Wife Wants a Divorce

[PoopHappens]

Sounds more or less, like my problems. There is very likely another guy. My wife was always there to talk about things until another man entered the picture, now there is no mediating. Good luck with this. I'd find out for sure so you know where you stand.

[Wrecked123]

Thanks for all of the good advise and support. I am starting to think that I might be ok.

 

Its hard to think of my Wife having an affair either physical or emotional but there are little signs. Over the last year she lost a lot of weight and has started going out a lot more. Last time I was home from working up north she said she was going to a friends just to watch some movies. She spent 3 hours in the afternoon just doing up her hair all fancy.

 

She has facebook (I don't) and one of my friends said that about a week or two before she told me she wanted a divorce she got a new guy friend. My sister also mentioned to me that she hid the relationship status on her facebook and is now constantly posting sexy pictures of herself on there. Everything just seems so out of character for her.

 

The thing that really hurt was 2 nights ago she said that she was so happy that my dog died since she was sick of looking after him while I was up north working. I'm not sure how she could say something like this since he was with me for 15 years and she was with us for 8 so you would think she would consider him her dog too by now and be more emotionally attached to him. Especially with his death not being too long ago.

 

She contradicts heself alot. She will say that her family always hated me since we have been together and that she just never told me. When I ask what I ever did for them to hate me she says that they always loved me but now that they see how unhappy she is right now they hate me.

 

She says that she told her parents that I'm emotionally abusive. When asked how am I emotionally abusive she says that I sometimes call her a money monster. When she would go out and buy another $600 purse when she already has four other expensive ones or buy $800 Designer Sunglasses I would just sigh and say whose my little money monster jokingly. I told her it was never meant to be mean or anything but light hearted and jokingly and that I never knew that it hurt her or anything and would never have said it again if I knew that it bothered her. I just thought it was more light hearted and said jokingly.

 

She said the last straw though was when I yelled at her just before my dog died which was emotionally abusive. My dog's kidneys had started to fail while I was half way through my tour up north at work. I was told that he had 3 weeks to live so I booked the next tour off and was going to spend it with him before it getting too bad and me having to put him to sleep. I received a call on a Saturday from my wife saying that he had suddenly gone down hill very fast and couldn't get up anymore and had not eaten or drank anything for a couple of days. She didn't think that he would make it a couple of days until I got home. I could not get a flight out that night since there were none except for one on Sunday late afternoon the next day. With him not eating or drinking for a couple of days and not being able to get up I knew that he would probably die of dehydration before I could get home on Sunday. I asked her to take him to the Emergency Vet so that they could hydrate him and give him pain killers in case he was in pain and just make him confortable until I could make it home. She would not take him and just said there would be nothing they could do for him. I told her that their would be and that they would hydrate him and make sure he was not in pain. I told her that he would likely die overnight perhaps in pain if she did not take him and told her it was very important for me to be there for him when he died since he was always there for me and I wanted to make sure that he had a good death with me there for comfort. We talked and I tried to convince her for about 20 minutes to take him to the emergency vet but she would not budge and just said she was not going to take him and that they couldn't do anything for him. After 20 minutes I more became panicked then anything that I was stuck way up north with no way to get back to help my dog to prevent him from dying and she was refusing to do anything for him. At that point unfortunately I did yell at her and said that if she didn't take him right now I was going to leave work right now to take a taxi (approximate 9 hour drive) and take him myself. She got mad and said fine she would take him and did. The vet hydrated him with intravenus to stabalize him and made him comfortable until I got home the next day. I got to spend some time with him before having to put him to sleep because his kidneys had completely failed. I think this was very important for both me and my dog. I did appologize to my wife for yelling at her saying I was just panicked that my dog was dying and I could not get to him to take him to the emergency vet.

 

I am starting to think that if these are the reasons why she wants a divorce then maybe she has changed and is not the same person that I married. Maybe I will be ok without her and someone else will be a better match for me.

[karnak]

 

Last time I was home from working up north she said she was going to a friends just to watch some movies. She spent 3 hours in the afternoon just doing up her hair all fancy.

 

AFFAIR

 

She has facebook (I don't) and one of my friends said that about a week or two before she told me she wanted a divorce she got a new guy friend. My sister also mentioned to me that she hid the relationship status on her facebook and is now constantly posting sexy pictures of herself on there. Everything just seems so out of character for her.

 

AFFAIR

 

The thing that really hurt was 2 nights ago she said that she was so happy that my dog died since she was sick of looking after him while I was up north working. I'm not sure how she could say something like this since he was with me for 15 years and she was with us for 8 so you would think she would consider him her dog too by now and be more emotionally attached to him. Especially with his death not being too long ago.

 

Women usually love dogs. I'd say your wife never did love yours. It was just a facade.

 

She contradicts heself alot. She will say that her family always hated me since we have been together and that she just never told me. When I ask what I ever did for them to hate me she says that they always loved me but now that they see how unhappy she is right now they hate me.

 

She says that she told her parents that I'm emotionally abusive. When asked how am I emotionally abusive she says that I sometimes call her a money monster. When she would go out and buy another $600 purse when she already has four other expensive ones or buy $800 Designer Sunglasses I would just sigh and say whose my little money monster jokingly. I told her it was never meant to be mean or anything but light hearted and jokingly and that I never knew that it hurt her or anything and would never have said it again if I knew that it bothered her. I just thought it was more light hearted and said jokingly.

 

 

 

 

- $800 FOR SOME GLASSES??? Sorry, mate. Your wife married you for your money.

[willowthewisp]

Thanks for all of the good advise and support. I am starting to think that I might be ok.

 

Its hard to think of my Wife having an affair either physical or emotional but there are little signs. Over the last year she lost a lot of weight and has started going out a lot more. Last time I was home from working up north she said she was going to a friends just to watch some movies. She spent 3 hours in the afternoon just doing up her hair all fancy.

 

She has facebook (I don't) and one of my friends said that about a week or two before she told me she wanted a divorce she got a new guy friend. My sister also mentioned to me that she hid the relationship status on her facebook and is now constantly posting sexy pictures of herself on there. Everything just seems so out of character for her.

 

The thing that really hurt was 2 nights ago she said that she was so happy that my dog died since she was sick of looking after him while I was up north working. I'm not sure how she could say something like this since he was with me for 15 years and she was with us for 8 so you would think she would consider him her dog too by now and be more emotionally attached to him. Especially with his death not being too long ago.

 

WHAT A B****! I too think it appears that your wife is having an affair. This comment, sick as it is, may be designed to make you angry and so she can then use your anger towards her to justify leaving you, seeing as how she doesn't actually have any solid reasons to actually leave you (see below)

 

She contradicts heself alot. She will say that her family always hated me since we have been together and that she just never told me. When I ask what I ever did for them to hate me she says that they always loved me but now that they see how unhappy she is right now they hate me.

 

Contridictions indicate that she she is trying to self justify her decision to leave (or cheat and leave) i.e. she does not have nay reasons to leave therefore she has to make some up, but then becasue these are made up, when you reason them out, she has to adjust the self lie to make it fit, because it isn't real.

 

She says that she told her parents that I'm emotionally abusive. When asked how am I emotionally abusive she says that I sometimes call her a money monster. When she would go out and buy another $600 purse when she already has four other expensive ones or buy $800 Designer Sunglasses I would just sigh and say whose my little money monster jokingly. I told her it was never meant to be mean or anything but light hearted and jokingly and that I never knew that it hurt her or anything and would never have said it again if I knew that it bothered her. I just thought it was more light hearted and said jokingly.

 

Emotional abuse???? Don't make me laugh, the wome doesn't know what emotional abuse is! Sheesh, I suffer emotional abuse from a family member, have done all my life and this is NOT emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is being told you are worthless, being made to walk on eggshells in your own home for fear of upsetting someone, who will yell and scream, sometimes hit you, slam doors, throw things and swaer and haul abuse at you. But enough about my life, if this is the only thing she can sight as a reason for leaving you, well it's pathetic. Don't believe a word of it.

 

