Can an ex change?

[youngnlove89]

Can an Ex-boyfriend come back and really change his ways when he said he wasn't sure if I was the one?

 

Did time away from me make him realize that I am the one?

 

He keeps contacting me ALL DAY long. I don't know what to do. He wants to hang out this weekend also.

 

He could easily go out and find another girl, but he says that none of them compare to me and he still has feelings for me...

 

What should I do?

[mistermr]

What should I do?

 

Take the money, Take the money!

 

What do YOU want to do? It's your relationship/life, not ours. If you have doubts, what are those doubts? Will these doubts nag at you if you get back together? I don't know your story but it's really up to you.

 

If you can go through heartbreak again, then go for it. If you can't bare that pain, then don't do that to yourself. If you believe he has changed, then why are you asking on here?

[youngnlove89]

I don't know if he has changed or not?

 

He just keeps trying to contact me and I'm wondering if that means he wants to change. He wants to see me this weekend.

 

We have been through this twice before. This last break up was on my behalf. I broke up with him because he wasn't sure I was the one.

[ThatJustHappened]

There is no answer to this question that's going to make your life better/easier/nicer/happier. If someone says yes, then you'll get your hopes up..if someone says no, it'll either hurt you more, or you will become defiant and want to prove them wrong. Trust me, I've been there.

 

The best thing to do is move on. If he wants you badly enough, he will prove it. I agree with mistermr..if you think you can handle getting your heart broken again, then by all means, allow him back in right away. Of course there are no guarantees either way, he could break your heart again, he could not..but it's a matter of preparing yourself for the worst case scenario. Could you handle another break up with him or will you have a complete meltdown?

 

Right now it sounds to me like a case of wanting what he doesn't have simply because he doesn't have it, but I'm not him and I could be wrong.

[mistermr]

because he wasn't sure I was the one.

 

If you both believe in "the one" then surely you know when "the one" is "the one". If you don't believe in the idea of "the one" then it's all meaningless.

 

He broke up with YOU.

 

YOU broke up with him.

 

Pattern: HE will break up with YOU.

 

He probably is just feeling lonely and he knows where he can get comfort on tap from you.

 

Really, it's up to you. I've never met the guy. It's something you're going to have to live with. CAN YOU PUT YOURSELF THROUGH THIS AGAIN FOR A THIRD TIME?

[ihateslowjams]

Can an Ex-boyfriend come back and really change his ways when he said he wasn't sure if I was the one?

 

Did time away from me make him realize that I am the one?

 

He keeps contacting me ALL DAY long. I don't know what to do. He wants to hang out this weekend also.

 

He could easily go out and find another girl, but he says that none of them compare to me and he still has feelings for me...

 

What should I do?

 

How long has it been since you guys broke up?

 

I believe people can change who they are. Im practically living proof. My first exgf dumped me for another guy. Back then, I was very shy and timid. I couldn't hold my liquor, I couldn't talk to girls, i hated partying, and couldn't dance. She mentioned I was "too boring" for her. Eventually, it took 6 months to completely change into someone who is sociable. When she met me again, she confessed she was wrong and Im a completely different person. Afterwards, she tried to comeback but I refused.

 

Im in a similar situation now with my current ex, but its based on my status with school/career and how I stopped doing interesting things since I don't have any money anymore (dropped hours at work to focus on school). I hope to completely change all this too and my personality as well, but what I plan to change will take years. The new changes I plan to accomplish are my decision. It is something I want to become.

 

So, yes. I believe people can change, but it will take an unknown amount of time to completely change and become that changed person.

[youngnlove89]

How long has it been since you guys broke up?

 

I believe people can change who they are. Im practically living proof. My first exgf dumped me for another guy. Back then, I was very shy and timid. I couldn't hold my liquor, I couldn't talk to girls, i hated partying, and couldn't dance. She mentioned I was "too boring" for her. Eventually, it took 6 months to completely change into someone who is sociable. When she met me again, she confessed she was wrong and Im a completely different person. Afterwards, she tried to comeback but I refused.

 

Im in a similar situation now with my current ex, but its based on my status with school/career and how I stopped doing interesting things since I don't have any money anymore (dropped hours at work to focus on school). I hope to completely change all this too and my personality as well, but what I plan to change will take years. The new changes I plan to accomplish are my decision. It is something I want to become.

 

So, yes. I believe people can change, but it will take an unknown amount of time to completely change and become that changed person.

 

Well since 8/7/12 But we kept in contact here and there but now it's like he is starting fresh. We are both back on dating sites and he always asks why I'm online and if I'm getting tons of messages and I asked him why he is on there and he's like "to spy on you" But now he is flirting with me and implying a "first date" this weekend.

 

I don't know though. Maybe he just wants what he can't have. I'm so confused.

[ihateslowjams]

Well since 8/7/12 But we kept in contact here and there but now it's like he is starting fresh. We are both back on dating sites and he always asks why I'm online and if I'm getting tons of messages and I asked him why he is on there and he's like "to spy on you" But now he is flirting with me and implying a "first date" this weekend.

