losingmyground Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 I'm not happy on our R. If that is the case....just tell him in C. Give him the chance to decide if he is happy with you or not. Lay it all on the line. Part of you being unhappy can be the affair. It is proven that most martial problems are blown way out of porportion during an affair. I am not saying there are not problems, but again they may not be as bad as you think. Many times the problems are used as justification for the affair. Just something to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 Why are you not happy? Can you explain what bothers you? A 20 yr R. House is hers and she pays 90% of the bills... that'd be enough for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted August 30, 2012 Author Share Posted August 30, 2012 My SO have had more than our share of issues. Abuse, drugs (once when we were separated he was in jail for drugs) cheating. Too much. This was all at least 10 years ago. I was with him from when I was in my teens. Felt I couldn't make it on my own. My own insecurities. Time passed and I changed. I gig a great job and I moved 3 states away 7 years ago with just the kids. He had gone thru lots of counseling and was doing better. I said before that Im with him for my kids now ( got reamed for it). We agreed he would move in with us about 2 years after I did. I did give it my all and try to make it work. There hasn't been abuse even way before I moved. No drugs either. But I've just never been able to "drop my wall" Ive built up towards him. Love is long gone for me towards him. And I know deep down I did give us a chance when he 1st came here but I cant try anymore. Our issues were issues long before MM came into my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted August 30, 2012 Author Share Posted August 30, 2012 Still just sooo pi**ed at MM. at myself. I knew what I was getting into. Y getting into an A and then continuing it after 1st d-day Just so many emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
losingmyground Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 Sounds like your heart and head checked out a long time ago. I think that you need to make if official. If you are already paying most of the bills and own the home, I say go for it. But do not let the MM back. Take some time to yourself, then find somebody worthy. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 Still just sooo pi**ed at MM. at myself. I knew what I was getting into. Y getting into an A and then continuing it after 1st d-day Just so many emotions. What's done is done w the MM. The longer you're free of the situation, the happier you'll be. I'm more concerned about the SO. Does he take care of the children, while you work a job? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted August 30, 2012 Author Share Posted August 30, 2012 I have no plans of taking MM back and will start with C and get things resolved in my R at home. I just hate that my A has ended so bad and that I've got such hatred towards him now, which I know is helping these days go by a little easier I think. Not sure if that makes sense. I just worry that I'll crash one day soon when it really hits me and the hurt is worse that the hate feelings. Stupid or not I really really did love this man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted August 30, 2012 Author Share Posted August 30, 2012 He's got a job. When he moved here I had everything already taken care of. Home, bills. Its always been "mine" I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 He's got a job. When he moved here I had everything already taken care of. Home, bills. Its always been "mine" I guess. Did you read Pierre's post (32). He is saying possibility house could be considered 50% SO's by now. I don't know enough about the law in these matters, to make the call. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted August 30, 2012 Author Share Posted August 30, 2012 Sorry. Should've cleared this up. The house belongs to a friend. Im buying it from her but not completely mine yet. My name is not on anything But the lease. He has nothing to do with the house. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 Sorry. Should've cleared this up. The house belongs to a friend. Im buying it from her but not completely mine yet. My name is not on anything But the lease. He has nothing to do with the house. Sounds good. As I mentioned before, I think your R w the SO is the problem. Cannot do anything about a man who is already taken i.e. MM. The reason I was concerned about the house, is after the C session, he could decide to split with you and make financial demands. I don't know enough about common law M. Link to post Share on other sites
j'adore Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Hi you and i are in exactly the same situation. I had a d day and was temporarily thrown under a bus for 24 hours- well my fault I guess, I let it all out at a party, emotional outburst a result of being gaslighted. I really thought she knew, but still don't really know for sure that she didn't, read my story and pm me. My MMs bs does not want to know either and I will not pursue it. We are in a LC situation as both of us still reeling from the effects and he tells me he has come clean and wants to stay (he said this yesterday), His kids reacted very badly. but I may never know what he has told her I guess. Today is the first day in four years that I have not spoken to him or called him, we saw each other every day, been crying loads too, look like sh.... feel like it too. Actually feel like I hate him sometimes. Make sense.? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts