InLove13 Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 I am in the mood much more than my boyfriend - in fact I get turned down, and it sucks, I always thought that guys have the sex drive!!! Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 I am also in the mood more the my BF I like sex and think about a lot and am always initating and getting turned down. It sucks. I have even thought of having an affair just to get the frustration out but that would make everything worse. Link to post Share on other sites
DacaInaru Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Wow you know I haven't read most of the reply's on this thread i'm working on it.. but I had to put my 2cents in cause this issues hits a sore nerve with me.. my question is.. why are women married or unmarried relegated to sex objects? My personal feeling on Sex when "he wants it" is this.. If I say no its No.. if my husband can't respect me enough to understand that i'm not in the mood, sick, etc.. then thats an issue he has to deal with as far as i'm concerned.. there is give and take in marriage.. there is careing for each other.. a man who demands sex from his wife when she is ill or otherwise is a dickwad in my personal opinion.. but i'm just a bitter divorced woman.. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Originally posted by jw32802 Do you women out there believe in "giving a guy sex when he wants it" (I mean if you guys have been long term and have sex or if you are married and if hes a good guy, i dont mean this for the jerk guys). Do you believe in the notion that if he wants it in the middle of the night and you are tired , you should "give it to him anyway". i was just reading about that. What were you reading? A magazine? A health/psychology study? I'm just curious. Do you believe in the notion that if he wants it in the middle of the night and you are tired , you should "give it to him anyway". No. I don't believe he should either if the roles were reversed. I also don't believe that sex can be compared to anything else -- because it is not like anything else. The act and the emotions and the cultural beliefs behind it cannot be compared to anything else. It means different things to different people. Taking out the trash means taking out the trash! LOL! Now, to expand on my "no" response. If I am asleep and my husband wakes me up gently and tries to entice me into wanting to make love -- no problem, I might respond, but I certainly would not feel obligated to, neither would I feel any guilt at all if I declined. But, if he wakes me up and says "I want it now" I would probably point to the bathroom and tell him to be quiet about it and not wake me up again. Link to post Share on other sites
DacaInaru Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 "I want it now" I would probably point to the bathroom and tell him to be quiet about it and not wake me up again. LOL now thats a good one!! Link to post Share on other sites
grgbarnes Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 It depends on your attraction level...I had girlfriends that we couldn't keep our hands off each other for YEARS and others, never (my current marriage). I think me are more just influenced by their testosterone and need release, women are less likely to feel urgency, but mainly I believe it's a chemistry thing... A Bj or Hj can help, too... Link to post Share on other sites
painter Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 as far as mood goes, my hubby sometimes isnt in the mood and sometimes im not. as long as it averages out i think its fine. you should check with each other every now and then and try to notice when the other party isnt feeling satisfied or is feeling a bit used. diplomacy and mutual caring is key. if you are female and find your male partner wants you more than you want him, perhaps its because our culture insists on females looking good for males while males have no obligation to look good for females. try telling him to shower first and shave more and dress better, whatever is your major turn on in a male body PHYSICALLY (since we are talking about sex here), tell him you need him to be attractive for you too. (this can work in reverse with you girls wearing smelly socks, old undies and letting your stubble show under your arms and on your legs. if he complains tell him you're just returning the courtesey!!!) Link to post Share on other sites
arcadia Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 i didnt read this entire thread.. so someone may have already said this.. but... i dont think you should give your partner sex any time they want it just because they ask. Why? Well because I dont think i would want my partner to just "put up with it" if i ask for sex and he isnt really in the mood. Sex is always better if both partners are into it. Now i will admit that there have been a couple times where i havent really been in the mood that i have had sex anyways. But all those times i have ended up enjoying it regardless. Link to post Share on other sites
stumt Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 Well in my oppinion, if the sex is good, then I ready to go whenever his friend is UP to it. That's how it is with me and my husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Samuel62 Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 If you don't deny him out of spite, or for revenge, then turning him down for any reason is cool. (Male view) Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 I don't like the attitude that "If I don't give it to him, he'll get it from somewhere else." Forget that. If that is true, within reason, then it is his problem. I'm always willing. If I'm not in the mood, he puts me in it! Link to post Share on other sites
marie337 Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 I have a very strong sex drive so even when I don't feel in the mood I usually can find the mood. My problem is that sometimes my desire stems from the need to fulfill his needs. I NEED to please my husband because I have problems with jealousy and feelings of inadequacy which I am working on. But, regardless of my intentions I always end up enjoying myself. I hope that makes sense. I think it is important to communicate and to find ways of meeting each other's needs. If you just don't have time for intercourse, there are other, quicker things to do that can be very satisfying like mutual masturbation. I just think communication is very important. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Originally posted by Samuel62 If you don't deny him out of spite, or for revenge, then turning him down for any reason is cool. (Male view) I don't know if the same happens to all women, but when I feel spiteful/revengeful towards my partner the very *last* thing I would like to do is having sex with him. Feeling that way is biggest turnoff I can imagine. I tried having sex when I was resentful towards him, I ended up crying in the middle of the lovemaking session, it was a quite unpleasant situation for both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Originally posted by sami " Men are like standby copy machines, all you need to do is press the START key. Women are like old copy machines, they are out- of- order every month and they take time to warm up.". In a marriage class my wife & I attended, the facilitator (an ordained minister, incidentally) made an analogy about men being microwave ovens, whereas women were more like conventional ovens that require pre-heating. Link to post Share on other sites
