My boyfriend of 7 years is my best friend, im in love with someone else

[Mufahasa]

Where do i start.

 

I've been with my boyfriend 7 years, since i was 16, hes been asking me out since i was 12. we've gone through so much together. I do love him, but im not in love with him. I care dearly for him but i can't with him.

 

I'm in love with someone else and ive been seeing him for 3 years. he knows the situation. he isnt happy bout it but as hes not good with relationships himself and i am by far am his longest relationship then hes been slightly understanding.

 

I am a good person doing a ****ty bad low thing and im lost so so lost. my problem is i dont no how to let go, im scared and im incredibly jealous.. like i have a right yea i no! but i just am. i have several times broke from my boyfriend but like he even says to me, 'you say that its over, but u always come back' i cant follow anythng through when it comes to this relationship.

 

i want to be with the person ive fallen in love with, he is the only person that who made me believe i could be married or have a child, hes the only person who i guess ive ever wanted it with. i grew up thinkin id be a business women coz no one cud ever love me or i cud never contemplate child birth!

 

My boyfriend doesnt really have any ambition, he has a job that pays him bugger all and doesnt work truly full time, where as i do i always have, ive had 2 jobs whilst i was at uni. i guess ive felt were not equals and if we got serious id be the one left with the kid doing everything. I dont want that, i wont do that. and im not just gonna have a kid to find that out. i want it to be right. i could stay with him and be happy what ive got, we get on so comfortably well. But my heart doesnt belong to him anymore, and its so unfair on him. We have sex like once every3 months now, i make excuses and sometimes because he smokes pot we pass out before it arises. i still live at home so i dont share the bed every night.

 

I want my life to begin with the man i love. he makes my life light up and he opens doors.

 

But my jealousy pulls me back i need work out how to let go but how.

[J.bunny]

7 years is a long time but you have been unfaithful for 3 of those years. Look, there is no easy way to say this but you can't be selfish here. You need to let your boyfriend go if you don't love him any more. It's just so unfair to string him along and toy with his emotions. You made the decision to be unfaithful and allow yourself to fall in love with somebody else so you need to live with the consequences of that decision. I know it probably isn't what you want to hear but the sooner you let go of your boyfriend the more chance you and your new man have of being genuinely happy together. You will feel you did the right thing and be able to give yourself fully to this new relationship. I would, however advise that you take a break away and decide if running from one long term relationship to another so soon is a good idea right now.

 

Hope you do the right thing. People are going to get hurt yes, but wounds will heal.

[Mufahasa]

i am being selfish, im scared of change of being alone of not being good enuf that its snowballed into something unbelievable. just over a year ago i went to a councillor, paying 50 quid a pop she made me believe that it was what i needed right now and it was ok, but it was never ok. she made out that at the point in time i needed both of them in some way. she basically justified what i was doin. but it isnt and although this is all my doing, i didnt get the real support i needed. i need someone to shake me, i need to be decisive and stick to it. everytime i go to break free i get this picture in my head of my boyfriend with someone else and i panic. i no ive gotta go thru this, i no one day i will just have to deal with it but im constantly puttin 4 walls up and i dont no how to break through those walls and fight my demons. i feel i need someone to be holding my hand every step of the way distracting me, or helpin me concentrate on the goal, but u have to pay alot of money for councillors and for them to justify it aint what i need either. I have loads of friends, but i am ashamed, i am proud and almost no one knows, or at least the scale. i no im supposed to do this on my own, but i cant, i honestly cannot do it by myself. Some ppl exist for themselves and some exist for others, and i exist for others, i am useless at doing the right thing for myself, boy if i could i'd be 3 stone lighter but i cud never have the self discipline to loose weight. i am a lost soul and ruining mine and those ppl lives that i care about.