He and his W are having a child. UGH. <update: no pregnancy>

[Spark1111]

Or, whoever abused you in such a vile manner on a daily basis.

 

It isnt his wife. You are overreacting and projecting your rage onto her.

 

Who is it you are really angry at? Mommy?

[losingmyground]

rhw

 

I am sorry to hear about your childhood. I hope that you have or in IC for that. You need to know that we are meant to rise above our tramatic upbring. I too have had issues with my childhood, but I do not let the influence my life in anyway but the postive. I use it as a learning experience as to how not treat other people/children.

 

Please find something to distract you from this affair. Do not continue to stalk their facebook pages, block his email and phone number. It is time to focus on you and you alone.

[whichwayisup]

People say stuff and do stuff when pushed past their emotional limits. It happens and I think the difference is, seeing it in print vs saying it outloud has two different effects.

 

I worked with a guy who was SUCH AN A-HOLE, omg, never in my life have I worked with a person who was genuinally cruel and do things on purpose to mess with someone and then sit back and wait for reaction..(hmm, that's a whole other thread so I won't go into details on yours) anyway, this guy would mess with me pretty much every day - The worst was he went into my personal drawer (he broke the drawer to get in since it was locked) and ripped up my family pictures, including ones of my young nieces. WHO DOES THAT?

I freaked out and lost it. I never did what I wanted to do (pour sugar in his gas tank) but boy I thought of 100x bad things to do back to him..Just thoughts, that's it. He ended up on suspension, written apology to me and went on probation for 6 months.

[rhw]

[

 

Well he evidently likes her face because he chose her to marry. Not all of us have the same taste in what we find attractive. She may not think you're attractive as well.

 

 

 

He must be attracted to her because he got her pregnant. I doubt they only had sex the one time either. You aren't in their bedroom at night so you don't have any idea what he really feels for her. Remember cheating MM lie, lie, lie. They have to because if they told you the truth about how they feel about their wife you wouldn't put out.

 

 

 

Be thankful this has happened (the pregnancy). Now you can use this to REALLY move on with your life and find that man who "can stand on his own two feet."

 

three words: SHE's NOT PREGNANT.

 

and yes, she recognizes i'm more attractive (not just that he's more attracted). it's been a point of contention with them for 10 years. when i first found about her when they were only dating, he told me his first thoughts about her were that she looked kind of like a horse. THAT's where i get horseface from. when i met her for the first time, he did not look all that proud of her or enamored by her and i saw for myself that she really did look like one. and the whole evening when he had his arm around her (because she did first), he turned his head to look back at me and study me in a way that made her very angry later. no subtlety. it's not possible w/ us. then i saw her with makeup for the first time and was even more repulsed and his reaction was to stare at me longingly as i was in pajamas w/ no makeup on. everyone who's ever been around us has said the room gets hotter with us in it, that's how palpable the chemistry is. he married her cuz he needed to be married and because i couldn't say anything out of fear of vulnerablity, he married the "safe bet". she would say yes. well now she's stuck for life with someone who won't leave cuz he's afraid of change but still very fiercely wants the woman she has always known had his heart. good for her.

 

oh my gosh, i'm going in circles. the fact is, he has not lied. yes, MMs do lie, they do say what we want to hear but not him. that has never been my problem with him. he has NEVER lied and that is part of why i stayed in this as long as i have, and clearly he's not even lying about this. swore up and down they were not having kids last year and recently too and he is right. no kids together. i do not know if they are sleeping together or not or if they use protection but the fact is, he is right. they are not having kids. so no, he's never lied to me about this or anything. the reason i am DONE is that i'm tired of waiting for someone who can't stand on his own two feet, whose conflict avoidance finally got to me and not in a good way. it does not take away from the years of happiness, it does not take anything away from the very undeniable fact of powerful chemistry between us and it doesn't take away the fact that he does love me, does want me and does think of me sexually all the time, especially when he is in my presence.

 

all this does is make me see that i've officially had enough of NOT enough. he wants to stay for whatever reason, then he can stay. last night i made it so that he can never contact *me* again. *i* need to heal. i need to be with someone who doesn't quiver like a leaf the second someone looks at him with disapproval. i just finally had enough.

Edited August 29, 2012 by rhw

[skywriter]

all this does is make me see that i've officially had enough of NOT enough. he wants to stay for whatever reason, then he can stay. last night i made it so that he can never contact *me* again. *i* need to heal. i need to be with someone who doesn't quiver like a leaf the second someone looks at him with disapproval. i just finally had enough.

 

Whoop! Whoop! Oh yea, that's what I'm talkin' about rhw!

 

I know how you are feelin' about enough being enough. This was

where I had to get to. I was a couple of months shy of a 6 yr A.

 

I know, I know...what the heck was I thinkin'?But I'm three months NC

and thinking more clearly as the days go by.

 

It helps to have a confidante, that just lets you have them for a sounding board.

 

Then sometimes the fitness room is a great way to expend some energy as well.

 

Whatever it is for the day, just know, that you are worthy of all your heart desires.

[rhw]

And yet here he is - still married and went no contact with you.

 

You're confusing love with lust. Lust is not enough for most men to leave a marriage.

 

STOP, Alice. Just stop. your comments are not needed. i know lust and i know love. you do not know anymore than i do about the situation, whether she forced a D-Day on him or what happened. but i know him and he's NEVER done NC w/o a word. i've always gotten "we need to associate less" or "i can't see you again" or something, never nothing. i hate that once again his conflict avoidance means he wouldn't tell me anything but that does not mean he doesn't love me. it just means he can't handle anything that smacks of conflict. and this is pretty conflicting. and past behavior is indicative of future meaning he would have come back again and surely i would've taken him back in... had i not just blocked him from every avenue of communication. so now he can't and i get to be free of all this. why do you insist on provoking this? you're like a schoolgirl, hands on hips, all "na na, told you so." not necessary. i notice you do this with everybody such that it sounds like you're the bitter one somehow.

 

@ sky - thank you! i already do hit the weights all the time (always have) and feeling better every day. i was always in shape and healthy but it's been a while since i was cut, defined, every muscle and i'm getting that back and am so excited to have this outlet to push all my feelings into.

 

i have to walk my dog now. i missed my morning workout trying to defend my integrity. that too is a big reason why i am done. when i realized my integrity was compromised, i finally saw that i'd had enough. my MM was always the source of joy and comfort. when i realized he'd become the source of more heartache and was compromising my integrity, that is the moment i realized,

 

"i can't do this anymore." i would hope to have a little more support from most of you because it took a while to get here but instead, most of you just want to home in on a comment i never ever intended to blurt aloud. it just happened. and you can't seem to let that go. that sucks. it is what it is.

[ThatJustHappened]

thank you LFH and skywriter!! yes, it was a horrible thing to say and yes i felt instantly horrible after, especially as the second i saw what i'd written, i tried to edit that. i've never wished harm on HF, ever and i certainly would never wish harm on a child. never ever EVER. it would be, like i said, my cue to step far back and let it go, give up waiting for him. *that* is all. but i hadn't yet reached that point yet so seeing what i saw sort of threw me into the fire and i felt a rage--yes-- i'd never felt. i was not prepared for that at all. but i don't mean it. i don't wish anyone ill will or harm. i logged in cuz i was angry and needing support in the initial (turned out to be false) discovery. what was said was typed heatedly and when i saw it, i immediately chastised myself for even putting that out there. no i don't wish harm on his kid or her kid or him or HER. ever. i felt bad enough and to come here to see most of you making me out to be this psychotic, deranged person is not what i expected.

 

and whoever said i don't know what she's like as a mother. i do. she's a perfectly fine one. she's been there to help raise his D from his first marriage so for that alone, she's a good person. as stepmothers go, she's really great. he is not attracted to her, she just doesn't really love him *wants somebody else* and i feel like she won't let him go because she knows where he will go. so they fought to stay together and he still thinks he can't fully trust her. and for the same reason i didn't want to lose him to her, she doesn't wanna lose him to me. it's messed up all around and that is precisely why i've finally had it.

 

i am done trying to explain. you believe what you want. i know me. i know that the anger over this reached a point, but not one of no return nor one indicative of a maladaptive character. i adapted just fine.

 

Fair enough. We've all reacted in anger and said things we haven't meant. But it's a bit scary that you have enough rage in you to wish harm on an unborn child. Even at my angriest, I don't think I could ever do that. I hope you're continuing with your IC to try to work through that.