 

I don't know though. Maybe he just wants what he can't have. I'm so confused.

 

My opinion, he's faking it. Thats way too soon for anyone to change. Whatever changes you see are only temporary and he'll revert back to who you despise. I would say stay away. Changes are not meant to be told, they can only be seen by you and everyone else.

 

His "changes" are only a desperate attempt to string you along some more.

[youngnlove89]

Very sad to hear.

 

What do I do? Just ignore him?

 

It just sucks because I want him back BUT only if he changes.

[ihateslowjams]

Very sad to hear.

 

What do I do? Just ignore him?

 

It just sucks because I want him back BUT only if he changes.

 

Who was the dumper? you or him?

[youngnlove89]

Who was the dumper? you or him?

 

I was.

 

 

 

(10 characters)

[ihateslowjams]

I was.

 

 

 

(10 characters)

 

Sorry, I haven't read your threads or I forgot... but what were the reasons of the BU? What changes do you want him to make?

[youngnlove89]

Sorry, I haven't read your threads or I forgot... but what were the reasons of the BU? What changes do you want him to make?

 

No worries. He was Mr. Unavailable. He told me he wasn't sure if I was the one. He said he loved me but could never love me "that way"

 

Now, he is acting the way he is.

 

Could it be because he is lonely? Is used to what is familiar? Just wants sex?

 

Or does he really want me back?

 

Preface: He is a really genuine guy. He is not an abuser/user. If you knew him, he is someone you'd want to be best friends with because he is loyal, kind, and very mature. So take that into consideration.

 

His intentions aren't to hurt me and I know that.

[ihateslowjams]

No worries. He was Mr. Unavailable. He told me he wasn't sure if I was the one. He said he loved me but could never love me "that way"

 

Now, he is acting the way he is.

 

Could it be because he is lonely? Is used to what is familiar? Just wants sex?

 

Or does he really want me back?

 

Preface: He is a really genuine guy. He is not an abuser/user. If you knew him, he is someone you'd want to be best friends with because he is loyal, kind, and very mature. So take that into consideration.

 

His intentions aren't to hurt me and I know that.

 

With a preface like that, that being unavailable should never have happened. Maybe he only showed you that stuff, but is different outside of your relationship circle?

 

I think when guys/girls are unavailable, thats something that will change over much time, not a few weeks. Something has to click in their head, a catalyst of some sort. It could be you, or it could be something else. I highly doubt a few weeks will uncover that catalyst.

 

I was desperate to change and become more driven and determined about completing my education. I posted a few weeks after the BU stating that I had changed and wanted to contact my ex to showcase the new me. However, today practically marks 3 months of NC and I have MUCH to change...

 

Trust me, he hasn't changed. I think he just wants your company (which includes sex) and he's trying to make it as subtly as possible.

 

Mind you this is only my opinion based on being on the other side. Please take this with a grain of salt.

[fucpcg]

Okay news flash... we ALL change. In fact, every 3-5 years you are a totally different person, and in a different place in life. It's more drastic and quicker in your 20's, and slows down the decades later, but we are always changing. Is it suspicious that a person may be at a different place in life than when you met them? No not at all, and in fact it's guaranteed.

[youngnlove89]

Okay news flash... we ALL change. In fact, every 3-5 years you are a totally different person, and in a different place in life. It's more drastic and quicker in your 20's, and slows down the decades later, but we are always changing. Is it suspicious that a person may be at a different place in life than when you met them? No not at all, and in fact it's guaranteed.

 

 

Oh gosh, I wasn't being literal. I mean can a person change their FEELINGS. Of course we all change. It's evolution.

 

But can a person's feelings change?

[fucpcg]

It's one in the same basically.

[ihateslowjams]

Oh gosh, I wasn't being literal. I mean can a person change their FEELINGS. Of course we all change. It's evolution.

 

But can a person's feelings change?

 

On the topic of a person's feelings change...

 

BASED ON MY OPINION ONLY (it can be stupid/foolish/naive/hopeless, but it still is my opinion. Its also based on BU terms that does not include infidelity or any form of abuse.): In general (not specifically towards your ex), feelings can change over time. People will mature/change their mindsets and see things differently from when they had a certain feeling in the past. i.e.: I hated broccoli, now I love it; I hated beer, now I crave it; I hated my first ex to the point that I didn't want to hear from her ever again, but now, I wouldn't mind talking to her again if she calls.

 

To people saying they will never get back with an ex, my first ex said the same thing. She even professed it to her friends. She begged for me back after some time...

 

Sometimes, when much time has passed, seeing a person who made a huge significance in your past, will stir up some repressed or forgotten feelings given the correct environment to do so.

 

When people BU, its because they're not on the same level either in life or mindset. When time passes, it CAN level out and feelings can change.

 

This is why I believe second chances can happen, its just not guaranteed.

[Drseussgrrl]

Ok seriously?

 

You need to shut the door on this assclown and KEEP IT CLOSED.

