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Havent sent the proof yet

wanting more

By wanting more,
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wanting more

wanting more

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2nd d-day going in now. Ive typed up the email with concrete proof of our 3 year A. Haven't sent it yet. Want to but haven't yet. MM has completely thrown me out. Haven't heard one word, not I'm sorry. Not I can't do this anymore. Not kiss my ass. Nothing. 3 years and now nothing!!! I really don't know what I was even expecting but I thought he'd say something.

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thomasb

thomasb

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I totally agree that she needs the truth... but not from you. And doing this sort of thing out of desperation tends to bite you in the a@@.

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mercy

mercy

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2nd d-day going in now. Ive typed up the email with concrete proof of our 3 year A. Haven't sent it yet. Want to but haven't yet. MM has completely thrown me out. Haven't heard one word, not I'm sorry. Not I can't do this anymore. Not kiss my ass. Nothing. 3 years and now nothing!!! I really don't know what I was even expecting but I thought he'd say something.

 

So what did you decide to say to her?

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losingmyground

losingmyground

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From what it is sounding like...it is his 2nd DDay. So his BS knows. Are you just hoping to fill in the blanks? If so, make sure that you email includes more than just your words. In otherwords, you should pass on every email, pic and text that both of you sent.

 

Then do me one small little favor....let your 20yr SO know. If you think that everybody should be enlightened start with him.

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Leelou

Leelou

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2nd d-day going in now. Ive typed up the email with concrete proof of our 3 year A. Haven't sent it yet. Want to but haven't yet. MM has completely thrown me out. Haven't heard one word, not I'm sorry. Not I can't do this anymore. Not kiss my ass. Nothing. 3 years and now nothing!!! I really don't know what I was even expecting but I thought he'd say something.

Sweetie, it's understandable that you are angry, but stop and think... of course he made stuff up to his W about the A -- he's trying to downplay the A and trying to win back his wife!

 

Who cares if he makes out like you are crazy to his W?! Firstly, if she buys into that crap, she wants to. Secondly, let the two of them fight out their R and you keep out of it... I don't understand why you are taking it sooo personally that your MM didn't 'stick up for you' or 'fight for you' in front of his wife! Come one!

 

You should walk away and let them sort their own sorry mess out. Do not get any more involved with 'he said, she said'. As angry as you are, you will get over it.

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mercy

mercy

Posted
Posted (edited)

Well, if she already knows why do you need to tell her? I'm confused.

 

Guess I'll read back posts.

 

Ok I remember.

 

Be kind. Remember it's him you're mad at.

Edited by mercy
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Fitz

Fitz

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Posted (edited)

Well, if you really want to end the affair then I say let out the truth.

 

Yes, he'll hate you for it (although that anger would be better directed toward himself).

Yes, he'll abandon you for it.

Yes, he'll blame you and throw you under the bus... make you out to be a crazy woman... call you a liar...

 

OK.

 

So why not burn the bridge?

Edited by Fitz
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ThatJustHappened

ThatJustHappened

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Well, if she already knows why do you need to tell her? I'm confused.

 

Guess I'll read back posts.

 

Ok I remember.

 

Be kind. Remember it's him you're mad at.

 

COMPLETELY agree with this. It's not his wifes fault that he's a cheating lying turd..she doesn't deserve to be punished. She's been through enough already.

 

Also, in response to your question in your other post about BSes and taking their men's phones and checking their email accounts..I am a former BS (well..betrayed girlfriend..not spouse), and I did the same thing. I wanted to make sure he wasn't continuing to cheat on me. Turns out, he was..just like your MM was continuing to cheat on his wife even after DDay. So really, she had good reason to keep an eye on him.

 

Here's a cautionary tale for you..my ex's OW went completely mental. She ended up having both of us followed by a private investigator, tapping his phone, and hacking both of our email accounts. She spent several weeks in jail, and I have a 2 year restraining order against her. This ordeal cost her her company, most of her friends, and pretty much everything else. She has a criminal record now. Do not turn into this woman!

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Fitz

Fitz

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No email is going to be sent.

 

She's waiting for him to do what he did last time.

Give her a heads up, say he's sorry and beg her not to say anything to his wife and then resume the affair.

 

If she sends that email, it's the nail in the coffin for them. Only if HE tells her it's over will she send it.

 

OK, now I get it!

 

The reason the OP won't burn the bridge, is because she simply doesn't want to! Rather, she wants MM to come running back! And she wants validation! But if MM doesn't come back and if MM continues to reject her, then OP will punish him! So it's not about searching for truth or putting an end to the affair. Its about manipulation of MM and potentially revenge.

 

And sure, why not punish him? The risk of playing with fire is getting burned. I'm ok with dog-eat-dog rules.

 

But yes! Her motive (whether subconscious or intentional) is really to gain control over MM again. This makes sense now.