 

It's not just the things you said about the potential child though, it's the things you said and continue to say about the MM's wife too. You only know what he's told you..you don't know what really goes on behind closed doors in their marriage. He's lying to her about you..who's to say he's not lying to you about her? The things he's saying to you are taken directly from Cheating and Grooming 101. How do you know that he ever intended to leave his marriage? How do you know she doesn't love him? Because he told you so? I'm sure he was telling his wife things too. In fact, how can you believe anything this man says?

 

As far as calling her ugly..that's just high school drama queen stuff. You sound foolish when you say things like that. I'm younger than you and I don't talk like that.

[rhw]

You finally had enough because you really had enough and want to stop romanticizing your affair . . . or because he hasn't been in contact for a few months?

 

to answer your question, no i am not romanticizing anything. it's fact, clear as day, that his issues keep him where he is not lack of love or desire (both of which we have). it's ALSO clear that i am done because i can't take anymore, not because he hasn't been in contact with me. i've been through periods of NC w/ him before and he always comes back. this time he can't. this time i've made it so he won't.

 

 

@TJH - take the time and read the situation or ask someone who already knows about it. THIS MAN DOES NOT LIE TO ME, not once in 11 years has he ever lied to me. maybe yours did but mine has never ever lied to me or told me what i wanted to hear. i know everything about him, his life then and now and everything between. i won't defend his conflict avoidance anymore but i will not make him out to be a lying scumbag. he is not that at all. the person he is lying to is himself for thinking he can remain married when he's still in love with someone else and lying to her by staying put. and again you are still choosing to see only what you want to see, how screwed up i must be to wish harm on that. omfg, i didn't MEAN it at all. let it go!!! LET. IT. GO.

[rhw]

And I rest my case. ^^^^^

 

how? because i finally decided his negative traits were driving me to madness, such that i could even let slip for a second what i said in anger? or because despite everything that's happened, i refuse to paint him to be a lying scumbag? the only two people who know anything about two people or each other are the TWO PEOPLE INVOLVED. i had my reasons to be done but him "lying" has never been the reason as he has never lied to me.

[rhw]

LFH has a point, Alice. you can't possibly claim to know more about my relationship with him than i know. once again, you sound bitter and that comes across in every post directed at every AP or ex-AP. it'd be comical if not so barbed with contempt. i never made my relationship with my ex-MM to be perfect, the love story of the century or anything special. i know the facts because i was in them. i know he never lied to me and that was why i stayed as long as i did. i'm not stupid, had i felt like i was being played, i already have distrust issues from my childhood that might never be fully resolved (my armor which he is aware of and is constantly telling me i don't need to hang on to). so no, he's never lied to me. nor is this relationship perfect. clearly not if i have had to share him all these years and wait for him to get off the fence. nothing about that screams perfect. but what i got out of it when things were good and recently when i thought we were on track to having this again, i was glowing from the inside out. i loved this man more than anyone ever and i know he loved (still loves) me. what we got from each other while we were together, no one can ever dismiss or trivialize or whatever. there is no question.

 

the question that had to be addressed was how much more could i put up with? and as it turns out, not much. and as i've said already, i made it so that i won't fall into the trap again. there's a lyric that goes, "my heart is broken/release me, i can't hold on . . ." <--and that is why i'm finally done trying to for my heart's, my soul's and my mind's sake. he will never release me. i know this. he'll be back because what i give him is so much more than what she does. but i have nothing more to give to someone who can't side with me permanently.

[jwi71]

i have to walk my dog now. i missed my morning workout trying to defend my integrity. that too is a big reason why i am done. when i realized my integrity was compromised, i finally saw that i'd had enough. my MM was always the source of joy and comfort. when i realized he'd become the source of more heartache and was compromising my integrity, that is the moment i realized,

 

You contradict yourself.

You spent all morning defending your integrity....and that losing your integrity is what led you to "end it".

 

To me, it's indicative of, how to say, disjointed thought processes.

 

What I keyed on, and perhaps you can think/share your position(s) here on LS about it is:

What "part" of integrity did you lose?

How did you realize it was "lost"?

What can you do to "reclaim" it?

 

I would posit your integrity wasn't lost.

You either ignored it (why?) or it did not previously exist sufficiently to stop your behavior. Which leads to - why does it now exist?

 

Because, simply stated, Inthink you'd take him back in a heartbeat.

Call it intuition.