She said the last straw though was when I yelled at her just before my dog died which was emotionally abusive. My dog's kidneys had started to fail while I was half way through my tour up north at work. I was told that he had 3 weeks to live so I booked the next tour off and was going to spend it with him before it getting too bad and me having to put him to sleep. I received a call on a Saturday from my wife saying that he had suddenly gone down hill very fast and couldn't get up anymore and had not eaten or drank anything for a couple of days. She didn't think that he would make it a couple of days until I got home. I could not get a flight out that night since there were none except for one on Sunday late afternoon the next day. With him not eating or drinking for a couple of days and not being able to get up I knew that he would probably die of dehydration before I could get home on Sunday. I asked her to take him to the Emergency Vet so that they could hydrate him and give him pain killers in case he was in pain and just make him confortable until I could make it home. She would not take him and just said there would be nothing they could do for him. I told her that their would be and that they would hydrate him and make sure he was not in pain. I told her that he would likely die overnight perhaps in pain if she did not take him and told her it was very important for me to be there for him when he died since he was always there for me and I wanted to make sure that he had a good death with me there for comfort. We talked and I tried to convince her for about 20 minutes to take him to the emergency vet but she would not budge and just said she was not going to take him and that they couldn't do anything for him. After 20 minutes I more became panicked then anything that I was stuck way up north with no way to get back to help my dog to prevent him from dying and she was refusing to do anything for him. At that point unfortunately I did yell at her and said that if she didn't take him right now I was going to leave work right now to take a taxi (approximate 9 hour drive) and take him myself. She got mad and said fine she would take him and did. The vet hydrated him with intravenus to stabalize him and made him comfortable until I got home the next day. I got to spend some time with him before having to put him to sleep because his kidneys had completely failed. I think this was very important for both me and my dog. I did appologize to my wife for yelling at her saying I was just panicked that my dog was dying and I could not get to him to take him to the emergency vet.

 

No one is perfect. NO ONE! Yes you yelled, you were under extreme pressure, that is only human. DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER THIS.

 

I am starting to think that if these are the reasons why she wants a divorce then maybe she has changed and is not the same person that I married. Maybe I will be ok without her and someone else will be a better match for me.

 

You are right, she has no reasons to leave you and you will be better off without her.

 

My ex fed me a lot of the same rubblish you are being fed by your wife. I still to this day do not know for sure if my ex had an affair or not but seeing as how I heard reports that he moved someone in very quickly after he left me I think it is likely (I do not know if that is true though).

 

You will need to go take care of your health and get std tested to be on the safe side. Pleasant huh!

 

I'm sorry for the loss of your dog, I know how it feels and your wifes comment, for whatever screwed up reason......

[96nole]

and the rewriting of history continues. That's why things don't make sense to you. Now she's saying:

-your emotionally abusive

-her family doesn't like you

-she doesn't like your dog

 

As much as it will hurt at first, you need to get this woman out of your life. She wants out, let her go. Don't let her back in.

[seowork733]

The thing with divorce is that it has many negative effects in the body. Women often become so worried and stressed out from the divorce that they do not realize the constant harm it brings to their body. And eventually you turn from a loving, trusting person to a mean bitter person. That is what Divorce should not do. You should not let divorce change you but see divorce as an opportunity to change yourself. There was a very intelligent book written by Barbara Williams on Divorce and how to avoid self-critiquing thoughts and reprogram your conscious. This book is a very informative and insightful book on why men are able to better cope with divorce than women. But mainly it guides and tells women how and why it is so important to take care of yourself during this vulnerable phase. It is very easy to lose sight during this time and do harmful damage to your mental health and to feed your conscious negative thoughts daily. I was criticizing myself so much after the divorce which resulted in very lowself-esteem and an altered sense of reality. I was being beaten down by my own inner conscious daily which put negative feelings in my body. You can visit the link for more information. Life after Divorce: Avoid self-critiquing thoughts and reprogram your conscious: Barbara Williams: Amazon.com: Kindle Store

[Radu]

Thanks for all of the good advise and support. I am starting to think that I might be ok.

 

Its hard to think of my Wife having an affair either physical or emotional but there are little signs. Over the last year she lost a lot of weight and has started going out a lot more. Last time I was home from working up north she said she was going to a friends just to watch some movies. She spent 3 hours in the afternoon just doing up her hair all fancy.

 

She has facebook (I don't) and one of my friends said that about a week or two before she told me she wanted a divorce she got a new guy friend. My sister also mentioned to me that she hid the relationship status on her facebook and is now constantly posting sexy pictures of herself on there. Everything just seems so out of character for her.

Signs of affair.

 

The thing that really hurt was 2 nights ago she said that she was so happy that my dog died since she was sick of looking after him while I was up north working. I'm not sure how she could say something like this since he was with me for 15 years and she was with us for 8 so you would think she would consider him her dog too by now and be more emotionally attached to him. Especially with his death not being too long ago.

I could see her say this, after reading your replies here.

 

She contradicts heself alot. She will say that her family always hated me since we have been together and that she just never told me. When I ask what I ever did for them to hate me she says that they always loved me but now that they see how unhappy she is right now they hate me.