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wanting more

wanting more

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1. I send the email. He can't deny any of it. Proofs there. I get my own personal validation of our 3 year relationship. She can't deny what I'm saying. I feel better now but over time feel bad about it

 

2.stay out of it. Don't reply if she emails or text. Don't answer if she calls. Let him suck up to her she the kids for the rest of his life and I over time get over it.

 

3. Stay out if it, she digs more on her own and finds out everything herself.

 

I don't know which scenerio will work out. Will he hate me with. #1 yes, am I prepared for that, no but will deal with it. #2 I will get over it eventually. #3 not sure what I'd do then.

 

I am done with him now. No sucking up and me starting back with him. I've been thru this before. The 2nd time isn't easier. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. He's broken my heart again. Won't be a 3rd time.

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UpwardForward

UpwardForward

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Posted
2nd d-day going in now. Ive typed up the email with concrete proof of our 3 year A. Haven't sent it yet. Want to but haven't yet. MM has completely thrown me out. Haven't heard one word, not I'm sorry. Not I can't do this anymore. Not kiss my ass. Nothing. 3 years and now nothing!!! I really don't know what I was even expecting but I thought he'd say something.

 

Take the phone calls that come in, whether it be the W - or him.

 

If she calls you, just tell her the truth. Begin in this manner.

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wanting more

wanting more

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Thats a good question. I set up an appt with a counselor for he and I to go to. Hopefully talking out everything with a C with ease it. BS asked

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UpwardForward

UpwardForward

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Thats a good question. I set up an appt with a counselor for he and I to go to. Hopefully talking out everything with a C with ease it. BS asked

 

It surely is a beginning. I'm bothered about a man who doesn't pay most, or even his fair share.

 

I don't know anything about Common Law M's, but hopefully if he walks, it's w only his possessions and to not ask for support etc. Thank God the house is yours.

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rhw

rhw

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wanting more - don't do it. really, just don't bother. i am in your boat. mine left me after 11 years without a word. nothing. i got nothing. and so for the past 5 months and especially all summer, i too felt like nothing. i lost everything about myself and have to rebuild my life.

 

chances are, she's already found out, no validation needed of your A. i'm guessing that's what happened in my MM's situation. a D-Day, a "leave her or we're done" and the marriage came first. goodbye, MM...hello, bus! *splat*

 

tonight, i already got my catalyst for change and not through his mouth directly. i hope you find yours.

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wanting more

wanting more

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Thanks for your opinions. NOT. The point of me posting was asking what should I do. I have NO plans of getting back with MM. The 2nd d-day isn't any easier Than the 1st and I'm feeling very lost. I know it would be vindictive to send her the email that's why I have NOT sent it and came on here for advice or support that I can feel pi**ed off at him right now. I don't need or want MM back in my life. He's lied to me for the 3 years we were together and lied to her also. Even now he's looking at her lying thru his teeth and they've been together 32 years Just to save his own ass. Im not sure where you got that I'm holding it against him just waiting for him to come back and resume.

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losingmyground

losingmyground

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Thats a good question. I set up an appt with a counselor for he and I to go to. Hopefully talking out everything with a C with ease it. BS asked

Just to be sure I am getting this....you are going into C with you SO or with your AP?

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losingmyground

losingmyground

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1. I send the email. He can't deny any of it. Proofs there. I get my own personal validation of our 3 year relationship. She can't deny what I'm saying. I feel better now but over time feel bad about it

 

You would only get validation from his BW. You might feel better, but be prepared for her to rock your world right back. Any person of quality would feel bad for destroying an innocent person.

 

2.stay out of it. Don't reply if she emails or text. Don't answer if she calls. Let him suck up to her she the kids for the rest of his life and I over time get over it.

 

If and when she does call, have the guts to answer. You do not have to put up with her screaming or threatening, but if she is calm you should answer everyone of her question with honesty. Also, do not ask her what her husband said you did. It might give you closure and you might also hate yourself for awhile. But you will get over it.

 

3. Stay out if it, she digs more on her own and finds out everything herself.

 

If found everything out that I could, then I called her. But she was gutless. And if she asks you if your BS knows, trust me....see will tell him.

 

I don't know which scenerio will work out. Will he hate me with. #1 yes, am I prepared for that, no but will deal with it. #2 I will get over it eventually. #3 not sure what I'd do then.

 

To be honest...which ever you chose, it will not end well. It is time to move on.

 

I am done with him now. No sucking up and me starting back with him. I've been thru this before. The 2nd time isn't easier. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. He's broken my heart again. Won't be a 3rd time.

 

For your sanity, I hope you are done. It is hard enough to ride an emotional rollercoaster without starting it yourself.

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Hawaii50

Hawaii50

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Yeah don't be a sore loser, or naive. You know what you were getting into. don't ruin what he has (or lack thereof) because you got thrown to the curb. get up, get back out there... only this time, do it a little bit more intelligently.

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wanting more

wanting more

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Yes C with my SO. I am done. I have no plans on contacting BW or MM. Im not sure what I'll do if she calls again. And yes, I knew what I was doing getting involved with a MM. I guess I was naive enough to think if wouldn't end badly

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