sassyone Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 I have a different situation...my husband is obsessed with porn...which in many discussions have i made it clear i don't like him looking at it all the time..especially when im there craving attention..it upsets me and makes me feel unwanted unloved and worthless to these women he's oggling over...so i tend to give him sex whenever he wants it,...otherwise he'd only be doing it to fantasy women from a magazine all the time. What i don't get is the fact he knows i hate it..yet he still continues to do it no matter how much sex i give him. for example....he comes home from work after doing a shift...i offer him some and i get told he's too tired...then when he gets up i notice theirs a playboy mag on the floor next to the bed...obviously not that tired huh? Link to post Share on other sites
mymojo Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 I love my partner a lot but prefer to get my orgasms from solo self pleasure.However, when he's in the mood I have no problem giving him some pleasure via a nice hot BJ. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 Sex is not something you give or take...it's something you share, and it also requires mutual respect. If one partner is not in the mood, the other partner should respect that. On the other hand, the other partner should not shoot down the horny one's desires with a cold shoulder. That causes resentment. What I normally suggest is for the horny partner to masturbate, while the other appreciatively looks on and subtly interacts. It's a good compromise. Link to post Share on other sites
MJTig Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 Originally posted by Monday I can't brag though...I pretty much have no choice, if I want any peace in my life. Yes you do... call your nearest Domestic Violence agency (I can even get you a number if you want) and GET OUT. You don't deserve to be treated like a slave and/or a whore. That is how he is treating you. You don't deserve it, and he tuaght you how to be submissive... I am not blaming you because I know it can be easy to get trapped in a relationship like that (a friend of mine was and she is a very strong individual). But my heart broke when I read that. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 What if the horny party managed to put the " not-in-the-mood" light off. Link to post Share on other sites
just some girl Posted October 12, 2004 Share Posted October 12, 2004 Sad thing is I used to be like that...just always ready and willing. I loved sex, loved adventurous sex, and was very into pleasing my man. Since he began withholding sex, all that's changed. I don't understand a guy who wouldn't love having a reasonably attractive girl who will do it whenever he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
just some girl Posted October 12, 2004 Share Posted October 12, 2004 Originally posted by Monday What the heck do you know? If you ever saw me an my husband together, you'd see how he always walks one step ahead of me.......(snip)....So don't you DARE judge me, if I don't have sex with my husband every time he wants it. I'm happy that you have such a wonderful relationship, that you can brag about how you give it up whenever your guy wants it. I can't brag though...I pretty much have no choice, if I want any peace in my life. I hope that you will leave this relationship. I spent over a decade in an abusive relationship, one in which I had been raped more than once, so yes, I do think I know a little bit about how you might feel. Each situation is different, in its own way, but I deeply feel for you in yours. I hope you find a light at the end of the tunnel, and that the tunnel will lead you out of this. No matter how rotten things are, you have to also realize that other people also have pain, and pain is apples and oranges...everyone's is different. Withholding of sex can also be abusive. It's actually on the same list you'll see if you look up Sexual Abuse (google) as is forced sex. Both qualify. I know you are hurting...but whether someone else, anyone else, here *appears* to have a "perfect" relationship or not, there is really no such thing. All relationships have their downs, and a lot of them cause significant pain at some point or other. Being angry at the world won't help you. Getting out will. Link to post Share on other sites
InThisSkinAgain Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 My answer to the original questions only: to shag or not to shag? well, sometimes you have sex with him, and sometimes FOR HIM (sometimes Brad Pitt, maybe?) ANYWAY, I think turning them down every now and then is nice and healthy because it reminds that that you're body is a privelege, not a right. You can always find a way to stroke their ego without stroking their.......you know.... Like, "Oh honey, I would, but last time I was so worked up I couldn't even sleep the rest of the night and you dozed right off!" or something equally cheesy, untrue, non-rejecting, ego-stroking "so you can rest better medicine" But admit it - once you give in it's kind of nice anyway, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Sayjack Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 Originally posted by Craig If you are in a fully committed relationship. Committed to each other then why would "giving yourself when you do not wish to breed negative effects"??? Your words make a lot of sense and have me wondering about my own relationship. I've been in love with someone for a year and a half. We've been living together for 7 months. After a couple of months of living together, our love life dwindled, practically overnight. It seems like it's been a chore for her to make love to me and after awhile it has started creating resentment on my part. My level of desire has remained constant if not increased (we all want what we can't have right?). I would do anything for my girl, so it's hard for me to understand why she doesn't want sex for long periods of time. When she turns me down, she can be quite brutal causing hard feelings on my part. I don't want her to lay with me if it's not right for her. That could end our lovelife permanently, but it's been pretty hard lately. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 Originally posted by mymojo I love my partner a lot but prefer to get my orgasms from solo self pleasure.However, when he's in the mood I have no problem giving him some pleasure via a nice hot BJ. How sad. You choosed not to share in lovemaking. Why? Control issues? Past experiences? good luck keeping that relationship alive. Unless of course you're waiting for marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
MelodyJ Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 I say yes. Sex is an important part of a relationship to me. Unfortunatley my current situation is so messed up, and he is not nor has ever been as interested as I am in that department. But, I do believe in giving it up whenever the other one needs it, be it middle of the night, first thing in the a.m. or mid day. And I want the same in return. I mean, it feels great and it is free. What a better way to spend a rainy day but in bed having sex with someone you care about? Unless as was mentioned one of the parties is sick, cold or flu or just had an operation, yes, then their needs come first. Link to post Share on other sites
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