense, is all there is to it.

[bathtub-row]

How do I gain confidence in a world where I'm considered "genetically" inadequate? I mean I and other short men do exist for a reason as our ancestors somehow managed to bypass their genetic "drawbacks" and found a mate of their own. However how do I do it in this modern society where being tall and handsome are stressed to such a degree that you can find them subtly (and more explicitly inserted into advertisements (especially about dating sites), movies (especially superhero movies), tv shows and almost all sports?

 

I could turn that question around and ask you how a woman is supposed to get a boyfriend if she doesn't look like Cindy Crawford, or one of the "maybe it's Maybelline" models. Women are continually bombarded by ads -- and it's ALL about appearance. We can't be thin enough or perfect enough. So, you're not the Lone Ranger in this. Yet, look at all the non-good looking women out there who are married. Look at all the short guys who are married. It happens, and it happens all the time.

 

Whatever those other girls are telling you, I would say that while a lot of women prefer tall men, a lot of them don't discount guys because of their height. I was married to someone who was 5'8" and later fell crazy in love with someone who was about 5'7". I have to say that even though tall men are great looking, there was something really great about cuddling with a man closer to my height (5'2"). We fit together so well, it was incredible. Shorter men also seem more down-to-earth (pun not intended), and I find them more comfortable to be around. So, I happen to not care much about a man's height. I care more about his character and who he is.

 

As a side point, all the of top executives in my company are short - around 5'8" or so. They're all very intelligent and all married. I never even thought about their height until someone pointed it out once. Are tall guys impressive? You bet. Are top models impressive? Oh yeah. Does that make everyone else dog meat? Nope.

 

So, don't blow your brains out just yet. There are women out there who aren't predisposed to your height, or they'll overlook it once they get to know you. And if you're really, really lucky, maybe you'll find a short woman who looks like Cindy Crawford.

Edited August 25, 2014 by bathtub-row

[somedude81]

Bullsh*t. You absolutely have.

Alright, prove it. Show me some examples of things I said that dig at older women.

 

As someone who's always dated older men (when I was 22 my bf was 37, current bf is 10 years older than me) I can assure you that most of us do it because we are looking for maturity and stability. Or because we have major daddy issues.

 

Nobody said anything about women who are in their 40s, but what's wrong with women your own age? Just because you spend your days with kids doesn't mean you need to spend your nights with them.

 

Anela did.

 

For some reason, you think that at almost 33, you should be able to date a woman twelve years younger (or even younger than that), but you make cracks about older women, too. I don't see you going for women twelve years older than you are.

 

Women twelve years older than me are in their mid 40's.

[William]

We're wandering again. Easy to do I understand. Perhaps take this discussion not having to do with height and relationships to PM? We also have an age gap dating thread available to discuss age gap dating, pro and con.

[jay1983]

I could turn that question around and ask you how a woman is supposed to get a boyfriend if she doesn't look like Cindy Crawford, or one of the "maybe it's Maybelline" models. Women are continually bombarded by ads -- and it's ALL about appearance. We can't be thin enough or perfect enough. So, you're not the Lone Ranger in this. Yet, look at all the non-good looking women out there who are married. Look at all the short guys who are married. It happens, and it happens all the time.

 

Well there a few of things might play into this and these could be rally farfetched, but go head. This is a little bit long, bare with me.

 

We're coming off a time when women needed men. Someone's mother may have married their father not because they were attracted to him, but rather needed someone to provide for them. Another thing, I don't know what it was like growing up in the 70's and 80's, but I wanna say that maybe women might have been less superficial. I know people have always been superficial and there have always been celebrities, but maybe it wasn't as extreme as it is today. Today being worse due to all the crap on TV and the internet, celebrity gossip and so on and so forth.

 

Another thing, when I was in high school, and through my early 20's I attracted a lot of girls, but my luck with the lady's started slowing down as I approach my mid 20's and hit a brick wall around 27. I'm not sure what the reasons might be, my best guess is that a lot of women find someone they're compatible with and get married shorty after high school or college. Those women being women who didn't have as hard of a time finding someone they were compatible with. My guess would be that maybe those are the women who aren't as superficial with realistic standards and maybe looked for things in personality rather than raw looks. So after those are off the market, what's left? Also social media and OLD weren't around. I really do think that's been a big difference maker in dating and people's attitude.