Which means that she already rewrote your history for them and supplied it.

 

She says that she told her parents that I'm emotionally abusive. When asked how am I emotionally abusive she says that I sometimes call her a money monster. When she would go out and buy another $600 purse when she already has four other expensive ones or buy $800 Designer Sunglasses I would just sigh and say whose my little money monster jokingly. I told her it was never meant to be mean or anything but light hearted and jokingly and that I never knew that it hurt her or anything and would never have said it again if I knew that it bothered her. I just thought it was more light hearted and said jokingly.

Excuse me ?

That money better be coming from her own wage.

And why did you have to explain yourself when she was just trying to make up dirt on you.

 

She said the last straw though was when I yelled at her just before my dog died which was emotionally abusive. My dog's kidneys had started to fail while I was half way through my tour up north at work. I was told that he had 3 weeks to live so I booked the next tour off and was going to spend it with him before it getting too bad and me having to put him to sleep. I received a call on a Saturday from my wife saying that he had suddenly gone down hill very fast and couldn't get up anymore and had not eaten or drank anything for a couple of days. She didn't think that he would make it a couple of days until I got home. I could not get a flight out that night since there were none except for one on Sunday late afternoon the next day. With him not eating or drinking for a couple of days and not being able to get up I knew that he would probably die of dehydration before I could get home on Sunday. I asked her to take him to the Emergency Vet so that they could hydrate him and give him pain killers in case he was in pain and just make him confortable until I could make it home. She would not take him and just said there would be nothing they could do for him. I told her that their would be and that they would hydrate him and make sure he was not in pain. I told her that he would likely die overnight perhaps in pain if she did not take him and told her it was very important for me to be there for him when he died since he was always there for me and I wanted to make sure that he had a good death with me there for comfort. We talked and I tried to convince her for about 20 minutes to take him to the emergency vet but she would not budge and just said she was not going to take him and that they couldn't do anything for him. After 20 minutes I more became panicked then anything that I was stuck way up north with no way to get back to help my dog to prevent him from dying and she was refusing to do anything for him. At that point unfortunately I did yell at her and said that if she didn't take him right now I was going to leave work right now to take a taxi (approximate 9 hour drive) and take him myself. She got mad and said fine she would take him and did. The vet hydrated him with intravenus to stabalize him and made him comfortable until I got home the next day. I got to spend some time with him before having to put him to sleep because his kidneys had completely failed. I think this was very important for both me and my dog. I did appologize to my wife for yelling at her saying I was just panicked that my dog was dying and I could not get to him to take him to the emergency vet.

Bull****.

She showed an incredible lack of empathy.

You should not apologize for this.

She took him in [in the end], because she didn't want you around for a long period of time, and AWOL from work would have disrupted that.

 

I am starting to think that if these are the reasons why she wants a divorce then maybe she has changed and is not the same person that I married. Maybe I will be ok without her and someone else will be a better match for me.

Wrong, she was never that person.

And you are better off without her.

 

---

 

She used you, from the getgo.

She had low self-esteem [i suspect] and used you to build herself up.

When it was time for moving on, she started moving on ... which is what happens now.

 

Talk to a lawyer, but one piece of advice [and the lawyer will probably back me up on this].

She is grasping at straws, at stuff she can use against you.

She is desperate to get out, if she used the abuse card.

That card gives her incredible powers in the US and it can potentially ruin your future.

Stand your ground, dig up information on this guy and this affair, to be used for PR purposes with your friends/family and such, but overall do not fight her need for D.

Be carefull she doesn't ruin you financially though.

 

And i'll say it again, she never loved you ... because she shows no real trace of empathy.

I have been reading this board daily for more than a 1yr now, and generally spouses who want a D are still conflicted over it.

A small part of them still care about the BS, but it's overriden by their desire to take care of their own ass.

Not in this case though, she has no empathy, remember this.

 

After the D take some time off and realise that she is not at fault fully here.

You are also at fault, because you picked her.

Why did you pick someone with such low self-esteem ?

[worldgonewrong]

Radu-

I am with you on about 99% of your reply, but I respectfully

part way with you on this point:

 

After the D take some time off and realise that she is not at fault fully here.

You are also at fault, because you picked her.

Why did you pick someone with such low self-esteem ?

 

Love is love; people are imperfect, flawed in different ways. You can't reduce his decision to love this person to the equivalent of a lousy stock pick. Ya know?