Of course, this is the very same intuition that fails to deliver Poweball....so take it for what it's worth (5.00 according to the local Kwik-E-Mart)

[stillafool]

[/i]

and yes, i do have many, many people who genuinely love me. they are there for me. they are not making me feel like **** for something i already felt like **** about even just for typing for a burning hot second. they are letting me know how glad they are that i'm finally through with this and are there for me as i gather up the pieces of me that are scattered about. i really do appreciate the support i got from the few people who weren't so ready to mob-attack the weak in the herd.

 

If you do have many, many people who are there to love and support you during this why to subject yourself to this forum?

[stillafool]

he'll be back because what i give him is so much more than what she does. but i have nothing more to give to someone who can't side with me permanently.

 

If this were true why wouldn't he already be with you? Can't you see if he were desperate for what you have to give he would move heaven and earth to have it? He is where he wants to be, simple as that.

[rhw]

answering last questions:

-i always had integrity. i had to defend myself from the attacks over my stability and whatnot over something i never meant to say, certainly don't even feel. and the fact that it came out means that my integrity *was* compromised because that is not the person i am. i am making the change for good but all i see here is negativity.

-i came HERE because as supportive and loving as my friends are, only two of them have been in this situation. one who's learning to rebuild and the other who got his MW after she left. (my friend, Rebound Guy). he was the OM in her situation, so he knows exactly what i'm feeling. but i wanted to see how long it took others to do it, to get past the pain. i guess i'll just turn to them.

-i won't repeat the same thing but since it's so damn entertaining, conflict avoiders can't move their own two feet much less heaven and earth. that does not speak of him wanting to stay put because he looooves her but because of his own admission (by personality), he can't.

 

yes he will be back. i know that. i'm not dumb or naive. i absolutely know he'll be back especially when he discovers she hasn't let go of her OM either. i suspect that's the case and she's keeping it from him while pretending to force things to work. (a marriage where both parties are in love with other people can't last. and if it does, not happily). THE DIFFERENCE IS I WON'T TAKE HIM IN AGAIN.

 

 

i'm done. i hope this thread gets closed. it's gone on too long and unnecessarily. all this could've been avoided had i taken the short time to see what my friend did in her easy sleuthing- that it had been party favors that i was seeing and not some kind of announcement. but like i've been saying, even thinking that they were expecting was the catalyst i needed to draw a line in the sand that the waves cannot erase. how i reacted was unbecoming and not at all characteristic of the true me. and the end of everything where he is concerned.

[ThatJustHappened]

to answer your question, no i am not romanticizing anything. it's fact, clear as day, that his issues keep him where he is not lack of love or desire (both of which we have). it's ALSO clear that i am done because i can't take anymore, not because he hasn't been in contact with me. i've been through periods of NC w/ him before and he always comes back. this time he can't. this time i've made it so he won't.

 

 

@TJH - take the time and read the situation or ask someone who already knows about it. THIS MAN DOES NOT LIE TO ME, not once in 11 years has he ever lied to me. maybe yours did but mine has never ever lied to me or told me what i wanted to hear. i know everything about him, his life then and now and everything between. i won't defend his conflict avoidance anymore but i will not make him out to be a lying scumbag. he is not that at all. the person he is lying to is himself for thinking he can remain married when he's still in love with someone else and lying to her by staying put. and again you are still choosing to see only what you want to see, how screwed up i must be to wish harm on that. omfg, i didn't MEAN it at all. let it go!!! LET. IT. GO.

 

So you had him permanently connected to a portable lie detector?

 

He doesn't need your help to look like a lying scumbag..he is a lying scumbag. You're choosing to remain blind to his lies but that doesn't mean they're not happening. If a tree falls in the forest and there's nobody around to hear it, does it make a noise? If a man tells a lie and there's nobody around to believe it, does that make it the truth?

 

I already said that I have been angry enough to say things I haven't meant before. I also advised that you continue with your counseling. Clearly I do realize that you have issues you need to work out. I was simply trying to be supportive of your obvious efforts to help yourself, and encouraging you to continue on with them.

[rhw]

well then there's lying all around then. SHE is lying to him. HE is lying to her.

 

but he still has not lied to me. he was my best friend before she ever entered the picture. he tells me everything. obviously not in the last 5 months and yeah so he's staying and i'm leaving but STOP trying to paint EVERY SINGLE MM with the same brush when you don't know me, him or us.

