SingingBarbie Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year. We met the first day of college and hit it off right away. His parents decided they missed him and arranged for him to go to school closer to where he grew up-so he transferred. At first we both figured I would transfer with him and we would still be together. His Dad objected and claimed I would be better off to remain where I was. Now we see each other every other month even though I could travel as often as I want to. I visited him a few weeks ago and somehow his Dad found out and had a fit. (My boyfriend is 21 years old, not a child) Now my boyfriend seems so worried when I want to visit. I was planning on seeing him for his Birthday next week and he now tells me that it's not a good idea as he is busy with football practice and his folks are coming to visit that weekend. I don't get it. He is over 21, says he loves me, misses me, but now says don't come visit. Especially on a birthday? Do you think he's trying to tell me something? Link to post Share on other sites
HeartOnSleeve Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Unfortunately, it seems his parents are still supporting your bf and a huge part of his life. It's a tough situation to be between him and his parents. They probably don't want him to rush into anything (ie. you transferring to be with him and visiting so often). This is something he is going to have to work out with them and if his parents are supporting him they may take that support away. Parents can be very influential. I hope your bf can stand up for you, but you may have to face reality that this is how it is with him. I'm coming from a place where I was actually in your bf's position with my parents. Good luck, I hope it works out and maybe you can schedule a special weekend for the two of you for his birthday, this way you are respecting his parents and showing them that you can be a part of his life without hindering his education and relationship with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SingingBarbie Posted August 28, 2012 Author Share Posted August 28, 2012 He is on a full scholarship. His parents don't pay for anything other than maybe a few incidentals that he may need during the school year. His Dad is totally consumed with him, pushing for him to make it big in football someday, sign with a pro team, make a ton of money and buy Dad a bigger house. Truth is, even though my boyfriend says he wants to go pro, I really wonder if he does. I think he worries about what his Dad wants. I just don't get the little contact, so busy with school and practice mentality that he didn't have when he was here going to school. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 That's ugly that word consumed by him is high alert red screaming flag I had similar situation except it was my mother and it had cost me nerves tears reason and portion of health to get "few steps back" from being consumed by her and some boundaries. If your boy is not a strong willed type and ready to face them am sorry to say you will loose here daddy won't give up so easy or at all and once he figures you for enemy as enemy you will be treated and your boy will eat words punishments threats and emotional black mail. Am sorry if this will freak you out but what you know might just help you how to deal with it as well daddy wants what he never had and he is not going to be ashamed to use his son to get it and to get he will go farther then you would believe then some more. Been there done that so my suggestion is try talking to your boy but if he "loves" his parents then you are facing another issue whatever you say he will take it personally you have to be very smart here and it hurts me to see same scenario I went trough if he has full scholarship he should be much less afraid of them and maybe just needs bit of help to become independent. Best of luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 He has shallow parents. Maybe you're too low-class for them, not because they are high-class, but probably what his dad wants for his son. Or pretty much possible, they want for him someone who's got money, plenty of it. In short, they don't want you near him. They tried their best to cut the bond he had with you, so that his interest could shift to someone else. To do so, the first step was changing school. They move his strings as if he were a puppet. I am sure you don't want to share your life with someone like that. Dump him, making it clear that you don't need a bf like that. You and his parents won't be in the same room anyway, not now, not in the future. His parents talked his head off that he can find 100 girls like you and better. I don't know if he'll have his life ruined. If he doesn't succeed, it will surely be ruined. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SingingBarbie Posted August 29, 2012 Author Share Posted August 29, 2012 I don't know about the low class part as my family is actually very well off compared to boyfriends parents. He grew up in a small town, Dad works for the city and his Mom is a teacher. I grew up in Texas and we also have a beach front home in Florida and a condo in Nashville. When his parents first met me, they had flown into town (found out later it was the first time his Dad had ever flown) They kept telling _____ how much they liked me, that they couldn't believe he got so lucky, that I was so nice, blah blah blah. They came over to my parents house for dinner and his Mom raved about the house,neighborhood, etc. My parents say that his Dad is obviously a control freak when it comes to his son and had even lied to him numerous times to get ________ to transfer schools. His Dad calls him between 30-50 times PER DAY. Sends him baby pics of my boyfriend and his younger siblings (little creepy) constantly texts him asking him what he is doing, I just don't get it. I am hoping that during the next couple years of college, that boyfriend will finally tell his Dad to lay off and stop being such a controlling person. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 my family is actually very well off compared to boyfriends parents. But the pro thing was not in the picture yet maybe, or when they were all nice and stuff it was plain BS. His Dad calls him between 30-50 times PER DAY. Sends him baby pics of my boyfriend and his younger siblings (little creepy) constantly texts him asking him what he is doing If he really does *ALL* that, dad sucked your bf's brain, but he's not even complaining. Who would put up with such a guy? Call it baggage... But honestly, one of his best matches would be some barbie... I am hoping that during the next couple years of college, that boyfriend will finally tell his Dad to lay off and stop being such a controlling person. I wouldn't be that sure. If he didn't do anything up to today, nothing tells me he will in the next couple of years. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 Once again i agree please wake up doll and smell the coffee My boys family is also not my biggest fan but this has became serious they eyes are big as dollars they imagine they will reap of him. His dad never flew never experienced vacations to Europe never had boy toy car and you think they will "allow" you to destroy that dream ? Never gonna happen honey jump on buss or plane and take your cute butt down there for YOUR boyfriend b day if they already do't have someone in line for him that same day you can personal come and slap s... out of me so what are you waiting for go there "confront him" tell him your life was meant for something better to but you will use brains and skill to get it not mommies or daddy's greed and stomping over anyone and everyone in order to get it. Honestly I would raise hell and embarrass c... out of them tell them all to their faces and you know why cause you already have lost what else you get to loose except try one more last time and maybe maybe shame will cause them to back off I doubt it but if you love him you need to try that one last time. I am so sorry please don't take our words in vain ... Link to post Share on other sites
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