 

Last thing, some of these features that some women might find unattractive in men don't have the same negative effect in women with the same traits or don't show in women who carry these genes. Such as being short, a women can be short and most guys don't care or even find it more attractive. She could find a tall man to have a child with and the child maybe a boy who got mostly his mother's genes. Balding doesn't show in as much in women. A women's hair may thin a little as they age or may not thin at all and her son could loss all his hair. Small penis are another thing were women could carry the genes it not suffer from it at all. I just hope these superficial women take into consideration that their son may be one of these guys that a lot of women reject.

[jay1983]

We're wandering again. Easy to do I understand. Perhaps take this discussion not having to do with height and relationships to PM? We also have an age gap dating thread available to discuss age gap dating, pro and con.

 

Sorry man i just saw this ^

[bathtub-row]

Well there a few of things might play into this and these could be rally farfetched, but go head. This is a little bit long, bare with me.

 

We're coming off a time when women needed men. Someone's mother may have married their father not because they were attracted to him, but rather needed someone to provide for them. Another thing, I don't know what it was like growing up in the 70's and 80's, but I wanna say that maybe women might have been less superficial. I know people have always been superficial and there have always been celebrities, but maybe it wasn't as extreme as it is today. Today being worse due to all the crap on TV and the internet, celebrity gossip and so on and so forth.

 

Another thing, when I was in high school, and through my early 20's I attracted a lot of girls, but my luck with the lady's started slowing down as I approach my mid 20's and hit a brick wall around 27. I'm not sure what the reasons might be, my best guess is that a lot of women find someone they're compatible with and get married shorty after high school or college. Those women being women who didn't have as hard of a time finding someone they were compatible with. My guess would be that maybe those are the women who aren't as superficial with realistic standards and maybe looked for things in personality rather than raw looks. So after those are off the market, what's left? Also social media and OLD weren't around. I really do think that's been a big difference maker in dating and people's attitude.

 

Last thing, some of these features that some women might find unattractive in men don't have the same negative effect in women with the same traits or don't show in women who carry these genes. Such as being short, a women can be short and most guys don't care or even find it more attractive. She could find a tall man to have a child with and the child maybe a boy who got mostly his mother's genes. Balding doesn't show in as much in women. A women's hair may thin a little as they age or may not thin at all and her son could loss all his hair. Small penis are another thing were women could carry the genes it not suffer from it at all. I just hope these superficial women take into consideration that their son may be one of these guys that a lot of women reject.

 

Honestly, I have no idea what you're talking about. Basically what I was saying is that women are just as bombarded by superficial things as men are. I think a person just needs to be who they are and stop worrying about the things they have no control over. It's a complete waste of time and energy.

[organizedchaos]

Alright, prove it. Show me some examples of things I said that dig at older women.

 

 

 

Anela did.

 

 

 

Women twelve years older than me are in their mid 40's.

 

And? Is that a problem?

[jay1983]

Honestly, I have no idea what you're talking about.

 

Really, none of that was credible? Women not needing men, not being affected by thing like height, small body structure or small penises, times changing due to the internet and mainstream media. Okay then never mind.

[bathtub-row]

Really, none of that was credible? Women not needing men, not being affected by thing like height, small body structure or small penises, times changing due to the internet and mainstream media. Okay then never mind.

 

Just because women have careers and all doesn't mean that they don't need companionship. That will never go away. Look, you can come up with any kind of rationale you want on this topic. Anyone could, honestly. I see gorgeous women all the time who can't find a guy because men are intimidated by them. Tall men could tell you that a lot of women don't want to be with them because they get hit on too much and it's hard to trust them. The list goes on and on.

 

Like I said, be the best person you can be. That's really all you can do. We cannot stop time, we cannot grow 5 inches taller or shrink 5 inches shorter, we cannot change our race. Make peace with it and be done with it. A person's belief about themselves carries over into the world more than anything else. If you believe it's a problem, then it will be.