 

i'm through here. i have no advice to give since i only just came to my ending point and clearly only a small handful of people are actually helpful. i don't need counseling. i needed to find a way for this to end so i can move on. i found the "Exit". that is all i wanted to get from this place.

 

Best of luck to those of you who were helpful. you know who you are. i appreciated it.

[stillafool]

answering last questions:

 

 

well then there's lying all around then. SHE is lying to him.

HE is lying to her.

 

I think it's interesting that according to you they are both in love with other people yet they remain married, have sex, are pregnant, etc. Has it ever occured to you that MM wanted his wife to give up OM and has fought to keep her? It certainly seems that way. Again, he is where he wants to be.

 

 

 

i needed to find a way for this to end so i can move on. i found the

"Exit". that is all i wanted to get from this place.

 

 

You found the "Exit" 5 months ago and were right to do so. Move on to your destiny. Good luck with your life.

[rhw]

and for all we know, she hasn't. yes they fought to stay together but then when he saw me again... they are NOT pregnant, i don't know if they are sleeping together. he is in love with me. she is, not was, IS in love with someone else.

 

over and over, the same thing. i didn't find the exit five months ago. i was fumbling in the dark. i found it now.

 

i have to get to work now. good luck to you all.

[ThatJustHappened]

and for all we know, she hasn't. yes they fought to stay together but then when he saw me again... they are NOT pregnant, i don't know if they are sleeping together. he is in love with me. she is, not was, IS in love with someone else.

 

over and over, the same thing. i didn't find the exit five months ago. i was fumbling in the dark. i found it now.

 

i have to get to work now. good luck to you all.

 

De Nile's not just a river in Egypt people..it's alive and well right here on LS!

[Trimmer]

THIS MAN DOES NOT LIE TO ME, not once in 11 years has he ever lied to me. maybe yours did but mine has never ever lied to me or told me what i wanted to hear.

I suggest this as food for thought, not as an attack or something you need to defend, but I wonder if one of the things that generated such a strong reaction in you initially was that although you believed he had been unfailingly honest with you for so long, your first reaction upon seeing that post on his wifes FB was to almost instantly assume that he had lied to you in the biggest way possible, instead of relying on your trust in him and considering the more reasonable alternatives.

 

rhw - I'm not going to beat on you any more about what you said - my comments were intended to provoke introspective thought within you, and I don't feel like you owe me an explanation or defense.

 

Also, I understand and empathize that you've been through a huge trauma in your relationship with this guy. On the "silver lining" side of that one, it is usually trauma that provokes, motivates, and fuels real, fundamental change in our lives, so I hope for you that you can use this momentum to find that new path to the person you want to become (somewhat a path "back" to the person you once were, yes?)

 

yes he will be back. i know that. i'm not dumb or naive. i absolutely know he'll be back especially when he discovers she hasn't let go of her OM either. i suspect that's the case and she's keeping it from him while pretending to force things to work. (a marriage where both parties are in love with other people can't last. and if it does, not happily). THE DIFFERENCE IS I WON'T TAKE HIM IN AGAIN.

 

but like i've been saying, even thinking that they were expecting was the catalyst i needed to draw a line in the sand that the waves cannot erase. how i reacted was unbecoming and not at all characteristic of the true me. and the end of everything where he is concerned.

Not that it's up to me to judge, but I accept that there is a "true you", and I hope for you to continue with the strength to stay "no more", do a little introspection on the last decade (which may be painful, but I think it's important) and to turn your vision forward to what's next. Really an amazing life opportunity ahead of you if you think about it, eh?

[alexandria35]

Rhw, your mm doesn't have children, isn't attracted to his wife, says she looks like a horse, and he stays with her? He isn't a coward. He is a piece of crap user, liar, deceiver. He lies to you as much as he lies to his wife. He completely abandoned you 5 months ago but yet you still thought he was coming for you until you thought she was pregnant. I see no evidence from anything you have ever posted that indicates that this affair ever had the same importance to your mm that it's had for you. Of the 11 years you have known him, you have been apart far more than you have been together. He has always been just fine not hearing from you and it's usually you breaking no contact.

 

Get help getting over this. You are never going to have children with this man and in the meantime you are letting your childbearing years slip away

[serial muse]

I suggest this as food for thought, not as an attack or something you need to defend, but I wonder if one of the things that generated such a strong reaction in you initially was that although you believed he had been unfailingly honest with you for so long, your first reaction upon seeing that post on his wifes FB was to almost instantly assume that he had lied to you in the biggest way possible, instead of relying on your trust in him and considering the more reasonable alternatives.

