Consolidated Discussion - A man's/woman's height in the search for relationships

[preraph]

NJ You're missing the point. "Preferring" what you're attracted to isn't a choice. You're attracted to what you're attracted to and you're turned off by what you're turned off by. It's a sexual thing. Women aren't sitting there with a checklist going, Hmmm, even though I could be totally turned on by a short guy, I think I'll only date tall guys. They can't say "He can't help it, so therefore I am turned on by him." It's not a choice. Because no woman of ordinary means in ordinary circumstances is going to force herself to have sex with someone when the thought of having sex with them is no more appealing than having a colonoscopy because they're repelled by them sexually.

 

But again, making a mountain of a molehill because not all women are like that and even short men can get women. The ones I knew had lots of women. They would have had a much harder time if they, like so many short guys, only want a woman shorter than them. None of the popular short guys I knew actually paid much attention what height the woman was. They weren't insecure. I think we have to acknowledge there could be another "size" issue at play with short men, especially if they're small short men, and that their insecurities in that area make them look for tiny women in the mistaken belief that they will also be small down there, which isn't at all true. So then they only want petite women and of course, a lot of men like petite women, so they've put themselves in a competitive field that's going to limit their chances.

 

I mean, the way I've always seen it work is if there's a small guy without any confidence or game, he's going to have to date a girl without any confidence and no game. If he's a short guy with confidence and game, he can date all varieties of women except the few who steadfastly do not want a short guy or who are just too good looking for them or too popular for them to begin with, regardless of height.

[somedude81]

The same reason why a lot of men are so shallow about a woman's breast size or hair color and hold something against them that is out of their control.

 

It is what it is and not every person is so biased against height or breast size or those things.

 

Eh, men aren't going to reject a woman because of her breast size or hair color.

 

I'm well known for being a big boob fanatic and I really don't consider a woman's bra size when I ask her out.

 

Hair color is even more irrelevant.

[Phoe]

Eh, men aren't going to reject a woman because of her breast size or hair color.

 

I'm well known for being a big boob fanatic and I really don't consider a woman's bra size when I ask her out.

 

Hair color is even more irrelevant.

 

I've been rejected by a man who prefers blondes.

 

My ex told me he was VERY close to thinking my boobs were too small for him. If it weren't for him liking my personality he would've nexted me on date 1.

 

Men reject women for any reason. It happens.

[ascendotum]

You can't change your breast size without invasive surgery. And there are certain hair color changes that destroy hair. I wouldn't count those as realistic changes.

 

There would be a fraction of the boobs jobs getting performed each year if the invasiveness (pain/$/time off/os travel) was even half that of the level of height increasing surgery. Also many short guys just cant pick the ideal height they want, unlike boobs. Its just not in same realm. I still don't consider boob prejudice in the same realm either. Small/perky - Regular - Large, they all have their fans. When it comes to male height though, the fan club only goes one way...up, and their is actually a hate club for the other other end of the height spectrum. Small boob girls are not single for long periods nor lamenting being ignored by guys or having to date down to get a guy. For sure quite a few small boob women complain, but imo its mainly driven with their personal dissatisfaction from benchmarking themselves against what they see as the ideal - Angelina Jolie or whatever woman in their magazines. The closet female analogy to me is waist size.

[sweetjasmine]

But height is what you have no control over.

 

Who cares whether you have control over it? So what?

 

I don't have control over my skin color, and not every man is attracted to my ethnicity. Boo-freaking-hoo.

[ascendotum]

Nothing is going to change though. Its innate preferences as height is entwined with masculinity but I also feel there has been a growing social conditioning (for want of a better term) trend there over the last 50 yrs as well. All guys used to be needed by women in the past to help support them. Not any more. Now desire and self fulfillment take greater precedence.

[Anela]

lol exactly my point again. I still barely heard anyone here even given reasons why except for coming up with things that you can actually change about yourself.

 

I can't change my age. I can just imagine the thread, if I started one asking why men don't want women over a certain age. I've already seen the responses I could expect, for years: some men are gorgeous, and will compliment older women, but a good number of men will say that it's to be expected, that we should just stop complaining, and they will be graphic about what is unattractive to them, about women over the age of 35. Like 35 is some sort magical birthday, where we turn into a monster.