 

But I guess only you will know when you've had enough. He told you the LAST TIME you met up with him that he DOESN'T LOVE YOU. What was this, less than a week ago??

 

You know that meeting up with him will result in your being back at square one and trying to maintain NC all over again, while he throws nuggets your way because he knows you'll let him.

 

Tell this joke of a man to stop contacting you. Just do it. Your self-esteem is in tatters right now and he can smell it like a shark in bloody water. His coming back has nothing to do with genuine feelings for you and EVERYTHING to do with getting sex, an ego boost, some attention, and then it's right back to trying to meet other women online (LAME). This is so predictable. It's all about HIM HIM HIM and he has absolutely no regard for your feelings or what his boomeranging in and out of your life does to your emotional well-being. This is akin to emotional abuse.

 

Please, put yourself first. I implore you.

[youngnlove89]

Ok seriously?

 

You need to shut the door on this assclown and KEEP IT CLOSED.

 

But I guess only you will know when you've had enough. He told you the LAST TIME you met up with him that he DOESN'T LOVE YOU. What was this, less than a week ago??

 

You know that meeting up with him will result in your being back at square one and trying to maintain NC all over again, while he throws nuggets your way because he knows you'll let him.

 

Tell this joke of a man to stop contacting you. Just do it. Your self-esteem is in tatters right now and he can smell it like a shark in bloody water. His coming back has nothing to do with genuine feelings for you and EVERYTHING to do with getting sex, an ego boost, some attention, and then it's right back to trying to meet other women online (LAME). This is so predictable. It's all about HIM HIM HIM and he has absolutely no regard for your feelings or what his boomeranging in and out of your life does to your emotional well-being. This is akin to emotional abuse.

 

Please, put yourself first. I implore you.

 

 

You are right. If a guy truly loved me and wanted me, he wouldn't be on a dating site. I'm just going to ignore him. He doesn't deserve a response from me. I'm cutting him off now.

 

He will never change. He is emotionally abusing me.

[Drseussgrrl]

Girl let's be honest. You are BOTH on that dating site not because you want to meet anyone for a serious relationship, but because you want attention and an ego boost.

 

This is why I don't online date anymore.

[youngnlove89]

Girl let's be honest. You are BOTH on that dating site not because you want to meet anyone for a serious relationship, but because you want attention and an ego boost.

 

This is why I don't online date anymore.

 

 

Of course, i've always said that's why I was on there. I know I'm not ready to date anyone. He said he is on there to "spy on me"

 

But I bet he is talking to other girls. And he wants to hang out this weekend.

 

Er, I'm mad at him. I wish he would let me go.

 

I bet he will as soon as I ignore him.

[Drseussgrrl]

BLOCK AND DELETE. As is what's been said in your other thread.

 

JUST DO IT.

[Ami1uwant]

No worries. He was Mr. Unavailable. He told me he wasn't sure if I was the one. He said he loved me but could never love me "that way"

 

Now, he is acting the way he is.

 

Could it be because he is lonely? Is used to what is familiar? Just wants sex?

 

Or does he really want me back?

 

Preface: He is a really genuine guy. He is not an abuser/user. If you knew him, he is someone you'd want to be best friends with because he is loyal, kind, and very mature. So take that into consideration.

 

His intentions aren't to hurt me and I know that.

 

 

The isue....I am going to assume the 89 on your screenname is the yr of your birth. about 23.....

 

If you are in your early/mid 20s in this day and age he isnt loking to get married probably until he is 30. H wants to see what else is aouth there because he isnt sure if you are the best out there.

 

Im sure he likes your qualities but its him---he isnt sure. He likely finds a few things with you stuff he cant see living with you because of or even marrying you.

 

Later on can he change---sure---can he fell comfortable knowing you are someone he wants--yes.

[ihateslowjams]

Of course, i've always said that's why I was on there. I know I'm not ready to date anyone. He said he is on there to "spy on me"

 

But I bet he is talking to other girls. And he wants to hang out this weekend.

 

Er, I'm mad at him. I wish he would let me go.

 

I bet he will as soon as I ignore him.

 

YoungnLove... its not about him letting you go. Its you letting him go.

 

It never mattered what he does/did, its about what you do and your resolution to stick with it. You understand you both need to be separated now, so act on that and have the conviction to see it through.

 

I hate the sayings "If its meant to be, it'll be," and "If you love something, you have to let it go. If it comes back, then its meant to be," but I'm beginning to see their true meaning. Its not about some unknown force bringing our ex's back, but letting them understand your true worth on their own after experiencing what they need to experience to figure it out. You gave him everything that you could at the time of the relationship. If that couldn't earn his love, then it wasn't meant to be. I see that as you just wasting your time and effort on someone who didn't appreciate it one bit. Why waste more on him?

 

BUT, if he does realize just what you really meant to him, He MAY come back. If he does, THEN, and ONLY THEN, should you ever consider giving him another chance. Other than that, you have to stay away from him in your emotional state. Your broken heart is clouding your judgement and decision making abilities. Its whats causing you more turmoil.