 

rhw - I'm not going to beat on you any more about what you said - my comments were intended to provoke introspective thought within you, and I don't feel like you owe me an explanation or defense.

 

Also, I understand and empathize that you've been through a huge trauma in your relationship with this guy. On the "silver lining" side of that one, it is usually trauma that provokes, motivates, and fuels real, fundamental change in our lives, so I hope for you that you can use this momentum to find that new path to the person you want to become (somewhat a path "back" to the person you once were, yes?)

 

 

Not that it's up to me to judge, but I accept that there is a "true you", and I hope for you to continue with the strength to stay "no more", do a little introspection on the last decade (which may be painful, but I think it's important) and to turn your vision forward to what's next. Really an amazing life opportunity ahead of you if you think about it, eh?

 

What a lovely post.

[UpwardForward]

It appears RHW was already winding down after the split of 5 months ago. She just became extremely incensed at the thought the M may now have a baby, thus consummating or making the M even more finalized in her mind.

 

Now back to healing, and going on w one's life.

[truthbetold]

I hope when things calm down, you do revisit this and realize most come from a caring place that hopes you don't waste even more precious time on this. If that means getting more clarity on your thoughts so be it.

 

I think JW had a valid point in that it wasn't a simple "blurt" as this is a forum with typing etc.... And it wasn't just one post, there were several. So all I'm saying is think about that, a group of strangers telling you that the level of rage is really OTT can't all be wrong, we just want better things for you and you need to be in a healthy frame of mind to achieve that.

 

I get you think bc you knew him 1st you think you have more of a right to him. But you're no longer a toddler and can't use the "this is mine cause I said it is even if I didn't want it before and now changed my mind" mentality. If you love something let it go....

 

Which brings be back to he didn't come back. I'm not sure what thought processes may hold onto the belief that someone that is not in touch for 5 mos for WHATEVER reason, it is not love. I hope you do really, understand that one day and come to peace with it. It may feel like love bc it was all wrapped up in endorphin laden euphoric moments, but you don't treat someone you love like that for ANY reason.

 

Lastly, the comments about "horseface" regardless whether true just bring you down to a nasty level. It doesn't make you appear to be attractive in the least except by your own violition. Again, this is just food for thought for the future, you seem to still want to stand by that bc it's your opinion and you're entitled to it;

 

I'm not sure why you are getting so upset at some of the comments. If someone is purposely trying to rile you, YOU control that. You can't change people's perception of you and trying to get really defensive usually has the opposite affect in that you look super insecure. Because secure people don't need to defend themselves, they generally don't give a crap, they don't go on about it. This is a forum with people's opinions no more, no less if it doesn't apply, then move on.

 

But for all the bitterness that comes out of you in spades for something that YOU hung around and allowed to happen for all those years, to now have all that negativity spew out, well no matter how attractive you may be on the outside, if the insides are ugly it just diminishes it.

 

You cannot be ugly on the inside and still be beautiful on the outside because the ugliness just spills out and will turn you ugly to many people. We just wish better for you, that you don't end up ugly with a black heart.

 

I won't be offended in the least if you think my opinion is horsechit But just know it comes from a place of wanting better for you.

[herenow]

Wow, just wow. I feel so bad when I see people this angry and the solution is within their control. I'm not even going to comment on the "I wish she would lose the baby" post. Everyone has already said everything I would say anyway.

 

What I see is a woman who will turn on anyone who doesn't respond the way she wants. First the anger was towards the BW and then quickly turned to the posters on LS who called her out on the horrible things she said. Why such anger? Why such venom towards strangers?

 

I'm saying this out of concern. RHW you really need to figure out why and how you allow yourself to get so angry abut things that you can control. I'm seeing that he brings out the worst in you. Why are you even looking at his wife's anything on the internet? How is that good for you? Seems like it just causes you pain. In reality, you are doing this to yourself.

 

There is always some truth in everything we say. You say you didn't mean what you wrote, but those thoughts were in your head and then you wrote them down and that is a really bad thing for you. If you don't do something to rid yourself of the anger you have it will slowly destroy you.

 

I have always found that when I wish bad things on others, bad things happen to me. So, I would advise to stop wishing bad things even if you don't mean it. JMO.

Edited August 30, 2012 by herenow