 

My hormones seem to have come out of hibernation, and I've been crushing on someone who is taller than me (he's 5'10"). I'm not going to apologize for that. I have been attracted to men who aren't much taller than I am, but I'm not going to decide to only date short men, just to placate those who would turn around and insult me over my age, and also for the very fact that I'm a woman (add in numerous ways in which we've been traitors to men for wanting our own lives, here).

[Lurkeraspect]

I was born with a very noticible birth defect, thankfully raised by parents that never coddled me or defined me by that, so it never was an issue to me. Amazingly, I dated, married a wonderful man, had kids, etc...

 

I find men attractive for a variety of reasons. Height was never a deal breaker for me. What's hot to me are attractive, funny, charming men, without a chip on their shoulder about something they have no control over.

 

And please...everyone has a preference, everyone has deal beakers, turn on's/offs, and just because you get turned down for (your perceived) shortness, it could very well be something as simple (and correctable) as your attitude.

[BlueIris]

...

 

For sure quite a few small boob women complain, but imo its mainly driven with their personal dissatisfaction from benchmarking themselves against what they see as the ideal -

 

....

 

I think this is true for much of the dissatisfaction people of both genders express. Jealousy is one factor.

 

There are so many traits that are generally preferred by a majority (51%+) of the opposite sex. Height is just one of them.

[Imported]

Who cares whether you have control over it? So what?

 

I don't have control over my skin color, and not every man is attracted to my ethnicity. Boo-freaking-hoo.

 

Good point. I sometimes forget I'm "ethnic". OP, I have never done online dating, but profile after profile I read on there, women want just white guys. Mixed race asian/white need not apply I guess. Hell, I even see on there women that are not white and sometimes even my own mix say that.

 

Are these women racist and shallow as well? I can't really change what race and skin color I have, not like it's my fault.

 

I think they just have a preference. And I actually like being mixed race with my skin. I actually do very well despite whatever I see most women preferring online. There are women out there that will auto-reject me for whatever reason. Can't win them all and not losing any sleep over it.

[TouchedByViolet]

I think this is true for much of the dissatisfaction people of both genders express. Jealousy is one factor.

 

There are so many traits that are generally preferred by a majority (51%+) of the opposite sex. Height is just one of them.

 

Height is the most frequently cited and easily quantifiable trait. The preference for it is heavy and often the single strongest that women look for. It is more that "just one of them"

[NJ123]

I can't change my age. I can just imagine the thread, if I started one asking why men don't want women over a certain age. I've already seen the responses I could expect, for years: some men are gorgeous, and will compliment older women, but a good number of men will say that it's to be expected, that we should just stop complaining, and they will be graphic about what is unattractive to them, about women over the age of 35. Like 35 is some sort magical birthday, where we turn into a monster.

 

My hormones seem to have come out of hibernation, and I've been crushing on someone who is taller than me (he's 5'10"). I'm not going to apologize for that. I have been attracted to men who aren't much taller than I am, but I'm not going to decide to only date short men, just to placate those who would turn around and insult me over my age, and also for the very fact that I'm a woman (add in numerous ways in which we've been traitors to men for wanting our own lives, here).

 

Well hey, I personally find older women attractive.

[xxoo]

But it's still considered shallow in my opinion if someone only prefers taller guys. Not saying you are personally since it seems you would happily date a shorter guy even though it's obvious you prefer taller guys.

 

The bolded is not true.

 

Height is sexy. But so are dozens of other things. No guy has ALL of those things. This isn't Franken-date! Still, of course, some men are extremely sexy to me, each for their own reasons.

 

What makes you sexy? Get sexy, and don't give another thought about your height. Hint: sexy is more attitude than anything else.

[BlueIris]

Height is the most frequently cited and easily quantifiable trait. The preference for it is heavy and often the single strongest that women look for. It is more that "just one of them"

 

I'd put race, body type and age right up there. I bet that more women are willing to date a shorter man in her age range than a tall man 25 years older or younger than she is. But I do think that height is the most complained about, if LS is any indicator.

 

In the end, though, what does it matter? Ideally, people are looking for their love, their match. So very many factors are going to be at issue.

[ascendotum]

Who cares whether you have control over it? So what?

 

I don't have control over my skin color, and not every man is attracted to my ethnicity. Boo-freaking-hoo.

 

Its not in the same realm. Sure if you're a Korean girl living in Sudan, yeah you might find it tough going with the local men who could very likely have a strong bias for dark skinned nubian women. (and it would not be unique to just a woman) When its comes to ethnicity Korean women will be a hit in Korea, Indian women in India, Peruvian women Peru and so on. They will also be in many other countries but to variable degrees. There would be a **** load less people on the planet if guys had hung ups on skin color. They don't unless you become a foreigner in a place that's intolerant. Its not the same. Also there are degrees of difficulty. Having one person in 100 having a hang up over not wanting to date a woman with freckles is not going to impact on them to the same degree as for a guy who has a weak chin and say maybe one person in 10 has a hang up over it.

[NJ123]

I think this is true for much of the dissatisfaction people of both genders express. Jealousy is one factor.

 

There are so many traits that are generally preferred by a majority (51%+) of the opposite sex. Height is just one of them.

 

Yep, exactly. As you pointed out, women more often than not prefer a guy who's taller than shorter. Guys who are 5'8" & shorter have way less options than a taller guy.

[GorillaTheater]

Its not in the same realm. Sure if you're a Korean girl living in Sudan, yeah you might find it tough going with the local men who could very likely have a strong bias for dark skinned nubian women. (and it would not be unique to just a woman) When its comes to ethnicity Korean women will be a hit in Korea, Indian women in India, Peruvian women Peru and so on. They will also be in many other countries but to variable degrees. There would be a **** load less people on the planet if guys had hung ups on skin color. They don't unless you become a foreigner in a place that's intolerant. Its not the same. Also there are degrees of difficulty. Having one person in 100 having a hang up over not wanting to date a woman with freckles is not going to impact on them to the same degree as for a guy who has a weak chin and say maybe one person in 10 has a hang up over it.

 

Well, if it's as simple as shifting geography, I've heard that short white dudes are golden in Japan.

[sillyanswer]

Yep, exactly. As you pointed out, women more often than not prefer a guy who's taller than shorter. Guys who are 5'8" & shorter have way less options than a taller guy.

 

Yes, probably. So... what's next?

[me85]

lol you were the one that just said you examine someone's height right away. Now all of a sudden your implying you'd date him even if he was 5'3". Sure it's not about the money & fame.....

 

That is the first thing I notice, but doesn't everyone notice someone's height ? Yes, yes, I used the word "examine" BUT I also said just because I prefer dating a tall man doesn't mean I would be against dating a short man.

 

Who cares about money or fame (that would likely intimidate me) ? Have you seen his body??? You're a guy and I'm sure you don't check out other guy's bodies but his is spectacular.

[somedude81]

I've been rejected by a man who prefers blondes.

Really? That's super odd.

 

My ex told me he was VERY close to thinking my boobs were too small for him. If it weren't for him liking my personality he would've nexted me on date 1.

 

Men reject women for any reason. It happens.

 

 

Aren't you a DD? Any guy who thinks that is too small and would reject you is freaking stupid.

[NJ123]

That is the first thing I notice, but doesn't everyone notice someone's height ? Yes, yes, I used the word "examine" BUT I also said just because I prefer dating a tall man doesn't mean I would be against dating a short man.

 

Who cares about money or fame (that would likely intimidate me) ? Have you seen his body??? You're a guy and I'm sure you don't check out other guy's bodies but his is spectacular.

 

You specifically already stated you prefer really tall guys (6'4"-6'6") & their the only ones you've mostly dated. So it's extremely hard for me to believe that you'd be willing to go out with someone over a foot shorter all of a sudden & be happy about it.

[NJ123]

Yes, probably. So... what's next?

 

What do you mean probably? There is no probably, it's a fact that height is one of the very top things a lot of women look for in a partner. Why do you keep pretending it's some small dating problem?

[me85]

You specifically already stated you prefer really tall guys (6'4"-6'6") & their the only ones you've mostly dated. So it's extremely hard for me to believe that you'd be willing to go out with someone over a foot shorter all of a sudden & be happy about it.

 

I dated someone for 3 years who was like a couple of inches taller than me. Thank you very much. I'm 5' 5.5"

[sillyanswer]

What do you mean probably? There is no probably, it's a fact that height is one of the very top things a lot of women look for in a partner. Why do you keep pretending it's some small dating problem?

 

Ok. I agree. You've convinced me. So... what's next?

[NJ123]

I dated someone for 3 years who was like a couple of inches taller than me. Thank you very much. I'm 5' 5.5"

 

Well you could have specifically said that before in a previous post instead of implying you've only dated guys that are 6"+.